What is hope?
Hope is believing that I can finish the bottle.
Telling myself that I can stomach each sip of wine,
Holding the pen when shaky hands disagree,
Until I finish writing this line.
Just for once I'd like to hear good news when I wake.
Like, 'Payday was early.'
So that I can afford to put food on my plate.
For the next few days, at least.
Hope is convincing myself that I can meet someone,
To whom I can relate.
To plant seeds with,
So memories can bloom.
But if a person like that came into my life tomorrow,
It would be too soon.
My friends and I jam and tell stories,
Into the early hours of the morning.
Anything we can to reach a euphoric state,
I don't need drugs, anymore.
I only want a nice girl to date.
sank low on our
a four-day hike
from any civilization.
Earlier in the week,
Julio had guided us
into the secret-sacred place
to meet the medicine man.
This place was abundant
they topped the cactus tops.
Our intent was to
commune with the gods,
float outside our bodies,
intoxicate our minds
with ancient wisdom,
to learn more
about the creation.
It wasn't long
after the wretching
that things began to change.
Warm sweat streamed
down my brow,
became more astute
by the minute,
which seemed like hours.
a lone wolf howled with glee,
the stream nearby spoke
Horned toads surrounded us,
grinning with the
council of Gila monsters
who had joined them.
The moon danced
with our campfire,
stars sent divine-code.
I had transformed,
had become a coiled-rattler
with venom-filled fangs.
I rapidly shook my tail
with a deadly-tune
to warn the others,
who were enjoying
My skin was
rippled with scales,
covered with diamonds,
cold blood circulated,
flooded my soul.
I was kin to the kings,
the kings of the serpent world,
had become one with the universe,
I've never felt the same
since that cosmic-ethereal evening,
it seems like a millenia ago.
I meet other kings,
other kindred spirits,
slithering in human-form
upon God's Earth.
Nobody knows where the Ragman goes
In the wee, small hours of the morn,
When he’s taken the dray with your rags away
Through the pin-point eye of a storm.
He came to stay while you were away
And your sister gave him your dress,
The one with the dreams and the bright sequins
Sewn in to the lace at the breast.
She said that you wouldn’t be needing it
Since your dreams have faded to dust,
When all those hundreds of bright sequins
Were dimmed, and turning to rust,
But the Ragman knew that he’d capture you
If he made away with your dreams,
And sits unpicking your party dress
With a razor blade at the seams.
Your sister Grace has a second face
That she turns when she’s not near you,
In a zealous, jealous and carping place
That she keeps well hidden from view,
For nobody gives her a second glance
While she schemes and dreams and plots,
To plant your beauty deep in the ground
With a host of forget-me-nots.
Don’t peer too long from the balcony,
Don’t stand too long at the edge,
She’s loosened the rail you lean upon
And thrown the bolt in the hedge,
A sudden rush and a simple push
Will send you a long way down,
While she prepares her look of despair
As they plant you there in the ground.
I’m only a menial footman here
But my love is stamped on my face,
I’m going to track the Ragman down
And bring him back to this place,
I’ve seen his dray by a cottage door
In the forest of chills and frost,
And seen the women he buys and sells
Who wander the forest, lost.
Your sister sips on a nightly draught
As she sits and watches the Moon,
Plotting to see the end of you,
I know that it’s coming soon.
I’ll drop a potion into her drink
And tie her up in a sack,
Then throw her up on the Ragman’s dray,
She’ll never be coming back.
He’ll take her deep in the forest there
To the caves of unshriven souls,
Then put her up on the auction block
And sell her to one of the trolls.
The bolt is back in the balcony rail
And the potion’s in her drink,
The Ragman’s dray is coming today
And your sister’s at the brink!
David Lewis Paget
It comes every so often between
the hours of two and four.
They are usually filled with fog, but
this one is clear.
Its transparency resembles that of
the deepest part of the sky.
It is here where he stares at me.
His smile radiates every corner of the small sky, and
he sits there, curious, filled with anticipation.
It begins to fall apart, and just like the
cracks in our skin,
It won't be mended.
In the end, the fog always returns, but I
can still catch his smile.
I can still feel his hair,
ruffling with the non-existent wind
and it's only here where he always
decides to stay.
If I am lucky and fate allows, in my dreams I sometimes fall in love. The man is a mystery; a stranger of my mind's creation, with a name and face I cannot recall.
I awake disoriented, bathed in a warm and breathless afterglow.
I squeeze my eyes shut, try to chase the feeling, jump back into the world I left. Like paper touched by flame, the surreal emotion is singed at its edges by reality as I become alert and trudge on.
The experience quietly resides in the back of my mind, tugging at me for hours.
"What's on my mind? The same thing that's been on my mind since our first blessed encounter... the day we met. There is nothing I want more, and nothing I wouldn't give... but not out of greed or lust or obsession. but out of pure and honest love. I want her... no... need her. She's the air that I breathe, yet now I feel so breathless. Poisoned by torturing pleasure, sweetened by blissful pain. She is my life." -Y.M.
