Everything happened at once
I didn't expect it to
And I didn't want it to
-- or atleast I convince myself
I didn't want it to --
But here we are
You don't know it yet
But both of our lives are going to change
In just another month
And I'm terrified
I should be happy
But I find myself crying
Everytime I'm alone
And I always thought that finding you
Would fill the hole inside of me
But I don't know if it will anymore
What if it's the opposite?
What if you don't want what I want?
You have already changed everything
And you've done nothing
I'm the one with the knowledge
With the choice
And yet I'm scared
I need so much right now
But I didn't know that the hope
Of loving you
Would make me question
The love I already have
Some things never come to pass,
you never forget them,
you love them forever,
like her intelligent thinking,
the taste of her lips,
her succulent organic-ness,
her soft kisses,
the way she makes you feel
O, I must confess,
I'm a renaissance man.
I love the fine arts,
her strong beating heart,
the way she starts things up
and finishes them.
O, I must admit,
I'm not vegan,
I love her sweet meat,
her line of thinking when
she's lying off her feet,
Nothing to prove, time slowly crawling into my veins,
My lips touch the smoke exiting my mouth,
Morning dew you are I see, Wondering just what is inside of me,
We can joke now about last night...it's our job.
Can you feel it?
Wave goodbye for the night never knows if it lives only once.
Can you see her? Pale perfection, nothing more.
It's all coming back later, so don't you worry about little insignificances and mistakes you made.
You haven't made any mistakes this far;
Can you feel it?
Why don't you show me the way, show me the day;
I've never aged any other way than how I know.
I can feel the power flowing from my closest,
The nearest thing to me is one inside itself.
Me, what I've done, cannot be summed.
Soon as day grows weary, Soon as time closes shop,
The infinite dreams lie ahead.
Over the horizon, it's coming soon;
Can you feel it?
What could happen? What will become of tonight?
What will become of us?
You and I, it's drawing closer to us...the unavoidable.
The sun sets slow but early, the wind growing a dense cold,
The steady silent chill in every November night,
I feel the cold in my bones, I feel the anxiousness in my hands;
cool to the touch
as i allow
to trail down
of your cool skin;
almost like porcelain
to the touch,
you calmed me,
just being in the same vicinity as you
made me suddenly feel
overcome with a sense
and because of this,
i couldn't get enough of you;
i had never in my life
seen anything i regarded
as remotely close to
as beautiful as you were,
causing me place you
on the highest of pedestals,
an insurmountable target
with which i used
every other person;
and none of them did
you complemented a room
made me have to compliment you
for i have nor once
come across something
an untainted work of art
that i fear
will leave my life
sooner than i'd like,
by a stroke
of awful luck
you'd been dropped
many a time
by undeserving people
that didn't recognize
the priceless masterpiece
they once had
to call their own,
to pick up the shattered pieces of yourself
and put them all back together
and while there are scars,
permanent indents and grooves
endlessly reminiscing previous pain,
i am not deterred in my quest
to show the whole world
what a magnificent specimen you are.
and because of this,
i vow to cradle you,
to protect you,
and to love you
and i'll hope, every week,
that you like the flowers
i got for you to hold
(they glimmer well
with the hint of your eyes)
when the light
from the early morning sun
illuminates every corner
of those daisies,
and more importantly,
the beautiful vaselike angel
as if she's the only thing
keeping them from
the rest of the world;
the parts of reality
that don't notice,
that don't realize
and the simple beauty
inside of both of them;
which is why, darling
with your broken past
you fear falling apart
but i promise
to keep you safe
your my work of heart.
Her eyes are small bite pieces of chocolate and I want to call her eye candy but I have stopped objectifying women because I found a woman who is sweet as she is strong.
She grazes my earlobe back and forth until I smile. We are in her bed, tired from lovemaking, happy from lovemaking, indulgent from lovemaking.
Her forehead is touching my cheekbone and her legs have tangled my leg and I hope they stay that way forever.
Her cream colored blanket keeps us warm and secure from the bitter cold of a December Sunday.
She traces her thumb over my lower lip and I tremble with satisfaction. Her hand slips under the blanket and inside my black slacks. She grabs a hold of my penis.
