I cleaned out an old drawer
of odds and ends.
    paperclips and the door to a battery case on some remote
    an orange candle stub, from Halloween I think
    batteries and four flashlights, though only one worked
    and parts of things I'm sure made sense to keep at the time
          I have no idea what they are now

I cleaned out an old drawer
  of things forgotten
      my daughter picture in a lost setting
      a letter of gratitude from a friend, but for what?
      a postcard from Barcelona
      graduation announcements for our friend's children
           I don't think I sent a gift

I cleaned out an old drawer
  of memories and my past
     a ticket stub from an evening with Isabel
     a newspaper clipping of my son in scouts
     old mother's day cards from the kids
     New York City subway map from October 2001
         Memories of adventure and affection

I cleaned out an old drawer
  and sorted, discarded and remembered
     batteries went together in a small box
    rubber bands and  coins in appointed places
    memories dusted off and replaced
        out of the drawer and back into my heart

My life has cabinet drawers
   stuffed with junk and trash mixed with treasures and tools
I think I'll clean my cabinet more often
     To organize things that I've needed
         like my mom and dads affection and support
         kind and playful  friends'
     Throw away useless things
          like anger, resentment, and regret
          to make room for our treasures
    And be reminded of what has been
         a childhood of play, security, and discovery
         magical children  and the wonder at every age
         my beloved's steadfast love and respect
I cleaned out an old drawer
        and found some peace.

Friday

Missing a dear friend
She passed away this evening
May she rest in peace


Saturday

This day feels so odd
Not like normal Saturdays
My heart is breaking


Sunday

Time moves so swiftly
All the time spent growing up
Where has it all gone?

Five sweet memories,
before I can unwind my thoughts,
before I can calm the world,
And justify my afflictions,
The bullet that heals the wound,
Overly aware of my spine twisting on the crooked mattress,
I count

Five.  We’re sitting on the bench in his backyard.
I’m too nervous to move.  
His words are rushing together in my mind,
but I nod gently anyway.  
Gazing at the night sky as he unwinds his past to me.  
He laughs, I laugh.  
He lays his head on my shoulder,
letting his soft hair press against my neck.  
I try to stop time,
Like a philosopher aching to solve the mysteries of human misery,
I have found pure truth and beauty,
but to no avail, time is a burdenous bitch

Four.  
We are hiking in the desert.  
We climb rock after rock, yet my joints feel nothing.  
He points out the best footing for me, and despite being an avid hiker,
I follow along, pretending to be grateful for his instructions.  
At the top of the cliff, we sit on smooth stones.  
Lightning strikes in a far off storm. We ooh and ahh at each blast.  
Flash
Darkness
Flash. A glimpse of his eyes
Darkness.
Flash. His lips
I turn towards him and he turns to me.  Our eyes light with each strike, but the stare holds.
And despite the flashes, we are cast in the darkness of our locked eyelids
Our locked lips
The lightning mixes with city lights and all is bright for a split-second
The numbness wears off, letting us realize the desert has become frigid.  
We race down the mountain, returning to our normal selves.

Three.  He hands me an old putter.
I laugh. He can’t be serious.  
He pulls out another and begins stuffing golf balls into his pockets.  
Shh, he whispers.  
He grabs my hand and leads me behind the house.  
We climb the fence and land ourselves on the 6th hole.  
He pulls me onto the green and drops two balls.
Ladies first, he chides.
Little does he know, I’ve taken many golf lessons
I win the first round.  
And the second.  
He wins the third.  
Two out of three, I declare.  
He mumbles, what do you want?  
I press my cheek to his, wrapping my arms around his waist.  
Inhale, exhale.  
Our lips touch.

Two.  
It’s six o’clock on a Tuesday night.
I am tired from work, putting the finishing touches on my homemade pizza.  
As I slide it into the oven, I hear the doorbell ring.
My brother calls my name.  
I try to pace myself to the door, but I feel as if I’m doing a full out sprint.  
I open the door.  
Orange roses hide his face, and I am the happiest girl in the world.

One.  The night is bittersweet.  
We spoon on the couch, holding each other as tight as possible.
His soft stomach in the small of my back
I listen to his chest, trying to memorize the pattern.  
I try to take in the small details.  
But no, time has never been my friend, and soon we are standing by my car as I try not to cry.
He places his arms around me and pulls me in closer.  
I know I should go.  
I know this might make it worse, he stutters, but I love you.  
And I love him.
And it’s over.
Once again,
I am trying to fall asleep in a hot, cramped room,
knowing that for every thought I think of him,
I am 1,000 thoughts further from his mind.

I'm practically being kicked out.
No, silly,
Not out of my house or anything.
Just out of my position.
My favorite and least-favorite
position.
Well,
I would tell you all what position it is
but that's not how I work,
now do I?

