" Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Beyond the Telegraph Toad
The telegraph road circled through the foothills,
arising towards the majestic mountain high
It’s been a long and twisting passage soon forgotten,
with the pavement abruptly dead ending,
just below the timberline
The dawning blue sky’s heavens look so much closer now
Just a step away from standing within reach
The birds uplifted on the telegraph wire rest atop me;
perched overhead on the final material traces
disregarded by a dubious world
My awakening soul is ascending
beyond the distant alpine horizon
At the threshold of a trackless pathway,
climbing up above the clouds
It’s exhilarating to look back and know
there is no turning back around
I’ve never been higher
and can never get back down
What unknown frontier lies in wait before me now?
Just on the other side of the impossible dream?
The last step forward to find the next step beyond the bounds
There is not that much that changes,
when we just repeat the same old song
The atmosphere’s thin air leaves me gasping for wings
Like dust and ashes free to soar with the tempest breeze
If only time would sever these loathsome ties that bind
The ones that enchain the weight of this load unto me
While understanding the pace to a long journey’s rhythm
The only barometer you have to trust is in your heart
Adaptation is at the core of freedom's survival
But it feels almost like running away
I have felt the fear of falling with nothing left to lose
I’ve climbed as far as flesh and bones can reach
I've come this far always feeling subtly afraid
It has been a great distance back from the beginning;
knowing I must take these last steps alone.
Understanding it was love that brought me here
Naturally tugs at the spirit in my soul encouraging me on
I'll keep searching for the shining light of guidance
Listening for a voice that softly beckons me home...
At 20, tragedy stuck my life when my best friend I had grown up with from just down the block, perished in a head on crash. We lived together in college at the time and we were all headed to the beach for the Memorial Day weekend. Another friend had just purchased a vintage used 2 seat sports car and at the last minute I could not go because 3 did not fit. (6’4” 200 at the time) I was disappointed and felt abandoned by my best friend as I watched them drive away, down the gravel road for the last time. Then came the knock at the door by the state police at 1 am inquiring about next of kin, a moment that changed my life forever.
When we snow skied together as teens, we always talked about climbing the mountain we were on.
It took another 12 years, some practice, training and a 6 month mountaineering class to find so much more than closure…
Your thoughts are sincerely appreciated...thank you for reading.
It's those moments, when we're laying in the bed.I kiss your shoulder and you know what I meant.
Look me in the eyes and smile that perfect smile.
You kiss the top of my head and you're driving me wild.
I can only have these moments with you.
I've never felt this way, never felt so safe.
I've never tried so hard to wait.
And when I start to worry, that you might leave me lonely.
I remember all-nighters on my sisters couch, the first time that you took me out.
The way you held me when I cried and stood beside me all damn night.
Promise that you would stay and anyways...
I can only have these moments, with you.
I can only feel this way, for you.
Only think all day about you.
And the truth is, if you asked for the truth, I'd lie.
But I think I'll love you till the day I die.
Much too late
of what her father
Fay went with you
to the Globe cinema
in Camberwell Green
a right fleapit of a place
but the film
you wanted to see
was on there
all about the Old West
and after it was over
and you came out
into the bright sunlight
your eyes felt
after the darkness
of the cinema
what did you think?
yes it was good
not the sort of film
Daddy would have let me see
well he won't know
you've seen it
unless he asks me
then I'll have to
tell him the truth
why would he ask?
you looked at her
with her fair hair
and lovely blue eyes
he might ask me
what I have done today
her eyes beginning
to show signs of fear
maybe he won't
just tell him
you've been studying
she looked at her hands
he doesn't like America
well you don't have to
like something to study it
I have to do it all week
maybe he won't ask
she said softly
looking at you
fiddling with her fingers
tell him something else
talk about a butterfly
you saw on the bombsite
she looked at you
you don't know him
he'll ask me
what sort of butterfly
and I won't know
and he'll know
I've been lying
and that will mean
she looked up the street
toward the bus stop
we had better be getting back
he'll be home soon
and took her hand
and walked toward
the bus stop and waited
for the bus
if I told my mother
the truth all the time
she'd have a nervous breakdown
it's more kinder
to keep her happy
in innocent bliss
of what I get up to
Fay looked haunted
and was silent
she still held your hand
a fading bruise just visible
on her upper arm
where her dresses sleeve
how about some ice-cream
when we get back
I've got a Shilling
given to me
by my old man yesterday?
ok I’d like that
and when the bus
you both got on
and sat next
to each other
watching the scenes
of passing people
and traffic go by
but a special place
in your mind and heart
next to you
quiet and shy.
