Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true
There were kids
Sitting in the soft night's semicircle
Encased in a haze of smoke
The darkness enfolding them in a cloak
Of all mysterious things nocturnal
Making it all eternal
A superficial feeling of found truth
A white aura of blazing youth
Conquering the darkness with the fiery tips of lit joints
Puffing chimeras and golden illusions
Things left unsaid yet lead not to confusion
The substance and the glowing friends
Seems to fix everything and make ineffable amends
Lends them some heightened receptivity
With some dazzling sensitivity
To the dizzy promises of life
        Wanted a woman, never bargained for you
There was blue bottles and red cups
Sloshing full of 21st century ambrosia
Every moment of the night
Is doused in glowing star-light
Different rooms, dark places
Different shadows, similar faces
        Lots of people talk and few of them know
There was music softly ebbing and weaving its way to us
      Soul of a woman was created below
Gleaming sequined pillows
Curtains ebbing in delicate billows
That no amount of reality could ever harden
In the black garden
Amidst the tangy, acrid scent
Boys and girls came and went
Among the soughs and the vodka and the gleaming stars
We are young; vodka replaces wine, blunts replace cigars
      You hurt and abuse tellin' all of your lies
An adagio of whispers travels with a florid vibration
Waves of words, swirls of conversation
High kids trying to touch
What has never been tangible
     Run around sweet baby, Lord how they hypnotize
These kids linger on towering stools and lush couches
Leaning back with careless slouches
Or wander back and forth
Breathing dreams like air
     Sweet little baby, I don't know where you've been
An elusive rhythm throbs in the humid atmosphere
Fragments of lost words hover on drunken lips
A stirring warmth flows
From bodies spilled together
Snuggled under a blanket of stars
      Gonna love you baby, here I come again
Hands take hold of hands
And fingers tightly interlace
Throbbing softly with fluctuating warmth
The room is electric, filled with tiny flowing currents
      Try to love you baby, but you push me away
In this wake of boozed up elations
All sorrows are aborted, all conscience is obliterated
Blitzed kisses are exchanged, transitory enchanted moments
Bemused nudges and tender embraces
Arms around shoulders, heads resting drowsily
All of this immediate and forever
        Don't know where you're goin', only know just where you've been
And the tipsy, blissfully mindless joy of youth
Gives them bleary yet satisfactory hints of the unreality of reality
        Sweet little baby, I want you again
The teens are flickering in and out of consciousness like befuddled fireflies
The sober ones roam the rooms, drifting haphazardly about
Simultaneously enchanted, bewildered, and repelled
By the seemingly inexhaustible variety of drunken fun,
The racy, adventurous mood of the night
        Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true
We are all so young
So young and dipped in the dust of folly
And our laughs contain a hint of melancholy
The magic of nights like these,
When the spell of mortality is broken,
Eludes us all,
Yet we cling to them
Like moths to a flame.
Nights like these dig deep in the stuff of the soul
But there is still much to be learned

i laugh too much
during the most inappropriate times
at the most serious problems
for the worst reasons.

and i'm sorry but
that's the only way i can
mask myself
i don't want to show
the emotions beneath
i need to mask
vulnerability, pain
embarrassment, confusion
stupidity and sadness.

everyone thinks i'm immature
i'm happy?
i'm an airhead?
truth is i am

i'm nothing more than
a selfish person
who laughs too much.

So i'm in this room,
these guys all wink,
hella dumb said pink in the stink,
when I focus they go
      Hocus -pocus,
    side tract mind cracked,
mind lost,
     double trouble.
I'm in math can't help but laugh
cause two plus two means me plus you, ? O.o
your just so funny,
  lol I'm not your'e honey,
your so cheezy and your'e hair is greesy.
Only girl,
And i'm the shit,
cause these boys can't take a hit,
bitchen. Bitchen hissy fit,
why there hear,
well babysit...

Awkward and clumsy
not an elegant mumsy
happy but dowdy
not hello but howdy

House not spotless
unkempt and careless
kids ok nonetheless
with her love their blessed

There always well turned out
you’d never hear her shout
laughs as they gad about
only praise from her mouth

I’d rather her any day
than Ms. Prim down the way
she’ll be there come what may
on her shoulder they can lay

I am right, I am crazy. I just want it to stop it from ruining my life. Its just stuck with me forever, there is nothing I can do about it. I fake a smile, a laugh, a moment of true happiness.
  
