I thought I understood it.
The way the world operated.
The safety and compassion,
The darkness, the secrets and the fears.
I thought I knew myself,
I thought I knew my body.
My bones, my shapes, my figure.
But I did not soon realise this could change.
I thought I knew our passion and devotion,
And the way we were attached when we loved.
But the sensation brought consequences,
And so did I.
I soon imaged the rhythm of the heartbeat for the first time.
I soon imagined that grasp on my forefinger.
I soon imagined the love I felt.
I soon imaged the struggles, the loss and the hate I’d face.
I soon imagined destruction,
With just two swallows it would be gone for good,
And the fight would be over.
But I never wanted to face that choice,
I wanted to hold the delicate youngster in my arms.
I wanted to protect them from the horrors of the world.
But this was not likely.
I began to question all the possibilities and outcomes,
But no other have sprung to mind.
For I thought I understood myself and the universe,
But I've been left scared and confused.
But what could be worse than living with guilt.
I thought I understood it, but I did not.
House full of memories still stands,
Almost ready to fall;
The cobwebs of yesterday lands,
Eternal, standing tall.
The voices of those that now sleep,
Echoes 'round inside me;
As I remember I do weep,
Blinded by tears I see.
Now another scene comes to mind,
Of a dream land I know;
Now softly glows the lamps I find,
Ephemeral winds blow.
O, see the childhood mem'ries now,
And all that I once knew;
Sad in fallen shambles I bow,
In other worlds I blew.
Those golden days lay flat I see,
And all the childish ways;
Have grown into a larger me,
And faded are those days.
Those days of Wonderland to fly,
Hours on endless hours pile;
But to those days I've said goodbye,
Just linger for a while.
Sad the house of dreams in ruin,
Is crumbled as a page;
Vague memories left are strewin',
To follow age to age.
© Timothy 18 June, 2013.
I would rather be a good man,
Than a scholar, any day.
So fuck all of the capitalists,
With their wages of higher pay.
I don't need a massive house,
Or a load of fancy shit.
I only want a simple life,
That is non-materialistic.
You need to learn, that man can't buy,
Some friendship or her love.
And memories are all we take,
When we depart for home above.
While you're out blowing money,
I'll just stick to spending time.
Taking journeys and adventures,
Capturing pictures in my mind.
See all I ever want,
Is a life of love and joy.
And to someday raise a daughter,
Who would someday meet a boy.
I could only be so lucky,
In fact, forever I'd be pleased,
If the boy she someday met,
Resembled younger me.
I know I'm not the greatest,
There's no arguing that.
But, I'll remain a gentle soul,
A true and simple fact.
So, call me a lazy slacker,
Perhaps I'll never strike it rich.
But, I'm always kind and caring,
And, I'll never act a bitch.
You can try to judge me,
And tell me how I'm wrong.
But, this one here is my life,
And I will live it 'til I'm gone.
Remember, even young Lloyd,
Knew that Gabriel rocks.
And he did what he loved,
And he loved to kickbox.
But see, the music and fighting,
Were mere entertainment and sport.
Instead, he pursued love,
From sweet Diane Court.
Now at night I sometimes dream,
To be slightly Dobler-esque.
Learn to strive for what I want,
Then cast aside the rest.
'cause money may try to alter,
The way people act and seem,
But, no currency will ever affect,
The fact that I am me.
On a bitter december night of '11
I stood alone, watching the glow
of christmas fireworks
clutching my phone in my mittens.
"This time in a year, I will be with you"
your message said.
"I will be holding your hand"
"I will plant kisses on your forehead".
The year passed and so came
the even more bitter december night of '12
your hands tightly tucked into your pockets
your face turned away from mine
your body impatiently shivering
lifeless to the weight of my chin on your shoulder.
As we stood silently
I remembered what you had said
this time one year ago
and as I looked up to the sky
the fireworks lit up what I already knew
as their sunset hue reflected the vacancy in your eyes.
I'll show you where the bad ones go,
Land of nightmares and submarines,
Submerging you into the ocean of your tears,
You'll be wrapped in a blanket of your biggest fears.
