I really hate this I just got done writing and hit some button and it went away......damn it.
It just said(lets see how much I can recall) that I really hate being here, and the only time I can feel somewhat in a better mood....is when Im at work. I love being by the older people cus they are either really crabby or really nice....the crabs u gotta win over but the nice ones are just so wonderful...theres this one lady and her hubby. they come into the store and she orders a diet coke and when she sees me she gets the biggest smile on her face....(she shakes so I think she has parkinsons disease) so I always say to her "its so good to see you dear and I hold her hand or put my arm around her" and she always smiles so big back at me and says.,"its always so good to see you too". She just makes me smile. Ive been told by a few of the older folks that visit us on regular basis....that I have the most beautiful smile.....or my smile lights up the heavens and stuff like that....but I get so embarrassed when they say this to me for some reason and I stop and walk away.....but Inside I feel kinda nice. ive always been told that since I was a kid....but when I was really young the other kids in like kindergarden and in 1st grade would make fun of me and would laugh and say I looked like the joker...that hurt. so I never liked my smile very much.
anyway.....the highlight of my days now are going to work and seeing all the seniors who live in the 'leasure world" come to my work.... what a life.....how sad it is....
I did have a person who was the highlight of my days.....he was fun to be with....he made me very very happy. im more ways then 10. He was quiet until he got comfortable with you...then hed open up....
Ya he was the best thing I had goin.....then was my job. Now its just my job. How sad.....I wanted to be with him side by side until our life ends....but he has 'others' to DO instead. Im old news and in his mind I think that he thinks 'why do it again if its only gonna be the same..? But ive said it wouldn't since im not on the stuff I was then...but he doesn't care.....ive asked to please let me show u im being honest and now just saying words full of emptiness... but nothing....ive left some texts and somemessages and then yeasterdya I sent him and email and no answer. so it is plain to see that he isn't interested in me. theres nothing I wouldn't do to have him come talk to me again.....but he wont even answer....so that's my answer.....its very sad and hard for me.....but that only proves that I was nothing to you but just another number.....
Inspire me. Seduce me. Serenade me.
Send to me orgasmic rhythms and let
the sexual hymns play... And then the songs play as we lay.
Frank Sinatra has us on the road, Irma
Thomas telling us to be ourselves...
Love me like Aretha has never loved a
man, move me like Nina Simone, just
you and I alone. Dinah Washington says I should teach you, Etta James
warning me not to tear your clothes.
Let's play some Sarah Vaughn and
Fontella Bass. Ease me with some Diana
Krall and Dianne Reeves, swing motion
with Chris Boti. Tell me you love me Inside Out as does Shara Nelson. Let's
fall in love to Cassandra Wilson. Let us go the jungle and listen to the
bears sing, the legends of love lore...
Sing and groan; Some Isaac Hayes,
Barry White, Teddy Pendergrass,
Marvin Gaye, James Ingram, Gary
Taylor... Let them play, let them sing. And some love bees; some Betty
Wright, Angela Winbush, Regina Belle,
Sade, Marsha Ambrosius... Tone it
down on a spunky blue with some
Meshell Ndegeocello, Janet Jackson,
Laurnea, a bit of Floetry, some Incognito and Karyn White. Max it up with some Maxwell, Rahsaan,
Ralph Tresvant, Glenn Jones and Tevin
Campelle. Let's jazz it up with some Fourplay,
Brian Culbertson, Quincy Jones, Euge
Groove and Marion Meadows... Lounge
and spice it up with some Prince Alec,
Hed Kandi and Kalliope. Funk it up with some Rick James, Ten
City, Brothers Johnson and Billie
Ocean... Let us climax and swim in the
love ocean. Making love in a Time Machine,
fading through timeless scenes
listening to stimulating music
searching for a combine that is our
Biting on some dust and swallowing colour
lush are the strips that are dripping
from the trees of chemistry
dancing to music lively, singing to
beating to jazz dubbing, responding to ethereal loungy sound
music and our souls will be one
in a time machine, learning
combinations orchestrated through the
We will evolve and be sages Until time linear is more sincere and
eternity for us is here. Let the music play, my bed will be a
time machine, shut never your ears
listen to the music that does play and
wipe them tears
all the drama you've been through all
these years in a second we'll be naked and
we'll be invited to the kingdom of
Romance and Serindipity
You can be the Queen, I'll be King
Poetry painting neverending pictures surreal
in a world ethereal and the real will dull
and forever you and I will be, if we
journey in the musical time machine.
The law said her body was made for love
The kind of love that wants to show you
just how much it loves you
by sticking things inside of you
The kind of love that wanted to make the bible blush
make you quiver; the
kind of love when you put a female and male hamster together.
The kind of love that wanted to make music out of your orgasm
Love said "This is what happens
when you use
Needles to ingrain the words love
on peoples skin"
It feels a lot like pain did
Like when the first boy you ever loved
said I love you back
And proved it because he held you after
sticking sticky things inside of you
Like how he said hed wait untill you were ready
then said "You're gonna make me wait forever.."
