I give to you my heart,
a piece, if you will;
A piece 'till your lips say-
I accept the burden of this life.
I give to you my core,
essence and body of this soul;
Keep them close or throw them off.
It hardly matters, they're all yours.
I give to you my Love;
ever dreading for the simple no.
Darling, I'll take whatever you'll give,
Misery or joy-
My heart is yours to toy.
Once some years ago I undertook a journey,
Out upon and completely around,
the very face of our entire world.
To view for myself the many pictures,
And written descriptions of the many writers
In all those History Classes, books and movies.
My personal Quest to see with my own eyes
What I had only experienced second hand.
And in my mid twenties, like a dream,
One foot in front of the other,
There I was doing it.
I sniffed and tasted the scents of foreign lands,
Incense, Sage and Frankincense, fish curry,
fried snake and even monkey brains.
Walked in lush Jungle Bush and Desert sands,
Along the shores of many Islands and the coasts
Of Four Continents’.
Heard the voices of 30 divergent Dialects
And cultures. Smiling and laughing with,
The beautiful children of all of them.
Set beside the fires of primitive tribal men,
Heard their chants to their gods above,
Or upon the land and sea.
Clapped my hands and moved my feet in
Their Ancient mystic dances.
Drank their tea, Kava or whatever they shared
Grateful for their offered unselfish brotherhood.
Stood on the flanks of the tallest Mountains
In the world, on my toe tips, to try to see the
Face of the God of my youthful teachings,
Mildly disappointed when I did not see him, or Her.
Found instead an inner tranquility, imparted to me
By Red robbed Monks from within their chants of
Peace and wise earthly enlightenment.
Strolled the cobbled streets of two thousand year
Old Cities. Walked among the ruined remnants of
Nearly forgotten once great Civilizations.
Explored Modern Euopean Citiadels of wealth and learning.
Over time rode on planes, ships, buses, backs of open trucks,
Horse pulled carts and human drawn rickshaws, taxis, subways,
Rented motorcycles and cars. Walked perhaps a 1000 miles.
In all a journey of the mind and heart lasting for over three years.
And why you might ask, why travel so far, for so long?
And what was I looking for? A fair question indeed.
When a boy, I read a simple five word line,
“Seek and thee shall find”.
And it stayed with me all my life.
I read books, saw films, did Research,
all in a quest to understand,
what those five words truly meant.
After a stint in the Military,
still wondering and seeking,
I embarked on my own personal,
physical and emotional Journey.
The next obvious question you might
of course ask is, after all that;
“What did I find?”
Well I guess the answer is very simple,
after all that, I found myself.
I miss the bruises from your bedroom
the mutual disappointment
Now, I am only left with
his hands searching someone else,
his words being whispered
into another girl's ear,
the sun painting stripes on his legs
through the blinds of the same window
You just wanted someone
to be restless with you
for one night
but like a thief you stole my heart
chewed it up,
spit it out,
leaving me with nothing more
than a hollow chest
and a broken heart
trying to piece it back together in the dark
Two days ago,
we were together.
It was the most beautiful day of my life.
We got high.
We laughed in the shower.
We made love, twice.
We watched movies.
I held you, and you held me.
But, a strange feeling in my heart
coupled with a sickness in my stomach
told me you were only there
to share one last day with me
because you'd be leaving soon.
Now, today, you're gone.
It's wonderful and sickening
that I can almost sense you here
in this black hole that couldn't lead to
anything but the disaster that I've learned to
expect every time I give in to the idea
of running my fingers through your hair
and pretending your stomach is pressed against mine
with your arms locking me in place
your lips on my neck
and our legs intertwined.
But when I reach my hands in this
darkness that I can't seem to escape,
I swear your fingertips are outlined
against my own,
veins caressing veins,
skin electrifying skin,
and your heart beating in time
with my own is the only thing
that's keeping me alive
You're within reach
And I just can't resist.
to trust these hallucinations.
But you're already in my bloodstream
And as with any time blood is spilled,
this is going to get ugly.
I noticed something sad in your eyes lately.
A spark lost,
A dream blown away.
I wish I could tell you
"In the end everything works out,"
i cant promise you that
i have no idea what you're going through.
I would never force you
something you are not ready to share.
I would never force you to change who you are.
but something else
has forced you to change.
I can't find it in me to judge you
for the sudden cold shoulder
or the cynical attitude.
Since i can tell it's a defence
against whatever it is your hiding.
I cant pretend to understand you
We're all different.
I don't know
what's in your heart
or what caused it to be there.
