I think I've been sitting in front of plasma screens for way too long
Because I feel a carcinoma in the back of my head
Oh, and I guess I bleached my brain out
Because my laptop feels like a tanning bed sometimes
I can't help but notice all these living room nomads
With faces pasted to the television
Growing remote controls out of the back of their skulls...
I reached my hand to feel the back of my scalp
And just found my own sweat.
Theres this chemical found
in the books you love
that makes the smell of turning the page
Reminding me of every word I've ever learned
that wont fit the smell of a number two pencil
with the language given.
I will try.
Because I was taught elementry things that I still dont understand
like how to give up.
What is taught isn't always blowing through your sense.
So lend me your ear and hear this.
Help me remember the miracle
of tragic wealth,
where oppurtunity in the ventures of wallstreet
is worth more than everybody else
and somehow still
no child gets left behind.
Leaving only our parent's nuerosis that become our friends
inability to write poetry.
The form of a child is something to be ashamed of
and you better believe that the ink can't speak
because growing up
that lesson that did sink in
under your skin is how you've never been able to say what you mean.
So run along lil duckling
traffic wont wait in this brisk pace
of a life you better learn.
We don't have time for nature.
A mother we grow to think we were born into
but out of?
the biggest lie to convince us
that such a thing as original exists
when the closest to original you'll get
is the collage of your human experience.
Turning school children into ducklings
reality into god
war into novels
spanish harlem into charity abroad
body language into a farewell to your fear
and journal studies into truth
but if I wanted to talk about the absolute
it's poetry I'd read to you.
Because when I saw god
I had to
To even come
every bead of sweat evidence of
the good work
the lessons learned
and all the things that I must burn.
To keep pace in this place
climbing a catalogue
when my time comes
My Ideal Man:
1. Watch nerdy movies with me, you'll get my heart quicker if you love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or superhero movies along with me.
2. Be a Bruins fan please. Or at least a hockey fan, but Bruins is preferable.
3. Be kind. Don't do things just for yourself. If you see someone struggling help them.
4. Be patient. My family and I are nuts, and I'm so sorry about that, but we love with our whole hearts, and you'll never find people who care for you more, or will do anything for you.
5. Tolerate my musical preferences. I listen to quite a wide range of music, so bear with me.
6. When I'm sick, just let me watch a Disney movie, give me space (because when I'm sick I feel far from pretty, and have a tendency to not want to be around people) and I will love you forever.
7. Have faith. You don't have to be ridiculously religious, but believe in heaven and God.
8. Please have a functioning moral compass.
9. Don't question the TV shows I watch. (Ex. Game of Thrones, Project Runway, Friends)
10. Have a good relationship with your parents and siblings.
11. Be a dog lover, I'm going to want dogs when I live with someone (and I'm so sorry we can only get hypoallergenic ones)
12. Accept the fact that I tell my mum almost everything. If I know, likely she will know unless you make it very apparent that you don't want anyone to know.
13. Don't lie. Just don't.
14. Don't cheat. That should be obvious, but I've been through it before and I don't think I could handle it again.
15. Yes I'm a child when it comes to the little things in life. I love ice cream sundaes, coloring, Spongebob, and most adolescent things. Let it be.
16. If you have something bothering you, talk to me. Communication is key and I can't read minds, no matter how hard I try.
17. Be able to laugh at yourself, I do all the time at myself because most of the time I know I'm foolish.
18. Never underestimate snuggling. Unless it's really hot out.
19. Be spontaneous. Lord knows sometimes I do some strange things for no reason, but as long as they bring joy to someone or yourself, then do it.
20. Love with your whole heart.
I remember every inch of you
and those memories come
back to haunt me now, while i
toss and turn, attempting
any semblance of rest.
but there is no escaping you.
you are so clear, so fresh
in my mind that, when
i close my eyes, i imagine
i can hear you breathing in
this bed next to me.
i feel the warmth of
your skin. i feel your
hands on my waist,
pulling me close while
your full lips press against
mine, my fingers in
the hair at the back
of your neck
I can see every tiny detail
of your face.
the mole near your lip,
the tiny scar on your
forehead, the skin tab
on your eyelid, the little
hairs on your chin and cheeks.
the softness of your skin
how it was perfect.
plush to the touch,
not skinny or hard
but not fat
the way your pubic hair would
have the most perfect tiny
curls, how it felt between
my fingers. Soft, unexpectedly
the hair on your legs made
you manly. your calves
so strong. Anyone could
see that those legs
were going to take you
How- when i would
straddle your stomach and
you would pull your arms
above your head,
valleys would form
valleys would form in your
armpits, where your glorious
scent was the one
smell that let me know
i was home.
You were my home.
Valleys would form, craters
would appear in your
collarbone, jutting out in
a way that i couldn't
your nipples, tiny
hills. you would always
you were so beautiful.
the toenails on your big toes
were broad and flat
hair growing on the
top of your foot
if only you were here
I would kiss every inch of you
until you truly understood
how much I miss you.
I miss you.
You and only you.
