I don't know what to feel anymore, thoughts of regret and embarrassment.
All that you told me about how you always felt numb well ma'am
I now feel the same way. an empty feeling, no feeling.
"what are feelings?" Is what I keep asking my self.
Delusions, Anxiety, and Fear of something I already know.
Because of that dream where you rejected me,
And told me you like him better then me.
I know you know who I mean.
Just finish me off already...
Where ya been hiding, lightning bug? Screen doors and porches at dusk are just not the same without you. I heard that song that plays when the wind blows through your tree tops again, a Cyprus chorus, the other night. Just a verse. This one:
"And woman. This is where it all begins. Kissing the door knob before the next turn. And woman. It may be where it ends. Letting the bridge smolder, and smoke, and then burn. Shine on. Shine on. Again."
I love it when your wings sing.
I need my knife back
because my blood is in there
folded up, plus pliars
of cutting ropes
and letting fall
of pocket violence
I need my knife back
I need to further my histories
mishaps, hopeful hurting
to end my hypothetical
I need my knife back
because it is a burden
on you, little bird
the steel cannot steer you
to the right wind.
I need my knife back
because it is mine
that although I share
belong to me.
If you love me like I'm leaving, I won't go.
If you love me like I'll be here forever, you've already lost me.
If you love me like I'm irreplaceable, I'll take to you with the same respect.
If you love me like you do all the rest, I'll step down so you can make your rounds
If you love me like I'm almost close enough to touch, I'll move in closer.
If you love me with a heavy arm around my shoulders, I'll fall to the weight and sink.
If you love me like I'm all you can see within a 100 mile radius, I'll zoom in on you and won't let your gaze go.
If your eyes wander and roam, I'll do just the same-
For I have no time for anything that isn't breathtaking, capturing, engrossing, daunting, exhilarating or exciting.
I'm not asking for perfection, meticulously crafted love and endless adoration.
I'm asking for a fight, for a consistent effort. I'm asking for you to not give up when you already have me.
If you love me like you don't have me, I'll be yours.
If you love me like you have me, I surely will never be so.
I know my age is a factor; I'm too young to have anything that mature or breathtaking. But I find myself disappointed in what I receive sometimes because I want love that lasts and endures. I want something grand and heart wrenching because it's that damn powerful. It's not ideal or realistic but I just want someone out there to look at me like I'm all there is to be seen, and continue to look at me like that forever. To me, that's love. Never giving up, even when you get all you've dreamt of and more. You keep trying for it, fighting. Because love isn't easy, it's not for anyone who isn't willing to try.
Love is daunting, scary, time consuming, laborious, and so much more. But it is SO worth it. I'm just here, waiting for someone that might look for me for 10 years and never stop looking at me after.
It's kind of sad
How I have been here all along
Holding the light for you
To keep guiding you forward
But you keep ignoring my light
Curious for what's in the dark.
You know the dark will haunt you
And bring you troubles you won't see coming
But you walk into the darkness anyway
Still expecting me to know where you've gone,
To know what you've done,
And to follow you regardless
Even if it means dropping the light
Just to hold your cold hands.
But you see,
The dark is a dangerous place
Where even your shadow will run away
So how in the world--
After all I've done for you
Receiving nothing in return
--Do you expect me to stay?
