I felt cold air biting at my ankles
while I caught a glimpse of you across the street
I don't know if I was prepared
to see you holding her hand.
I wanted to count the seconds
to see if you dropped hers as fast as you did
why do you have to be
so goddamn beautiful.
I can't help thinking
that you keep her so you can have someone to own.
The opportunity to sculpt her mind
with a new language
to carve out new shapes for her eyes with your tongue
in more ways than one.
It's selfish of me.
I just long for you still
when I remember
in some bittersweet way
the nights where you looked at me
like I was delicate.
Now our eyes repel one another.
just once more
look at me with your lips
and kiss me with your eyes.
I want to feel something again.
Petals land on dancing ripples,
echos of tiny drops,
each holding stories of
Tiny circles of consequence cross and intertwine
Like two inconsistant lovers,
Crashing and fleeing in beautiful chaos.
Can we come and go so easily?
Each life touched will forever be changed,
The ripples left warped and inconsitant when we go.
But with each new drop, the ripples strengthen, whole again, for a moment more.
Follow through the flow of time as one becomes another.
Kindness through a single drop can change the way another lands.
And such, we shape the future.
O'er these puddles we will tread,
A waltz to celebrate the time we have.
Our days a short and living thing,
Intertwined in rings.
i was so afraid of losing you
ihat i held you tighter
but i was so afraid of holding you
that i lost you
i don't know what i'm doing with my life, so i'm holding onto little things and i'm sorry if you're one of them
Trust is dead and gone
Buried like the corpse of the girl next door
Headless body holding no secrets
The smile that thrills me is the smile that kills me
With the eyes haunting my waking, my sleep
Such beauty held in the petri dish
To kiss the headless corpse of trust
To taste the bitter burn of lust
I die inside with every thrust
The knife in my back, the gun to my front
Coffee Shop after Club 16 Fitness
listening people assaying the content
of the messages, against the background of noises
like layers,voices upon voices,
but there is one voice, holding court with herself,
staring through the floor at my feet, finding oneself,
I would hope,
among the chorus in the coffee shop,
among the chorus in her conversation,
under her white and blue striped scarf,
her wrinkles cause twinkles at the corners of her very sad eyes,
if she had stopped talking even for a second, I would have been surprised.
The erosion of her has begun her cheeks have permanent fissures where
the tears and rivulets have run for ages.
Her small frame and skirt fill the chair,
as it seems there are others there,
she is so lonely and alone, her skin
tone fits the surroundings well,
how long she will talk, time will tell.
I wasn't rude and did not eavesdrop or interrupt,
I am sure that would have meant an abrupt
halt to her flow, of prayer for ones like me, a by product,
of my own invention, as she resembled Mother Theresa,
with her conviction of non-stop prayer, from her chair.
I question the laws which are shared among our youth during these hard times; we have no great war, no question that burns the nations to their knees blaring. We simply have our poverty and power, our endless struggles and our eating disorders.
We are the nation of winners and runners; we are the hypocrites of our father’s religion. Welcome to America, so jam packed with fast foods and cigarettes that you can hardly taste the reality before it has bombed you down.
And then there’s you, and you’re sitting there, staring at the screen… laughing at the mother with the black and white face have her daughter slaughter and eat her, and I’m laughing to, trying to hide the little girl inside me screaming.
“Kiss me,” I’ve had enough broken hearts and sleepless nights to know what it means to have a hand to hold and a body to cling to when the street lights flicker and people ponder about your past.
Talk to me, open your mouth and share with me the secrets of your mother, tell me what tragic car accident brought you to this position and how far you’d run to hold her hand. Question my beliefs and my relationships. Chose kind words over replaceable concerns, fight for my attention, and question my devotion. I want to watch movies with you, discuss some kind of universe beyond my mind, and our boundaries, hold me close while the lights in the theater are dim we’ll dance behind the stage. The lights will be our stars, predict my future with your soft hands and gentle grin.
Because you’re a stranger, I can get away with wanting, because you’re new to me, I can fantasize, holding your hand in mine, resting my head on your chest, listening to your heart beat as you sleep.
Because I’m alone tonight, I can fondle a thought, fish for a chance to be on my own with you. Tell me something; open your mind to the possibilities of me and you.
Of course, all this is wasted on time, and I’ve tried to send you signals, I want to be your friend, I want to talk to you into the late hours, stand in the midnight man’s circle sweating, calling out into the darkness, sharing songs and secrets until the dawn shatters our dream.
Then the bell rings, and you move, get up and leave, go outside to smoke, and my mind goes blank, the thoughts and dreams of the tomorrows that we could have spent together have disappeared, into nonentity. The audacity of my fantasies have brought me nothing, so I move back to questioning the laws which are shared among the youth of these hard times, and I am shaken into a reality of obesity and anorexia, of Christians and Muslims fallen in line with the atheists, I don’t mind, because tomorrow, we’ll meet again and I’ll smile and you’ll nod, and I’ll dream while you giggle.
"We're still doing this right? This whole band fiasco...we're still a band right?"
