the beer in front of her is just about empty and she watches the foam slowly sludge down the inside of the glass with thinly veiled disgust...she manages a fake smile as someone nearby is telling a group of giddy faces another embarrassing story about her...she crushes out her cigarette so clumsily a spark of tobacco coal leaps out and lands on the floor...voices are traveling around the room and screwing up the lighting, sweeping the ceiling and splashing through the windows out into the city night...fairly drunk she steps outside and tries to remember what had she been thinking a moment before clacking down the stairwell in her most comfortable high heels...the early summer evening air is cool in the back of her throat and the breeze pulls the newly dark lime tree leaves spreading that indescribable scent of mature summer green down the empty street...somewhere down the block a car alarm finishes it's cadence leaving the lone barks of a dog...the feeling she had about not deciding what to leave behind she'd lost somewhere at the beginning of this party...she'd find herself crying about this new regret long before she knew why...another addition to the myriad topics for insomnia that she'd write on the bedroom wall with her eyes...recalling the painful parts of the past with so much more depth perception than the good...like her happiness was an instant suffocated in years of desperation and insanity...she had to convince herself that she was happy with him...that she could be again...that she would stop wishing for him to disappear and leave her blameless for not loving him back...as it would turn out the wreckage was so minimal and she was the one forced to disappear...it took her two hours to pack and she was gone...

I like being alone,
But never lonely.
I like beauty,
But never had beauty.
I like love,
But never believed in it.
I like friends,
But never had any.
I like people,
But never socializing.
I like the idea of him,
But never him.
I Like family,
But never had one.
I like time,
But there never is any.
I like the truth,
But no one seems to know what that is anymore.
I like music,
But can’t create my own.
I like fairytales,
But I’m never getting one.
I like life,
But just not mine.
I like pain,
But hate causing it.
I like poetry,
But can barely write it.
I like you,
But never knew you.

if you make a concrete judgement of somebody without fully getting to understand them, that's a sign of stupidity, and that's what she did to me

and my family, without even knowing my mother and father, she didn't even bother

to recall why she'd often dismiss, them as just religious, freaks who took care of their kids, and didn't get divorced, stayed together through the weather

she claimed they only did it cuz of the kids, but they're out of the house now, and my parents are still together and in love

what she couldn't find, within our family, and her simple mind, is that they would have loved her too, if she would've accepted them, or got to know them, or had a talk, or just listened, but instead, she placed them in a class with the rest, of the people she thought she knew best

but look inside and you might find that she don't know her self, and that's why she has to place, this label upon those who say grace, before they eat dinner

my mother and father, i love, so much. and that's why it hurt when she said they are weird. and that they're the reason my brother smoked crack.

fuck that. tears come down my face are dried, the stains from her lies still infiltrate my eyes. but it's okay, i live and forgive another day, just like my parents taught me

move on and pray

Willfully she stepped tiptoeing around the dreams of a resting lover
Whom with she had shared a rather restless night slumber
To study the curve of her spine made her stomach turn asunder
She would miss the sigh of ease that crumbled out this Irish clover
This lovely little thing with hair on fire had stole her
But freedom came at a price that shook foundations of love all over
See she could run from Cincinnati to Dover
And still not know why bright eyes drew her closer
Throwing back beers with a laugh like a manic joker
She knew that it was always harder to bitterly walk away sober
She had to march as if a destined loyal soldier
Never quite tittering to a untimely stop until she was much older
She suffered her scars to passions sick sinful overexposure
Never again she whispered stepping to the beat inside her chest conducted by a sorrowful composer

and with a flash of Yellow your World Turned Upside Down,
now Lost+ and confused with the windows all closed fearing all the White Shadows,
you run towards Amsterdam, hoping, praying for a Ladder To The Sun,
back to Square One finding yourself walking through another Rainy Day,
but you knew I was coming and so you did not stray,
remembering my Postcards From Far Away... of course with Twisted Logic,
We Never Change…

Writing whatever comes from the tip of the iceberg in my brain.
Sanity has banished me, willingly jumping down the drain.
You'd think that it'd cause strain,
I mean I do have to rearrange and explain myself more often than not.
I was gonna say something else, but I forgot, haha.
There's a lotta blahblah, but I shoot straight for imagination, fascinating conversations.
Thinks can get kinda crazy, with little to no persuasion.
Sometimes, I think I should proceed with more hesitation.
But instead I just project the thoughts for manifestation.
Gotta lotta love to give, and I'm happy to do it.
I can be your best friend, who'da knew it?
*Known, I know, exploding in my own zone with thoughts of fantasy.
Yet always happily tied down in this intricate sea of reality.
Don't forsake the give and take,
Embrace the love then reciprocate.
Life becomes all the more worthwhile when work turns into play.
I may end it here, so you, have a fantabulous rest of your day! :D

Just kidding, I want to keep going.
I want to explore more with my oars and keep rowing
Flowing into the unknown consciousness.
Emotions are based on perspectives, and let right now be BLISS

Love,
Ryno