For regrets i have
And times i missed
I never thought
I could be so pissed
War against any who approach
No method or trials
This is nothing that can be coached
Fallen friends ill avenge this yet
You thought i wouldnt kill wanna bet?
Youve taken all i knew
I now turn the crosshairs on you
Fueled by love
Compelled by hate
No man could reach a power this great
You try and try but will never overcome
I have the world under my thumb
I saw your hope crush
Felt your strikes
To me, but plush
Im calling you out
Here i am
Any resistance is futile by man
The last few passengers hopped on catching their breaths with a huff and a puff and taking the remaining seats where they could, while handling their bags in one hand and their mufflers and hats with the other. It was just an ordinary day for them. A day when work and reaching their office on time was the only thing they could think about. A day when half their time on the launch was spent worrying if the Tiffin box packed so lovingly by their wives toppled over to create a mess. A day when they couldn't stop and stare. A day when materialism came before appreciating nature’s beauty.
Kolkata woke up one fine chilly morning to a sky set ablaze. There was always something about Kolkata and its lights that intrigued me. The perfection with which every corner was lit just as much as it should be, the hidden eye candy which could only be seen if you look into your soul to appreciate. Worshipers from all over flocked to the ghats to offer their prayers. And with the mindless honking of the city behind them and the open river in front, they dipped themselves in continuously to be forgiven of their sins. As they lifted their folded hands above their heads to pray and dipped themselves, they made the water all around them make huge ripples which were lost in the vastness of the mighty river. And with that, they were forgiven of their wrong doings, or at least that’s what they believed.
The engines roared to life as one of the crew, miserably opened the ropes and threw them on board after ringing a bell. I stood in one corner of the launch eyeing Kolkata, taking every bit of it in - its morning awakening, its old red bricked buildings, or at least the ones which still stood straight, its ghats green with moss and over crowded with devotees, its icy cold winter morning, and the current of the river beneath the launch floor. Kolkata had woken up to one of the coldest days in recent history. 9 degrees and the wind was up. On the Ganga it felt as if I had come away to some faraway land, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, to find peace. Silence surrounded me and the only sound faintly audible was the low whistle of the breeze brushing past my cheeks kissing them which felt like tiny needles poking me all at once.
The water looked like liquid glass, floating away to infinity and beyond, as far as my eyes took my vision. As the launch turned to face its destination the Howrah Bridge came into view. Standing tall with its two gigantic pillars the sun peeped from between the cables to shine on the water creating a river of gold while the sun’s reflection seemed a ball of fire just within our reach. The bridge cast huge shadows causing a sudden darkness to arise in the water which otherwise seemed ablaze.
Across the river the world waiting for me felt distant. Was civilization actually that beautiful? Or did nature just wrap its covers around to hide the flaws of mankind, his ruthlessness, his ignorance towards other beings and its lack of humanity? The dashes of green popped out of the corners of towering buildings, as sun cast its golden rays on them creating shadows on the opposite side.
The small boats sailed on as the launch took me from bank to bank. The rowers sat at the back on the edge with their rows half immersed in the water. And as the currents made them flow by, the ripples came and hit our launch and travelled back into the vastness and disappeared. They sailed through the disturbed water, and its shadows sailed alongside. The rivers serenity was contrasted with the blobs of weed floating by, entangled with driftwood and mixed with shiny cloths, probably the leftovers of the previous durga puja celebrations.
The sky was a game of colors by now. The sun, still a ball of fire, was slowly creeping upwards, the light grey clouds just behind it shot rays of gold down through the gaps they found on the world below, the sky otherwise was a play of grey, blue, red and orange set in order from the ground upwards without a definite point of distinction. A group of three birds, crows most probably, flew overhead enjoying the sun’s late arrival to the cold morning.
My hands reached for the railing. I gripped the rods tightly looking for security. I looked around me to spot the different lives sailing with me. Some on their phones, some sat with their eyes glued to the cold blank floor, as if they didn’t deserve to be uplifted by nature’s display of her beauty, some staring down at their watches to scrutinize each second to realize how late there were while others stood with a blank expression staring out onto the river, probably going over what they did wrong, playing the images on repeat, making themselves miserable. Me? I stood leaning on the railing looking out also. But I wasn’t in my misery. My misery was behind me. I looked forward to life. And for now I looked forward to my destination. And amongst the crowd I was alone. This was my moment and mine alone. No one could have robbed me of this moment, and no one can make me forget.
