What happens when a spoon is told to be a knife?
What happens when a knife is told to be a spoon?
What happens to life?
Does this happen to soon?
See, the knife is for slicing, splicing, steak cutting and dicing;
How will the spoon take its place?
The spoon is for slurping, sucking, sipping and scooping,
for cake, ice-cream, cereal, soup;
The knife will not take its space
So what will it do?
I know I'm a knife
but I'm told I'm a spoon
What has happened to Life?
Has it happened to soon?
I feel like a fork.
isn't it such a delectable pleasure to have secrets?
To relish, to roll in, coil up and into all your little hidden truths and sigh with contentment-
because who can hurt you when they don't know who you really are?
When every insult they think drives a knife straight into the kidney simply bounces easily off a warm, cipherous coat-
isn't that just a lovely, safe feeling?
I delight in the inner smirk that smoothed across my conciousness as I glance around at my teachers in my honors classes and think,
none of you know what I did last weekend
I will squeeze these secrets like wether's originals,
savoring every bit of pleasure from the vaguely illegal and scandalous-
I have come to the conclusion that I do bad things every now and again just so I can enjoy not telling anyone about them
Dear Heavenly Father, I have a confession to make.
For I have received yet another heart break.
She stole my heart, broke it in two,
Then said, “I’m no longer in love with you”
Father, why does she have to be this way?
Please tell her I don’t want to hear what she has to say.
Father, for I have committed a sin,
That day when I let her in.
I want to forget her & what we once had.
All because she lied to me and made me sad.
Father, I am done playing her game.
I’m done with her handing me all the blame.
So if you would father, help me out,
And please show her what this is about.
For I still love her father
But she doesn’t love me so don’t even bother.
She said it was all a lie,
Father she made me cry.
I am weak but have to be strong
Father, what she did was wrong.
I know that now, I knew that then
Please father; get rid of these horrible women.
She used to control me father
Stop what things used to be.
I guess what we had was fake father.
This is the confession I had to make
She never loved me father.
So please don’t even bother
I don’t need someone to hold me tight
I was wrong & they were right
All I need is something that’s not there father
All I needed was for her to care
Father I do not want to let her go.
But its time, and we all know.
Father, my confession may be sad, or a bore,
But my heart hurts so much more.
Pleases father take the pain.
Remember she once said I was a little insane.
Take away the scars caused by this knife.
Oh please father, just take her out of my life.
I miss her so much father.
I miss her kiss and his touch.
For I must leave father,
Cause no one will ever replace my baby father
This is my confession.
They all said she was ‘my obsession’.
Father the time has come for me to stop needing her,
Now I believe them father.
Father I need some help down here.
Because you knew loosing her was my fear.
Now you’ve heard my confession, the one I had to make,
So please forgive her for her love, that was so fake
polka dot pillows in your place
a chair without a frame, bound in frazzled black thread
a sad staple or two on the upper legs
holding together what little there is left
filthy pillows smelling of rancid feet
weeks without showers
podiatry pads littered with cluster warts
and tv dinners
patchwork quilts with no meaning behind their fading pictures
knobs hanging leisurely on the cabinetry
buttons coated in bacteria on the ages old tv
rocking loveseat soothes no one
not even the infancy in me
the disorganized half ass efforts
to write a paper on things i once found interesting
wearing tattered sweatshirt
of a friend i once "wronged"
her fiance forced a slutty facade, some would call rape
bulging black sweatpants from walmart for asinine comfort
worn out sweater socks for the sad circulation flowing awkwardly to my inconsequential toes
vs bra, dd, "sex appeal"
i don't want to fix my hair
or put on euphoria
i don't want to do my makeup like a cat
winged licks to the edges of my eyes
i don't care if my teeth are clean or white or cut
i don't even care that you're not here
or that i'll never let you be
i don't even care that you're sharing your bed and your head and your heart with some
take a few more anti-depressants
a few more to leave around me as i sleep
so my nightmares will be surrounded by numbness
my little hypothalamus knowing they mean nothing
as does the world to me, now
freedom is a double edged, dull knife
poke and poke until the wound festers and i bleed out
to the sound of my own feet fucking dust and losing balance
i don't care that i'm still alive
it's really all such a waste of goddamn time
I’ve fallen in love with nothing -
The gentle absence fills me up
With meaningless meaning,
Coating my soul in a comforting
Lack of heat.
The hand I don’t feel can’t cause me pain -
Its ethereal knife cannot make me bleed
And the thrice-forgotten name
Cannot give me what I need;
I’ll bury this desire under reason and ice,
For I cannot bear to pay this price
Veteran of the darkness.
Willing to confess.
Did you see my heart break?
Can you see my body shake?
Do you see me levitate?
Levitate from you.
Creatures that like to creep.
The lonely tears that I weep.
Just why can't you save me?
Your the love that I need!
I had a chance of a happy fate.
Till death showed up in my face.
This necklace that I hang from.
Is tightening its grip on me.
The is gold cutting into me.
My blood drips on the floor.
I see you at the door.
I take these pills to rescue me.
How many should I take?
Ten, or the whole damn thing?!
Now that I've confessed.
