A smile like gold,
A heart like dust.
Eyes like the rain,
A face that will only bring pain.

He tells you things,
Like how you look nice.
He kisses your cheeks,
And makes you blush.

Uses your body,
Like you're a doll.
Tells you sweet words,
To make you fall.

Pushes you down and takes control.
He doesn't care about you,
Or anything in this world.

He tells you he loves you,
He tells you he cares.
He tells you he will always be there.

His lips only speak lies,
His hands only do what they know how to do;
They softly brush your heart,
And then they rip it apart.

i thought by this time i would look like rita hayworth
but i just can't take the genius anymore
and i realize the wasteland
isn't as youthful as i thought it was
the parties aren't real
and the boys look like children
there are nothing golden in these years

Adept an enigmatic
I smile
At the distance
I'm Creating
The walls
I'm building

If I was honest when I met anyone
I'd have to display a disclaimer
That I tend to fuck up royally
If there's any chance of touching me
And I'm not talking sexually

So if you look at my past
Any of the most recent
I've pushed away all of them
All of them who were decent

Maybe I'm weary and less vigilant
Maybe things are blurry
Like the moments after an accident
But some managed to sneak in

So I get creative and emotional and crazy
When I put my mind to it oh I'll find a way
Cause now I laugh when I cry
Thinking about each and every damn one
Who said they loved me or understood me or would wait for me or forgive me or fuck me or find me or save me or be there for me
All of those who would try

To find me in a maze of memories past
The walls I've built
Have turned into parapets and balco ies
From the heights of the castle
Clouds surrounding me
I can see for miles
But I can't escape this safe haven turned prison
It's impossible to visit but you can break in
If you find your way tell me
How you got in
Cause I'm lost to myself
And need you to tell me
How to be good and true again

So you're  welcome my pretty
To come inside
To the labyrinth of my heart
And ask the question why
It's not the monsters that
Will eat you alive
You'll just get lost
Then bored
Then you'll walk out

So I learned to do it first
To cause less hurt
I learned to be cold and hold it
At the most opportune touching moments

To create that distance I said
To build more walls
To make the maze more complex

And remember the heart's a moving target
Always moving never at rest

So give it your best shot
If you make it in
I'll be there
And I'll give you a chance
Cause I'm always surprised
And you can ask that question
But I'll be honest for a second
That in my whole life
I've never heard a decent answer
But I'm still waiting darling
I haven't forgotten

the wind abused me today
while i was walking home from work
it screamed at me
to get going, move along
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR
it chucked dust in my eyes
and messed up my hair
it was loud and i began to cry
because my mind was also loud
and before i knew it, they began competing
in cacophony
until
i couldn't distinguish the difference between them
all i heard was
you're not good enough no one wants you
your mother doesn't love you you're a failure
waste of space waiting always waiting you're going
to spend your whole life waiting
what a pathetic little girl you are keep walking that's right
one foot after the other keep going don't stop
nothing will turn out how you want it to
you don't deserve anything good you never did you never will
and i just wanted to scream but i couldn't
sometimes i feel like if i'm quiet enough
then the physical silence will be like a lullaby
that will slowly lull the internal thunder
to hushed lightning
but that is rarely ever the case
i hate the wind
i hate this city
sometimes living gets so hard that it's a wonder
we all don't get a million dollar reward for living
through the worst hours, minutes, seconds
of our days
when we get so tired of existing but keep existing
anyway
how do we do it? how do we keep going like we do?
is it bravery or just necessity or just indifference?
i'm so tired
tired of existing
i just want to put ear muffs on and stay underneath
the covers forever
the hardest thing in the world
is being paralyzed with fear of the unknown
and living through it anyway.

I wore a red dress
and you took a picture of me leaning against the house
smoking a cigarette
I said I didn't like my face
you said you did.
that's when I knew.

so I sat on the arm of a chair and you handed me a fan
and asked if I would take it upstairs
it was all yellow light and people spilling beer and
passing joints
and touching each other's legs
I smiled and said yes
and knew you could see it burning in my eyes
just sizzling there, hot
two drops of boiling water hissing on a stove top
never cooling.

I took the fan upstairs and put it in your window
the air blowing the bottom of my skirt
just a little.
and things were still blurry
so it's good that I wanted to close my eyes.
and I did.
and I was reminded of the feeling of another's hands
stroking
holding
restraining
feeling.
really feeling.

in the morning I picked my red dress off the floor
and put my face close to the fan
feeling the air hit the sweat on my cheeks
and on my forehead .
we smiled at each other
and I meant it.
because hands grabbing drunk in a small bed by a window
didn't have to be any more
than just
that.

These things that make you say
Lets go
The same things that make you go
Whoa, whoa
Sinful little pretty girl
Your skin is just Heaven
Think I can take you for a whirl
As long as you promise to keep beggin'

In the night, as the rain hits the roof
You're waiting for me in shadows
All the lights turned down too low
Never knew this is where we would go
There's not an ounce of apology
In your soft, seductive, sex tone
You used to feel ashamed about this
But not anymore because we're alone

Nothing can stop the flow of blood now
Dripping from limbs and into the floor
You're pretty crazy, I won't lie
But when were through it I'm always wanting more
It's all because you are an animal
A being outside of what most people know
When I'm with you I refuse to let go
You're dark power lies within your sheets

I Hate That You Don’t Consider My Feelings.
I Hate The Way You Make Me Feel Small.
I Hate That You Feel Like You Can Just Walk In And Out Of My Life Whenever You Feel Like It.
I Hate That I Let You.
I Hate How You Just Don’t Care About How It Will Affect Me.
I Hate How You Pretend To Like Me When You’re Really In Love With Her.
I Hate How You Use Me. Again, I Hate How I Let You.
I Hate You.
I Love It When You Make Me Laugh.
I Love The Way You Kiss.
I Love It When You Come Over.
I Love The Way You Look At Me.
I Love Whenever I Put Myself Down, You Always Bring Me Up.
I Love It When You Smile.
I Love It When You Do Impulsive Things Because You Just Don’t Care What People Think.
I Love When You Randomly Text Me Or Message Me.
I Love How Smart You Are.
I Love The Way I Am Around You.
I Love How Much Of An Asshole You Can Be To Other People But You’re So Nice To Me.
I Love It When You Hold Me In Your Arms.
I Love It When You Carry Me When I’m Too High To Walk.
I Love Skating With You.
I Love Talking To You.
I Love The Way You Look At Things When You’re Deep In A Conversation.
I Love You.

Screw you too

You don't deserve to be here

You should be under a six foot deep hole

No coffin or casket

Just you under the dirt

Breathing in death

Have fun down there

I'm going to go watch a movie

It's about a girl who kills all liars

They never see it coming

Sound familiar?

I want you to fall apart like I did.
To feel the pain of not having me there.
To look at your phone,
And have to fight every fiber of your being,
To not text me.
I want you to feel empty,
Without me there.
I want you to look outside,
And pretend like I was there,
Then have to realize that I’m not,
And I’m not ever going to be.
I want you to feel the pain of knowing,
That I’m happy without you.
Because that’s what I feel.
I’m falling apart here without you.
And you couldn't be happier with her.
I just want you to fall apart like I am.