Some feller reckons he
Saw that Bonnie Parker
Girl in some diner in
Arkansas with some
Feller in a black suit
With a hat pushed to
The back of his head
And she sat there and
Smoked and said nothing
But looked around the
Place while the feller
Ordered fries & burgers
With two small side salads
And two white coffees
And no one else in the
Darn diner place kind
Of recognized her face
Even though she was
Clothed in some old
Dress his grandma would
Have worn in her youth
With a beret stuck on her
Head and he felt like he
Ought to call the cops
And such but his mind
Kept telling him that that
There Parker girl was
Killed in an ambush
Back in 1934 so maybe
He got it wrong and she
Was just some girl who
Looked just like her and
So he didn't call the cops
But just sat there watching
Her eat and drink and smoke
Hanging in with his flapping
Ears in case she spoke but
She never did she just sat
And stared around the place
With a small half-moon
Smile on her ghostly face.
Lord, I’ve got this problem weighing on my heart.
And when I meet new faces, it’s tearing me apart.
Like: can they see through me? Do they know?
Lord, you’ve been at the receiving end
Of all of my calls,
When I cried and cried-
I swear they could hear it through the walls.
You know that I’m the same me
Who from down on both knees
Tried to pray away this thing within me.
And, Lord, I remember it clearly:
"Lord I don’t want to want this; please take it away.
I don’t want to keep living in this sick, perverse way."
Lord, you know if I could’ve I would’ve
Washed my mind out with soap
Because the hands of my iniquity
Kept tightening around my throat
I know I lost control too many times along the road,
But was I really to blame for this unbearable load?
Did I do it to myself? Let my mind wander too far?
Lord, I just really have to know,
Because I’ve come this far, and it’s been so long,
But yet I find myself singing the same sad song.
Will it ever go away, God? Please take it away.
I was coping with this yesterday,
And I’m still coping today.
It’s a long and tired battle,
And not many understand.
I’m in between these two extremes
And there’s no one to hold my hand.
And that might be because I would have to let them know,
And this side of me I’m not too eager to show.
I wish they could see it as a problem like one of their own
But instead they see me as excluded from calling the Kingdom home.
So I guess it makes sense when I feel so alone.
I have people to my left saying I can’t change who I am
And people to my right who think me unworthy of the Promised Land-
Unless I change the way my mind seems to be programmed.
But I want to be
What God wants me to be,
And I’m on a personal journey
To find just what that means.
that runaway's life once again felt
cut short of finding new home
instead a odyssey
of heart and mind forged
inside this extended mull
knowing no end
..where the land petered out
narrowing to nothing
where cold tides
always running in and out
on top of each other
and are hard to tell apart
they don't matter here
unattended thin stretch
he stays brooded upon
allowing him to run no further
..his unfolding life
into the swift gulf stream
pulling him down into the rip
one day it is as dangerous as hell
the following day
becoming less treacherous
where all his visions can toss and roll
calmly out to sea
something either ended or began here long ago
but i don't remember which
but it is enough to just be
he says with half a care
his voice a swell of low tones
old as the atlantic now
looking back over his shoulder
he is reconciled to all the other places
that might have been
just as remote
of a possibility
as this one his life places in
but the runaway will always be here
as perpetual as the shift in the dunes
that purple silhouette again
up beach, following the sunset
as far as it can go
my shattered heart.
There is something inside of each of our souls:
This desire for the things that will destroy us.
We crave to behave in ways that leave scars.
Battered and mauled, we are in love with the sickness.
Why do we find it so inviting that we can’t want to turn away from it?
Because to turn away would be to deny ourselves of who we are.
We were born this way: rotting flesh and souls in decay.
We will not admit to the shame of it because we cannot let our pride be wounded.
We do not accept it as fault.
We embrace it because we can’t change.
But the evidence roars in the background as you say that you are deemed worthy.
The lie you just told broke a heart.
The substances from yesterday still affect your loved ones today.
We are not meant to hurt; we were not made to hurt each other.
I believe in love.
I believe in forces.
I believe that we all were destined for good things.
They say I am too old for imaginary friends,
But this love is not imaginary.
I can see this love.
I can see it in smiling eyes.
I can see it in random acts of kindness that shouldn’t be so random.
Brothers and sisters, we were made for more than this world has to offer.
I saw love; I felt love.
Love followed me.
Love pulled me out of my own head, my own mess, my own love for my own sin.
Love knocked the wind out of me.
Love crushed my old heart.
Love let it shatter to take what was inside and make it something better.
Love loved me, when I just didn’t care.
Love waited for me.