Will you just take my hand?
Just pull me into you.
Just tell me that I'm needed.
Tell them I'm important.
Just tell me that you love me….
I need to feel loved.
Like the way you love her.
You take her hand and hold it tightly.
You pull her into you and hold her tightly.
You tell her that she is important..
You tell her you love her.
And now my chest heaves.
As this knife takes me.
As these creatures eat me.
As the gold cuts me.
As my body shake, my heart breaks.
As I levitate.
As I cry.
WIthout my soul…
Without your warmth…
Without both of our souls…
Now you can hear my glass heart breaking.
My hands shake harder.
As my body shakes harsher.
Im levitating higher.
My legs dangling in the air.
Because I am a veteran.
And I was willing to confess.
There once was a boy who was but a slender
Line in a portrait or a smudge on a fender
Nothing more than would be passed by your eye
Was the boy so young who did nothing but cry
The world was a cruel one, but he wasn't so tainted
His picture more perfect than of David's statue painted
But the world would soon tear this boy apart
It would end in the mind what began in the heart
You see, innocence thrives where ignorance rules
For blissfulness is the kindest of the ignorant's tools
But this boy would be taught to feel and to hurt
His tears turned to ash as they fall from lips to dirt
He was now cold and vulgar and swore
His opinions had changed when his brother died in the war
There was no point to heaven and less point to hell
When they called out your name, you either stood up or fell
Chipped bricks covered in posters past
Graffiti from people of phrases that last
Like one-liners, humourless, gaining a laugh
And the three-word with the sketch of a heart cut in half
The best philosophes of this past generation
Write thoughts on the wall from their closed imagination
And the boy with his eyes red grew darker
As he reached in his pocket and pulled out a marker
With a couple quick slashes a ballot was drawn
And he labeled the man in the voting booth "pawn"
Underneath it he wrote what might be a phrase
That just didn't catch on in those olden days:
It said, "A stone cast down as in defeat
Will hit thine foot before the street
For he who gives up his voting right
Will have no say in where we fight."
The boy capped the pen and he walked away
He had written down all that he wanted to say
His hands now were smudged from the marks on the wall
And he thought to himself, "In short time, it'll fall"
Right around the corner he was halted by the law
"You thought no one was watching, but guess what, kid? I saw.
The truth is, you're right, we vote for our wars
But the man up on top of the nation? He's yours."
The boy smiled slightly, for this cop was wrong
And he reached deep past the tears in himself to be strong
"That man isn't mine; he approved of this war
And congress has made my brother break the oath that he swore"
The cop looked at boy and the boy at the cop
They weren't talking graffiti, but the man up on top
Two strangers, two people, agreeing the fact
That the choice on the ballot was a serious act
"Most kids don't realize just what a vote can mean
They don't attribute the choice to the step in between
Old ideas corrupted or improved upon
All they know is their voice can make the other guy gone"
The boy nodded and looked the cop right in the eye
Saying, "This president let my brother ship out to die
If you try to make us think that his empathy wasn't fake
Contradiction in contrite diction will no conviction make
"You can't justify death because the harder you try
The more your arguments fade like the clouds in the sky
But before they dissolve and assimilate with the air
They leave behind pain to show that they were there"
The cop nodded, waved, and went back to the beat
More hoodlums and lost souls to help off the street
He passed a dark alley and his instincts erupted
His mind yelling to him, "Check for something corrupted!"
So he turned down in darkness to check out the spot
It looked like a place where blackmarket is hot
The fungus and mold that once grew peeled off
Leaving yellowish stains and the urge to cough
A voice near the brickwork called out saying, "Hey,"
"If it's not to much trouble, mister, couldja stay?
See honest to goodness, mister, I tried to stay clean
But when you take your own product, separation is mean"
"I don't know exactly who is to blame"
Said cop to the girl he could see but not name
"There's no one to blame," said the girl to the man
"There's things that will happen, and with time they all can
"For a creature that thrives on flesh alone
Will bite through the skin to steal the bone
And he must be careful, lest he find
That he's been feasting upon his own behind"
"Yes, sometimes it's true: Desire drives us too fast
Sometimes to places where sanity's long since passed
But sanity's fleeting and must be sought after
Come; let me find you some lodgings and laughter"
"No, mister! I'm a lost cause, my fate's without hope!
Permit me now to symbolize: I'm at the end of my rope!"
"Now miss don't you think like that, No one's soldered to their fate
Such thinking will confine you like a cage with bitter bait!"
This world's harsh and confusing and you've had the short stick
But don't let hopelessness be the only thing that's gonna make you tick
Like treading water in the ocean, panic makes you die
Find beauty out of terror, spread your arms and fly!"
The girl sat there blinking. She'd never heard such talk
She'd never been another thought on anybody's walk
"Now let me tell you, I'm not short on self doubt
But I've got to say: that's not what it's all about
See I met this boy earlier, who told me his story
About how the status of the world often makes him worry
This boy's actin' out, but he'll turn out just fine
But if you're giving up hope, then you're crossing the line
Because we've never needed Merry Men and Robin Hood
To stand up at bugle-call to turn the world good
We just need to remember: We're in it forever!
