There is no definitive moment,
No epiphany or revelation
When a child makes the leap to adulthood -
When a child becomes accustomed to death.
Thoughts of fear and mourning vaporize
Replaced by acceptance of "the way things are"
When it is easier to break the neck
Of a dove with a broken wing
Than it is to hold it close in comfort
And wish for it to fly.

In bed that night
We locked eyes
And you were the first one
To look away

And I think now
That in that moment
I lost you
And that this was your way
Of letting me know

Because I could feel
That you were no longer with me
And that you were careful
Not to touch me at all

Deep down inside
I think I knew
So I leaned against your arm
And tried to find
Something
To hold on to

And in the darkness
Of that night
I wonder if you, too
Were lying awake
Mourning the end of
This relationship we had
Or if I was the only one that knew
That it was over
Before it began

I need you
Doctor
i'm a sad little girl with a crack in my wall
but i'm no Amy
I haven't got the guts
or the fire
i'm just scared
and I need you
Doctor
i've a dull life
missing something fantastic
but i'm no Rose
I could never make you
or anyone
love me
but I need you,
Doctor
to come and make me feel grand
to stop me hurting and hating myself
make me your Donna but
never let me forget
how beautiful you are
and I need you,
Doctor
to come save the day
but i'm no Martha
i'm not brave enough to walk away

my name is Devon
I need my Doctor
to come whisk me away
from this place that hurts
I need you to hold me
and save the day

Please,
Doctor

Why is the concept of being forgotten so paralyzingly terrifying to me?
Before the expanse of time,
none of us stand a chance of being remembered.
We will be swallowed up,
only be known as a statistic, a point of reference.
The thoughts we think are paramount
Quail before the laughing face of Time.
God will remember me,
so why do I care about what those on earth think?
Why do I care what people think?
What kind of sick bastards are we that we derive pleasure from others' pain?
Schadenfreude is alive and well
Unlike you and I
Why don't I throw up my hands
And succumb to the ravages of an indifferent Time
And an indifferent society
Why not let them win
Who values a game which is purposely weighted to one side
If not those who have waged something dear upon the outcome
The Ender inside me rejects the faulty system.

Why do I persevere for a "humanity"
which will never improve
In fact,
the more we evolve and know and comprehend,
The more apt we are to be heartless
Because why do we need a heart when we have a brain, Tinman?

Why do we care what we look like
Our bodies are merely
borrowed from the earth
And in the blink of eternity's eye
what we call ours
will belong to another

Why do we live in a world overflowing with bodies
And entirely lacking with people

Why can we satisfy any part of ourselves
by draping on borrowed emotions
Why is the false more alluring than the truth?
Show me an honest person
And I will show you an attractive one.

I am not you
you are not me
And we will never be
The same
Despite the pervading effort of our society
I will not be assimilated.

If we let people in,
They wouldn't hate
So why are we terrified of doing that
Is it because,
If everyone is in,
No one is
And in ceases to exist?

Why do we feel the urge to gloat about things we did not earn

Why does 1
Make more money than 2
Because his nose is straighter,
His hair is curly rather than straight,
Because 1 spends an eighth of his time in the gym
While the less attractive 2 spends 7/8 of his time
Screaming inside
At a society which has cut off its own ears that it can't won't hear.

Why are random genes a judge of worth
While character is a word so overplayed
It folded its hand long ago

Why is the face of a beautiful liar
Infinitely preferable
To that of a plain truthteller
Infinite whys
And a world which whispers
     Cradle me with your honeyed lies
     Assurances of past lullabies
     How do I trust what the mockingbird cries
     When even it runs from the skies
Why do so many see ourselves as bound and controlled by manipulated strings
When those strings are nothing but ropes with which we can escape

Why do we live on top of one another
Without deigning to know our prisonmate
Without so much as a spared thought
For the dead flailing beneath us

Why do I hold dearest to my heart
Past injustices
Counting them as the tiny, insidious proofs
That I am a good person
Because good does not exist without the bad
Relativity is the grip keeping us from sliding
Down.
Away.

Why is it that words spoken can never be taken back?
Simple. We can never reclaim what was never ours.
You think you are original in your menial thoughts
What have you done but regurgitate the thoughts of your predecessors?
Rearranging the same letters
To form the same tiresome conclusions.
We are the worst type of plagiarists.

Why is the only thing propelling you a sense of duty
Why are you devoutly loyal to objects rather than the people who happen to hold them

Why

Why do we invent reasons to hate one another
We take solace in the loopholes which justify our hatred
That we may not be like the "monsters" we condemn

Why are "we" and "they"
Not just markers of distance?
Why must they be very real, ubiquitous mentalities?

