i am every unfinished poem that sits in piles of crumpled paper by your waste bin and every crowded thought in the cranial space above your neck. i am every word that begs to be free from the tip of your tongue but remains just out of your memory's reach. i am comprised of the colors of sunrise but am more the mood of a sunset. i am the familiar fingerprints on your favorite coffee mug. i am a wicker rocking chair on somebody's grandmother's porch. i am bite marks on your pencil and the crick in your neck. i am the vacant blurry buzz of an old television set. i am all of the places i have never been. i am lovers' names carved into summertime tree bark, promising "forever" - only to fall short of that promise by the time the leaves change. i am here. i am not where i belong.
you are the gravity that keeps my feet on earth. you are the atmosphere i breathe. you are the rain that feeds my soul & makes flowers grow. you are my revival and my revolution and the courage i kept hidden inside of closed fists for so long i formed crescent moons in my palms. you are an unstoppable fire that is burning me alive in the best way. you are the only rooftop i have ever visited that i haven't felt the urge to jump off of. you are the gentle hum and rumble of the washing machine i used to nap beside when i was a little girl. you are the creaky wooden swing in my backyard where i sat for countless hours and smoked and cried and pondered. you are all my favorite odds & ends bound together by my wildest dreams. you are sometimes so beyond my understanding, that i wonder when i'm going to wake up; and if i ever did find out that you were just a dream, i would bang on heaven's gates and plead with god to let me sleep. you are there. i am here, you are there.
one of us needs to move.
u wanna smoke guns
off yrself before u turn 21
u will smoke em i will
watch u walk away
w/ sad eyes
god watching us w/
tell me how u saw
him weep for the greatest
love story me as diotima
you as socrates
preaching love &
peace peace & love
she sat in the kitchen
frivolously underlining passages in her brand new bible
nodding her head
occasionally pressing her hands into her chest
"yes" she'd whisper
with her blind eyes shut
every cripple needs a crutch
every hour or so
she'd leave her hiding place
to shove her misunderstanding in my face
"god only loves us if we ask him to"
"you're a sinner. your sins can only be cleansed with the blood of christ"
"our lives gain their only meaning when we ask christ into our hearts"
is that right?
how'd he find any room in yours
when you keep it bound up like a hostage?
i tried with all my might
to remind myself that i am a spiritual being
that i want no one to hurt
even those who waste their precious seconds plotting ways to hurt others
to craft everyone their own kind of pain that they can name
help you look up a cure in a little black troubleshooting guide
but i cracked
and i snapped
and i didn't feel bad
don't you get it?
are you paying attention to what you read?!
the whole goddamned story is about LOVE...
about loving everyone
not only under certain circumstances
but every second of every day
the same way we're told that he loved
calling yourself a christain is the farthest thing that you can do from actually being christ-like
he was a good guy
like robin hood
you won't get a free car
or fleeting fame
all you'll gain is peace
and clearly that's what you really need
but you also need to remember
that if he's watching everyone's every move
like you say
then he too sees you going out of your way to ruin someone elses day
he sees you ignore the hungry man asking for change
he sees you preaching things you've never practiced
he sees you looking for ways to bend the rules without breaking them
if christ came back
he wouldn't be the sharp-dressed man seated up front
whom you try to charm the pants off of with your faith every week
he'd be the homeless man outside sitting by the steps in silence
whom you marched right passed
without so much as a glance
or a simple hello
he'd know you misunderstood the entire message
flash a toothy grin
and go right back to spitting prophesies into his brown paper bag
but most importantly
he'd never rub it in your face that he thinks you've got it wrong
it is however a direct jab at people of any practice, who don't even bother to embody any of the basic principles or ethics of said faith, such as; trust, compassion, empathy, understanding, selflessness, and love.
a baby appears onstage in a kick drum. the more I think of time travel the more it can do. when I ask about the fresh blood you say I should see the ear muffs. you say they are behind the snowy tv screen we made into a blanket for a dying robot and stared at to avoid the sight of your father the walking anthill. my privates move in my sleep. my privates are outside the governance of worship. you can have me from the waist up. my breasts are alone. the devil shares a history with god. in Ohio I am not a girl chewing the corner of a baseball card.
When i met her, she was so afraid of this life and needed someone. like all this worlds cruelness had caused her being to come undone.
In our start, it seemed so perfect, our future right there to see. I thought we'd be forever, in love and live happily.
but then she started changing, taking me for granted, like somehow her heart and love for me had been transplanted.
I have no idea how or why this happened, all i know now is my heart is flattened, her love for me is gone. and all people tell me to do is move on
my love for her just wont go, I just don't see how it could, most people's logic of love must be very misunderstood.