I don't have much rage
I'm just crying.
No biggie.
I always cry
this time feels different
because I finally understand
that I was just filling that
position in.
That I was just
"keeping it warm"
for someone better to come along.
Technically,
they've been here the whole time though,
they were just hiding in the shadows,
lurking,
waiting,
till you were at your most
vunerable.

After all,
thats what demons are best at,
waiting.
Waiting till you need someone the most
so that they can put on a mask and
act like they'll always be there for you.
That they're your friend.
HA!
I've learned alot over the past year and
even though I may trust many,
I don't keep them close because,
you're right:
They always leave.

Even you will.

When it all comes tumbling down
You need someone to lean on
When it all comes tumbling down
You need someone for answers
When it all comes tumbling down
You need a helpful hand
When it all comes tumbling down

A good friend is the answer

My melody is the tune,
the happy feal of june,
sleep untill noon rise awake for the moon,
No school no cruel!
where that dress with out havin to stress,
cauzz your a beuty'
                remember.  Not on deuty,.
The heat the sun out-on-a-run,.
bein you, duss havin fun.
we've all felt rain,
          we've all delt pain
I'ts the natural I'ts the gain.
moving on will keep it sain.
bin there. done that.
she's odd, she's fat,

Cause you're "cool"         HA, you Fool!
          your'e word's you're slick?.
                                      Your heart.          your SICK,

     we take the left because we know the right,

down the road they'll be a fight, thinkin thinkin up all night,
words they say sure aren't right,
  the sky is blue'       they have no clue  your day got gray ,
                                        you're thaughts are cray, you're mind is clay!? wer'e in may
                         SAY GO!,  cant  stay!.  


yes,            
       it's long.       might do you none...
walk you long. read can't go wrong,.          
                so now your'e hear,
      You're sippin beer?
                       Look at that,   Your'e finally cheer, :)
sincere a real friend to all, answer the call catchin ya fall. Jesse  Mckush

There once was a TV network
That made me want to exult
But now I am sad and despondent
And it’s mostly Steven Moffat’s fault

I enthusiastically started Doctor Who
Who’s chronology is twisted and bizarre
It seemed like such fun to travel through time and space with a man
Who used a blue box as his car

But soon the companions’ aspirations
To travel to planets and stars
Were crushed by the Void, lost love, and gargoyles
And the Doctor is lonely and scarred.

Not yet wise, I began watching Sherlock
His deduction left me amazed and bamboozled
He and John drank some tea, and solved crimes with glee
Although each case took quite some perusal.

They lived happily with their cool flat decorum
Mrs. Hudson made biscuits below
Then along came the menacing, mean Moriarty
There was nothing that he didn’t know.

Because of the fallacy that Sherlock’s a fake
He’s dead and John’s in the doldrums
The only thing done to commemorate him
Are John’s “I do believe in Sherlock Holmes”

Hoping for a show that was boisterous and happy
Instead of the peaceful, yet sad
I turned to the medieval Merlin
who was quite a cheery lad

He worked for the king’s son, Arthur
who eclectically chose his knights
There were sirs Lancelot, Gwaine, and Leon
The bravest people in sight.

Merlin used his job as camouflage,
His secret he did not divulge
for if they all knew he was a powerful wizard
In his execution King Uther would indulge.

Since Merlin’s destiny was to keep the prince safe
He faced many scary things
He would cower in fear, but when Arthur was near
He felt brave enough to sing

Merlin’s feelings for Arthur were obvious
But does Arthur feel the same way?
When Arthur deigns to exchange dialogue with him
It instantly brightens his day.

But Lancelot died doing Merlin’s job
And Arthur is in love with Gwen
Morgana, a wizard who was once Merlin’s friend
Is evil and wants Camelot dead.

So the Doctor is lonely and growing old
Sherlock left John all alone
And Merlin feels guilty and outcast
They’ve lost all the good they’ve ever known.

And I am left crying and angry.
How could the writers do this to me?
But still, they’re the best shows I’ve ever watched
And I’ll always love the BBC.

if I could change my life
what would I do?

I would go back and change the part
when I fell in love with you

it could have stayed so simple
you could have been my friend

now I'm trapped in a nightmare
that doesn't seem to end

"You're my best friend,
I don't want to lose you."

You told me,

"You're not alone.
You can meet my other friends,
and we're going to hang out
a lot."

A friendship that isn't over the
internet, that's a change.

"I'm going to make you happy
again, I promise."

I'm not sure if I should believe
everything you say,
because everyone tells me the same things,
than leaves.

But, you're an old friend,
those are always true friends,
and they never leave.

I just can't get too attached.