You'll be able to tell me and say at the end
"But i'm better now.
I'm over it.
I'll be okay.
There's better out there."
And really mean it.
I could not leave you,
So i hope that
you don't mind
if I just stay
by your side
How hard it would be
to keep my thoughts to myself.
You just don't want to be reminded
Of your Deamons
I'll make you laugh
If i can
or distract you.
You know I can always distract you
with my gooffy run on sentences that make no sence at all.
I want to make you laugh.
I want to make you forget.
It's too great
And you feel torn up
Its too far deep
And too far out
for my reach to
with a couple of laughs.
I'll still be there for you.
Isn't that why you call me friend.
And I can't promise you that it'll hurt less.
But at least you won't be hurting alone. *
If I forget
to tell you
how much you mean
I'll tell you now.
You were there for me.
You didn't notice
I was on the border of tears but you made me laugh and smile.*
I want to return the favor
Because you mean that much to me.
I want to be there for you.
Everyone has their own daemons.
I've had mine.
Yours are greater than mine...
I can't know
Because I would never fully understand.
I am not you.
You don't deserve
to be hurt
All i can offer you is myself.
And even if I did tell you
all the right words
I still wouldn't be much
Tragic or not.
All I hope for is that
You realize I'm not
The only one
who would do this
There are so many
out there that
you've touched heart with
because of the way you are.
Luv ur invinsible
And if some
broke your heart
And you're only feeling sorry for yourself i'll punch you too.
I'll do anything just to make you smile again.
Perhaps its not much but i'll try and just know i'm here.
And in your heart.
No matter how corny it sounds
you know it.
I see you across the room,
You look back at me and smile,
It probably means nothing,
But I love it for a while.
I wonder if you like me,
But then I wonder why you would,
If you were to say you like me,
You would hear my heart go thud.
I here from your friend you adore me,
So I bring flowers to your door,
And that's when your words kill me,
You say it is friendship... nothing more.
that runaway's life once again felt
cut short of finding new home
instead a odyssey
of heart and mind forged
inside this extended mull
knowing no end
..where the land petered out
narrowing to nothing
where cold tides
always running in and out
on top of each other
and are hard to tell apart
they don't even matter
unattended thin stretch
he stays brooded upon
allowing him to run no further
..his unfolding life
into the swift gulf stream
pulling him down into the rip
one day it is as dangerous as hell
the following day
becoming the safe place
where all his visions toss and roll
calmly out to sea
something either ended or began here long ago
but i don't remember which
but it is enough to just be
he says with half a care
his voice lulls in low tone
old as the atlantic now
looking back over his shoulder
he is reconciled to all the other places
that might have been
just as remote
of a possibility
as this one his life places in
but the runaway will always be here
as perpetual as the shift in the dunes
that purple silhouette again
up beach, following the sunset
as far as it can go
my shattered heart.
I gave you my soul
Wasn't that a costly toll?
You trace my scars
or are you drawing prison bars?
I tell you what i hate
Your friends i try to tolerate
I dont like this new nitch
Your not usually a bitch
I love you
But it can be hard
You blame yourself for my crash
But then turn to conform with those I Bash
What does it take?
Just drive in the stake
Since Im such a life sucker
Atleast i could get away with my murder
Since im soulless
Since I hold you back
Since Im just a punk
Since I died to you
Rip my guts out and hang them like streamers
Run my skin in a grinder and have your confetti
Spike my blood with all your booze
Fry my fingers in the greaser
Throw my brain and heart in the trash
Burn my eyes and ears and lips and tongue
Use my bones to build a bed
Boil my nerves so i wont feel pain
But leave my feet
They are what i didnt use
I should walk, no run, away
But i already cut them off so it would be easier to end me
The perfect murder
My own death
Ill naught be caught
Ill finally get what i deserve
The ultimate gift of life?
Can i just skip it to hell?
I wish i had died that day
Why couldnt I have gone faster?
Let the white turn red
With what i have bled
Here is your christmas cheer
Feed my ashes to your goddamn reindeer
Let me do this perfect murder
Then you can say your happy and merry a little cheerier
To my dear —,
Today is the day
where the heart breaks.
Today is is the day
where all emotions of
all I can do is sit back and take it all.
I'll pretend saying goodbye is the easiest thing but it'll kill me.
Today is the day
a dream dies,
there are no more ups,
no more downs,
Along with it goes
is the last day...
Today is the day
where we say
goodbye and good luck.
Today is the day
I let go of love..
Today is the day
I stop believing in love.
today is the day
the very same day
when you stopped loving me.