Slowly It will creep
Into your open head.
Fear its frightening might.

And even if you leap
With swords to behead,
Slowly It will creep.

Seeking peace you will sleep.
Searching for solace, but finding anguish instead,
Fear its frightening might.

Then you shall weep
Forever feeling haunted.
Slowly It will creep.

The price I’ve paid is steep
So heed the words you’ve read
“Fear its frightening might.”

This secret you must keep,
Until you’re done and dead
Slowly It will creep.
Fear its frightening might.

My sister said something today, that made me stop dead in my tracks.
And what she said, related to how we both will be stopped dead in our tracks in the future.
"We have cancer, we aren't going to live forever, why would I waste my time?"
Usually, a person would say, "Good for you! Experience everything that you can!"
But I didn't say anything that correlated to her statement. I didn't say anything at all.
Because, I would waste my time. And I am. And for some reason, I am comfortable with it.

On this old red carpet I once laid,
For five years and five days.
Every day I would lay on my own,
But I never really was alone.

The rich warmth on this ground.
Much like a quilt would surround.
I would block out all the sound,
Just laying on the carpet; the ground.

When the sixth day showed its color,
The measurements showed I was taller.
The magic in my world was gone.
All to the fault of the sixth dawn.

I revisit again wishing I was then.
On the red carpet the way I'd been.
Sometimes I like how the past can be.
Forever on the old red carpet will be me.

Pellets of water scattered in the ground
Bursting like an explosion of memories
We stood amidst the fog of our pasts
Letting the rain cry for all our sorrow

A glimpse of light beyond the skies
Peeking into the darken world
I start to wonder
Do you remember me?

Our past flashed in the nimbus sky
Like a movie late at night
Where were we amidst the great storm?
Washed away like the September rain

The blanket of stars at night
Sparkle each moment you forget me
I start to wonder
Do you see me when you kiss her?

As the birds soar through the sunset sky
We find ourselves dancing under the twilight
Surrendering to fate this unending song
As the light fades to dark

Our palms touch in this sweet surrender
Darkness is our light amidst the forgotten
I start to wonder
Does our love finally start forever?

I am forever amazed at how the world breathes with its oceans and its forests
and how you love with chocolate eyes
that have hurt themselves more times than count
and that harbor such love and dying guilt
and a secret laugh that I am allowed to see, and touch, and hold in my hand and in my heart.

Of course, you have never considered yourself to be edible! You are probably the most valid being in that tree; not a single one of those thousands feel it like you do.  And why do you feel pleased at them? Is it uncontrollable attraction or perhaps profound admiration?
You don’t understand how this vast community shields you, enabling you to pursue your purpose.
Eating, breeding and avoiding inevitabilities. Do you even belief in death?  Usually, it’s sudden in the moment when terror paralyzes you. And what does one feel at that moment; Fear, regret?  Rarely peace.
Perverted isn't it?  How grief will consume them when you do not return home. Will they search for you periodically? Before continuing to eat, breed and avoid being eaten; repressing their deep sadness forever. What can one do but slowly decay?

didn’t cry at the funeral
didn’t cry when the meteor hit & wiped out my beloved Brontosaurus
didn’t cry when the ash of New York shrouded the half-mast flags
like the bandanas Syrians wrap around their mouths to celebrate
their own blood-spattered independence
didn’t cry when I got my period
when I remembered the first time I kissed a guy
he called me flat chested
told everyone my braces tasted like rotten apples
& I flopped my tongue on his like a slug
the first time he wheezed like asthma
& his skin turned yellow
& we knew it was over
or I remembered Pepper’s death
stiff, black, glaucoma, all out of barks
                              (I’m all in & right back out again)
didn’t sob when I found out that molestation runs in families
or that cats hate toasters in water
or that I fucking hate jelly but I ordered the special, bit in
& it stained my Keds  
or that God hates most women
& so do most men
didn’t cry when I got my first or seventieth rejection letter
didn’t make a sound when I saw the faceless ball of energy float across the kitchen
& try to rip my tongue out when I opened my mouth &
breathed for the first time since August
&what a great imagination she has!

I want to rip my hair out
dance on a bed of nails while five thousand demons
shoot acid charged needles into my spinal cord
nail my hands to hot coals
cut off my eyelids
feed me tubs full of sleeping pills
eat spoonfuls of rainbows in front of me
while telling me I’ll never be an astronaut
licking the purple off their fingers to tacitly remark
you’re too scared of heights!
let go & let God they said
but I also heard
God hates vaginas & crybabies & two’s gotta be bad
wound so tightly in a barrel of armor
every time I tremble I retreat to a seventy foot snow castle
with a prince spoon feeding me rainbows
so high in that balcony
light as our plans & lit with vivid conceptions
that I pulled right out of my head
I walked right into the sidewalk
stubbed my toe & balled my stoic little eyeballs out
for five fucking hours
plainly inconsolable
she’s so *brilliantly theatrical!

racing the streets with my hand on my chest
the persistent why bleating from my histrionic hissy fit lips
hair disheveled & inexplicably soaked in sweat
dots of black tar covering my freckles
I taste snot & beads of total humiliation
a look on my face like I was responsible
for every starving orphan in Darfur
every crushed mantis
every prehistoric fossil
every fried brain cell in his tossed out head
I had written My Brother is Dead in the back of a notebook
that I never read or glanced at  again
I stood tall in the wake
pigeons perched on my biceps
she’s as still as deep waters!

today I was a reckless witch who just flew off the handle
who just stood at the barrier  in bloody coral platforms
like an oppositional two year old who can’t find Waldo
in a dress on a street in the spring in a city
in a bruised way that makes me look so much like you
in your swimming trunks when you hit your forehead on the edge of the ladder
& it hit me harder than that slab of concrete
a car backfires in the distance & so does every fucking other thing
that person-hating God winks  & it feels like rain on a little fucking parade
so this is the climate of never gonna happen & it seems
                                     (it’s hot & muggy & full of gray)
like I’ve been this way forever

she is having the best day ever!

A day without your voice
Is an eternity
I have discovered how to slow time
And I will live an agonizing forever

I want you to
Look at me
Deep into my eyes
See them sparkle
When I look at you

I want you to
Come closer
Touch my hips
And hold your mouth just far enough
So you can still look me in the eyes

Then slowly
Press your lips against mine
Gently
While you hold me close
And the warmth of a sunset fills up our space

Then start moving
Lingering
Thoughtful
Closed eyes all the same
Covering my body

Make me feel like
The water
When I am swimming in the deepest oceans
Or the wind
When I am jumping of the highest mountains

Make me feel like
This moment lasts forever
Filled with love
There is no life outside
And no one expects anything of us

Instead of expectation
There is this moment
Of you and me
Tender
Secure

In which I feel you
And you feel me
And together we are one
Dancing
Drifting

Ending on top of each other
Our dancing shoes untied
Building and building
Loving
'Till our aura turns white

I wake up in your arms
At a sunrise
Look at you
And know
I love you