Like the turning sheets
of a monthly calender,
life has layers after layers.
How would he know that ,
just a callow youth on sea shore
playing with smooth pebbles,
that was when he saw her first.
She was the woman who
taught him, whole cities lay merged
within a woman, like wave after wave,
of inhabitants over time, leave their
archaeological markers of periods,
she was a mystery like life itself.
There is no way to decipher.
They first met
in the city of light,
Diwali lamps were lit
in all courtyards,
It was an immortal moment
in his life, he realized,
leading him gently to the light
which evaded him though he assiduously sought,
she parted without a word
Did she belong to someone else?
The city of sorrow,
yet again brought them face to face
Ridden with angst of existence
he stumbled, was about to fall, then
he could experience her iron will
more than a woman, she stood, like a pillar of strength,
she took his weary head in both hands, pressed to her breast,
pulled out the crown of thorns, their paths
diverged again, inexplicably complex, was their relationship.
In the city of guilt,
an unexpected meeting again,
they were surprised. Here, they were on their own.
They wanted to take their lives in their hands,
in spite of the currents that pulled them to different directions.
But he knew all the while that her self, was divided between
three cities within in her.They co-existed, Light.Guilt.Sorrow
will their love survive? Not all loves are intended to live long,
a parrot in his tree of loneliness always whispered.He pretended he didn't hear,
A game of dice, almost was their lives, mysterious forces did bet on their love,
Having traveled through fire and water, she was beyond pleasure and pain,
Kali with a fiery nose stud, female power that overcomes all pain,
she became, that shattered his dreams for them.
He was thankful, to be awakened by her,
the light she lit, burned bright, within.
Now or never.He crossed the river.
Deliverance comes from an inner source,
otherwise all will end as an idiot's tale
Her flame lighted his wick, liberated him.
Fire spitting dragons one can tame,
but in the duel with demons of life,
it could be a blood letting end,
call it play of chance or what ever
they are the easy game here
He packed his backpack and
started to move eastwards,
Westward bound was she, invariably,
her heart had still a song left for him,
the void was filled, the pain was stilled
with anesthetics of mind.
Just for one last time they went to the beach,
watching the sunset was their good bye to each other.
They never met again.
My heart lives in my throat
recently. It lives empty and losing its
pulse in my throat. Day by
day it becomes harder
to swallow. I’m on the edge of choking.
I’m on the edge of stillness, of
no more beating. And then I will
choke. I will choke on my
own still, heavy heart.
I once knew what it meant
to live. I knew what it meant
to breathe and to see and to feel.
I knew passion and love and
happiness. I once knew what it was like
to feel. And now all I know is this
numbness. All I know is this
empty existence. All I know is waking up
each morning with the prospect of the day
ending already consuming my thoughts. All
I know is not wanting to wake up
at all. I do not know feeling any longer.
I do not know breathing or seeing
or living. I know existing for the sake of not dying.
All I know is not dying. That
is what it has come to. Don’t die
today. Wake up
tomorrow. Get through the
day. Wake up. Get through the
day. Don’t wake up. Don’t
wake up. Don’t wake up.
I am on my way to choking.
His voice eases my skin, fingers shadow
Inch, inch, inching, how much? Elephant eyes
Hidden behind hair, scattered strewn fabric.
Tangled mess of limbs, nothing outlasts weather.
You’re not my last and you’re not my first.
So don’t call don’t text don’t be what you think you need to be
I don’t know if it’s you or me but it might as well be you because I don’t feel so hot
I’m here and only your body is
I urge to illicit the utmost joy your hands itch at the thought
of touching me.
my heart hurts and I don’t have the up
up up up up up up
It’s simply down down down downdowndown
Memories cascade through my mind today. My hands long and my insides ache. There should be a flood warning issued for my lungs and an explosive hazard label for my heart. Keep your distance. I am a walking catastrophe
Heart In A Knot. (Nevershoutnever Found Poem.)
by Maya Vulgarity.
You make me happy,
whether you know it or not.
It's hard to conceive,
That someone like you,
Could be with someone like me.
This is such a sad place,
And without your pretty face,
I'm sure it's going to wind up worse.
It's been one hell of a year in my own shoes.
I'm running my mouth just like I got you,
But I surely don't.
Because you're so far away,
And I'm here.
And I just wait for you.
I love to hear that voice,
And honestly I'm left with no choice.
Because you're so far away,
And I'm here, watching the days
Pass as I wait.