Love was always there.
Love always knew that I would find my way.
Love had its hand on me on even my darkest day.
Love looked at me with heartbreak it its eyes.
When my back was turned, love never passed by.
Love never turned and left;
Love never gave in.
Love hurt because I wouldn’t let love in.
But love stayed and love waited.
Love waited on me.
Love led me and taught me how it feels to be free.
Love saw in my heart that I was a wreck.
Love broke down my bones to build them back.
And this time, they are stronger.
Love let me feel pain, though it pained love too,
Because in the end love always knew
That I would find love from my shackled, broken place
Where I would accept love and accept grace.
When my heart was torn open, bleeding out on the ground…
When my soul was crying out for something unknown
To fill the gaping void in my life left by the people
Who couldn’t love like love itself…
When my fears consumed me and I thought I might explode…
When I needed someone to hear me- just hear me-
So that I would not feel so alone…
When the stars taunted me and told me I was small
And that my life would never amount to anything at all…
When I was left in the dust and so unfairly mistreated
By people who were just as lost as me…
When the screaming of voices that were broken from
The love that they never received would ring in my ears…
I was lost.
When there were times that life meant nothing to me
Because I had no reason to live it…
Love found me, and love rescued me.
And love waited to make sure I understood
That love was not going anywhere.
And love wanted me to know love and that I could show love to
People who never really knew the love that found me.
They say that I’m too old for imaginary friends,
But love is not so imaginary.
Love is felt, and love wants you back.
And love never leaves you wanting.
The love on this earth is tainted and broken,
And people hurt each other because they were hurt too.
When people love, they try and give it their best go,
But they are weary and reluctant.
My heart longs for a love deep enough that no one is left dry.
A thirst that is quenched.
No more hunger pangs.
Because love showed itself to me.
So let me love even though I am weak.
Let me try and have that love show through me.
I want to shine so bright the sun would feel inadequate,
Because the brightness of love burns like a thousand earthly suns.
Because the love that found me is the love that beats in my heart,
Traveling deeper than my bones, so I can feel it in my core
When my heart pounds on.
This love courses through my veins, planting a hope in me
That I didn’t even know could be possible.
Love was not found in the pages of a book;
Love was found in the message of a force that created love’s meaning.
The pages of the book hold the words of the creator of the love
That found me but love is in their meaning.
Love is in the force behind the words that kiss the pages
Of the book that is mocked and made foolish.
The words twisting, distorted and wrong,
So far from the place where they started.
So far now that they are only words,
And the meaning they held is lost.
Love itself was mocked and made foolish
By the ones love came to rescue.
I will not mock love.
I will be proud to stand for a love that will stand for me,
When I am no better than any other imperfect human being.
No one laughs at love when love is shown in a smile,
Or a word of comfort to someone who is in need.
But they laugh at love when love is shown in the meaning
Behind the words in a book that only acts to convey the love
That could save them.
They say that I am too old for imaginary friends,
And they mock the love that lifted me above the ashes
And led me through the pain of life.
When my life was wading in open waters
With sharks circling beneath me
And feeling the fatigue set in.
Pretty soon, I would have been too tired
To even try at all.
But love reached out into my heart
And gave me the strength to keep wading,
With the knowledge that the sharks can’t touch me.
And one day I will be out of the water and onto dry land
Where I will never have to swim again.
They say I am too old for imaginary friends,
But love is the realest thing I know and
Love saved me.
Imagine how utterly terrifying would the whole universe be if there was a faceless clock.
Just faceless clocks.
That dictated the way earth shall be lived in the most minimalistic sense.
No hour hand, no tinks, no tick-tocks and no numbers.
That will allow us to regretfully or mercifully go on.
The gears and everything are in place.
But there is
Just silence that will deafen your ears.
Silence that your screams cannot pierce.
Yes, that is me now.
I have no bearing, no sure sense.
There's nothing I've wanted more than the ability to forget.
I've tried but I haven't been able to master it, yet.
I can't forget you're scorching touch,
You left scars, more than enough.
You were trying to mask your impotence,
I should've shown more than just indifference.
Tell me did you know what you were doing, did you notice my change?
Must of, since you asked "Why are you acting so strange?"
I never admitted, never told a soul,
I never seeked help- I turned numb, bitter cold.
Tried to convince myself I was strong, stronger than you.
I was completely wrong, you knew this, too.
You hold so much sovereignty over me,
I still can't comprehend how this can be.
You knew who'd keep quiet, you knew what prey to choose,
You're so clever, made sure you would never lose.
Do you know how indefinitely f'cked up I am now?
