The day sets sudden into summer shimmering
blind beasts patchy and lost
wander hopelessly along the tarmac trails of rubber foot caravans.
My mind races rancid thoughts forward
the winner takes all
that winter melancholy waving funeral flags at the finish line.
I'll bite down my teeth on the metal masculinity
and taste holiday nostalgia:
fireworks just past dusk,
that mixture of sulfur and black powder,
I can't keep on like this,
knees shaky from miles measured in ruby minutes.
I'll eat this city whole,
carbon emission load before my final marathon.
These teeth will shine down like symmetrical clouds in the sky
my mad mans brittle grin.
I used to wish:
for finer living in laps of luxury;
for nights wrapped in silk, sweat, shine, and infamy;
for heavens gates to open pearly white to golden streets for me.
Those days have lost their charm
beaten dreams that bellied up
and showed their starving guts.
Submitted and laid down
with their tails tucked between legs
and panting for mercy
my dreams play bottom bitch to realities sadistic hand.
As for now;
Hope I can hold the fire in my hand
to burn my life and this city to the ground
the pile of ashes will bare no souls return.
That silent hour,
I want to be alone and involved
in the fashion of dogs.
I'll wander off alone to the trees.
My brittle ribs showing
the silent cage of my black and tired heart.
The trees will whisper their names to me
as my spirit shakes their shining leaves in rising.
Goodbye you lion;
your angel face was as quiet as ever,
slack and pale under a harvest moon.
"Sometimes I wonder if anything is actually real at all... or if it's just me"
" I mean... I doubt anything is real, and even if it is... I don't think any of it has any purpose."
"Ya? Like its all in our imagination... just a big shitty joke."
" Even if it...the world - reality; does exist; in a physical, permanent, sense, It's still all a matter of perspective on why it - or what it - (it being reality) is to you. It changes from person to person, and if you don't like it: you can change it. Which makes it seem even more like... it isn't real..."
"I just wish there was a purpose... I wish I could find a reason for my life."
"No one ever will, I don't think it's possible. The wish for reason, for a light at the end of the tunnel, is the ultimate weakness of man... but it's also the ultimate strength: it's all gratuitous - it's progress - sadness. The search for purpose is a lesson in futility... taught by hope."
" I think... I think I'm just... just tired"
"It is late"
"No, no not like that, not like physically, like of the way things are going, I'm just fucking tired of life."
"I am too... I think everyone is on some level. At least till you reach denial... or acceptance... or the ability to be oblivious - Life is a week of insomnia in an eternity of dreamless sleep - In the end none if it matters. I think if there is a purpose me and you will never be able to find it, we're only humans: we get tired, we get confused, scared, we misinterpret signs, we're filled with error. If we did find a purpose it'd be filtered through our perception, applicable to no one el-"
"You just passed the only store."
"... Sorry... I was too busy paying attention to you."
"Its ok, I didn't need it anyways. It was just an impulse thing."
"Impulses should be acted on though. You don't have much time for procrastinating, and you have to do it now because you never know when your numbers punched."
I pull up slow to the front of your house
we say goodbye
and god do I want to reach out and grab you
want to hold you - and not let go
and tell you I know the reason
Its an urge that spreads energy through my limbs from a pit in the bottom of my stomach
like it's going to shake me or tear me apart.
I want to kiss you,
but I just drive away slow
and contemplate how utterly useless everything really is.
I was torn between the worlds of a dream
and the awakened life
Tonight... I feel torn.. I am torn apart..
why does it have to be this way?
torn apart by time and space why?
Thiis isn't how it was meant to be when our hearts became entwined
we could not foretell that this thing was to be
Torn apart like a photo ripped in two,
one half being me and the other being you
I don't know why fate has dealt this hand
I only know the way I feel the pain thats in my mind
I see your tears inside my head
but can't kiss them away, I feel so helpless
Please give me a choice,
Please give me hope to survive
Struggling for a life
Struggling for a future
It was never clear
It was to be torn apart….
Your eyes never shine anymore,
your smiles are fading away..
All hopes are broken apart..
All joy is broken from the core.
Once I had you in my arms but you were torn away
Once I had you in my arms but we were torn apart
When was the last time I saw you
We've been long overdue
Losing our time to talk with each other
You've been locked up by your mother
I wonder what girl I’ll be talking to
It sometimes felt old and new
I guess I deserve the bad side
Our love, we shared had died
What can I do but listen to the pain?
