My droopy eyelids ache as if I saw the sight of the sun,
Walking silently, but swiftly; motionlessly into her arms
I hear the fragile air passing through her lungs
I feel the delicate pulse of her neck
The fragile but weak heart beat; beating down the seconds
I thought I felt nothing
Thinking it would only satisfy my cravings
as her life slowly became mine I dared not to look
But her faint smile overwhelmed me
The sweet sanguine fluid flowing down her body
Onto my lips
The only time I feel alive again is in this moment
Until my cravings are gone and the despair numbs me once more
I can see through her eyes
Her vision distorts me from her sight
Not knowing who she is or why she let me gaze upon
Her image, but it's one image I will never forget
An image I won't want to loose
A second more and she subsides
A second less and she subsists
For each second I felt her neck
The first time I felt my heart
And for each pulse I felt
The more human I became.
I played her some songs I like;
She asked "why I like sad songs?"
I told her "because I like the lyrics"
Then she asked me if I'm sad
And I said "yes a little bit".
She said "why"
And that question made me
Even feel sadder.
I just told her "I don't know"
But in my head I knew
I just didn't want to tell her
I felt she was too young to know
Too young to know that
I got my heart broken
Into Pieces by this
Guy I thought really loved me
I still feel sad because
It hurts me a lot
And I live in this state where
He didn't do any of it.
That it's all a dream
And soon I'll wake up
And realize it isn't real
And in another world
I still feel that were together
I'm still stuck on Him
And I don't know what to do
I want to cry but no matter
How hard I try
Tears won't come out.
As if I ran out of tears
Or as if there's a wall holding it
If I listen to happy songs will I be happy?
If, so please let my ears listen and
Fill my heart with happiness and good
With positive thoughts
And hoping to live another day without
Thinking about my broken heart
My thoughts scream and shout
Inside of my head
And I'm walking around
With a broken heart.
I was shocked
Yes. Because it hit me
So I laughed a little bit
And cried some
I always had my doubts
I was just too damn
Stupid not to put it all together
I seen and heard things
That made me think
I assumed he was seeing or doing something else
With another girl
My gut was right
Something I Ignored
And I went along with my life
I should have trusted my gut
It was right all that time
He showed me all the right signs
And I was blinded
Because I wanted to be wrong
October 9 of this year
I wrote my true feeling down
I wrote how I really felt
And I couldn't tell him about it
Because I told him I'll never bring it
Up ever again
So I kept my word.
It was bottled up inside of me
I couldn't tell anyone
I didn't want them to judge me
I didn't want to hear negative
Things towards my feelings
I thought no one would ever understand me
I felt alone
I would cry and carry on
And cry some more
Until I just
Read it in his presence
And afterwards I
Spilled out everything.
All the things I had bottled up inside
I spoke my mind that day.
And I felt closure.
Then Again I don't
Think closure is the right word
I was hurt
And tears were rolling down
My face and my tears
Were blinding me
And I took a napkin
And wiped them away
He never knew how I truly felt
Most of the time
But my words that day
I spilled out everything
That I had in my mind
He felt the same as I did
When I would cry in secret sometimes
I didn't want anyone else
To know I'm crying
Because I had so much bottled up
My heart would cry with me
When I'm sad.
And all those times I felt sad
He finally felt what I've felt
I just want to scream.
Let it all out. . .
Out what, you'll ask
& I'll say
This pain I carry on me
This thing I feel that lives
Inside of me.
It’s attacking me from the inside
Wanting to get out
Wanting to be free into
Where it would be free
Nothing less and nothing more
I felt times where I wanted to be free
From this sadness
That he brought upon me
I close my eyes, thinking
This is real and I have to except it
But I don't want to
And this is when I want to scream
Because I don't want to except it
I just don't
It's just so hard for me
I never thought this would happen to me
My heart aches. .
So. . . . .
Play me some songs of happiness
Because I want to be happy.
I know I must have lost you between
"Caring" and "Forever", but you didn't flinch
at goodbye, that's when I knew you'd left
The distance felt like miles but was in truth an inch
Like an engine out of oil, frozen
Hot metal and hot tears couldn't keep you warm
enough for all the years you promised
and to forgotten lovers, no shrine or time is left
But empty promises like vacant thoughts
Still haunt and bind like roses that have wilted
In all the emptied bottles, you decorated with
Preserving shattered hearts within them too
as we gave the final bow
lights shining in our faces
I felt the warmth
of a smile across my face
and two hands in mine
Asked to choose what ornament I’d be,
to be hung upon the festive Christmas tree,
I pondered for a while before going to sleep,
and gave it thought, both serious and deep,
so much so, I’d scarce time for needed sleep,
despite my hours of counting endless sheep!
