I would rather stick nails in my eyelids than hurt another.
I would rather fall off a cliff than push her off of one.
I would rather write a song about my hate than scream at her about it.
I would rather watch you go with her than try to win you back.
I would rather commit suicide than kill her for my sake.
I do not blame you
for forgetting to tend to these blossoms
within my abdomen.
I’ll trace a shear-warning down your vertebrae,
a danger down your spine:
not to pluck petals from ribcages
& seeds from bone marrow
if you have no intention to nurture them.
We were flashy, sequined, haphazardly careless –
this hurt me the most.
My smile stung, authentically hopeful
but eyes wandered
to other gapped teeth,
and an absence of dimples.
I would strip down
to pale flesh and coarseness,
submerge this love under the reconstruction
of conscious teal
and distill adoration into my ventilation ducts,
mold my lungs
if it meant you would stop consuming
There is an acute pain in my chest,
above my scar tissue
& searching for your sutures
only inflames the scab.
Take me to the hospital, darling, scar me an IV.
ME: She destroyed me and everything that I held onto. She drove me to suicide so many times and she didn't care. She just kept making my world darker and darker and she didn't stop. I tried suicide last night. I'm alone and I can't keep trying to live. I'm honestly done.
NATALIE: What did she do to you!
ME: She took/turned all my friends, even family against me. She bullied and harassed me. She just destroyed me by doing whatever the Hell she wants to with people's emotions.
NATALIE: Don't kill yourself! I'm sorry, was I part of it?
ME: When you were crushing on Kennedy, on her, I knew you would push me away and you kind of did... You're the only reason why I'm still here today. but I know that if I asked you out, you would say no...
NATALIE: Ali I care and love you..... if you hurt yourself that would hurt me too. If I made you sad I'm sorry, really, really sorry.
ME: I self-harm. Have since I was seven... I'm sorry. now you'll hate me because of it.
NATALIE: I DON'T HATE YOU! NEVER WILL! I don't care about your mistakes
ME: But you and I won't ever end up together. Would we?
NATALIE: Why wouldn't we? When do you move ..
ME: I have no idea when I'm gonna move. I'll be here for 9th grade. You're way too good for me anyways. That's why I thought you and I wouldn't end up being a couple. Am I wrong?
ME: So what are you saying???
NATALIE: I'm not sure. Don't take that the wrong way ..
ME: I already can tell that you are way too beautiful, smart, cute and amazing for me. If I told you I loved you more then anything else in the world, you would be weirded out.
NATALIE: No I wouldn't.
ME: Dude, trust me, I'm never going to be with you, you're just being nice to me.
NATALIE: Shut the fuck up. JK. But really...
What does it mean to you?
There is in love a savagery of malapropriation
A seething anger that manifests as a cutting dig
Or passing word to hurt
Thrown out to harm in well placed execution
Often when most vulnerable and justified by misplaced emotion
"You made me"
"You don't understand"
"What dont I understand?"
Well it's neither a lack of communication or love
When an individual feels unlovable by no hand of yours
Often it's a retort to avoid discourse that has no part between you
For the discourse lies elsewhere and not with you
Okey, I understand
I’m not the most attractive person,
and my reserved personality
which would rather listen than to
be the center of attention.
I see the good and in some way
I fall in love with everyone around me
I’ll love the way you smile
or how you talk with such passion
about the things that bring you happiness .
I’ll admire your tears, hurt
and what you show me
that are concealed from others
I love you in one way or the other.
a call to arms:
the weary trumpet gurgles loudly and the two broken soldiers lie in bed,
ammunition in arms' reach
boots by the door across the room
love is sweet, bitter, sour, salty
it does not stop at gentleness
it does not stop at joy
it restlessly pummels its way through every facet, pattern, hurt and habit
it does not discern nor does it rest, such as the ocean (of which can be a metaphor for basically anything and yes I take full advantage)
simultaneously playful and merciless
in love vs. on top of love
surfing its waves like a pro but fall in and drown, like teaching a puppy to swim.
it tightens in my chest, it burns as I try to navigate through this foreign love I'm supposed to be made of, it's supposed to be the ar I breathe, isn't it, what binds us all together
if we weren't so afraid of drowning then maybe we'd discover that we can breathe underwater
amphibious like the best of 'em
Truth - That trifling curse.