For if someone you love was to just stop loving you. I'm sure you wouldn't know what to do, your love for them will just stay, causing you pain every single day. all your emotions just black. because you want that connection back. knowing no matter what you do, she will never again be in love with you.
I was a fool to keep in touch, it caused me to hurt too god damned much, to watch her fall in love with someone else, It made me want to kill myself, so nearly two years later, i thought i would have grown to hate her, but no I still love her to this day, and my heart will forever stay this way, destined to be on my own. for she is the only love, I have ever known.
two candles but they're only your eyes.
twisting and contorting, and they can articulate your desires better than your mouth ever could.
candle wax only exists on the crests of your cheekbones when your eyes have been blazing for days.
they drip down in patterns that God himself could only hope to decipher.
your eyes as they burn are subjective only to the sound of her voice, or the curvature of her body as it writhes beneath you.
your visceral reactions have nothing on the hidden semantics that litter her skin.
ubiquitous presences gazing down at you, gazing down at her, windows fogging and cracking.
now, This is Poetry
This is Catharsis
this is raining hell down on her until she's every saturated colour she could never define.
like forcing her to write every pro and con of sleeping on the floor while you held a gun to her head.
and she knows better than to scream with the lights turned on.
give me guided meditation as a self defence mechanism.
give me self reflection as a form of shock therapy.
give me militant offensive tactics.
give me blood, give me a martyr.
whisper her name into the sheets and send them into space.
and let them drift along forever.
and send her into space after them.
and admire the way it can rob her of her last breath the way you never could.
maybe now you can look yourself in the eye in the mirror.
maybe you can stop burning all those goddamn candles.
maybe now you can stop trying to burn yourself down.
We'd been walking for an age,
Stone by passing stone
We passed ever onward,
Towards our end
Here will do, came the call,
It brimmed with confidence
But it came from, God knows who.
The shadows shift to greet the day,
The shovels drift through seas of waste.
We've struggled here, me and you.
Now fight the earth, and raise this tomb.
But who is speaking?
Where from do they call?
Why was I beckoned here?
Am I really here at all?
Its all so facile!
A predictable jaunt!
It was all called from day one,
Now there's just the motions to evoke.
The dirt brushed steel finds the reaches of the deep
You'd seek to sleep, had you earned your rest
Yet among cartoon images and plastic sets
I think you'll find, you were at your best
To the dark, to the dark,
You stride with brimming smile into the the reach
As if to deprive, yet no one would ever seek
Why scrawl in a corner, what do you hope to yield?
Listen now boy, the dirt is all there is
Bow your head and conceal your task
We'll hit rock bottom and you'll sleep at last.
What right do they have to rule my life?
They're so intrusive.
So commanding and demanding.
I know what I want to do.
I know what I want out of life.
But evidently that isn't good enough.
I want to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
It is absolutely unfair the way they try to run my life.
"Why would you do that?"
"You have no idea about it."
Well you know what?
I HAVE A CLUE!
I've been put on this Earth for a reason.
And it's not to live under he rules of someone else.
My purpose is to run my own life.
To live the life that I choose for myself.
To figure out what God wants for me.
To just be happy.
Lost in a nightmare world,
tangled in a vine of despair.
Held tightly in it's thistles,
my heart has been laid bare.
Bleeding from the sharpened thorns,
tears of sorrow, run bloody down my cheeks.
Where is this merciful God?
Relief from this pain is all I seek.
Show me the door to eternity,
that lies beneath the towering elms.
For this world holds no more peace,
and bids me enter your realm.
Ripped apart by Heavens fury,
I travel the path of dark dreams.
For the light of this soul is lost,
floating amidst life's turbulent streams.
Cast out upon the crying winds,
beat into the rustic earth.
Enfold me in the safety of your arms,
and lie me in the place of my rebirth.
Kathleen M. Kohl/Levinski
you made me feel
like less of a cage
for one night
my bars were branches
i have since, however,
thrown away the key.
wore your heart on your knee
we spent three months
until i found you
washing your sheets
you made me impulsive
i knew nothing but your name
we shared our skin for three & a half hours
until i faked a text
and rushed to leave.
one night stand,
and all fours,
we were eachothers last resort
the whole time
i felt like the aftermath of a catherine wheel
all my charred skin wanted
was to find something for breakfast.
found comfort together
2-3 nights a week
momentary comfort left me
with uncomfortable shame
maybe that's why i never said your name
always tried to hide my face.
your arms were meant to be a haven
i was supposed to find god in you
we ought to have been scripture
but i am not a holy temple
and i stopped praying years ago.
you made me shine
from across the bar
it didn't take you long
to get me into a taxi
didn't take you long
to stain my skin
didn't take me long to let you in
now every time i see you
i know i'll never be clean