One wonders why how such Saturned Words cope
As most Frilly Humans come-out to Play
These Issues if with Learned Doctrines hope
Ampersand those Flavours screaming your Day
As such Cultures wean; Europe-by-West toll
Then tug Silly Asia her Life-Long Feast
Thinking, "My Leaves though Chant for your Enroll
Asking your Turnips Spice the very least."
Voices be Calm. Sure. Moments as Sport blooms
Though Posiedon sponsors your Element
As Friends Bespoke cry Laughter in their Rooms
As his Rowdy Voice gauds Embarassment.
Heart. Heart a-lone will he Author this Blame
Though Joy speaks Benign yet Frightened with Shame.
Protecting, Loving, Surviving
Has a Gold Heart
As I write, my fingers think.
My mind listens.
My ears talk.
My mouth smells.
My skin tastes.
My eyes feel.
My heart sees.
The page I'm filling with words embraces my soul.
The only thing that never derails its proper function inside this case of imperfections, my body.
Bonded to my delusional soul, the only ink that writes for me.
And as I write the words dance to the melody of my insanity.
Creating psychotic musical notes sang only by those who suffer from my same neurosis.
And as I write, we all frolic in this enchanted world of dementia.
And this I write, tomorrow will no longer exist.
In the world others call "reality".
And as I write... my maniac self laughs at normality.
I played her some songs I like;
She asked "why I like sad songs?"
I told her "because I like the lyrics"
Then she asked me if I'm sad
And I said "yes a little bit".
She said "why"
And that question made me
Even feel sadder.
I just told her "I don't know"
But in my head I knew
I just didn't want to tell her
I felt she was too young to know
Too young to know that
I got my heart broken
Into Pieces by this
Guy I thought really loved me
I still feel sad because
It hurts me a lot
And I live in this state where
He didn't do any of it.
That it's all a dream
And soon I'll wake up
And realize it isn't real
And in another world
I still feel that were together
I'm still stuck on Him
And I don't know what to do
I want to cry but no matter
How hard I try
Tears won't come out.
As if I ran out of tears
Or as if there's a wall holding it
If I listen to happy songs will I be happy?
If, so please let my ears listen and
Fill my heart with happiness and good
With positive thoughts
And hoping to live another day without
Thinking about my broken heart
My thoughts scream and shout
Inside of my head
And I'm walking around
With a broken heart.
I was shocked
Yes. Because it hit me
So I laughed a little bit
And cried some
I always had my doubts
I was just too damn
Stupid not to put it all together
I seen and heard things
That made me think
I assumed he was seeing or doing something else
With another girl
My gut was right
Something I Ignored
And I went along with my life
I should have trusted my gut
It was right all that time
He showed me all the right signs
And I was blinded
Because I wanted to be wrong
October 9 of this year
I wrote my true feeling down
I wrote how I really felt
And I couldn't tell him about it
Because I told him I'll never bring it
Up ever again
So I kept my word.
It was bottled up inside of me
I couldn't tell anyone
I didn't want them to judge me
I didn't want to hear negative
Things towards my feelings
I thought no one would ever understand me
I felt alone
I would cry and carry on
And cry some more
Until I just
Read it in his presence
And afterwards I
Spilled out everything.
All the things I had bottled up inside
I spoke my mind that day.
And I felt closure.
Then Again I don't
Think closure is the right word
I was hurt
And tears were rolling down
My face and my tears
Were blinding me
And I took a napkin
And wiped them away
He never knew how I truly felt
Most of the time
But my words that day
I spilled out everything
That I had in my mind
He felt the same as I did
When I would cry in secret sometimes
I didn't want anyone else
To know I'm crying
Because I had so much bottled up
My heart would cry with me
When I'm sad.
And all those times I felt sad
He finally felt what I've felt
I just want to scream.
Let it all out. . .
Out what, you'll ask
& I'll say
This pain I carry on me
This thing I feel that lives
Inside of me.
It’s attacking me from the inside
Wanting to get out
Wanting to be free into
Where it would be free
Nothing less and nothing more
I felt times where I wanted to be free
From this sadness
That he brought upon me
I close my eyes, thinking
This is real and I have to except it
But I don't want to
And this is when I want to scream
Because I don't want to except it
I just don't
It's just so hard for me
I never thought this would happen to me
My heartaches. .
So. . . . .
Play me some songs of happiness
Because I want to be happy.
Lonely i am..
Lonely are the nights
Lonely are the days
Lonely am I, in so many ways
Lonely are the reasons
Lonely are the years
So lonely am I, that it brings tears.
Lonely is this place
Lonely is my life
Lonely am I, that"s this life maybe one day deep in my heart i will meet my love and make a fresh start
It's been years
but I still remember our days
and I still cry tears.
I remember the day the earth stopped spinning.
Your footsteps are still imprinted
on my doorstep
and your last words are a broken record
repeating in my head.
Oh, it's been years
but I still smell you
in the emptiness next to
me in bed.