The trees whisper your secrets, they see everything,
The clouds cry tears for you, but their tears, acid,
And you'll drown in their misery for your misery,
You'll forever scream, “Can't you see what you've done to me?”
The things in your dreams, imagine them,
Are now mutilated at the seams, imagine that,
And imagine that, now you're dead, dead, dead,
dead, dead, blood red, you've lost your head.
You're falling faster, you wish you hadn't been bad now,
I told you I'll show you where the bad ones go,
You didn't believe me the slightest bit, but you should,
If you knew this world like me, you'd kill yourself, you would.
End it all, end it all before it gets any worse,
But it's going to continue to hurt, you're going to continue to bleed,
I hope your fears are scary, tears are red, hopes are dead,
Don't look at me, you heard what I said.
I hope your hopes are dead.
You left me dead.
I'll show you where the bad ones go.
You left me dead.
I once knew a girl who thought death
was easier than living a mess of a life.
Her family was stained with meth,
but I told her she had to put down the knife.
She said she had no purpose, no reason
but I pointed out to her the small, pretty things
and told her emotions and feelings changed like seasons,
and happiness would come with the summer the world brings.
She believed me and started to change her ways.
She was so gorgeous when she smiled.
I could press my lips against hers for days.
She was perfect to me, my wonder child.
The girl I once knew was dead, like she wanted.
Rest in peace, she was sadder than she needed to be.
Now with a smile and happy eyes that were once haunted,
I knew this girl had to know what she meant to me.
So I told her I loved her through a text, even though
I wanted to say it in person so I could see the look on her face.
It would have been one of those smiles I love, I know.
And since then I know we've both found our place
Right by each others' sides where our smiles are the brightest.
That's where we belonged, we couldn't fight this.
I was whole when I surrendered to her with a kiss.
I finally learned the definition of eternal bliss.
You were practically my big brother
You watched out for me.
You protected me.
When my ex tried to hurt me
You beat him up for me.
You quit your bad habits,
So you could be a better friend to me.
When I was upset and crying me eyes out.
You took me in your arms and calmed me down.
How will I live with out you.
You are now looking at me in heaven
Watching over me
you are my guardian angel.
But I want you down here on earth.
With me once again.
Marggrette misses you SO much.
You were her husband
and the father of her unborn child.
She Cries for you.
Please Come back to us.
Megan misses you.
When I told her you had moved on she cried.
She read your note to her.
She wishes you didn't have to go.
Why don't you come back PLEASE
Your life was full of bad things.
But you were just turning it around.
God had no right to tear you away from us.
You deserve a second chance.
You were so full of life.
The way you took care of Kianna,
Your real little sister.
The way you looked at Marggrete.
The way you knew how to PARTY
and have a great time,
I'm missing you already.
I'm already missing our annual weekend meets.
I know one day we will meet again.
When you help me through the golden gates of heaven.
But that is too far away.
I can still feel you with me.
It feels to serial to be true.
I know you haven't passed away.
Its just a dream.
Your still here with us.
OK I have to face the facts.
You're in heaven.
And I can't change that.
But I know you will be there,
Watching over me.
So This is my goodbye to you.
I Love you Alex-Jordan Jones
What can this word mean
In face of the unyielding
But TIME erases these!
What we thought we knew....?
What now----remains as truth?
We never move!
Are we actually alive?
TELL ME IF YOU KNOW
OF THE DIRECTION WE SHOULD GO
swooshed the wind right through me
as bleakly whispered in my ear
the unspoken muzzy words
left my stun as they steer
for now I knew something
I knew not before
as I saw the utmost ray of hope
consumed by the darkness
craving for more
such was its haste
mollifying the very urge
just like sun relieves its ray
right at its verge
she told me once that she worshiped the
forest of her body and the garden she had grown (like spring
all over her outsides).
she said she loved skin the same way i loved
marlboro blacks and sweetwater blue (obviously and
she screamed compliments at me in
soft words with rough meaning (like bloody knuckles against
freshly cut grass).
she assured me that it was okay to wake up
in cold sweats with heavy limbs (unmovable and brittle,
buried under sheets).
but i knew better.