"I can't say things and mean them any longer, nothing's really clear. I can't trust myself enough to tell you the answer. These monsters, like night tremors, holding me up from my bed. Between my sheets and the cold, metal springs of the mattress. It's terrifying.
Every time you create something, it brings you closer to the end.
Now there's ringing in my ears, but the pain's so far away. And from sulking all these years, the head ache's like second nature. We're not living any longer, just the shadow of ourselves. When your consumed by a monster, you're the one who goes to hell.
And climbing from the ditches clutching blood-soaked dirt in your hands. You can't help but fall back down, sinking slowly to the bottom and you hear-you hear screams of agony from the whole right next to yours. But you still think there's a way out and you start climbing up again.
They're still holding me up as if I'm in the palm of a God. He's speaking directly into my conscious, telling me all of my worst thoughts. He knows the language of my imagination and the bonds that hold it together. He starts unlacing the stress knots and they collapse like little tumors.
And I can't sleep right here any longer, we're no longer doing this for each other. I'm a mad man created from the left over pieces of a half-finished puzzled. This is the end. Yes I can feel it. This is the end, and if it is not, then now it will be, because I believe it."
Open my door and open my mind
I take a second and go back in time
I go back to when, I didn't know you
Go back to when sad wasn't just blue
It was clear and it was real and it lingered in my air
It didn't take a breath, it only took your stare
To remind me of why my pillow was wet
Back to the times when a smirk was a threat
When days would drag on, while I was with him
They weren't really days because light was so dim
He tore me apart like junk mail on Saturdays
Scared me and bruised me, then begged me to stay
That's when you found me with my toes off a cliff
You took my hand, and gave me a kiss
A kiss that would heal, more than the pills
A kiss that seems to walk along with me still
Because when I wake up in the middle of the night
I remember you're there, holding me tight
But it's when I start to close my eyes
& go back to when, dark was a time
& light was a thing I didn't know of
When a hug from you was the same as a shove
& it brings me back to my toes off a cliff
& my heart starts to shake and my body gets stiff
But behind my eyelids, I decide to fall
Hoping my memories will fall along with it all
In the dark counting sheep to fall asleep, but they keep quiet. The silence of the lambs is slowly eating away at me
I pray to God for some answers, to tell me my bleeding heart isn't in vain
Baited with razorblades, my organs on layaway way longer than they should have stayed
I'll pay off the rest if you promise you're the best bet, I haven't met a better match to start a flame with
And light up the darkness that has surrounded my soul and enveloped me whole
Holding onto my left sided brain and plaguing every page I press this pen against
I am a patient of Impatience and the symptoms are only getting worse, I'm starting to think he's working against me
I won't get better until I can hold you against me to feel every flaw
Your poems are syringes and your words are the medicine, they fix me every time I feel like I'm slipping
I'm a broken record, you broke me in record time. So, quick, come and get your prize!
My love, I'm yours for the taking
You sit there
In the corner of my too neat room
Arms crossed behind your head
While I shoot daggers at you
The memories of what we used to be sear the inside of my eyeballs
And I remember how when we would touch nothing else mattered
When we were together we were unstoppable
And I wonder how you ended up in my bed room
After 8 months of having you out of my life you’ve somehow wormed your way back in
After 8 months of living oceans away from you you’ve somehow convinced me we should be friends
After 8 months of recovering from the tornado called you that wreaked havoc on my life you’re back
And you’re sitting there like you own the place
You’re sitting there and your confidence and sense of self fill the room
You look up from your iphone
I’m practically huddled in the corner of my queen-sized bed afraid of what you may do and you ask
‘So there’s no chance of us having sex tonight?’
That's all you have to say?
After the tears
After the fights
That’s what your interested in
I shake my head no
And I hope that will be enough to make you leave
This is my safe haven
This is my home
This is the place I don’t have to hide, usually
I hope you’ll go home
Just stand up and walk away
Tonight you want to talk
You ask me why
Are you serious?!
Did you seriously just ask that?
You drank me up like you were dehydrated and I was the only fresh spring in miles
I opened up to you
I gave you my soul
I shared with you my emotions (the bits and pieces I don’t generally give away)
And you drank them up
You gave me nothing in return
I was empty
All that was left was useless mud
The way I feel about you is not the way you feel about me
So why should I do this to myself
What’s between you and me, it isn’t healthy for me
So, no, we aren’t going to have sex
Finally you get up saying it’s time you should leave
I’m silently thanking God
And as I’m walking you out from the corner of the basement where my room is you grab me
We’re on the dark steps and you hug me
You hold me so close
And for every bit of that closeness that you're holding me next to your body I’m holding my happy dolphin pillow pet
And you hug me
And I touch its soft fur
And you breathe into me
And I remember just how blue my dolphin is in the light
And you’re breathing in my ear and I’m thinking BLUE BLUE BLUE
And you say in my ear that I was wrong
You feel the same way
When we’re together we can move mountains
We can do anything
And you whisper it
Even though no one’s around
And I’m focusing on my breathing and just how blue my blue dolphin is
And you kiss me
And you kiss me again
Then you kiss me once more and I…
I kiss you back