Money wants to be spent.
It sits in your pocket and bellows at you,
it tugs you into shops and boutiques
and weighs so heavy on your mind
that you gasp with relief
to be rid of it.
I don't like this, but I get it:
I accept the hypnosis
and resist when I can,
and perhaps it oils the system
which keeps me comfortable.
But I am fearful that our feel for time
is going the same way.
Hours are things to dispose of:
days, once spent, are lost and gone:
all our energies thrust us on
to the next thing, and the next.
There is no sense
of accumulation,
no glorying in the growth
of knowledge, experience, wisdom.
No respect for things which have been
and thus we shuttle, rudderless and dumb,
Barren, and infinitely poor.
I am a pretender.
Looking through a window that is slightly open,
so that a breeze winds in
with gathered memories
of subliminal pain.
And I'm lost
partially wandering on a plot of unknown sand.
With the sun no longer reflecting,
refraction.
A reddening burn
and a quickened pulse
aching loins
and held breath.
I know where I am.
I am a fake.
But I cannot go through with it.
If I do not in the "real,"
why lie online?
Why hide myself
and view myself
criticize myself in comments with names that aren't mine,
not even who I want to be?
Why do I ignore myself,
and let fade into lingo.
Because I am human
and I don't want you to know me.
Even when I want you to feel,
I want you to share this moment with me.
And that is why
I post these
discombobulating pieces of no reckoning,
non-entertaing, ultimate suck "poems."
Because I want you to understand this
me
in this instant.
Out for dinner and I woke up in my meal
I was half way through telling you how I feel
Shes disappeared, shes missing from the table
Run off into the night with someone more stable
Cough cough
Hack
Shudder
Head hurts
Giddy
Feel like
Sleeping
Sometimes,
I just wish this were
More than a cough
And that it will take me away
Maybe the medication
Oh yes
Maybe that little sticker
On the side of the box
Marked “POISON”
It doesn’t taste that bad.
I feel it.
It’s inside me.
The ever-present
Emptiness
I seek to fill.
Nothing ever seems to be able
To fill it.
Music?
The sound echoes through the silence
But isn’t intense enough.
Tears?
They just pour into an endless chasm
Leaving me feeling emptier than before.
Laughter?
A feeble attempt at cramming the vacuum
With that loud, happy (?) breathlessness.
Hugs?
Not even the tightest can reach
Those deep, dark depths.
I just feel
Hollow.
Not knowing
Why.
summers seduction returns
with burning rays of light.
I find my resonance with night
has been reawakened as I can
roam the streets without the tease of winters chill.
my bike and I have had somewhat of a falling out
yet I feel the urge to grip the bars
and pedal until my breath beats
me for the lack of it, and my legs
turn to jelly from the unfamiliarity.
You know I've been having a hard time lately
The world and life has been getting to me
And I can't find a loophole
Or an escape
I feel the hands of clocks grabbing me
They pin me down
And feed me lessons
I have yet to live and understand
I lie here
Floating like a blossom
Set free and wracked by constant tension
Below my surface
And behind my back
The days are too long
The nights too short
I didn't ever notice
That I have no choice
And its spiders that I feel creep all over me
Prickle my skin in the dark
Inject my skin with their venom
Float my brain in paralysis
The trick of the trade
Never saw me coming
It swept right by
I float stagnant
In a pool of indecision
And it makes me question
Everything
14/01/2013
Do you know this feeling,
It starts in your heart then travels to your mind,
It takes control of every emotion,
Makes you lose all common sense
It makes you heart race but still you feel you could die.
Do you know this feeling,
It leavetou stunned without words but you feel you could scream out loud
Where your heart feels like it being crushed
By your ribs and the harder you try
The less you can breath
Do you know this feeling
it takes control of all your thoughts
Making all the good memories feel like lies
And the more you try to put the pieces together
The more you see they don't belong
Do you know this feeling
It makes your mind scattered,
uncontrolled, obsessed,
Trying to figure out where it all went wrong
Trying to make sense out of it all
Do you know this feeling
It leaves you heart broken,
Your body aching and your soul begging
For everything to stop
Begging your eyes to stop crying
Your mind to stop thinking
And life to stop ending
Do you know this feeling?
i tried to write about how
the flowers craved the warmth
from the sun,
but somehow i ended up
writing about
you
to me, the world doesn't
spin in your absence,
and when you leave
the sky becomes just a
little bit darker
your voice would, always,
be my favorite soundtrack
i hope you never fall,
you never feel pain
you are an addiction,
i'm afraid too much of you
would be an
unhealthy overdose
i hope you never think of me
as much as i think
about waking up
next to you at 3am
If i am wordless before it, does its blankness infect me?
As the page is filled, do i become more blank?
Or, worst of all,
do i, in filling this page, feel fulfilled?
