My thoughts racing
For forward they go.
Until I get To pause
If only for a moment.
And taste life.
As colors and scents and emotions roll over me
Like a an icy dark wave blasting off the dirt
I consume the moment. Thirsting for purpose and passion.
And so it leaves me.
Most likely I leave it.
My thoughts racing
For forward they go.
I long for someone to share their path
I need circles. Not lines.
She steps so softly in fallen snow
The woods whisper words just she will know
Lying loosely arm in arm
Bathing in silence
Her spirit draws circles in the snow
i'm an empty optimistic in a world where lost souls remain
we're all threaded together by birth, given the consequences
but what are we without an upper and a even worse downer
those who survive the downers, sometimes never get back up
i hear you singing at the top of your lungs in the long halls
and i know your ears are pressed against the flimsy walls
your footsteps are more familiar than my own heartbeat
didn't it feel like deja vu when we first locked eyes for that second
didn't it feel like we were connected, not by blood but by something
it's so natural how you sing without the blissful harmony
it's breaking me down every single day, eroding myself
would you still be able to swim if i taught you when i could
would you still be able to speak if i paid attention to you as i should
i could forgive faster than i could ever forget, i can't even sleep
it's like i expected you to put the puzzle pieces back together
whenever i scattered all of them all over my bedroom floor
all of these flashbacks and all of this fear is numbing me
like i've already predicted a fallout to occur, i've already
expected for me to be searching for you everywhere i go
If you go, I vouch to never write another poem about love. Because here's the thing: with you I have shared too much. My hopes and my fears, as well as my body and my heart. When you asked about each scar that I had, I pointed out every one of them to you, offering an explanation. You proceeded to trace your fingers over them, one by one, kissing them better. Now, if only I could shut you out. Clasp the words that I said within my palms, pressing them back between my teeth and swallowing them once again.
Now that you know the way I take my coffee and the way I pout my lips when I sleep, you resort to leaving me. Tell me how that is fair. Tell me. How do I go on, knowing that you know all of my greatest mishaps? The things that keep me up at night. About that time I cried alone in the washroom in the 7th grade, because I was afraid. About the first time I felt weak in the knees for someone else. About the 3 minutes I brush my teeth in the morning and how I always carry a lip balm in my purse.
If only I could wind back to when you were simply an illusion. A pretty boy with a wicked smile and a ton of charm. When you had not left fingerprints on my spine and on my ankles. But I blew it. I fucking blew it by giving into you.
You make me feel safe, like nothing before. And I keep telling myself every person is the same, simply because this feeling is one I think I've felt before. I'm cautious not to believe every word but my heart jumps with every one that leaves your mouth. I want this to work. I realize I'm no super model. But isn't there more to this life than that? You're making me think there could be.
And that's the thing, you're making me think, and rethink, everything I once thought was set in stone.
Its like I'm stoned because I'm flying, lost in eyes of what seems like infinite warmth and I melt. Its like nothing is the same and my tortured soul isn't as sore anymore. Every breath hurts alittle less because I know you are drawing a breath that holds just as much pain and past.
You clear my mind like frozen waves, a shock to my system that removes the fog that used to blur every day I lived that made them one, long, painful mist.
At the same time I don't want you here, I don't want to feel the longing I feel and I don't want to know this pain of an empty heart… You are a piece of me. But a piece I wish I didn't need…
The clouds are rolling in;
And it covers up the skies;
Let's me breath and fill my soul;
As it calms what's inside;
There is nothing it compares to;
Where is this new mirage?
You'll find few feelings like this;
Like the strumming of guitars:
You'll escape from all anxiety;
Take vanity in aim;
And hold on to a memory;
That won't happen again.
Its creeping at my minds edge;
The shallows are reeling in;
Talons pull and tear my sanity;
As my heart beat is wearing thin;
Its as constant as my breathing;
Whispering in the back of my mind;
That I would be calmer;
If a blade is what I'd find;
The anxiety is crippling;
As it rises in my throat;
I try my best to push it down;
But it pushes till I can't cope;
I don't know why I'm nervous;
Cannot even meet the eye;
As the eyes are the windows to the soul;
And I don't want him seeing mine;
Its like snapping of my rib cage;
Why are my hands shaking?
