your energy competes with mine,
a battle just to feel alive.
i know that i can't beat you,
so i only live to please you.
you cast away my sorrows
you numb all of my pain
they say i have everything to lose
but there is nothing for me to gain
you're my only support,
yet they say you tear me down.
i've been told to look forward,
but i like this view from the ground.
i seek you in the shadows,
constant struggle, endless fight.
and every time i find you,
they rush to turn on the light.
i smile at the thought of you
dancing in my veins,
my body is just a vessel,
you are my soul, my heart, my brains.
you let me be myself
though i don't know who that is.
i've lost track of who is using who--
but that is half the bliss.
i lean my head back,
let the world drip, and melt, and shatter.
i can't remember-- what is reality?
i suppose it doesn't matter.
you made me trust that you would join me
in the depths of my despair.
but lately it seems like you dragged me,
like i wasn't already there.
This isn't easy for me ya kno',
the pain is still swelling I feel it EVERY day,
my heart feels so god damn low.
I didn't set off to have us end like this,
it wasn't my idea ya kno',
just sometimes things go amiss.
I think you sometimes see me as the devil,
that I only wish to cause you pain,
but I cannot be your crutch any longer,
it has just been too much of a strain.
I try to write and I just cannot.
So this is where it will end.
goodbye, my friend
I drift along this cold, dark sea.
All alone, it's only me.
You fill my mind as I float along.
You feel so right, but I know you're wrong.
I look over the edge of the boat,
And my mind begins to wonder....
I leap off the side of the boat,
And plunge into the water.
The sea is cold,
My breath hitches in my throat.
It won't be long now,
My body begins to float.
It can't be too terribly long,
My body may still be here,
But my mind has been long gone.
I close my eyes,
And darkness falls.
I won this fight,
You've lost it all.
If I could tear open my insides, and show you the pain you've caused,
Would it do any good, or will I just remain lost?
If I could gather the right things to say,
Would you listen and take my hand,
Or would you just shy away?
If I told you I was craving your touch,
Would you come hold me tight,
Or am I just asking too much?
If I ceased breathing tonight,
Would you feel any pain,
While I seek out the light?
I never have been
and never will be
A drop in the ocean
of suffering and pain
my tears I cried
And for what?
to have you not notice me
and I can't seem to shake the feeling
of desperation and utter silence
My body cries for you
I need you
but you don't need me
You're my choice of drug
bringing me pain and joy
killing me and bringing me to life
all at the same time
You make me feel
anger and happiness
but it is because you are not mine
and it makes me want you more and more
You are hers
you always have been
and always will be
I will be long forgotten
like an old memory
the dream I chased
I tried to give up
and not to care
but you were
the morphine to my life
I wish you peace
on your journey of life
and maybe someday
our paths will intertwine
love is a lie
love is what eats your thoughts up at 2am
love is what makes you curl up in your bed with tears smeared on your pillows and blanket
love is what makes you do things you've promised yourself you'll never do
love is what you build yourself around with and when it's gone it makes you want to disappear too
love is what you throw up after a night full of alcohol and hazy memories
love is what leaves you when you already feel so alone
love is what makes your heart beat fast and knees weak
love is what keeps you from loving yourself more
love is what tears you apart just from listening to that song that once meant the world to you
love is what you make out of it
love is what makes you human
and we are liars
I've loved a man much
So much we bore children in dreams
More alive than they were real
I loved this man much
Too much our children were killed without my knowing
Death was delivered before they were delivered themselves
I loved my children much
Before his fire burnt them to ashes
I loved my children much
And much more do I love them still
I loved a man much
No more since he exchanged their lives for gold
Their death was at his doing and my love kept me blind
Too late I saw them no more, too late to still hope for life
Yet with the heart I had once given to him I keep them half alive
Never shall I hold my children in these arms that feel
Yet forever will I embrace them as they eternally embrace me
I mourn their unliving with every tear I cry
A dream our future will always remain
But a paradise our lives will be
I used to tell my mom
when the wolves came calling out back
but really I was shy.
was ashamed to admit
all I wanted was to be one of them
to slip into their paw prints
feel the dewy night kissing my ears
to lift my face to the wolf gods,
their bodies reflecting my dark eyes
I'd scrabble through the stale snow,
run until my lungs were scorched
I'd follow until they let me in
to touch them
lick their cheeks,
winding into their memories
with a slightly steaming spool slowly spinning,
ready to gobble them up
and replace my own
I'd yap and howl the way they do
Leap; spine arched,
into their midst
and match their moon choked tones
I'd want to be a mystery
Have those feeble humans claim they know everything
but really, they’d never even scratch the surface
of the wolf who gleams like ivory
of the wolf who streaks like fiery song
pulsing through the snow
I'd want to be the invisible; you know, that thing that’s watching you
bending through the slip of trees
the thing your eyes strain to find
the thing you wait all night to see
I want to have them look at me,
the ones who think they found me first,
I want the poets
to look into my face and say
how beautiful, those eyes
how brave or fierce or wise
and I would grin my wolfish grin
bare my snarling teeth on cue
ignore their stupid human stupor
knowing what they never would
that being a wolf is better than sitting alone
to lure me with their round raw voices
their silver heart shaped faces
their unforgiving bodies tensing
hammered paws sailing
like white frost oceans
the kings and queens
searching for castles
among the rabble
between you and me
there is this thing
no one can see
and no one will understand
until we'll let them
see through our tired eyes
that remember every conversation
i think too much
about the world, humans
tell me is it wrong?
that i still feel your fingertips on mine
and your breath against my neck
when i try to get away
because you are so much
more than that
and i'm scared that i
won't be that
what you're longing for
but maybe i'll
can you guarantee, that you
won't be selfish with
my little heart
as you used to be?
maybe we shouldnt even start
leave it there where it was
because i'm sure this won't be
what i want or
what you want in me
a human heart can surely
not beat this fast -
how much faster can my pulse race
before it stops racing at all?
there's a quivering in my bones,
getting right down into the root
of my marrow, lacing itself
through raw red tendons and
sending my entire being into a tremble.
to think that that one could feel
this way -
to think that one would want
to feel this way.
to think such tremors that
shake your core
could inspire a smile,
inspire a thousand cocoons to
crack open and spill out butterflies.
to think, i am now rendered
incapable of good poetry.
only a mediocre handling
because my fingers can hardly
write them down,
they are quivering so much.