Why do I cry? Is it because you'll never know? Is it because I can't tell you everything that's deeply carved in my mind and in my heart? Or is it because I know that even if I did it wouldn't make a difference?
For her are the tears that slowly roll down my face, gently resting on the corners of my quivering lips. For her are the countless hours spent reminiscing. Hers are my every thought, every effort and every intention of my days. For her is my breath. For her is my heartbeat. For her is my very soul. She is my everything, for she is all that I am and all that I lack. For her I cry every night. I have met my demise.
"Trying to forget her is like trying to forget vital functions... Forget how to walk, talk, breathe. It's simply not possible. So I stay here and wait. Forever if I must. Forever is a long time, but whats the point of living if it can't be with her? My heart will never be at rest until it is with its other half, even if it does take forever. Forever waiting for my life to begin. Forever waiting to complete my soul. Forever waiting to love you forever." -Y. M.
on our first date
you held my hand through the corn maze.
as we were getting lost in the stalks of corn
i was actually getting lost in you,
in the way your fingers felt curled next to mine,
in the deep bass of your voice,
in the way you could never remember which pocket your keys and phone were in.
i have never felt happier than i did when we made it out of the maze
and both agreed that it was too early to go home,
that we wanted to stay together a little longer,
and so we sat
for three hours just talking about everything.
i could sit and talk to you for hours
even if the topic is boring, it becomes endlessly fascinating
when the words are coming from your mouth.
i want to learn more about your uncle
and how he was called betty crocker as a kid because he baked so much,
i want to hear about the things you are building in robotics,
i want to know everything about you.
i feel happy and comfortable around you and
want nothing more than to be with you,
standing next to you,
our hands intertwined,
facing the world together,
Today, I can stop writing.
Yes, she took me back. Yes, I am all hers again. And she's all mine. :)
This letter will be a renewal of my promises. That I will commit the rest of my lifetime to prove to her that I have changed; that I have become a better person for myself, for her and for us. That we will not go through the same pain we did because of my previous mistakes; that she will never get hurt for the same reasons all over again... Better yet, I promise that I would do everything so that she will never get hurt. I may not be able to promise that we will never face any hardships, trials or challenges, but I can promise that we will face them together... and that we will hurdle and triumph through them hand in hand and come out stronger. I promise that we will always be transparent to each other, airing out our feelings, emotions, fears, joys and everything else in between... For we want every detail of our stories to be shared to one another. I promise to always be by her side; sometimes we may not be physically together but in my own ways, and in the best ways I can think of, she will never feel alone. I promise to be my very best for her, to always be inspired in everything I do because of her. I promise that both of us will be able to do what we want or we love, without judgments or restrictions... For I will respect and accept every detail and part of her. Yes, we may talk over things and compromise, but changes done in our lives will never be a sacrifice but rather a choice - that I choose to do or not to do something because she is more important and that she is valued more than my wants. I promise that we will both explore our greatest potentials, and that I will be her best ever supporter - that whatever career path or life decisions she may have, I am with her 100%. I promise to keep our imagined black, white and red themed house clean and orderly (once we finally afford and invest on one) because I know she wants it that way. I promise to always be beside her when she needs me, or be out of her sight if she needs her alone time or space... For real love is not just about the number of hours or days being physically beside each other, but rather, about every second that our heart beats in sync for each other wherever we may be.
And my list could go on and on... And maybe I won't be stopping writing for her. Because everyday, words spill out of my heart out of awe and happiness that yes, she has taken me back.
And I am never messing up this time.
Thank you, Anne. You will always be loved. :)
Yours, for the rest of your lifetime,
Guarded I am now for there is an empty presence surrounding me
It whispers in my ear. Grabs the memories and scatters them all around.
Hours it wasn't before this presence manifested before me.
It walks towards me with a smile, with open arms, with a nudge
Only to dissipate, leaving a sadness to cover me as it's residue
Leaving me to head to the restroom
To get in a stall
To close my eyes and cry
Sometimes when the ones we love leave, a part of them stays to remind us
To torture us
To love us
To make their memory survive but do they know how much it hurts to know that
the Presence will always remain but never the real person?
Shaking arms and legs
My hands are numb
I'm happy again
Sparkling finger tips
A smile across my eyes
The moons setting outside
Beyond broken windowpanes
The leaves are lit with the Summer Sun's glow
The trees are dancing with a job well done
A few hours earlier there were kids screaming
Running from each other and
From something they don't understand yet
With the sun casting warmth and light
Down high from the horizon
A warmth they'll need later in life
They ran on making the memories
3 will remember and 1 will forget
Ending his life just a few years later
But today, for now at least
Graced in Summer's atmosphere
Young, effervescent, resolute
Playing, smiling and laughing
As I once have in my days
So I smile, spectating, enjoying
Upon the Setting Moon
And the Glowing Sun
That they won't lose it
Like I have,
They're young and naive
Lord don't let them squander it away
At such a young age