I loved you more than myself
and now I'm left hollowed out
You were the one who promised me .
You gave me a ring and your word.
Oh, sweetheart can't you
see what you've done to me?
You loved me to death
and then went and left.
Walked away like it was the easiest thing.
Well, my heart has had enough pain
to last the rest of my days.
I'm here up the tress
I build a ladder for you
Oh, climb here my prince
In awe, let's build fantasies.
Swiftly, you climbed up
and then you sat beside me.
Stars now fall on clouds
as the world shouts glee
Something wrong? you say
Oh, there is for my heart squeals
Dum ba dum ba dum
Oh please, let me just do this.
I look at your face
And you look into my eyes
The sun melts with us
And my heart is in a blast
Go on, take my hand
Your lips, let me seal it fast
Our souls intertwined.
Let's do it, let's fall in love.
I take a breath and hold.
I tell myself,
“Pick up the pieces…
Because nobody else will.”
You’re not coming back.
And why would you?
Why would I expect you to walk backwards through this cold, storming heart?
It’s freezing rain,
I guess you could say I trust myself about as much as you do.
Trust, what a funny word, I think,
Because everybody wants it but nobody gives it.
We walk around demanding trust from each other,
But nobody really gives the benefit of the doubt to anyone else.
The ones that do end up cold and broken,
Singing sad songs in their cars on a drive going nowhere.
The thought of driving makes me dizzy now,
Because being able to feel something for the first time in months
Has made me not want to let go of the air lying still in my compressed lungs…
To feel the burning of desire for oxygen,
This internal battle reaching for the end,
Lungs squeezing tighter, suffocation…
Everything is so dark right now that it is beginning to look bright.
Funny how the lack of something you can’t live without makes you delusional.
When you’re so caught up in something that you could fix,
You forget how to fix it.
Like that my lungs know all I need to do is inhale,
But the lack of oxygen in my brain is confusing my entire body.
It almost feels good, being able to feel the pain.
Sometimes I think I deserve this…
This pain that is rushing through my veins at this very second.
Like it is my own fault,
And I feel I need to prove the capacity of my own breathing,
The ability to stop it if I want to.
And I know that if you have been following along,
You and I both need to breathe because your lungs are about to give up…
I finally exhale.
I take a large breath in,
And feel my heart rejoicing as blood pumps through rapidly,
My body’s way of thanking me for not ending it now…
Instantly, I’m crying.
Because I feel numb already.
Numbness is an interesting feeling,
Or lack thereof,
Because even though tears are leaving my eyes,
My nerves and emotions feel unsettlingly calm.
It feels like when I swim out far enough into the ocean that
The waves stop crashing on you and begin swaying underneath,
Moving you as you float on your back.
That moment of utter peace and confusion before a wave finally carries you back.
I’ve been floating out here for some time, now, though,
Waiting for my wave or my raft or even my shark,
To either save me or end me,
Because I am so sick of this emotionless limbo I am stuck in
Due to the fact that I have forgotten how to swim.
Out here, peaceful music plays,
And I forget about everything for a moment or a lifetime.
I think of all the things I have messed up.
But if there’s one thing I wish I could change,
It’s hurting you.
I’m feeling myself being slowly pulled back to shore,
By a figure who looks just like you…
Suddenly, I am remembering how to move my arms and legs,
You just stare at me, though,
You don’t try to help me and you don’t acknowledge my presence.
It seems as if you’ve been waiting to watch me drown.
I don’t have to wonder why you aren’t extending your hand for me.
I wouldn’t help me either.
Finally, a wave falls on top of me, spinning me in circles.
You seem so close, though,
Almost ready to pull me from this high tide.
Are you ready to pull me away from the ocean?
Are their Lens that Fiddled to Re-Score such Wound
By his Self submerged and sought to Forgive
Which Intent borrows not his Busy Thoughts found
To Consume their Lives both as they see Fit
Why these Tailors now his Buried Needle prick
When sewn to Digress his Healing's release -
This Battle the Prince fought his own Chains pick
When his own Heart aligned his Soul's Release
Be them BE. Which this Verser also Accepts,
Make room their Fresh Grounds ripen into Prime
As Prosper the Hero marks their Precepts
Whichever their Contract melts into Thine.
That we all have Limbs designed to Move-On
Such Prime Step this Peace they Carry upon.
Sadness is a stone
being washed over with tears
held in your hands, rubbed over and over,
until it is so smooth you have no reason to keep it.
Most people take their stones
and make a path over water,
trading their small ones for larger ones,
realizing the weight does not make a difference
in how a stone strikes you.
You carry many stones
of your own volition,
you are bruised all over,
your stones attached to your feet,
your hands are filled with sharp pebbles.
I cannot help you so I take mine
and cry for you instead.
You smile and tell me not to worry,
but I cannot help thinking you will walk too far
without putting any stones down
and you will die.
I will watch you sink,
scouring an edged stone the size of my heart
until it is guiltless and placid
and my hands are bleeding.