You were a queen and I was a dunce
You wanted things and I gave you none
You had dreams and I had drugs
You bought a degree and I bought 'dubs'
You liked boys and I liked you
You broke my heart and I broke yours too
You wanted out and I wanted in
You began to pout and I began to grin
You left me and I left town
You wore a smile and I wore a frown
You moved on and I moved out
You hooked up and I went without
You are doing well and I am feeling miserable
You like being logical and I am nonsensical
You are growing up and I am growing old
You like making rules and I like to not be told
You think you're really awesome and I strongly disagree
You seem a little like your mom and I find that rather scary
You stay home and be happy and I will go out and be free
You have a wild ride ahead and I have plenty myself to see
You have said your parting words and I am now writing mine
So this is goodbye baby girl, I will always remember our time
I will probably stand you up on end,
the way hair rises for
though not exactly how it’s supposed to be
I’ll play the current
and you won’t be what you were,
or at least always have been
And whether that changing
and charging between us
is right or wrong
is up for interpretation.
And speaking of interpretations,
you could wind up trying to read my signs
even though they won’t be signs,
unless I make them signs...
like warning signs,
or danger signs,
or maybe the kind of signs on old road posts,
weathered and worn,
or maybe the kind of picket signs
that tells you all the ways
from which you can leisurely choose
on some sun dusted road
with your options spread at your eyes
and your feet
and hopefully, your heart
and you could choose whichever direction
that you think you know you want
And my words will most likely make you strain to hear,
though it may be a song you don’t understand,
like those of birds flying together distantly,
whom no matter how you concentrate,
are still a different species,
singing a foreign tongue,
who make you feel
and make you know
with a sadness or determination or both,
that until a melody is made solely for you,
you will always just be dropping eaves
And speaking of dropping,
I could cause a loosened grasp on things
the things you can touch,
and the things you can’t
and the things I can’t
will all be forgotten,
at least, seconded
by my growing presence in your mind
you might imagine me as an Alice
oh my poor, shrinking wonderland
you didn’t stand a chance.
And it’s possible those things,
the ones that you let drop,
will clatter to the ground,
from your forgetful, or, unconcerned fingers,
and when they are grounded,
lowered to my toes,
that I may see a higher view
But, perhaps, just maybe
you’ll find that,
though they fell,
though you let them fall,
that I didn’t let them b r e a k
perhaps you’ll see I will have made for them a haven,
cushioning, cradling and made up of only the softest matter,
six thousand thread count kind of stuff,
and my kisses
And when you finally come down from my initial high,
it’s probable that you’ll be so dazed
that you must look at your feet
to make sure that you are still standing
and that is when you will see
that in the moments when you forgot
the importance of your things, that I
And I could not let them
clatter, shatter, smash
and that though they dropped,
because of me,
they are still intact
because of me
and when you see your things,
ones you loved but forgot you loved,
that they are all
is when you will know you can love me
time to get the party started
get the captain morgan
and the hydro blowing
time to get the ladies over
with small cut off tee shirts and
victoria secret booty shorts
got a homie thats got the hookup
on the booze and hoes.
So I'll drop the top down
and get the swissher crushed down
and get these pants ironed and pressed
get the weed rolled up
lets blow this bitch.
Go get it
or someone else will
party all night
and live for the thrill
because were all growing up
but I would kill
for this night to never end.
so the pussy is wetter then
the blunt I just split
she got the Dick eyes
smash her out
and chow down on some popeyes
rent can wait
because I'm crusin out of state to party in
the cities tonight
get fucked up on Extacy and spend my paycheck away.
we came threw we fucked pussy
left the town
had it wondering "what just happened to me"
We’re on the brink of brotherhood,
The link is sewed of falling in love
That eventually landed and shattered.
I love you more than I’ve loved before,
The green grass only growing as time goes by.
And I will hold your hand when Death comes calling,
And I will be your light in the dark.
And I will shed tears if you are thirsty,
And in my heart you will always be the first.
We used to intertwine like vines growing up a tree
Now the only thing that intertwines is this dark and me.
You’re tequila for my bones and braids, the starlet in my smoke,
This trick has got its grip on me; my song’s become a choke.
True love never fails and that’s my failure in the night
Marijuana medicine taken ‘fore twilight
Thoughts resurrect like zombies, grow between my veins,
Even when you’re absent you still keep me insane
Poetic, pathetic, diuretic, drain me of my blood
Mixing spit and hate and love until it becomes mud
Sheets of shame and guilt’s to blame for my empty heart
Foreclosed, alone, this isn’t poetry, this isn’t art
Eighteen and way too broken to be reckless and to care
Pull the trigger, shatter me, pull on my long dead hair
Scar-less little dream-catcher holding onto golden wings
Baby girl with bad dreams drinking up careless flings
I’m an alien with history just looking to get high
I prefer my world fucked-up, on the rocks and extra dry.
I was buried ten thousand leagues under your sea,
Hide tide and low tide eroded me away.
From a great big rock to a land of sand,
I couldn’t get a grip without your hand.
But it’s been nearly a year; I’m growing like a tree.
After long surfing your wavelength, I am finally free.