I’ll tell you what this is all about
Show you the side of me that’s hard to see
Try to understand everything
Now it’s been awhile since I’ve been free
And where ignorance is bliss
I’d have to disagree
There’s no ignorance in freedom like this
And the years that pass by
Are just proof that we’ve grown
Who we become is what we have to show
Don't be afraid
What’s hopeless is your hate
Let it go and watch it fade
Once you stop being so jaded
then you can see the light of day
And when you’re in the middle of warfare
Go ahead and say your prayers
Just don’t hold any expectations
Most likely nobody will hear
You can live your life in vain
If you dare
Why don’t you ignore the lies
It’s not all just black and white
For me there is no turning back
So here’s to the past
Let me give you a clue
Honesty never dies
And it’s true
I never go down without a fight
This part of me there is no compromising
If I don't live up to my potential
Then it’s all just down hill
If you’re scared of the dark
Don’t let fear be your trade mark
Today’s the day
I’m headed for an unknown place
And you know what
I’ll be brave
Running is degrading
So I’ll make sure to look this in the face
Don’t look back
when there’s so much in front of you
Don’t hold back
when there’s win and lose
Why did you spend an eternity in the past when now moments spent are few
Why did you fill colors in my life just to now leave me all blue
Why did you make me so addicted to you that now I think of you in whatever I do
Why did you put me in this position where our love cannot come true
God help me forget this precious treasure
Oh how did I arrive to this torture
In this moment I can see clearly
I know you back-stabbed me, you are no longer my friend
You played with my sensitivity
And now you pretend that you never cared, this is the end
I will erase everything about you
Everything you touched and smelled
I am moving on to live without you
I know your love was all pretend
pitch and putt I never worried about
'cause all my drives were long and stout
now off the tee it doesn't fly so far
and all I can do is hope for par
on my card 3's are 4's and 4's became 5
oh how I wish for a 300 yard drive
It's only a game, some say unkind
but it grabs at your heart and messes your mind
it's only a game still others proclaim
front nine was fun the back nine shame
so before I tee, I ask my Lord
just once put my name atop the leader board
so now it's early to bed so I can dream
of birdies and eagles and a jacket that's green
written by my caddy
Sir Duffy Mulligan
There was fresh flowers
on the grave
that Jane showed you
outside the small church
the sun was warm
were just over
the hedge surrounding
you could hear them
munching the grass
and trotting by
unconcerned by death
or the symbols
and Jane said
the tractor fell
on top of him
the other month
at the flowers laid there
bright in the sunlight
a small glass vase
holding a smaller bunch
child picked maybe
they'll have to
move out now
that he's dead
a tied cottage
and you could see
in her features
the tearful eyes
mouth slightly open
broken china pieces
where will they go
the mother and children?
the local council
will house them
she gazed at the grave
and picked up
a small flower
from the nearby grass
and laid it
by the other flowers
God bless him
in His peace
she said softly
over the hedge
a bird called
from the hedgerow
you looked at her
a blue ribbon
in her dark hair
her green top
and black skirt
one of the dangers
she said quietly
she moved away
and you followed
and she held out a hand
and you took it
into the small church
in one of the pews
inside and stared
at the stained glass windows
sunlight pouring in
like liquid gold
the flagstone floor
and pew end
at the front
and her hand
still held yours
life and living
and she and you
in his God's peace
and the cows
munching the grass
and birds calling
the eternal why.
They danced on the steps
Of the first methodist church,
Not caring who watched or
How their young feet hurt.
When the clouds rolled over
The sun and the wind ceased
To be breathing, they
Stopped their tom foolery and
Accepted that life sometimes is still.
They walked to the water.
There they saw the ships bound
Across the waves like rabbits
Or horses through golden tinted field.
They were scared for the sailor's,
The sailor's never knowing they
Were thinking of them at all.
After the water, leaving the sailor's
On their waves, they wandered to
The fishermen's docks, where
Crooked poles and wavering hulls
Stood erect and set pointed to the sun.
These were the men of patience
And respect, feeling death and life
Around them in dualistic harmony.
Because they held no lure or pole,
They watched the masters work as
Masters usually do. The sun trickled
Through thin white cloud and the
Wind pushed the twos hair over brow.
The masters were discontent
In their catch and their day. Their frowns
Showed their failure and they wished
That the cold winter weather
Would soon pass them and go away.
The two thinking of two different things,
Then conversed on where they should
Go to next. One said the tower, where she
Had never been before, and the other said
The park, where he had been many times.
Their differences were their love and
Their love was what kept them entwined.
Just then, in the heat of silent argument, a
Master pulled up hard on his bamboo like rod.
"A catch," the man screamed in his native tongue,
"I've got a catch here! Won't you see! Won't you see!"
The two scurried over to where the master
Stood, their eyes peeled to the end of his line. And
As the man reeled and reeled and reeled, he
Soon did reveal a battered tin can and a weathered old boot.
The master plopped the two on the crooked
Wooden dock, cursing to the God in his mind.
The two picked up the boot and the can and said,
"Thank you" and ran up the salty concrete strand.
As they reached their bus stop, they realized
What they'd done and started to laugh at all
Of their fun. The two giggled and cackled,
Screamed and roared, until the two could no longer
Take anymore. After a minute or two, the sky
Straightened out, turning full blue, so the birds
In the sky who soared and cooed, showed they
Really had no rules they were forced to uphold.
The two agreed for home. When their
Bus appeared, they both felt the same, seeing that
Living together was a much better game.
Tomorrow would be another start, just like
Today was another part of a puzzle never
To be finished, only taken to heart.