ALL good things come to an end.italic
What if I don't want it to end?
Can't we just stay in this
cocoon of childlike happiness
You can't escape the inevitable.italic
If the best is yet to be,
I'm at my best when you're with me.
Why can't we just live for now,
and push all our sorrows
out the back door?
The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt.italic
Pain is unfair.
We don't deserve this.
Because every little thing in my life reminds me of you.
I see you in the books I read.
And the songs I listen to.
In the movies I watch.
Every thought that goes through my head leads back to you.
And I can’t help but think that you are the answer to my problems and the end to the pain.
But thinking like this is a dangerous trap.
Thinking like this gets me hurt.
And I don’t think I can take any more hurt.
Liking someone like you makes me realize that I will never be good enough.
I will never be right and you will always deserve better.
I know I can’t be that for you and I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I’m just a messed up, talentless, ADHD teenager who has no control over my feelings or words.
I’m sorry that I’m not all you want, because that is all I want to be.
But I know there’s no point because you’ll leave me anyway.
Everyone just walks away with no goodbye.
I am always the second choice, the back-up plan, the alternative until you find someone better.
And I’m just tired you know?
I’m tired of trying to put up with all this shit and telling myself that there are only 3 more years till I can leave this fucking state and leave all the pain behind.
But a lot can happen in 3 years.
And over any other emotion, I’m just scared and lonely in this nightmare that I call life.
You took my hand and lead me down
to the deepest depths of my soul
You showed me who I really am
And the things I'm capable of
You forced me to see
Just how hard I could fight
To silence your demons
That hold me so tight
I fight to stay focused
I fight to stay calm
I fight to keep myself sane
I fight to trust people, including myself
And I fight to forget your name
I'll never forget the day I found out
That everything you said was a lie
I'll never forget the feeling I had
Of wanting to curl up and die
The childish games you played with my heart
Left it a broken mess
I fight to forget you ever existed
And release the pain from my chest
I fight to be trusting
I fight to be fair
I fight to forget the pain
I fight for the chance to let myself feel
And I fight to forget your name
Help me to see
Why you did this to me
What about me led you here
I don't understand,
Forgiveness be damned,
Why you worked for all my tears
Maybe some day you'll meet a sweet girl
And she'll make you feel happy and whole
I hope, if you, do she rips your heart out
And shows you the depths of your soul
Then you'll see why the battle I fight
Is a painful and exhausting ordeal
You'll see how numb the pain can make you
And you'll fight just to be able to feel
You'll fight to feel normal
You'll fight to feel calm
You'll fight to keep yourself sane
You'll fight to know why this happened to you
And you'll fight to forget her name
Never giggling again with you
has me frozen in fear
I once had a man in my life
who told me I wasn't hungry
while I was starving
and that I should be a little more fortunate
and think about those who have nothing
while I'm throwing up and throwing away
the one thing we need to survive
but I don't think he understood
how much pressure he put on me
to look the part and act it, too
I guess he never knew
how hard it was for me to hear
that I wasn't hungry, I just "wanted" food
when it was very much the opposite.
With trembling lips she kissed and sealed a letter she wasn't quite sure when she would send.
Tear stained paper and a bit of blood she found her life splattered across a piece of college ruled paper.
There were a few lines explaining her actions and a few lines of apologies.
A few lines about her family and a few lines about her regrets... But most of it was about you.
It was about the way you always told her how she reminded you of sunshine on a rainy day.
How she was pretty in the simplest ways even on those bad days.
How you would never let her go crazy no matter where her mind took her.
You said you wouldn't let her lose her mind till the day you died.
Tears flowed down her face
And she just wasn't quite sure how she got here...
Because you promised her that you wouldn't let her go crazy and here she sits planning the last couple days of her life wondering who she'll send the letter to...
there is a difference
between a father and a dad
a dad is someone who comes home at 6, just in time for dinner
a dad is someone who shows up to every sports game or school play
a dad is someone who loves you unconditionally, through everything
a father is someone who pays the bills, but never comes home
a father is someone who doesn't know his own children, and doesn't seem to mind
a father is someone who should have been there but never was
so yes there is a difference
i have a father
i have a father, but would give anything for a dad
who has single handedly torn me apart
"Dear Diary" I wrote at the top of the page. I've turned to these wretched pages because I have no one else to turn to.
I have been wanting to runaway for sometime now. I have an estranged sense of nostalgia towards places I haven't even been to.
Did you know that you shattered my heart? That a shard of organ lacerated my ribcage? & so I've concluded...
That perhaps one day, when I'm 22, I will cut my hair short and runaway to new york and try to find a big sweet apple they've always talked about
I will disregard my birth name and I will end up tell everyone I meet that my name is Aphrodite, but I am not greek nor am I a lover. I'll write poetry. The good and the bad poetry. I'll write poetry the way you left me, blank eyed and confusing. And if I fall in love again, let him be just like you.
Laugh as sentimental as 100yr old harpist.
Smile as transfixing as a dim star, on a moonless night
Eye's as beautiful as the sun..
But just as the sun, I never could stare to long.
So this is it
People just leave your life
out of nowhere
and you’re supposed to just to
just accept it,
to just be happy,
because the pain of not
knowing isn’t the reason
to be frustrated, confused
or in denial.
You’re expected to just
because that somebody already has
or you have no choice.
Why do you pretend to be
okay, when really you just want to
scream, cry, and just act out.
To be able to move on,
you shouldn’t pretend that
pain takes longer
to heal when you don’t treat it.
Is back and it's not good
They gave me prop 36
Like I knew they would
They give it to you so you fail
And then they get to put you in jail
I asked for a live-in place
And they just laughed in my face
If I could do this on my own
I wouldn't be like this
And they know
But they rather you be in the
System to make them some green
That don't care if you die
Or even OD
I was so ready to do it right
Now I am livid
And of course