Although
time is a natural healer it does leave scars-
your feelings are the evidence

recently it
  occurred to me
how every flower
  and every tree
must live together
  in harmony
despite distress
  they must agree
simply because
  they cannot flee
the other perspective
  they have to see
in order to have
   pristine beauty

now, you can leave
  head for the sea
and ill stay here
  with my cup of tea
because maybe
  we weren't meant to be
and you might think
  to some degree
that you could be my
  Annabel lee

The wind's attention seeking tonight, borderline on needy. Who am I to deny, when I never listen. It's a good day for a new lesson. Although it must be odd to see me sitting in this field. On my solitary hill. The grass whipping like dozens of cat tails across my arms and face like Lola use to always do when it was touch she had to chase. Electric shivers sparkle up my spine, tingling in a dance that is divine. The cat tails hit my nose and the tickle is too much. I shake my head and have a rampant itch. Memories I had forgot about the little ones I miss. I lay down and engulf myself within this world. Aliens come to greet me, little green men with antenna and spiking legs. Feeling such a thrill that they came over to say hi. I am just a stranger but on my chest they lie. Although this place held wonder as the sun warmed my aching heart. I knew I must leave soon. To the place that it all starts. Goodbye strange world where I felt as one. Where my company was greeted. Where I am loved despite not even speaking the language.

Sometimes,
It's okay to be a crater in the moon
The sidewalks sleek slipperiness
Teases my vulnerable boot
One false move and I'm
Face down in the gutter
Whatever.

Sometimes,
I need to be the lone, cumulus cloud in the sky
The black ink of an unidentifiable
bird
Breaks my white, puffy monotony
One cloud
"How strange,
how
interesting."
"Yes,
quite."

Sometimes,
It's important to be thrust into the cluster on those who walk too closely
A pungent pallet
Of too many different smells
Foreign hands
sway like chopsticks against mine
The end of someone's coat
grazes my outer thigh
Sickening.

Sometimes,
I need to be thrust into the cold cave that is my loneliness
I need to hear my own breath
flowing with the rhythm of the cars
cruising through the unread chapter of the
dark, quiet streets
The walls,
my prison
My body,
the evil captor

Sometimes,
I need to be sorry
and, oh, I am
A thousand times over
My apologies are bigger than
every Redwood tree in existence
I'm so out of controlWhiplash
Five cuts in your back
I'm right there
to heal them
before they even had a chance to bleed

But sometimes,
I'd rather leave you banging on the back door
Even when the sun sinks
I won't listen
to your pleas
The road ahead of you
is lonely
I won't be the lantern that fuels your unctuous behavior
I can't run with the rats forever
The mirror feeds me a different reflection every time I look into it
Today,
my hand doesn't shake in fear
It rests in quiet resolution
Soundly over my other

In tightly guarded dreams,
I wisked away from you.
A seed once planted,
But never bloomed.

Blue eyes, and my nose,
Your cheeks, and chin,
Bright eyed beauty,
With your stubborness within.

The pink bare skin,
And squinted eyes,
Sniffly nose,
And smell devine,

Fitted mitts over scrunchy fingers,
Gentle rocking putting me to sleep,
Swaddled tightly in my arms,
Listening to my heart beat,

I lay you next to mom(once my love now graduated)
A small kiss while I lay you down,
But only slightly stirring,
When my gruffly face gives you a frown,

I stare completely bewildered,
At my passion for my wife,
The greatest gift she's givin me,
Is the gift of life.

Her beauty simply beaming,
From her sleeping state,
I know I have to kiss her
Before she lies awake.

Instead we are just strangers,
Locked together by a vow,
A question you once asked,
But doesn't matter now.

I never stop loving you,
I never stopped wanting to make it work,
I just need your honesty,
I just need you to be for sure,

Talk to me if you need things,
Like sparks or flames or fire,
Let me be your confidant,
For each and every one of your desires,

You need not search for beauty,
Because you possess it all,
I wish that I could show you,
But you wont here my call,

Please give this a chance,
Its not worth it to throw it all away,
I can help heal your wounded heart,
I can help you want to stay,

Not everything was bad,
Not everything was tired,
Just open up to me,
And we can feel inspired,

I love you Lyss,
Your mean more to me then anything,
I'd pack my bags right now,
If you want to leave.

Hear me please,
Don't just ignore this,
I love you Lyss.

What a sad plea for broken dreams and a child that I lost. I know now that I for sure want kids!

The hardest pain I've had to suffer is to love you enough to let you go. Over the years I've depended on you're beautiful smile. That shy one that makes the perfect pictures. You stopped loving yourself and I think that's why you stopped loving me.
You slipped through my fingers, my greatest failure. After telling me I had a fighting chance we went to only one counseling session. I was ready to change myself to do whatever it would take. It only takes one person to make a marriage break. You decided to leave and from that moment it was final. I get kind words, people telling me you might come back. That would be the greatest gift I ever got. You've already found someone knew and you told him all my secrets. You say you love me. You care so deeply but you couldn't even give me time. Time to bleed, time to heal, time to forgive myself. I've got my voice back. I hated myself for so long because I had writers block. Its been so many years I'm like a child writing down his anger with crayons making a big red Monster with black eyes. I remember strings of words that made you love me even though they weren't for you. Words that made you want me and want to write for you. Words will always be your weakness. The voice is back and though I try, it'll never be good enough because you're already gone. I know you don't read these and that you stopped long ago. You did it to because you've started caring for yourself. I wasn't stopping you my love. Although my actions prolonged your healing. I just need you Alyssa. I really really do. Words to hurt myself, you're already gone and its final. The space you want is all yours. The sooner I move on the sooner you can be happy. I'm not perfect, I'm an endlessly flawed being. I really can't see why anyone would love me. I don't think there's some soul mate waiting for me. I can barely get a girl to say hello let alone adore me. I got really lucky that I had found you and was able to share a part of your life. You are endlessly missed. I'm taring myself up over everything that's happened. I haven't heard your voice for two weeks but to hear you say,"hey you." Just the slightest tap on the shoulder sent shivers through my whole body. I wanted to cry that very second but it wasn't tell that night that everything went wrong and I haven't stopped crying since.This is it my love. This is it.

Hollowed memories,
Shedding blood and shedding dreams,
Your lips so cold like ice,
From deep within my mind,
Your coldest whisper,

Free me love, wake me up again,
I am barely breathing,
Its of no consequence,

Timeless measure,
Beat through my heart and test me,
Waste me, break the sweat thats overcome,
Show me how to love,

Free me love, wake me up again,
I am barely breathing,
It's of no consequence,

Free me love, stop these dreams again,
I can barely sleep,
Its of no consequence,

Leave me be, or I will cry again,
You can't hurt me,
You're of no consequence,
At all...

Listen dear, your sweetest gift,
That cried behind the silence,
Locked beneath my broken heart,
Has all but been defiled,
Still I stroke it's softest flames,
And fuel its passion with my tears,
Clinging to the hope I held for all these years,

Free me love, wake me up again,
I am barely living,
But it's of no consequence,
At all...