The river gave me peace of mind. Its tranquility and its continuity made an energy of constancy flow within me. A belief that this too shall pass, that every moment shall pass. Never ending was its path. A path which life had chosen. Who are we to disrupt it? Who are we to stop? Life flowed on. And times were not always smooth sailing. There will be waves rocking you, making you lose your balance, there will be rocks at the bottom, sometimes holding you together while other times damaging your base. With time and distance the river will get polluted, but it all depends on what you want to show and what you choose to see. It will be used, to its maximum capacity, with only a handful of souls to stop and think about it and do something about it to the best of their abilities. Things varying in all sizes will cross it, sail by without paying any heed to the water beneath it making them sail smoothly, never appreciating it, and soon it becomes a part of them which they pay no attention to it. It will always be there though. Its existence will always prevail over it being ignored. And when you stop to think, it’ll be there pushing you along the way, to your destination, where you will have to say goodbye to the picture perfect moments, the soul touching feelings and the voice within you which screams in its silence to set yourself free.
Yes its something i scribbled here and there a long time ago
A dark night dawned upon us as i found myself on a little boat decorated with little lights and me and my heart throb stood facing the wide open sea. we didn’t speak. didn’t move. didn’t blink. i soaked the sweet smell of the sea and let the wind into my hair. then we slowly climbed into the ice cold waters. we looked into each other’s eyes and just stayed as we were. an invisible element slowly but gradually pulled us apart and no matter how much i tried swimming, my body was possessed by the unknown.
he drifted apart, away and in the dark, desolate night, and i found myself at sea. with no one to save me.
i woke up to find myself on the floor near the entrance of my house door. my eyes were heavy with dried tears and my body ached. i felt empty, hollow, like something was missing.
yes. the boy i loved was a nightmare to me. just like every other nightmare, you end up either screaming or crying.
sleepless nights are more preferred to than this, don't you think?
The worlds breath does not feed me as
I gasp into air
Such dark days upon us as we
Fail to control ourselves
No proud'ness felt
That ruin after ruin
Our dust is a becoming so
Blindly I see the green fall away
These are the sad days that
Fall into our lives
So much hurt into pain as I
Watch flesh fall away
At the cost of metal
Words that mean nothing
Made up to mean something
Words that do killings
To control our race
Words full of hate
To ensure us slaves
All from a blank page of hope
Many lands place hope from the
Ink of life
Instead of living
From the shame of it
The whole world continues
My chargrin comes from not
Leading a way out
From not shouting the wrong
From not showing the path
From a wrong to a right
I will bow my head as another past
Walks on by
(based on this weeks sad event in Woolwich)
Sitting at the bar talking about poetry.
Talking about the girl I want to look at me.
Hold up my hands as if those thoughts were fire
Burning me from the inside out, just had to get it all out.
"I met her for the one night, and I've been writing about her ever since"
Then she looked at me and just said "Wow".
I wanted to smile but I felt just dirty.
These are my true feelings and I don't want share them with you.
Hold up the time for me I can't see it through this mask.
My head hangs low and stitches are bleeding.
I want to fall in love with this girl, so I write and hope she'll read it one day.
Now I am alone, high as fuck, totally drunk on that idea.
My hand was shaking as I held the pen
But a year of practice had taught me how to disguise such tremors
But the way he was looking at me looking
But the way his hand felt in mine
And the way that seven numbers in black ink on his hand
Made me happier than any tattoo ever could
Because those numbers were a promise. A reassurance. A kiss between animate and inanimate.
And the Shakespearean line fell onto my tongue: So let lips do what palms do.
How happy I was that he had asked
was embarrassing. And I forgot to hide my trembling hands when I was done.
We grinned at each other like idiots.
And I wanted to keep the pen he had so readily available to me.
And kiss the bright smile upon his holy lips. The lips of saints.
'Can I have your number anyway? Just for contact?'
With nine blushing words, he fixed every tear in my heart.
Reassured my doubts.
Kissed my soul.
'Let lips do what palms do.'
Let lips do what palms do, indeed.