Tonight there's an ocean separating us
and a fire in my backyard to honour all the ways you kept my heart ignited
For two years I watched you press your lips together before you fell asleep
so yesterday, I pressed a flower petal in a glass frame
and hung it above my bed to remind me
of that summer you brought me to the Coast
looked out at the ocean and whispered you dreamed to be a boat
or a plane
anything that could take you away
I dreamed I could changeldf your mind
I was an open field
You were my raging sea
I should've known time you rob you from me but I hoped
that if I attached a rope connecting you to our bedpost
you'd always find your way back to me
but I realize now you can't stop a ghost from floating
and you can't stop the wind from blowing
It was bound to happen
like I'll always be bound to you
and you'll never give a shit about me

From the flightless bird in my heart, I pluck a quill for my mind. My ink is low, but the moon offers me a haven. Scribbling across the page - I realize my words make no meanings. My inspiration has drifted with the current, and I have forgotten how to swim.

My beating heart means little when it's compass is broken.

horror stories
muffled by pillow forts
and blankets
that stretch across the
vast of my beloved
room.

in hiding-
your young skin
is shielded
by a lonely
shadow dancing
with sunlight.

the room's
symphony plays as
a crescendo of
soft laughter
and light footsteps
cues in.

magazines
sprawled on
the carpeted-floor
jennifers & ashleys
glamorously sporting
shiny hair.

away messages
are synonymous
to x's and hearts
bordering
your
besties' names.

and these are the best
years of your life
but it just feels like dirt
to your name
being young
gets old.

mobiles in purses
strapped to your chest
"I HEART NY" keychains
dangling by the locket
that frames your blurry
picture of him.

you feel so important
surrounded by friends
and people who
shower you with
lots of
cheap love.

you don't care
about what you don't know
and it's easy
living
when all you're living
is the lie of happiness.

Just because you look at me the way in which you do
Is just the.  Fire I require just to see the hard things through.

Just because I look away sometimes when you are near is just the
Little boy in me just loving you my dear.

Just a moment if you please to still my weak and shaky knees
When you hold me close in your caress .my ear pressed gently to your breast. As our breathing slows and senses clear.

Just say that you will always love me.
Need me, trust me hold. me.

In your heart.
In your dreams .
In your world. For
Just forever.
That is all.

The Songbird

Are you broken-hearted?  Mend it with a song.
Sing one retaliating against how you’ve been done wrong,
Songbird your voice draws goose bumps, and tears.
Sing out loud using only your deepest wounds, and fears.
Sing by heart, be confident and proud
Sing in the shower, to yourself, or bravely to a crowd.
Lullaby yourself to sleep,
With soothing songs much peace you’ll reap.
Strong and beautiful, this voice in me
Soulful anguish will set you free
When expelled from your spirit lyrically.
Sing a song of sorrow for the little one inside,
For she remains twisted from insanity, still cutting, deprived.
Sing one jubilantly, of sunflowers and frogs
Then laugh so hard it hurts your sides until giggles become sobs.
Don’t be afraid to sing one hymn along with me,
About how life endured, strengthens our melody.
Whether acappella, country or the blues,
Let your raw emotion be the one to choose
Notice how we pick the songs that strum our broken hearts
It's only through revealing pain, that the healing starts.

Heidi Shavill
2013

I looked upon a tree tonight,
The wind caressed my hair,
And in my broken state of mind
I saw Him standing there.
There once was a flower
Blooming big
With beauty in it's solitude.
I remember my hands with anger
Ripping it without care.
I placed the flower in my room,
The next day it was dead.
And in my heart there was the trouble
And sadness in my head.
I looked upon the tree tonight,
And saw that empty space,
I turned my head, with tears, upright,
And pensive, saw instead,
A bud, still blooming,
And another,
Then another still,
All the way up to the top,
It's true, the tree was filled.
Though I killed my beautiful love,
There's hope in life, and hope above,
And God is here, what I've mourned of,
Is passed, and gone until,
I reach my hand
Up to the sky,
This hope
Is all
I have tonight,
And watch the stars
Above, burn bright,
Oh what loving,
Forgiving
Sight.

A heart hurts for the last song,
Lungs breathing- slowly-
Without dilation at the end of a summer's final dance,
Left and right we step together and grow vines between our toes,

Eyes connect,
Pupils sink into roots and dissolve time,
We become one,
We become two- As one- We are still-
In the moment-

Through these iodine eyes,
I bleed tears of pastel rose,
Scarlet rivers sitting silently outside the iris of a swirling hurricane,
The wind roars!
The sea is calm,
The bridge suspended above the creek sways gracefully in the gentle breeze,

Leaves bend and sprout incandescent green envy,
The sky steps on chalk filled clouds like feathered pillows,
A tip of the toe,
A rip in mother nature's fabric,
Stitches that mend tears into crest like smiles,

The Earth pulls us into each other like magnets- trapped in a box-
To be attached forever with no loose ends,
I sit and imagine what we could be...