There is no true light. Clouds of denial, I don’t remember how to smile a real smile. I just share a blank stare forever. Forever hungry for a way out, but I never find it. It manages to slips through my fingers like crystal sand falling through MY own hands.

I just scowl away from everyone, the people who are my friends are fading. Why cant I stop. Why cant I stop myself and as well as time, so I can just catch up with everyone so I am not crazy anymore, and take back all of what I lost. I want my life back. I will do anything for anyone I just wanna wake up with a real smile and share a few real laughs. If maybe manage a happy ever after.

Whats the point if it anyway. I know I screw up all the time. Well at anytime.
My dearest friend is dying and somehow I feel like its my fault. Like everything is my fault. I feel like a beat down being who just gives up all the time, because not ONE thing will give a chance at what I'm good at.

I cut at my wrist to see that I am still insane. I want help but I fail at it. Just a young woman wanting just a little sanity. I lost everyone. I want everyone back. I lost my loved one, he was everything to me. The way he laughed and smiled made me smile all the time, laugh all the time. He made me happy. He kept my insanity in its cage, when he left, it broke free.


I don’t wanna be crazy anymore.
          It is destroying every last bit of me,
    and of my lonesome heart.

You are my lover,like a father--
But I will never be your wife
And I will never be your daughter.
I am the skeleton locked in the closet
While you sit together, Sunday brunch
With sweet smiles and shared laughs
Over sentiments I will never be part of.
Family man with a happy home,
Why are you unfulfilled?
Lay with her at night, but your
Thoughts are with me, and night-time
Dreams will bring our lust to your solemn bed.
You love her, I know, but
Where once floods of passion brought you
To embrace has turned into a slow and
Steady river, and visions flash in your mind
Of wandering between between soft, young
Thighs, where pleasure is welcomed
Longingly between smooth legs in
Black boots with stiletto heels.
One last moment of freedom, rebellion and
Youth before all has fleeted and
Feeble mind and feeble body receive
No coy flattery or passing glance.
You are just a man, it's true;
and all men fall to the right woman.

It’s the third of April and I was there
Sitting still, wondering
Observing the lifeless environment that surrounds me
And I simply couldn’t help but think
How did it all come to this
And why

It was exactly a year ago, during April, too
A blossoming sense of the beginning of new life
Little did I know
There was something even more beautiful than the flowers and trees
Something more serene than the feeling of crisp air and bright yellow sunlight
Little did I know that such a lively season
Was above, beyond, and even better than the liveliest things combined

Within three months after, it was mid July
And by then things only got more astounding
“Breath taking”, even
I’ve come to known this cheerful atmosphere’s smiles
Laughs, and confidence, and everything that makes it the amazing familiarity within me
And it was charming and it was lovable
Just like the warm breeze and chilly nights
What a wonderful thing to learn true happiness from the happiest surrounding itself
At this point all it ever was, was everything but sorrowful

Oh and November rolled around
And as leaves started to hit the bottom
Trees started to give up, and flowers started to disappear
So did it
So did it
This vicinity, of all the happiest vibes
The sweet turned to bitter
Just as the blossoms turned to gloom
It fell into a million little pieces
And all they could do was shatter it even more
And all they could blame was itself
All they could judge was nothing but the setting
And the thing that was once like sunshine
Turned into ice cold
Who would’ve guessed
That the happy atmosphere they once knew
Was this dark hole sucking itself into it
And who would’ve guessed
That the strongest, too, break

It was February and
It was the most similar thing to an incomplete thought of train
It was February
And everything was completely gone
The fragrance of what were once the roses
The scenery of what were once the moving lakes
The warmth of all the components of happiness
Its warmth
They were gone too
Too soon, and too fast

And now it’s the fourth of April
I’m still here I’m still rationalizing
I’m still thinking over
Onto why
Why am I the only one left
Is it really fair to leave me the same
Just when everything else had changed

-djs