She pushes my head toward her face so that my eyes lock on to her eyes. Those small bite pieces of chocolate melting my soul, making me quiver a pleasure that is immeasurable and nuanced.
my sister thought my mother
had died on her lap.
she walked to the bathroom
inside that depthless hospital hotel.
the putrid smell of life and death
all through-out this concrete heaven
at the tender age of forty-four;
my mothers bones would
carry no more weight.
her gentle heart,
her forgiving mind,
her words so strong
they are forced out
by constricted wind-pipes
and angry words
i glanced down at the cot, where my mommy died
making contact with my mother's pale-blue eyes
she looked at me with the most helpless,
childish face I've ever seen. as if to say:
"he isn't here.. where is he...
where could he be?"
she lived thirty more minutes.
he arrived a few hours later, asking:
"how's she doin'?"
never take for granted,
someone's borrowed time.
hard to place this constant ire rising from ashes of a fire not quite, yet felt
stir into that melting pot the sum of miscellany unknowns
all wrought from the unsweet gifts of quotidian sighs
no need to wrap the present, baby, for it's already here
twinkling in the birth of every moment
we hardly know it nor acknowledge
so busy wrenching pain from secret places the darkness loves to keep
yesterday brought unsought smiles of outer space dust
then space in pushed into the blue spit bubble of crayfish folly
and fear frozen into place on cauldroned cheeks
as tendons pulled fury tight on a cocky bounty's cry
I want to carry that sweet loading joy
which scorches my receptiveness in astringent non reciprocation
I die to please that spangled energy so much
which holds back its cagey kernel, far from my prying hands
I kneel to take in out of the blue blessings
which fall slapdash on this preoccupied trajectory, forever waiting in sozzled hope
I take the package you flash and cast heavy
which leave sweltering whiplines across my insides
all fine, all just a fine melange
beneath your magic fontanelle lies a sunken cache
there are painfully few privy to that miracle
I live in hope of neither looping nor taking
but just to be happy to bear witness to the shiny array of your gem stock
you are like none other, inimitable and hard gemstone (inside)
a mix of purity stirred in crazy, along with star shine and fire sparks
my angel with honey eyes
My smile might be bright,
But my soul is black,
My heart turned to stone
When you stabbed me in the back.
I completely stopped caring,
I don't know why I'm still alive,
I'm dead on the inside,
Yet for some reason I still survive.
All I know is I'm not the same person,
I'm not who I used to be,
You aren't either,
But I still wish you'd come back to me.
They say people change,
And damn, are they right,
But honestly, I miss you more and more,
Each and every night.
Now don't get confused,
Don't let my bright smile fool you,
I seem all put together,
But my heart is still shattered.
Come swim within this broken silence
the raging river inside beckons
the cadences we hear
are the untamed waters spring forth ,
overflowing , borne this beating heart
eroding this ardent heart's shorelines ,
leaving the thrummed edges wild
prevailing currents ,
no longer able to be contained
within the soul’s boundless margins
restlessly lost and lovely ,
I’ll be your earth and you my sky
feel the calming tide
flood in around us
I've been swimming in circles ,
treading water in an eddy of quietude ,
waiting for the world to turn ;
marooned , fighting swirling currents
the shattered places so deep within
how does it feel to be the sky
that bestows rivers' light ?(!)
how does it feel
to be constantly on my mind ?(!)
... what a beautiful piece of heartache
December 5th. 2013
an undeniable chill in the air imbibes your moment ,
... perhaps it is me :)
I have been eating flowers recently and hoping that one day I will be able to restart the garden in my heart that you tore apart. The light will shine again and roses will bloom to the steady staccato beat of my pulse, daisies and sunflowers rising up from the ground to create their own sunrise. Pale pink buds of tulips and bright blue violets will paint my veins with vivid life, the world beautiful again, the air fresher, my heart better.
The more I consume, the less there is of you and more of nature; earth taking over to heal the hurt in my soul. I tell myself this will work, it will succeed eventually; but inside the core of everything there is the pin prick of reality that leads me back to the truth.
For despite everything, I still love you.
First, last, always.