I've been waiting my whole life
For someone like you.
I mean, damn, what's not to adore?
I've been searching for a girl that's just like you.
Someone who is you.
Everything you do is super fucking cute,
Super duper cute.
I know for sure that you are beautiful.
You're everything I want and more,
Everything I want to adore.
I'm terribly convinced,
That you could be my lover,
Because you had me at first glance.
I've been wanting to know what is love
And I can't stand it.
I'm happy knowing that you are mine,
'Cause I'm overly attracted,
And terribly convinced,
That you could be my princess,
And I could somewhat be a prince.
Who do you think you are,
To go and steal my heart
Just the way you do?
I'm an addict.
I'm addicted to you, girl.
Are you out of my league?
I text so late at your night,
I swear, you're going mad,
But you've got my heart tied in a knot,
And my stomach in a whirl.
Did it hurt when
You fell from heaven?
I'm so happy knowing
That you are the one that I want
For the rest of my days.
Let's sell all our shit,
And run away to sail
The ocean blue.
Then you'll know that
My heart is true.
I had the weirdest dream
That you and I drove up the darkest streets.
Passing through the city lights,
Birth of a kiss that will not die.
Your heart is true.
So this one goes out to the ones
That fall in love.
And to the girl
That filled my dark.
She's got my heart tied in a knot.
I feel too much but
nothing at all.
There is a burning in the pit
of my stomach that ignites
a fire in my throat.
There is a heaviness in my heart and a
sorrow flooding my soul.
I am as blue as the ocean
during a hurricane.
The rain beats down upon me and
melts into the waves that thrash behind my ribs.
I can't hear my heart beating
over the monsoon
I can hear my ribs cracking from the
weight of it all.
I can't feel my heart beating anymore
I just want to go home.
But home was never a place for me,
and I don't know what home feels like anymore.
There is a darkness that weighs
heavy down upon me,
and I swear I will not stand again.
I will forever be on my knees in the
face of this monstrous chasm.
It is inside of me. You can't run
far from your own desolation.
I feel too much, and nothing
My hands are kerosene,
igniting everything they touch.
Everything I cherish crumbles
I should come with a warning label-
"Beware, highly unstable and capable of mass destruction"
I once was ruined,
and now I ruin.
"Attention: Run as fast as you fucking can"
I am sinking, and I am grabbing at any hand
that I can pull down with me.
I will try to climb your walls,
and you will need to build them higher.
Do not be fooled by my tender facade;
I am capable of annihilation.
Hide your heart from my gentle hands,
for it will shatter when I drop it.
Do not think I mean harm,
I will have the best of intentions.
With my best attempt at love,
you will crumble to ash in my kerosene hands.
By night, it all gets a little
Each measure of each song reaches a little
further into the pit of the stomach.
Each touch from each lover burns the skin with a little
sure to leave with more permanence.
Each breath of each lung pulls a little
more even; stretches the ribs a little further.
Each beat of each feeble heart feels a little
more sturdy; a little closer to the throat.
Each word from each mouth tastes a little
more like honesty, like humility,
like the plead to be discovered.
Each worry of each hopeful dawns a little
bit harder; seems a little more tragic.
Each memory of each soul has a
freshly sharpened blade, sinking a little
Each reality of each dreamer sits a little more
threatening on your chest, stealing your divine air.
Each fear of each mind lurks a little darker,
a little more suffocating,
a little more real.
By night our world is raw, unsheathed.
By night it is all a little heavier on our souls,
like dew on a too warm spring morning;
beautiful, but a little harder to breathe in.
And now my heart has been
from my chest and is
pounding on this empty table before me.
I watch as it slowly fades back to
and I wonder if I could have saved it.
I wonder if I could have saved my
I wonder a lot of things.
Most of the time my mind is
retracing the steps I took to get here.
I wonder what cracks I must have stepped
on to send my world
beneath my feet.
I wonder what cracks I must have stepped
on to create these
in my soul.
And now I'm terrified
that I will slowly leak from this
the same way this water runs
in ripples down the hill outside my window.
I wonder what I could have done
to keep from
to the floor.
I am cursed with a
and heavy hands.
my mouth is molten lava,
meant to scorch all it encounters.
I have leaden feet,
leaving a trampled path in my wake.
my eyes are desolate tunnels
leading to the destruction I will bring.
devastation at its finest
a carnage of all that once held beauty
a cavernous demise
the grand fucking finale.