loneliness
grips me by the heart
and squeezes me into a pulpy mass
of tissue and blood

dripping

because you're miles and miles away from here

and i am scared
of spending time with other people
in case you finally decide to call

so i stay in,
watching the rain make the grass greener
sipping some coffee
watching some tv
writing some poetry

watching that pulpy mass grow mold
                                    it is in the corner of my house,
                              i'm trying not to look at it.

i'm trying to ignore the loneliness


but i'm hurting.
my throat is choked
and i haven't worn make-up in days (what's the point
it just comes off when i cry)

but you,
you have the sweetness
and the kindness
when you wrap yourself around me,
i feel like home

but
you're
miles

and miles

away.

HERCULES SON OF ZUES
WHO COULD THROW A PEBBLE AND KILL A MOOSE
FROM A IMMORTAL TO A SINFUL  MAN
FROM RIDING CHARIOTS IN THE SKY, TO DRIVING A VAN

HE WAS BRAVE AND STRONG
AND LIVED VERY LONG
HE FOUGHT THE NINE HEADED SNAKE NAMED HYDRA
AND MARRIED A GIRL NAMED DEIANIRA

THAT WAS THE START OF LOVE THAT COULD NOT PART
BECAUSE IT CAME FROM THERE HEART

While you sleep, I am awake, I sit at the foot of your bed and I stand guard,
Believe me
                      it is difficult to ward off the imps that chase you far and hard,
To me it appears you are asleep, yet you toss, you turn, whimper and startle,
I hear your groans and I drop my head, I may look defeated, but I am just in prayer,
I can't stop those mares who stamp at night,
                                                             ­                        bridled rein in the hand of a dark heart,
They rest in the daylight when you are not able to stop or go slow, but hark,
they come calling as the sun is low and you are a feather falling lightly, oh that stark,
reality is they are waiting for you land like a rock,
you always do hope for a soft one on a blanket in a park,
but I know concrete slab and cold steel greet you and
                                                             ­                                         the shadows take aim and mark,
your journey this night, the scars don't show by mornings light, yet the drains tap,
into your energy, and I can only watch, no weapon in my hand, no tear from my eye,
will ease the battle, so I pray and I pray to remind me to pray,
                                                             ­                                                        as you alone enter the fray,
defenceless, against the assault, we know there is no fault,
                                                             ­                                                       or if you were to give in and stay
until the dreams ran out,
of their hold, that heartless vice that turns and won't
let go of your beautiful fertile imaginative mind, vulnerable
                                                             ­                                                     and alone.  I am beside you and
yet I wait, to comfort, with only a word that I am near,
you are not alone, "I am here", night watching.

Ideally and really
I'd like to take and hold you tight
But I suppose that you would suppose
I would then want to kiss those
lips of yours
and you'd be right.

Take the leap
of faith
I'll keep
my arms open wide
you're welcome deep down inside
my heart.

And I'd rather make sense
than still be with you
again.
Only time can be a
prophet, & it sees all in
the end.
Yes I'd rather pretend
than be a shadow once
again.
I won't volunteer my
heart when finally
it's mine to lend.

Dear Him,
My name is, wouldn’t you like to know? Wouldn’t you like to see what I see every day? You’re fragile and simple and just pink, raw humanity all rolled into this shape, this form, this line of your jaw. I want to fix you.
Just don’t let me down. Don’t let me think that this will be over, because I can’t stick up for you all of the time. I’m moving on to greener grasses. I’m done with these half empty glasses. Does it matter that I’m hurt when your lying broken on the floor? I want to fix you. I want to pull the gray that’s shading your life and twist it round my finger. I want you to know, and to remember that this isn’t who you are. Life is a process of becoming, and we need to figure out who we want to turn into. Don’t turn into one of the bad guys. My heart breaks every time. Every time. And I won’t let it break again.
I will fix you.