How that guy on the third date said
"Come back to my apartament
So I can put what I want into you
Until you are empty
Because we might call it love"
Until you met a boy
who untaught what the word love meant
never asked you when you wanted to have sex
whose hands never roamed as greedily
searching for places to settle on your body
who didnt wish to make a home out of you by filling you senseless
and calling it his furniture
who traced outlines of constellations on the palms of your hands
"Guess the Nebula"
Whose hardness never prodded you in the back
like a protest
in the early morning
whose breath always came easy
It was just holding you with no intention to
"Love isnt what you put inside a person
In hopes of making it stick;and naming it after something beautiful
I can pin my thoughts on you but
you are not my canvas. That wouldnt be fair.
I respect your property."
There was nothing broken when he left.
Addicted to the green leaves, you're a caterpillar crawling in the dirt
Conflicted and sick as he heaves, after looking up a butterflies"s skirt
If he could only see, potentially, what he could be, if he"d simply just look up
I continue my plea, eternally, to help set him free, have a drink from my cup
I know you waited a whole extra week to finally come out of our mother
But the Responsibility rests on me, I refuse to give up on my only brother
There"s no place like home
Unless its abusive and broken
There"s no chance to roam
Unless actions are outspoken
I'm afraid of success, because I'll finally run out of all the excuses
Many sins to confess, none worse than underachieving all our uses
If you could only fear less
If you could only focus more
Take a hit just to relieve stress
Wake up in a city called whore
You"re still looking down crawling on the ground
With so so many women lost waiting to be found
You should be out up here with me flying around
Butterflies attract without even speaking a sound
We"re born with no parachutes and I'm a frequent flyer
So please stop wallowing down in the muck and the mire
Come flourish with me and lets set the fucking world on fire
You're my only thicker than water, join me before we expire
Into the early hours
When we wake up
We pour we pour
Fill us up
For the weak
Blowing though our minds
From toe to hip
Blast some more liquor
Take the hit
Buy the ticket
You take the ride
Soon will all be over
How long till each of us is
Sweet little baby all safe and sound
Soon will the whispers start to surround.
Calm little children, huddled in a bunch
Will begin to hear a crunch, crunch, crunch.
Lovestruck teenagers, caressing with soft hands
Never meeting up to the devilish demands.
One lonely soldier, striking with great force
Never thinking twice, never feeling remorce.
Two vibrant lovers, on their wedding day
One a penny, two a penny, slay, slay, slay.
One child, two child, three child, four
Crazy happens often when evil is at your door.
Kindergarten, highschool, college all the same
Once their kids are old enough they'll be out of their way.
Grandkids, grandkids, running through the door
Courage starts amoung the weak, young hearts take hold the sword.
Now a quiet graying man, sitting all alone
Saddness seeping through his eyes, his face still hard as bone.
Wife has recently passed, the funeral is today
Death has been a longing part, a dreadful part we ALL must play.
Evil was lurking, through all of their past
But never did he give up hope, the only thing that lasts.
"Keep your head up, darling." Words hed always say.
She would giggle but still turn to look away.
Tears would flash through her eyes, he forever knew the truth
Years were in fact gaining up on her, she was losing hold of her youth.
He knew her time was coming, he knew the hurt and pain
She was slowly dieing, going full insane.
I fell in love
when I was only 20
with a lawn
and green jaquard curtains
and gold ornamented
that blocked out all.
He fell in love too
and he was also 20
hed not known better
mowed the lawn
not from the ornamented plates
for they were reserved
for special occasions
like the crystal glasses
we got for Christmas
Our love was dear
we spent fortunes
but did not go anywhere
did not dream
until one day
and took half
of our collection
of gold ornamented plates
before we got to use them
I cried for that love
...seems like a different life
his teachers called him stupid
and he wrote them a letter
And he couldn't even spell that.
Not because he was stupid,
in fact it was quite the opposite.
And he wrote himself a letter,
and signed it with a razor
and never looked back.
and black and blue
were his colors of choice
within a disarray
a slewed slur
i love you i think.
and when he couldnt even
see where hed stepped
and stumbled to get
where he needed to be
which became where he no longer
needed to be
and then he had nowhere to be
....theres blood in this.'
mike sed looking in his coffee, drinking from its cup.
'no theres not.'
she was scared for him. his questionable hed.
'the clouds are nice.'
he couldnt see them behind the huge peices of rotting meat floating in the sky.
'their a weird color..like an old bruise.'
she sed.. and he knew that she knew.
our ded cat smiled to death.
theres a dead guy living inside of this dead girl i know. hes crouched like a bug and her skin crawls so she does too. all fours like a dead animal, like dragon-flies fuking their fetus inside. shes a nice girl and i like her but her sorry dead soul is being repeatedly raped and shes in so much pain i cant have a decent conversation with her. her father is a pervert. he touches himself sitting on her head-stone, laughing. if he knew what i knew hed be jealous of them both. when he dies soon hell have to face the fact that hell have to share. i give up trying to talk to her, to tell her hope. i give up the ghost.