i just walked away,  
my journeys astray,
dreams - the ash in the ashtray,
but i had not seen them all,
it was not time yet for them to fall,
but we just let them,
and let no more stem.
i loved watching you,
you loved reading me,
now i can feel it, so real,
how it really felt, our bodies,
clung to each other,
i still smell you,
from so far apart,
i hear our skin on each other,
i want to dream of it,
feel it all again,
but i cannot sleep,
but lucky you, you can,
you have for a long time been.

It's good to hear your blessings
You give when  others don't
It's good to know you love me
You speak when others won't

Please dear God hear my prayer
Maybe give me a sign you still care
I do things you wouldn't condone
But please don't leave me all alone
I'm not a thief and I'll never kill
If you don't forgive my sins then nobody will
Always trapped in some form of cage
Made to perform on life's unforgiving stage
Walking down your path I lost my way
It was never my intention to walk astray
Please forgive me for I have sinned
I know to your will I should bend
The Devil's Toy placed me in a haze
It brought out in me my selfish ways
If I could take back it all
Maybe then I could stand up tall
Please grant me the streghnth to face each day
And the wisdom to find my way
Help me to say no to sin
This in your name I pray amen

I wonder if you see me
In your sad memories,
Do you still catch your breath,
Do you still think of me?

When you're down and lonely
And tangled in your tears
So forlorn and empty,
And craving all your fears,

You beg and pray at night
And ache to be in light!
One more lonely, 'not yet'...
Fall in love with your regret.

I wonder if you hear me
In the sad whispered rain,
As it freezes in your soul,
Do you ever say my name?

Have you ever tried to find me
In that sad soulful song?
It sometimes takes a lifetime,
To admit you were wrong.

The morning started with a shower
Arms braced against the wall in a kind of supplication
Pushing hard so damn hard you want to fall
You let the water wash your  dreams and pain away

The morning started with you leaving
Saying I'm so nice as you walk out the door
I know your tired cause we didn't sleep
I remember your whispered promises that were quickly disposed of

The morning started with you lying next to me
While I played Rilo Kiley
So close I could touch you but I could tell you didn't want to be touched

"Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can’t move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can’t breathe
And I hope someone will help me this time..."

I played it in a moment of honesty
My one true expression as I watched the distance grow between us
I wanted to fuck you again cause I hoped it would mean something
Thank you for teaching me that the third time is the charm and the fourth is for sleeping not fucking
It's hard to find this kind of rejection early in the morning. Thanks for staying open late to accommodate me.

The morning started with me laughing  at you when you said where's the underwear?
Writers can laugh at painful parallels and prophesy true unintentionally but not uneventfully
It doesn't help me not want to fuck you again
So we fuck again for the third time. The last time.
You kiss less when your not drunk

The morning started with some smoke and water and generic Advil
Proscribed to all the fallen like vitamins
You look good naked
Next to me
I wonder what this morning will bring?

This morning started with me inside you the second time
You made me cum inside you like you wanted something that I had to give
Maybe love maybe pain -you did like to be hurt
You didn't remember that I said I want to hurt you less cause I actually like you
I choked you cause you wanted it more than me
I feel like Kriegers robot arm sometimes
Perhaps we could just affix a cock to the arm and I could be replaced
Go on vacation to the city of lost whore sluts
I hear the buffet there is wonderful

The morning started with me inside you
On the kitchen floor
I threw you up against the wall too hard
You fell down so I took you right there
On the linoluem Under flourecent lights
You were so tight and tender and tough
You fucked me desperately like you hadn't been getting enough
Sorry for banging your head up against the fridge

The morning started with you next to me
Both of us drunk
You kissed me right
Out of the many there are few that do it
It's a weakness for me and dangerous to believe in the power of knowing through a kiss
You dry humped me like a dog on speed
It felt good
That and the kissing
I said no
I wouldn't fuck you
Like I said before
You said it had been to long
That you never did this
I said I needed to wait
That I liked you
I didn't want you to be just a fuck
Not just for you
But for me
Sometimes even seasoned whores need to feel special
I said that I'd fall too quick
You can be very persuasive

The morning started with me on the couch with your friend
We had makers and he had Jameson
He called it neat but it had Ice
I didn't say anything
You told him that you knew me for a long time and that i was gay
In retrospect it probably helped that I talked about color and carpets and paintings and poetry
I tried not laugh as we tried to pass of our little deceptive parody
Sure it was successful but what does it really say about me that he'd believe it
Oh the irony of pretending to be gay to get a girl
The things we do
He left after a long soliloquy on decorating and fashion
I think you might be like me and sometimes confuse the facts of your friends and stories with your dreams
I thought your adept practiced and surreptitious deception was endearing
I wanted to kiss you all night so I was glad he left
After he was gone I told you in the bathroom that I wanted to kiss you all night and you dropped your pants and peed in front me
You looked at me like no big deal and said what I don't care
I really starting liking you then

The morning started at the bar the night before
You sat down and smiled and flirted with me
You told me I would have to wait a year and a half to fuck you
As we drank way too much and both grew more beautiful and gracious with every ounce of liquid forgetfulness

The morning started the night before at your work when I hit on you cause you were laughing and smiling and had a little halo

The morning started like any other morning
With lies and  rejection and sweetness and passion and loneliness
If I knew I was going to be used like this
I would have used a condom
Not to just protect against the std's but to protect from intimacy
I hope I won't fail on both counts
A little worried
That's why I write this story

They told me not to burn bridges but I love the smell of smoke.
Let's hope they hear the sound of your voice feel its deserved choke.

If you were even worth it, then I'd gladly cut you down,
but I think I'll let you get crushed by your
phony fucking crown.

March silent by me
For I finally sleep.
In life,
They made me march to music,
And those who never wore my colors
Called me hero.
Now,
I'm thankful that
I needn't hear their voices,
For I live within a land
Of eternal sleep,
Where only truth lives,
So we call each other
Only by
Our rightful names.

Ineffable:
Too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words; Too sacred to be uttered.
-------------------------–-------—---------------------------­-------------------------------------------------

The whimpered cries of the dying
in the rubble of Bangladeshi avarice,
announcing we were worthy of life,
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

The still alive cries of children,
tornado-tormented parents screaming unfair,
teachers body shielding their charges, whispering
save us Lord, from your inventive toys,
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

The first alive cries of new born lungs,
I have grandson, stain-less, perfect,
recovering in the stainless steel delivery room,
I hear the all babies pronouncing
a Hebrew blessing, Shecheyanu
(Blessed are You, Lord our God,
Master of the universe, who has kept us alive and sustained us
and has brought usto these special moments)
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

The unspoken devotions of adoration
of the sleeping chamber, that cannot
be heard or answered for they're dreamt,
perchance in the morning thankfully recalled,
enough to be transcribed,
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

Ineffable.

The disgusted silence of the God they pray to
in his holy places, when Jew spits upon Jew,
Muslim or anyone holier than me,
for forgetting in whose image they were created,
to which we cannot say nor think
anything.


Ineffable,
too sacred to be uttered,
so instead of the paucity of these words,
know each tear in the reservoir of my eyes
is my unspoken poem prayer.

Instead of answering amen out loud,
wipe my eyes
with your fingertips,
silently.

Dear mom, Dear Dad,
I know you don't get along, it's sad.
I hear you fight ,I see your pain.
Just know giving up wont make it go away.
The yelling and screaming became a rountine.
You tune us all out every single time.
I'm sick and tired of all the long nights.
Don't you know that I love you.
I guess I'm a few short of good enough.
Please forgive me.
I pray you happy.
Dear mom, dear dad,