The holes in the ozone layer have cracked
and all the fog is rising
and diffusing into heaven
where the angels choke
and lay dying
beneath the sky stained black.
Light up the dark with the flick of a switch,
the power will simmer as circuits brake
because now the sky is dimmer
then ever before.
The glow at the end of the tunnel is weak
and the angels no longer sing
because their lungs are heavy with the sting
of the smog that fills heaven
too much for fragile eyes to handle.
Tears dissipate and trickle to earth
but these drops are not enough to reverse
the draught and dull of the human curse.
When I stand and ask to stop the fight, I wake up to find tears ripped out my eyes, without a sound, no sound
As long as I live in that illusion, screams won't save me, coz nobody's moving all around, all around
When the dark nights and lonely days are coming, all I have to do is be brave to handle the truth, the truth
Spent a lot of time in the wrong way, I didn't respect or even understand my youth, my youth
Dreams became the only place to live in, coz when the clock's ticking, my whole world stays freezing won't move on, won't move on
Voices sound like echoes, hearts aren't beating, with no loving and there's no believing, it's like a song, a sad song
Rejected by the closest ones to my heart, until I had a shell closing on me hard 'til I broke, I broke
Stuck in the moment, facing all kinds of insulting sayings that I couldn't stand, 'til I spoke, I spoke
Facing the fever in the middle of the snow, so cold and destroying won't let me glow so I cry, hardly cry
I have to be careful when I breathe in, coz everytime I take it, for me It's pulling away from sight, it gives me fright
Moving fast like the speed of sound
I cannot stop it.
Uncontrollable, I cannot handle it.
It rules me, but someday I will win.
A never ending battle,
One I thought I could never finish.
I have risen like the phoenix,
And I will prosper.
The drunk girls are so loud
when they cheer for us.
They're more excited
than we could ever be.
We are terrified to the bone.
Well, I know I am.
Though you fascinate me.
You don't need love, you found and lost your home.
Neither do I,
My old scars still sting.
I've fucked up.
We fucked up everything.
It's not all the girls,
just the ones that can't handle their cocktails.
Not the cool kids, who smoke,
drink pitchers of beer and
full bottles of vodka
but can still count backwards from thirty.
Just the ones that love me,
know what would make me happy.
I'm not incapable of love,
we just don't like it.
My ego wouldn't let me anyway,
my important sense of self
forever blocks the way.
Do you understand how perfect I would have this be?
It horrifies me.
Another visit...another visit to the hospital.
Why can't they understand,that I don't need all this medicine,or treatments.
I can't handle all the trips I take in an ambulance and being rushed in to my room.
I fear the needles they stick in me,and the meds they make me take.
They pump the fluids into me until I gently fall into a deep sleep.
...And I wake up...forgetting where I was.
It's all the same routine.
Overrun by an army of wham bar chewing youth
It was the playground of the Gola kids leaping roof to roof
A court of single mothers denied love and truth
It was don’t refuse me I lived with the proof
Drink and smoke in ten by eight rooms
It involved lifting your head there were no silver spoons
Finding yourself in paint words or tunes
It involved hide and seek under the passing of moons
A keen mind watch your mouth who you mention
It required that you stand alert ready at attention
A steady centre to handle the tension
It required a certain nous of the peripheral dimension
Wisdom you know the type not taught
It called for an insight that was only ever caught
Give and take where brawling was sport
It called for all you were no falling short
A place they would often rundown
It was a set where we were always short by a pound
A tough old place in a tough old town
It was the school of my generation 90’s Gibbonsdown
She said its easy as pie
Just do it right and no one will know
But as I looked down
At his half sunken face
I thought to myself
Its easier said then done
And as I bent down
To grab his cold pale ankles
A funny thought came to my head
Just last month I saw him and said
You are one in a million
The only one in the world
But as secrets slowly creped out
And as gossip spread
One girl came before me
"You know what they say," she rasped
Her lips curled as she glared
"The good ones never stay long."
And as her sharp words cut through me
I tried to keep my bleeding heart together
I ran as fast as I could back to my home
Right back to my room
I was down in the dumps
Felt used and unloved
And as I heard his hand touch the handle
I stood in guard
And waited for his last words
"I will not have my heart broken again," said I
And at last, as I stood over his crimson body
She strolled right in
With that same evil smile
I felt cut and dried
And nothing I could do
It was all my fault
And nothing I could do
And as I covered his stone body
With the earths damp dirt
I thought to myself
He was one in a million
The only one in the world
When I was 14 in 04
it was the first time I touched dope
had a toke
it made me choke
next thing you know
I was blowing O's
Like Cheech and Chong's "Up In Smoke"
I made friends and I met foes
learn the hard way that's how the game goes
I cuff women and I pass hoes
stay with a cigar like I'm Castro
thinking bout moving where the grass grow
so I can be part of the cash flow
life aint nothing but a gamble
don't try things that you can't handle
you get ran up and dismantled
I seen life blow out like a candle
All My soldiers strapped up like Rambo
while they wasting money on Lambos
We buying ammo
and more camo
I've seen people flip flop like a sandal
why my neighbors looking at me like a vandal
I'm so handsome where's my damsel
I hope I find her for my life is canceled
I want a queen that's worth a king's ransom
Not another girl just to say we ran some.
I hate the thought
of losing myself to this
Succumbing to it
Not have control
But I can't handle it anymore
It may change me
But maybe that is a good thing
That I have lost control anyways
I am surrounded by thorns,
They tear at my flesh,
And my love for that single rose,
Is my only light,
The monster's horns,
Gouge me, a creeping rash,
And heaven only knows,
My painful plight,
The stones' pointed starkness,
Suffocated by darkness,
No one can see,
That all these things are killing me,
That rose used to glow so bright,
But now it's light,
Is lost to the eternal night,
I wish that I could somehow break free,
It'd be better to feel nothing,
Than to feel this pain,
I wish that someone would see,
Of this deadly domain,
How long have I been here?
Encased in this cell,
Of thorns and darkness,
I can't even tell,
Time goes by so sluggishly,
I might as well,
Be in Hell,
Who's to say I'm not already there?
But I know I'm on Earth,
I'm still alive,
If this could be called living,
I choke on this air,
I have known no mirth,
Can I be revived?
No, this place is unforgiving,
Would it be easier to end it now?
Even if I could somehow,
Escape this place,
I'd never be able to face,
The world with its barbed lace,
The scars still marring my skin,
My self-control is wearing thin,
Scrabbling in the thorns and vines,
I grasp the handle of the knife,
Time to end my miserable life,
I plunge it deep, ready to part,
With this miserable existence,
Feel it embedded in my heart,
I whisper my last words to that rose,
Shining like the brightest star,
"My love, I am sorry, but,
Your love wasn't enough,
To keep me alive,"
The blood flows from the cut,
All I will leave behind is a scuff,
In the dirt,
In heaven shall I be revived.
This is the picture I used as inspiration: http://img2.ranker.com/list_img/3703/301003/full/last-words-written-by-famous-people-in-their-suicide-notes.jpg?version=1312400270000
But I also drew inspiration from this one as well: http://livinginrecovery.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/war1.jpg?w=640
These picture prompts really sent me to a new place, emotionally. This is definitely one of the longest poems I've ever written, but I don't think it should have been any shorter. A lot of this poem is symbolic and I did draw also from personal experience for this, but I most definitely blew it out of proportion to make a poem like this. I hope you enjoyed it!