I’ve never felt so much shame
Maybe if I write you one happy story
You’d feel a little bundle of glory
Recognizing the good I can do
You never came to appreciate the new
I felt so alone and cold
Maybe happiness will help the old
Hoping one day you’d read it
Just feeling one ounce of bright lit
Sharing that old soft smile of yours again
I hope you enjoy the tales
I write these under tired pales
Endless nights of rewrites
Kind of like spiraling kites
Tangled up and floating away
Every day, day after day
I write a hundred words down
There is no better way for a king and his crown
The truth is I write because of you
You never make feel so blue
I’ll sit here at these keyboards
Trying to hold onto all of these musical chords
This is my best way of showing I love you
But all of this will come to drown
This is just my wishful spirit typing these memories down
I got attached to you because you
You understood me
On levels other people never could
You cared for me
You saw the scars and you
I mean.. In the metaphorical sense
You didn't actually but you made me promise that i would never ever do that again
That I would fight the urge
No matter how hard it got
And I loved you
because you loved me when I couldn't love myself
And I wonder to myself now if that might have been the only reason
But I really don't think it was
I remember when I leaned over to you one day and asked what you would do the day I killed myself and you replied
You won't and if you do then I'll go to
But .. I knew right after you said that it was a lie.
One of those
That you selfishly want to be true,
It's nice to think someone could love you so deeply that they really couldn't live without you
But as I sit here now ready to jump..
I sure hope that
Beautiful little lie
I wish I was still six
Life was so easy
My only worries were losing crayons
Or running out of games to play
And having recess be cancelled
Because it was raining too hard
I'd even go back to when I was eleven
Because life was pretty easy
And my worries were losing friends
Or running out of people to hang out with
And having parties cancelled
Because who would even come?
It's far from easy
I worry about losing hope
Or running out of excuses of why I'm failing classes
And having plans be cancelled
Because its weird to have long sleeves on in the summer
You're present when I hear this song.
As if the moment in time
and futures unknown
One hears the sound of water
that you hold so dear.
Washing away regret
and all that you fear.
Its rhythm flows
over worn thresholds,
to sand life's splinters
and to level down time.
Just as you ebb
from your story's past
to contain its pain,
you propel past rocks
and aspire to climb.
Its tempo is buoyant, upbeat, urgent.
As your gifts to others becomes
Its tone is carefree, deep and abundant.
Your voice sharing its
The song takes its time to bring us through.
As you unveil the vibrance of your colorful view.
As you savor today's moments,
seek it significance,
C. . .
I hope you
like this song,
Oh, I hope I got it right.
I felt your presence,
heard this song,
wrote this poem,
Some days when I am busy and tied down
I meet your smile with a frown
You want to tell me about your day
I say, “Later”, and you go away
You want to show me something you made
Wait, I say, and forget instead.
You want me to join in your songs and rhyme
I say “Not now, I do not have time”
I convince myself I am doing my best
By providing you with a cozy nest
I drown the guilt thinking time will stall
Some day I will fulfill your dreams, big and small
I just hope that the time will come
When you'd understand..
I don't purposely do what I am doing...
I also hope that if only one day ..
One day that I might not be so busy..
I would spend the whole day..
Just by being with you...
America, the beautiful
Home of the brave
Or so it used to be
Before it became
Home of the selfish and lazy
From sea to shining sea
Once a cape of good hope
Until the tidal patterns shifted
And eroded the shores
Of her dignity
Born American, patriot by choice
Is how the saying goes
But what's a patriot really
If patriotism is measured
By the size of one's collection of faded bumper stickers
(As if bumper stickers would revive us)
Land of the pilgrim's pride
But on this trajectory
We'll soon be
Land of the pilgrim's regret
From every mountainside, let ignorance ring
I cringe to think of what we're reduced to
A hollow shell
Made of fashion and fake money
Nothing keeping us truly alive
Each generation weaker than the one before
Please, no more.
Someone speak for all that's good
Do what our leaders never could
My country, 'tis of thee
I plead, awaken, open your eyes, and see.
Day three of my A Poem A Day project. Written 5/16/2013.
He wields his hammer
time and space
e x p a n d i n g
crushing metal to earth
to vibration to sound
my head snaps to the left
vibration through earth
through atom through drum
a fire ignites...a fire BURNS...a fire smolders
apertures contract straining to focus
heart valves pump unnaturally
oxygen is scarce
and i s
arms of steel
guide my hips...
strands of gold
brush my neck
(open your eyes)
kisses so light
turn to a force of nature
(by the forgotten gods,
you are beautiful)
teeth playfully snap
(breathe, woman, breathe)
our neurons are mirrored
our pheromones agree
your cape is irrelevant
the crimson does not impress me
you do not need it to take flight
your armor is useless
i can pierce it simply
with a look from my blue eyes
what of your hammer, Thor?
it is all of what you are;
heavy with burden
spinning and light with hope
crushing the earth with music
raised high to lead
with a steady hand
hailing a booming storm
be assured - your hammer is your own
i do not desire to take what is yours
to smother your light
to limit your branches
i only wish to see you grow in strength
and so i will wait...
for the thunder of the hammer
crushing the ground
calling me home.