Fight the urge to look upward and shout angrily, 'Never!'
The world, good and bad, is mixed unto itself
And you can't take you your recipe book from the shelf
And add pinches of falsehoods like seasonings for a mask
You must fix it internally, for that is your task
See, though you've given up, that's something I just won't allow
You're gonna go out and fix it, let somebody show you how
Because there's more than one way to a proper conclusion
Some ways are hard and still others illusion
But become obsessed with the truth, with doin' things right
Become a shining green beacon to lead others at night
Promise me, here and now, in this alley proclaim!
That you will set forth and make good of your name."
The girl gently nodded and as time's hands were wound
She grew like a flower from that dank piece of ground
It's the tiny conversations that can so alter life
And cut the crust of complication like a peace-bringing knife
The boy with his brother who'd gone up in the fight
Was just like the cop said: he turned out alright
He put his mind to better things, gave up the childish art
And in the realm of history, his bio did its part
Because he realized how tangible the change he wanted was
He set aside resentments as the true reformer does
He spoke of love, acceptance. . . And then switched to compromise
Because when you're just a visionary, the vision always dies
He used the good and bad to weld a better, stronger, net
To catch the lost and lonely, his was the best support to get
He filled the heads of others with the change that he once viewed
And little inch by little inch corruption and violence met with feud
A verbal dispute filled with picketing people
Who shouted, "Change!" from their electronic steeple
And the media members had themselves a field day
As they caught on the camera what the boy had to say:
"Too often we forget, that apathy isn't peace
But we allow ourselves to be served it by the leaders filled with grease
And we skip along, ignoring things that should rightly upset us
Bombs abroad are wholly fine but not the one that's gonna get us
We've got to think of the whole picture, got to figure out the puzzle
Though you think the lion's fierce, it always has time to nuzzle
So let's switch the view and take on that trait
And put aside the thought that nuzzling can wait."
The cop saw the boy who was on T.V.
And said to himself, "that kid talked to me!
He smiled a bit, "his speech is pleasing as a wren
And in the case of my boasting, I'll say I knew him when!"
The girl wasn't taped, but she was out changing lives
By having conversations that we've likened to knives
And so it was when time was up on the impending revolution
Armed with words she voyaged forth to fufill her resolution
The boy and she stood side by side and led the people on
And using power words of choice, the old regime was gone
What started out as compromise, effloresced to peace and love
And the cop the two had talked to nodded at boy and girl above
A change in heart, a change in mind, can spark a worldly change
Though originality is difficult, ideas can rearrange
To fit the modern times, and indeed to mold it best
And the answer's sometimes difficult, but as we all know: life's a test
This boy and girl were lost, then found, and so was their whole world
And their string of conversations were around their finger curled
Reminding them that there was out there a better way to live
And revolution was the message that the cop had had to give
Blood stained skin
lights fading, growing dim,
she sinks to the floor
realizing what she just did.
2 years away from the knife
from the last time she almost took her life
she fears where this is going
as she watches the blood run down the drain.
She remembers how to bandage the wound
to ensure it doesn't show to soon.
Hides it from mother and father
and sister and brother.. hoping they won't notice another.
Panic starts to set in as she realizes that it's all starting again.
She won't tell anyone because she knows the only conclusion will be to face the man scribbling down problems with a pen.
Her brains left stains in my clothing
The bullet made it quick, the clean up was sick
My favorite jeans , we just burned them
Lit smokes on the flames and whisked away the dna
To link my hand to the gun, that same very one
He pulled out that night, to take her fucking life
Stabbed with the knife, passed through my flesh in a flash
The crime she had was hopelessness
And all I wanted was for her to know
She fucked with the wrong man
And here I am, re-living it again
Get in the far, we ain't going far
Show up at the dump, what's that sound in the trunk
Kicking and screaming, the tears clearly streaming
The weight of the metal he put in my hand
Heavy enough to sink to the bottom
And I refused.
Torn away from me in a storm, a weight lifted physically
Crack, and one added that'll haunt me all these days
So here's another bottle to your memory
The last seconds we spent together
I your first
And I your last.
Alone midst my wayward thoughts, upon the caravel of agony
A storm among the twisted seas with wrath had drew upon me
Fastened between my linen sheets which purpose served me dryly
I shiver in the heartless night waiting for death to crawl upon thee
My wishes ever poisonous with malicious intent meant only to beseech you
To return as a creature of the night, but in spite the knife, the knife!
The one which impales with strife upon the meaning of fight
The weapon of an imp suddenly is thrust upon me meant to take a life!
But could I simply take this man, who's family awaits back in our mother land
Yet here he rests in sweet slumber and I must fear not to linger
Or be caught in the act of murder, my conscious flees me, my body violently disagrees
Is something so vital as this my right? But the choice is mine in hindsight
Before the curtains of the night, draw back and release the hellish light
Upon my skin revealing my plight, leaving me in clear sight
It is truly judgement I fear, from the devilish eyes of the venire
Ignorance flees, all is clear, the right direction, the path appears
For now at the end of the pole, looking thousands of feet below
I see a shadow of a man, and I know I am the one to go
I take my life.