Are you happy? Are you proud? Do you want to take a bow?
Your time is ending, your death is near,
You'll be gone, yet I'll always have so much to fear..
Do you take pride in ruining lives?
Do you like seeing me run & hide?
You're just as bad, maybe even worse,
I don't understand why you talk so much sh't, your love hurts.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to see their face,
But you're the f'cking same, same difference!
I can't stand you, you suffocate me,
Soon you won't hear of me, you'll see.
When it's all said & f'cking done,
There will be no turning back, oh what fun.
It's not all about your appearance,
Which you're wrong for thinking is worth a store's clearance.
It's about your soft heart,
& how we can't be apart.
It's not all about your heartless facade,
Which makes your sweet moments all the more appreciated.
It's about your presence lighting up my day,
& how you've managed to stay.
It's not all about the promises we made,
Which are hard to keep when you say the things you say.
It's about your way with words
& how you strum my chords.
It's not all about how without you I'd feel a vacancy,
Which just the mere thought leaves me antsy.
It's about our pulling through,
& how our love is true.
I saw you for the first time last night.
Instead of just looking, I saw you.
I saw your body acting as a shield against the cold winds.
I saw your thick skin fierce enough to withstand them.
I saw you hold my gaze then slowly look away.
I saw the scars on your arms and caught a glimpse of your pain.
I wanted to stay a little longer and pick your mind.
I would’ve stayed a while longer to just pass the time.
I want to know about your father and your longest nights.
I want to know the reasons why you still put up a fight.
I saw your beautiful eyes keeping everything inside.
I saw your lips holding back the thoughts that I may never find.
I heard the words that you spoke as if they didn’t hurt.
I read your thoughts on the pages of your old notebook.
I didn’t really know the right words for me to say
that upon leaving my breath might make things okay.
I kind of wanted you to know the way that I felt
and the weight on my heart for the hand you’ve been dealt.
I wanted to know how to make you understand
that I wanted nothing more than to reach out my hand
and somehow pull you out of the deepening quicksand.
So I hope you know that I’m only a person,
but to think there’s a soul with pain so much worse than
anything that I’ve probably ever known,
makes me want you to never have to ever feel alone.
I might never know just exactly how you feel,
but I want to be there when you decide you’re ready to reveal
all the pain you keep harbored deep inside your mind.
I know there’s a fortress you’ve built over time,
with the walls so high that they never fall out of line.
But I hope you know at least now you’ve made a friend,
and I want to stay to help you as much as I can.
I don’t know you that well but you did something to my heart.
I thought you should know that I think I saw you for who you are.
I’ve passed you in the halls and maybe looked for a while,
but I never saw you for anything beyond your outward smile.
and I’m not one to care about what other people say,
so if you think you want a friend, then my decision is to stay.
I want to know all about your mixed up mind.
I want to know how you felt leaving your friends behind.
I want you to know I don’t think you have to be strong,
and if you need some help down the road, then I’ll come along.
I don’t know why or how, but you touched something inside me.
So, if you ever need anything, then you know where to find me.
Cruising down the highway never felt so high-
with the music playing loud and the stars in our eyes,
Breathing in that smoky air never felt so free.
So we drank down that freedom and turned up the beat,
and we let it cloud our judgement until we ran it off the street.
Face to the windshield, windshield to a tree-
Just one sheet of glass screaming your mortality.
But we thought it’d last forever, running on a adrenalin-
Running from our problems, from anything genuine.
“I don’t need to think about death, I’m only a kid,”
Well if a kid can drive then they’re responsible for that last skid,
out of control and into the dark, to the point of no return with no option to restart.
At that point your intentions or excuses don’t matter.
So, take your potential and use it for the better.
The hands that you use to pass that bottle
are the same that can be used to completely remodel
A life. A heart. A soul. A home.
So what you do with those hands is completely your own,
and if they drink and drive and kill your best friend,
it’s your fault alone.
You may be young and wild, but you’ll never be free
as long as you let yourself be a slave to humanity.
So when the world says go, but a voice says stop,
don’t quiet it thinking you can turn back the clock
when years pass by and regrets are weighing on your mind,
and you sit there wishing you thought better to utilize your time.
Laying on your deathbed thinking of the glory days,
thinking how short the longest seems before it all fades.
Will you think of death then- when it looks you in the face?
Does it have to wait to shake you when you’re in that place?
If life and death is the big picture, then why do we shut it off?
It’s like we choose to be ignorant because we don’t want to know the cost.
But pushing it away doesn’t make death less real,
it only makes you less ready when the truth is revealed.