Which possible Christmas ornament
was best suited for my temperament,
and apropos for this especial event?
Would I be fitting as a tinkling bell,
or a twinkling star, known so well?
So what could I be, that fits me well,
when hung from a bough of emerald green,
where by all passing admirers, I’d be seen?
An essential of the yearly Christmas scene,
is the Angel, but this I could never be,
standing atop the festive Christmas tree!
Nor is the glittering garland suited for me.
So having thought deeply for so long,
humming my favourite Christmas song,
I decided atop a tree is not where I belong.
Then suddenly the answer did appear!
I thought of that, which is held dear,
being most appropriate and crystal clear,
the perfect choosing, for the festive tree.
Twas not an ornament, that all could see,
but the intangible Spirit, which exclusively,
is felt by all when Christmas Day draws near!
The embodiment of goodwill and cheer,
that affects all who celebrate! Amply clear
it’s one we should nurture every day,
as all who observe a very special day,
will understand. To all mankind I pray
this Spirit will persuade all thoughtful men,
to allow worldly peace to prevail once again!
So for the Spirit that is Christmas, I would see,
a very Merry Christmas to all Members of HP.
Rhymer. December 10th, 2013
Why am I always alone in the end?
When I have people by my side I'm alone.
Empty, numb, done.
Emotions are gone and I'm still here.
A blank page with no purpose because all the writings have been erased.
And I'm holding on for dear life, for fear of death,
but it's so inviting to let myself go.
And the places were I once felt visible I am once again transparent.
A blank page flutters in the wind, like a lost soul crying for help.
that runaway's life once again felt
cut short of finding new home
instead a odyssey
of heart and mind forged
inside this extended mull
knowing no end
..where the land petered out
narrowing to nothing
where cold tides
always running in and out
on top of each other
and are hard to tell apart
they don't even matter
unattended thin stretch
he stays brooded upon
allowing him to run no further
..his unfolding life
into the swift gulf stream
pulling him down into the rip
one day it is as dangerous as hell
the following day
becoming the safe place
where all his visions toss and roll
calmly out to sea
something either ended or began here long ago
but i don't remember which
but it is enough to just be
he says with half a care
his voice lulls in low tone
old as the atlantic now
looking back over his shoulder
he is reconciled to all the other places
that might have been
just as remote
of a possibility
as this one his life places in
but the runaway will always be here
as perpetual as the shift in the dunes
that purple silhouette again
up beach, following the sunset
as far as it can go
my shattered heart.
But She didnt went and left us for no reason.
She knew she was missing out something.
And she felt it in her veins, in her deep brain connections,
she felt it calling, something was trying to escape, ripping off the skin of the tips of her toes.
And She went after the rabbit, and she trusted the rabbit, although she could see him fading away, although she knew all this vision were just a metaphor for her deep desire to leave all the pain she carried in her heart.
She had no clue of a solution of any kind.
This world that they said being ruled by the intellect, the reason, the sagacity, the wisdom, was after all nothing more than an ugly play taking place on the roof of the finest of all the theater halls.
So she decided to leave it all behind. She decided that was better to be just a witness of this shameless decadent staging they called "Life".
So she left... perhaps to never come back.
bachelorette in echo park
in a most fantastic way
it’s all a smokescreen
inside apartment 10
is a trail of shrieks and cries
typical displays of love
all I’ve gained
I cannot show
because it can’t be seen
I’ll show you
if you’re interested in becoming
part of my story
and me be part of yours
When you fall out of love,
your soul drowns
into a bath of suffocation.
It wanders, lost in a realm
of pain and heartache, worse
than any imaginable nightmare.
It questions its worth,
in life, in reality...
Some say it's a
that heals with
time and experience.
As the saying goes...
"You have to go through the bad to get
to the good."
... how ambiguous.
How long will I have to wait?
Will there be any good?
How do I know this is true?
This is a stab wound.
Although it will heal.
The scar tissue will
in time that cannot be
I gave those
moments to you.
I gave my heart to you.
I even let myself love you.
You were safe
and you made my soul
You made me feel as
though nothing in
the world could take me down...
A ball of confidence I was...
But most importantly...
I felt happy.
Why would you...
want me to feel any other way?
You said you loved me.
And I guess,
the hardest thing
to come to
terms with is...
it meant nothing to you.
It was just a passage of time,
a short distance.
But, I did learn something.
I will never again
fall in love
until I'm ready to fall out of love.