Ripples spread throughout the water
Another drop hits disrupting the beautiful ripples.
I watch more drops fall and look to the sky feeling a sense of sadness
Not that there is something to be sad for it's just that the world is crying that's all
Remaining slight for a minute then I cry along with the world
Another tear falls disrupting the ripples, the beautiful ripples.
I let them fall and look to the sky feeling the world's sadness wrap itself around me.
Not stopping it from keeping me warm, Not going to stop crying not until the world stops.
It's taken me many years to come to some sort of conclusion about my childhood.
One of the largest obstacles in my way, I think, is my conditioning.
Put your hair up, Boy Soldier, and take off that skirt.
We're going to go play basketball and go to Home Depot.
Don't misunderstand. I loved those moments with my father. I still love them, because they are
Moments when we aren't trying to rip out each others' eyes.
I don't think my father could comprehend
That I would have played basketball
And gone to the hardware store
And helped him build model planes all the same
With a bow in my hair, a skirt on my waist,
And a pout on my lip.
I was the Boy Soldier, who should have been Jason Jacob,
With short brown hair and a love for track and field.
What he was given was far too different to make any sense.
But Mary Margaret would always do her best.
Sure goes smooth
Sure does not feel as reckless as it really is
Sure goes fast
Sure can’t take you fast enough
Past these fields and cities, images
That fade in and out of the window’s view like a wafer melts away on your tongue.
Can’t look too closely or you’ll make yourself sick with the speed
Would be better if the train was so fast everything was a blur instead of pictures going by
Like being immersed in the ocean or careening around in the sky.
It feels like a secret
Your favorite secrets, the kind no one tells you and the kind
No one knows
But you who learned them, the ones
Not whispered between cupped fingers,
But seen from in hiding, without acknowledgement.
This late night train
It runs past windows and shakes the legs of bridges
And only a few were awake to see it speed by
Maybe saw your face on the other side of the glass
And thought about this face they would never again know.
There’s a runaway on it
Who looks out the windows and listens to the still air in the car and
With a somber optimism
Tosses to the racing pictures that hound the windows, hungry,
A name and all the strings attached to it.
A Little Dark Humour for You!
Angels Don't Have Wonky Eyes!
Going through those gates of pearl,
Sudden vision ,
Supported by nylon strings,
This nefarious fellow,
Shocked to end his days in heaven!
Spun round while greeted,
By angel discreet,
Realised revenge was truly sweet,
Ex-wife was angel he did meet!
Angel turned to him and smiled,
No longer meek,
No longer mild,
Really feeling rather wild!
Fallen came to fetch him
Gonna take you straight to hell,
Had to create a little story,
Dedicated to his lost glory!
With a knowing wink and a glint in her,
She grabbed his arm,
We gotta fly,
He made her dance when she was alive,
The karma effect,
She had revived!
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
"the grass is always greener on the other side"
But I say,
"the grass is greener where it rains."
Flowers need sun to grow,
but also rain to bloom.
You can't experience the sunshine
without going through storms.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Oh lovely, a new friend.
Would you be so kind to listen to my story?
I need to tell someone as I fear I may be going insane.
If you are going to listen to my story, could you please try not to judge me?
Oh, what’s that?
You’ll listen to my story?
And you won’t judge me?
Oh well, isn't that just lovely.
Now, the question is where do I start?
Your heaven has failed me
On the days when I felt loading up the dish washer was a
Personal assault on my psyche
Your god has-
Run me over with his fists too many times
And made me believe it was paternal pat’s on the back
Pain I was feeling,
You carry the gravel in your teeth
To make sure its full of grit,
When you speak,
“you’re full of shit”
You say im just weak for the things
That have made me unholy.
I am weak for the things that have unbroken me.
These words are shrapnel
You let them sink into our skin there is no more dirt to chew
I will spend my last moments
Holding onto the fucking noose
I’m going down swinging
And if that means I’ll hang
So be it
There are worst ways to die
Because I’ve died before
Nothing special happens. Ya’ll can stop dreaming.
Kindness isn’t supposed to taste so bitter
Isn’t supposed to hurt so much
Never knew how much the night sky despised the daylight
Until you moved to a country where it gets longer every year
You never knew how kind
The sun was to your skin-
Ive got tan lines where my noose used to swing
It took me three years to untie myself
And I still have scars
Whether they will be there or not in a few more years
I guess ill stick around and see just
How much ive
Is anyone out there?
I'm all alone.
Can anyone hear me?
Is anyone there to find me
And tell me everything's going to be okay
The one lie that everyone wants to hear
The one that makes everything a little bit better
But it is yet a lie
It's false hope
Nothing gets better
The world is a lie
And we are all trapped in its web
Spiraling down into darkness
No one is there
Just your false hopes
Your dreams soon turn to the unimaginable
Your happiness turns to bitter loneliness
Your life turns to ash
All thats left of you sits in a pit of despair
Still believing in the little lie
I knew you were damaged and broken
But I never knew how much
You hid it so well at times
This thing with us was new
I couldn't tell at first how hurt you were
There came a day
When we went on this special date
You surprised me
By taking me out to the country
Setting up a beautiful scene
In front of a mountain view
Under the stars
For a while, all was fine and normal
Then, tears started out of your eyes
You became so angry
Before I knew it, I was on the ground
Shellshock and dumbfound
Part of me wanted to get up and fight
The other part knew you never meant to
My face already feeling the ramifications of the attack
When you saw what you had done
I had never seen such horror before
Your eyes so wide
Kneeling down and tenderly grabbing my face
Punctuating each with I'm sorry
Trying to console and reassure you
It was alright
But we both knew it wasn't alight or okay
You needed healing
When I got home
Making you sure you were gone
Before I went in alone
Trying to hide the injury under my hat
Run to my room as fast as I could
Without looking stupid
He was coming down the hall
Asking how things went
I replied then went on
But he could tell; he could see things weren't okay with me
He blocked my way
Then gently lifted my hat
Much similar to your reaction, he responded with horror
Wide eyes, confusion and then realization
Anger came right after that
I knew he was going kill you
Putting my hands on his chest
Blocking his forward passage
Telling him the situation
Almost yelling at him
There were things he didn't know
That I did and understood
Then the door bell rang
Suddenly, desperation was replaced with horror
I knew exactly who it was
……And so did he
The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The bitch had been riding my ass all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”
As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.