We spoke of many things
While Adventure Time blared in the background
And my heart throbbed
And my head filled with fear

If only I lived a little more with my heart
And a little less with my head
I might know that she’s mine, for sure

Mine.
Ha.
She’s not anyone’s girl. She won’t ever be, probably.
That’s why I like her.

Wild as wheat in an abandoned field under beating sun
And her hair was soft as a cushion
And I used her stomach as such.

Oh Lauren.
I can’t help myself.
That’s a lie. I can, slightly, but I don’t want to.

I don’t know if you’re sleeping or leaving or nodding (that’s unlikely - is it?)

You’re probably not gone
I’m probably just freaking out

At least I have art as a consolation
Even your sweat smells good
Lauren
Who I don’t know and I know too well already

I want to grab you and fuck you until we’re one
And have lost you to the world by spring.

fog transforms
careful wanderers into  wild wanton beasts
kindergartners follow them right off the ledge
clutching lunch pails & daddy’s ideas
about class warfare
prices of coal, oil, other things doomed for obsolescence
&  how not to love
just lie there without saying anything at all
& watch it all crumble back into squalling baby dinosaurs
it’s midnight & I’m with you
you’re learning about economics
hyperbole & statistics
the way my freckles move depending on my frown
& how not to trust
simply put
never bet on anything that talks
push your pencil close & mark me
my psychoses already knows what owns me
watch the pupils turn in the eyelids
hear me name the other thing that torments
move closer & pretend I called for you
cover my mouth with those utilitarian hands
remind me who I’m whipped by
take the throat
remind me who I stay by
& who I’m slain by
now
grab the blunt end & point the sharp one here
wipe the crust from your eyes

wake up! wake up!

God needs you.

Shall I keep the friendship we shared?
Shall I continue to honor it by remembering what we did?
Shall I remember the first time you spoke to me
and all the fun things we did thereafter?
For some reason, you just stood a little further from me
Bit by bit,
and now, you're too far away. When I reach out my hand
You can't grab it. If this was a sinking ship,
I can't save you.
You can't save me either.
Shall I forget what used to be you and what used to be me?
Right now, you've found a newer land, a greener grass,
but you wouldn't let me step on it,
you just bid me goodbye slowly but you're being so cold.
You wouldn't tell me directly if you're simply pushing me away;
you're like a block of ice I'd slide down a hill and let it break into many pieces.
Stop being so cold, at least, but if that's what you want to be:
icy, distant and unfamiliar,
I wondered where the old you had disappeared.

I bid goodbye to her forever.

A new day will come and I will shed my old skin and
all my memories formed with it.

Have you ever
Stretched a rubber band?
It’s easy.
Just grab both ends
And pull
And pull.

The tension builds
Tighter
And
Tighter

The rubber gets
Thinner
And
Thinner

Soon
The tension gets
Too much
And

The rubber
Band
Snaps

Remember
The pain that comes
With it?
The sharp
Sting

That brings tears
To your eyes
But just within
A short moment

It’s over.

your words are delectably dark
the most intriguing sentences form in my ears
i can barely take them all in
you have me hooked and i sense my soul being
dragged under your blankets
but i can't feel a thing
i grab your face and search it for something i cannot find
where has it gone?
i sink back now
you aren't who i fell for

You don't know how long i've struggled
crying each and every night
but today's the day I redeem myself
as I sit here writing in this light

I write the last chapters of my life
and place it on this shelf
then I go to grab this kitchen knife
waiting to take my place in hell
but now it's time to wonder, who really knew me well?


So by the time you dress up in black,
my story has been found
but don't you weep young one
cause even the mighty have fell.