Once you ignore it, it goes,
When you believe it, it shows,
You the soul of the being,
That stands before you.
You are capable of seeing,
The person that IS true,
To you and only you,
And to deny the truth shining through,
You risk the need to start anew.
But what are you to do?
Swim the ocean, blue?
Say adieu to the truth?
Destroy all that grew between us two,
Until all is burnt,
And I’m left clawing at the rubble,
Searching for you...
And you accrue some new friends,
Some straight up ‘true’ friends,
That will never try and unleash the real you,
That will only make you do what they do,
That will ‘cheer up’, cover up and conceal you,
That will always restrain, contain and enslave you,
That will always...That will never...truly...love you...
Not the way I do...
I love the real you - The face behind that mask.
None will ever take up the task of,
Reversing all the hurt you felt and allowing you to FLY FREE.
The task is too difficult, and it is plain for all to see,
Because first YOU must open up to the possibility,
That someone can love you for who you really are!
Not just the bits that you let them see.
You can’t believe that this is the happiest you can be
There IS more out there.
More to like.
More to love.
More to FEEL.
But it’s hard to feel when you hide inside a shell of yourself.
I tried to make you happy,
But obviously I can’t. I was foolish to try.
Only you can make you happy - by being your true self,
Then...if you want...please...be true to me...
Why do I give you this hold on me?
I've let you in year after year, and you say I'm in your world too.
Yet the facts point to something else.
You hide from me. You put limits on what we are and what we could be.
You lie. Good intent or ill will has yet to be determined,
however, to me, a lie is a lie. And you know that.
You act as if I'm just a side show in your life.
Something that can be there for your entertainment if the main event isn't what you hoped for.
I'm a distraction.
And I can feel it.
The one willing to do anything for you is the one you want the least.
It's a curse I've put on myself by waiting on you hand and foot for years.
Unnoticed and underappriciated.
The little recognition I get comes few and far between.
You say I'm everything you want,
but actions speak louder than words.
So far, your actions have hurt
a deep soul wrenching pain of questioning inside my heart.
"Why her and not me?
She doesn't treat him well.
She isn't there when he breaks."
But in the end, she is the one he'll run to.
Many promises I receive,
never bother to get any written, on paper,
as this is a continuous marathon one after the other.
If your eyes tell me that they love me, I believe, that's enough,
for the elation I need to take me forward, till the end of this road
Come with me for a distance , I'd love you for eons, for those moments,
our affinity remains mutual, till the story reaches the point of culmination.
All long journeys have moments of excitement, love and disappointment,
don't you feel your heart hurt on seeing that teardrop on the corner of my eye,
I have seen the same clouds of pain, in your skies though you tried to conceal,
Someone greets at the end, where one hangs the horn, needs only a drink of water and falls.
Thank you very much, sincerely HP friends, each and every one!
I feel stronger than i did last week
even though my body feels broken.
My heart is beating slower than usual
but i can keep running faster than
rain can fall from the clouds.
My eyes can't see as sharp as they used too
but everytime i see your face
it's clearer than the skies on a spring day.
Ny legs seem to drag each step i take
but when you start to walk towards me
I lift each leg as though it doesn't hurt.
My arms can't lift groceries anymore
but when you wrap your arms around me
they fall unto you without any struggle.
My past is scars inside and out
but when you're around
it doesn't exist.
The scars i see
every morning i wake up
and every night i sleep
with them caressing me.
Never forgotten shall they be.
Replaced with your face
every morning i awake
and every night i sleep with you
Never forgotten shall you be.