If you would tear my clothes open
on my chest you will see
a never ending hole
in a silhouette of you.
People are like the books
Some are easy
And as the book we love
Always at hand
Some we never open
Or try to understand
With some we share
The best of ourselves
Some remain forgotten
Like a dusty book on a shelf
You were my favorite book
Full of wisdom and beautiful tales
And when you died
You helped me to learn
To let go
The hardest lesson in life
You took a piece of my heart
Leaving behind a painful hole
Our time together left an imprint
Of love and gratitude on my soul
We shared happiness and joy
Heartaches and pains
But the lesson you taught me
In my heart remains
it visited again tonight
that black hole in my heart
with each day.
I'm a day
from everyone else
Five sweet memories,
before I can unwind my thoughts,
before I can calm the world,
And justify my afflictions,
The bullet that heals the wound,
Overly aware of my spine twisting on the crooked mattress,
Five. We’re sitting on the bench in his backyard.
I’m too nervous to move.
His words are rushing together in my mind,
but I nod gently anyway.
Gazing at the night sky as he unwinds his past to me.
He laughs, I laugh.
He lays his head on my shoulder,
letting his soft hair press against my neck.
I try to stop time,
Like a philosopher aching to solve the mysteries of human misery,
I have found pure truth and beauty,
but to no avail, time is a burdenous bitch
We are hiking in the desert.
We climb rock after rock, yet my joints feel nothing.
He points out the best footing for me, and despite being an avid hiker,
I follow along, pretending to be grateful for his instructions.
At the top of the cliff, we sit on smooth stones.
Lightning strikes in a far off storm. We ooh and ahh at each blast.
Flash. A glimpse of his eyes
Flash. His lips
I turn towards him and he turns to me. Our eyes light with each strike, but the stare holds.
And despite the flashes, we are cast in the darkness of our locked eyelids
Our locked lips
The lightning mixes with city lights and all is bright for a split-second
The numbness wears off, letting us realize the desert has become frigid.
We race down the mountain, returning to our normal selves.
Three. He hands me an old putter.
I laugh. He can’t be serious.
He pulls out another and begins stuffing golf balls into his pockets.
Shh, he whispers.
He grabs my hand and leads me behind the house.
We climb the fence and land ourselves on the 6th hole.
He pulls me onto the green and drops two balls.
Ladies first, he chides.
Little does he know, I’ve taken many golf lessons
I win the first round.
And the second.
He wins the third.
Two out of three, I declare.
He mumbles, what do you want?
I press my cheek to his, wrapping my arms around his waist.
Our lips touch.
It’s six o’clock on a Tuesday night.
I am tired from work, putting the finishing touches on my homemade pizza.
As I slide it into the oven, I hear the doorbell ring.
My brother calls my name.
I try to pace myself to the door, but I feel as if I’m doing a full out sprint.
I open the door.
Orange roses hide his face, and I am the happiest girl in the world.
One. The night is bittersweet.
We spoon on the couch, holding each other as tight as possible.
His soft stomach in the small of my back
I listen to his chest, trying to memorize the pattern.
I try to take in the small details.
But no, time has never been my friend, and soon we are standing by my car as I try not to cry.
He places his arms around me and pulls me in closer.
I know I should go.
I know this might make it worse, he stutters, but I love you.
And I love him.
And it’s over.
I am trying to fall asleep in a hot, cramped room,
knowing that for every thought I think of him,
I am 1,000 thoughts further from his mind.
I can feel the colours running
I search for the right words but nothing's coming.
My face is clear,
apart from the burn of a cigarette
and the traces from your finger tips.
This is relationship terminology
and it's tearing a hole inside of me.
Perfectly painted fishes that line your bathroom walls
and the cold yearning of a sinking ship calls.
Now I'm alive,
but some thing's never change
and what I have is incredibly strange.
It's this smile,
it shines and it aches.
Let me run until my feet begin to bleed,
because I have you and that's all I'll ever need.
I don't need something to believe in,
because my only belief is collecting dust,
and the second you cry is the second you start to rust.
We call them lies because they were never true,
and now I'm soaking with the fact that my 8 pound head
is full of over 100 pounds of you.
I have these scars on my heart, my hand and my back
I'm writing your name like it is the alphabet
Carved on my back
making me bleed and feel like crap.
Trying to make you permanent
although you never will be
You always disappear before I can get a hole
You were never there when I needed you the most
You left me there, lying on the cold floor
You promised you wouldn't hurt me
or never ever leave me.
Why did you go?
You promised me.
I should have known,
should have listened to the people that were there for me.
I gave myself to you.
I thought you were the one.
It makes me scream
makes me cry
makes my head hurt
makes me want to die.
I trusted you
I loved you
I gave you my all.
But you were there long enough to take it
and watch me fall.
I love you,
I hate you.
I need you,
I don't want you.
You used to be the sunshine
but now you are the lightning that strikes
and pains me deep in my heart.
And that's how I'm going to die
By being broken inside.
Burned out Star Child
Born again a black hole
Injected arms race for ignorance
Fighting back bliss
Track marks the X
Centered on infinite loops of addiction
It's time to battle them off
run out the gamut
right into the gauntlet
A new discipline
in dreams of being dominated
Where the moon maps out the sky
Submission to a new archetype.
I'm in a hole
dug by my own lover.
He left me here
and now it's become a cold tunnel.
He put me here so I wouldn't know
but down here I'm dying slow.
He told me it was out of love
but he lied because he is incapable of love.
The sunlight burns through me
even though I can not see
I am blinded by madness
surrounded by silence.
I'm going crazy
the world is closing in.
I can not breathe
can't you see?
A thousand pieces my heart broke into
a while ago when I had you,
but you took one too many
and now that it´s all together
the hole is there
of the pieces you took.
never will it be
what it was before you.
The pain remains,
the memories haven´t left
and my heart cries everytime
somebody says your name,
for you to come back
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
Author: The Wachowski Siblings
Actor: Laurence Fishburne