Why is the world turning dark?
Why is it I'm not breathing?
All I need is the sound of breathing;
There's no judging in the night;
Listen to your heart like thunder;
And we live in darkness under light…
My iguana girlfriend
Cold-blooded with a warm heart
I think about her freezing skin
Whenever we're apart
She rubs her feet up and down my legs
To warm them in the night
It tickles a bit, but I don't care
In fact it's quite alright
'Cause if it helps to warm her up
I'll let her carry on
I'd rather let her rub cold feet on me
Than wonder where she's gone
My iguana girlfriend
She's certainly no snake
Everything she says is real
There ain't no room for fake
She's definitely not a crocodile
She don't cry no fake tears
If water ever leaves her eyes
You know she needs you near
She's certainly no chameleon
Her colour stays the same
She doesn't hide, she's never snide
And honesty is her game
My iguana girlfriend
I love her one hundred bazillion
And even though she's an iguana
She's in no way at all reptilian
There's nothing that could change my mind
Your means wouldn't be justified by your ends
There's nothing at all on earth that could separate
Me and my iguana girlfriend
i've given birth to a inhumane creature
breathing in mustard gas, breathing out fire
touching everything with hands like lightning
a wilted flower that surrendered to the deep cold
shredding hearts like paper with an unshakable anger
smelling fear in you, never letting myself get near you
delicate and proud, like a rose, you glisten and i rot
how can you fix something that's almost irreversible
how do you reverse a cycle that's been going for months
i'm blending into the wall of the past regrets you created
masses of failures you've been through and threw away
but i never left, i always kept my promise to you
i have to lay your face
like a recording, playing over and over like it's taunting me
like a ghost that's been locked away, ready for the haunting
but i can't do it, dreams interrupt and ravage my troubled mind
desolate in my own mind, and i'm sleeping in this prison ward
harvest the love from my heart and unshackle my bones from this room
i've illuminated in my faith and rose above the fervent grudge i've held
detritus strikes at the dawn, and turns the moon into a cold glare
and i know i stare but you were the first beautiful thing i ever had
and i know you don't like me, but can't you stare back and see the beauty
i'm not the monster you believe i am
you're the only one I look to for advice
for when I am low.
I can go forward and I do know which way i'm facing,
but i'm scared.
will I ever get there?
If you were here today, you'd help me so
like you've helped all the poor souls,
through your songs that will never die.
they shout out your name all the time.
and will do for eternity
as you never leave a persons mind.
and if you were still here today,
the world would be smiling
as we'd share the same air and share the same dreams.
you're not the only one.
I love you. All of you. Including your flaws. Maybe especially them. It is to the point where I wonder if I'd love you at all if you were perfect. I love you for everything that you aren't, for every hiccup in your genetic makeup, every nick on your face, everything that they make gels and scrubs to get rid of. For every time you fell short of the mark, every time you almost did but didn't. I love you for all the things you could never love about yourself, all the skeletons in your closet, all the things you'd rather no one ever know enough about to love. And you are completely ignorant to that fact, and perhaps that is another flaw that has me falling more and more in love with you.
It's so hard to breathe these days.
Being with you was living in excess
And when you've tasted excess,
Everything else tastes bland.
Yeah, I had everything to lose
But I still loved you as if I was about to die.
It's so hard trying to keep a straight face,
showing that I'm ok,
but I am so far from being ok.
I'm all alone with no one to talk to...
I think I miss that the most,
just having someone to talk to,
someone to share each day with.
I'm scared, I really am...
The thoughts of you not coming back
grow more real each day we're apart.
I don't know how to give you this space without you forgetting about me.
I wish each and every day you'd message me, someway,
just out of the blue and say
I'm coming back,
That you never left.
Most of all;
say the words
that would bring me right back,
that would bring us right back
I Love You.