Why are somber topics the common stuff of jokes
Because we have grown numb enough to empathy
To shun it in favour of a laugh?

Why is suffering so prevalent
When we have an excess of affluence
Are such extremes what define us as a race?

Why is a white lamb the symbol of pristine innocence
When innocence is slaughtered day after day?
Why are sharks abhorred creatures even though
Our vicious attacks
Far outnumber theirs
Do we idealize them that we may have a reason
An excuse
To assert our dominance over yet one more
To feel the joy of crushing them underfoot
Why do we focus on certain images
When the true image of our society
Is the person who occurs each day,
Who breaks
The answer is because we know
that we
Are at fault.

Why when confronted about the tiniest aspect of ourselves
We rear our heads in defense
Backing up against the corner of idiocy
The walls built upon the truths we have fabricated
Why are the swirling armor of falsities so comforting
And when pierced
We rebel
With every bit of the person we have built
Lashing out as does a dog chained its entire life
But even a dog
Which is after all "just an animal"
Is not fool enough to delude itself into loving its chain.

we'll face the world
a pair of two
you with me
and me with you

you'll hold my hand
I'll kiss your cheek
together strong
together weak

come make me laugh
I'll make you grin
we'll never feel
alone again

standing together
side by side
our souls will never
have to hide

we'll face the world
a pair of two
you with me
and me with you

Falling from grace she can't erase
Years of worry from her pretty face
Her eyes try to hide that which she can't deny
Don't ask those questions cuz she just can't lie

I've gotten used to being alone
But I miss you like hell when I get stoned
Heavy is my heart when I dream of you
But thats ok 'cuz I'm always blue

Fallen from grace she's seen my true face
The highly intellectual basket case
It's as if she leaves me time and again
I hold my breath as long as I can

It's not so easy to pretend
When you're on the outside looking in
Yet truth is I really care
And now I'm gasping for some air....

People surround me, touch me, crowd me.
But my eyes are locked on you and your lime green head phones.
Your eyes are empty; you walk sullenly in step with the crowd.
I try to quicken my pace, I have nowhere to go.
The sea of people is drowning me.
I can not lose you.
I must catch you, hold you, tell you it will be alright.
Someone taps my shoulder.
"You dropped your pen."
"Thank you."
You are no where to be seen.
The mass has swallowed you.

Numbers hurt.
I hold my breath
And exhale quickly
As I wait.
Be lower.
Please.
Be lower.
Numbers hurt.
They circle my waist
And measure my insecurities
Inch by inch.
Be smaller.
Please.
Be smaller.
Thinner.
The numbers hurt.

The salty smell of empty arms laughs, laughs
Whipping my hair through the brine
Fingers dancing, raw from the tide
Taste on my tounge, enchanting, romancing me
Shines with moonlight, hides with it
Digging in the sand, gritty between my teeth and knees
Broken glass, slipping from my grasp, blood coursing from my veins
How quiet can my footsteps be?
Walking toward the waves
Lifting, and falling, laughing at me
Eyes twist away, blinking rapidly
Too bright, too bright
Surging, burning, like a wildfire
Bleeding through my skin
Sobs drowned beneath the wind
They cannot hear me now
No time to say goodbye
Just regrets, all regrets for me
Shouldn't have said, away they fly
Cannot say goodbye.
The water laps, cools my skin, embracing me, inviting me
From birth it called, I stalled each time
My hot skin drenced with persperation
Tears and resignation
Cometh, Cometh
Drink from me
I will heal you
I will love you
You will not feel alone any longer
Like a lions roar I stand
Tall and beaten, in the sand
Toes curled, grains scratch skin
Though I can't feel it now
Breathing salty lonliness
Through my nose
I take that first step, foot pointed
Till it aches
The time has come, the Beast awakes
Diving in, and breathing fast
The water coursing through
Reminding me of you
And burning deeper hotter than
The hottest ray of sun
That ever burned whatever Man
Who stood here crying in the sand
Salt leaking in my lips
Drying the cracks
Turning my hips
My chest heaves in
The blood comes out
The stones are banging on my skin
My arms they flail
My eyes wide open
Burning like white flames
Beneath the sun
You're omnipresent
Can't run away
Last drop of empty arms
Grabs hold of me
Hair floating graceful patterns
Neck stretched, alabaster moonlight
And with that dreaded final thought
I desend into the depths of
Briny hate and salty steps
But with a new man on my side
The one who reaches with the tide