once, i knew these things
I watched your temple collect dust
As sand fell from your cracking walls,
And I understood the meaning of temporary,
Yet knew I could not raise my head
To pass through your roof or see through your windowpanes,
For they were both stained and yellowed.
I heard the sudden melody shake through your rooms,
Passing through like summer’s sweet light,
As if it could inhabit my heart,
But I was not persuaded,
For I knew how it breaks apart so easily
As plates on dirty marble.
I tasted your barren earth, self-aware, reminiscent
Of days lost and hours spent in murky silence,
Motionless and curling about in the pit of my stomach,
As copious and fulfilling as the golden radiance of your sun,
The rays of which were packed tightly to fill the void
That I knew could not grow more empty.
I could smell your weary autumn air, exhumed with rain,
Your drains filled and your streets flooded,
And when your glow came crashing out from above the clouds,
And I stayed outside your house, in doubt,
For I knew that your deluge would reach me,
Though I had built my dam.
I watched your horizon transition from blue to orange and back,
Each shade passing slowly onward,
And when you went, I knew it would be a momentary event,
As quick and fleeting as cut wicks
From candles that keep the same colours as your skies
Before the wind blows them into smoke.
I heard your rumbling thunder, resounding in the distance,
Your sharp crack and your brief wave
As the air vibrated in agitation for an instant,
But I shook for far longer,
For your storm lingered inside of my mind,
Though I knew that it would end.
I tasted the corporeal expanse between skin and sheet,
The chemical heat of two pulsing, beating shells,
The salty sweat of obligation and desire,
Embodied and as physical as stones in a swift riverbed,
And so my thoughts turned to the beauty of rushing water,
For I knew that love could be neither curse nor promise.
I could smell the mountain pines, covered in snow,
Perched high up on resonant peaks,
Each a slim rod, forming banks of antennas,
Pointing out to the universe,
And I knew that I too was both stem and root,
Though thoughts of death still made me shake.
Once, I knew these things,
And I did not feel the weight of darkness.
But I was a child then,
And I am not a child now,
And now I am not certain of anything.
Everything is put into a sharper perspective at night,
Have you ever noticed the deafening loudness of the eery silence?
You start to comprehend a few things, but not quite,
You want to rebel, create a sort of defiance.
Just in time the others come out, they want to dance.
They ask you to join & promise to make you feel very alive.
You start to move, they watch you prance,
Though their stares are a bit unsettling, you abide.
You can hear your heart beat, or lack thereof,
You can feel your lungs constricting from the smoke.
You're getting carried away.. where's the sheriff?
Where's the ambulance? You're starting to choke!
Your thoughts swirl, your sight is nonexistent,
Your body crashes, you can't hear a sound.
"Don't worry, you'll be okay!" Oh, what an optimistic,
You wish you were okay, you wish you'd be found.
The others have left, you're alone now,
There's nothing around you, nothing but stars.
You were expecting the time of your life, a big wow,
Silly you, thought you knew, nothing good ever happens in The Dark.
I feel like I am lying,
as I write poems about people
writing in the first person,
making it seem as though this is me.
"Art is the lie that tells the truth,"
Indeed, it is.
For only through my
can I set free
My minds filled with word banks
the ink spills, the words paint
a collage of love and hate,
Do you believe that destiny is the same as fate?
I write because something inside of me wants to escape.
Confiding in writing my thoughts often keep me awake.
Wake and bake.
Underneath you right now the earth shakes.
Time will tell if I will float or if I'll sank.
I use to meditate with Swisher's filled with Mary Jane.
Temporarily paralyzing the thoughts I think.
Leaving my dreams suspended we in a police state.
They're slowly building a fence around and locking the gate.
A fish in these waters I seen so many take the bait.
We all replaceable babies born to take our place.
Stay confident like Babe when I step up to the plate.
I'm freeing my people from mental slavery everyday.
I know Harriet and Sojourner would be proud of Me
I'm risking my freedom for people that I aint' even met
My mother would like me to join forces and become a vet
But I'm expressing thoughts that have the FEDS coming at your neck.
Like Martin, Malcolm, and Johnny was all put in check,
At times I wonder who is next?
For the three men above all I have is respect. They showed
Courage Peace and Love feelings I can emulate, reflect
cause in the face of Fear you have to learn and adapt.
Expect the unexpected and maintain aware developed minds
avoiding traps and filthy raps slowing down the hands of time
My brain starts to tingle I can feel it calculating rhymes
like news producers silence the truth and
constantly turning up the lies.
Dying is inevitable, Lives flash before our eyes.
Her skins as dark as the universe and her eyes as blue as the sky.
I've been through the lowest of lows that's why I'm constantly getting high
to ease the pain and break the chains I spread my wings to fly
to an eminent death when there's nothing left I love ones start to cry
and the only thing we can do about it is ask the Lord Whyyy?
"Yea, my country tis of thee, Sweet land of kill em all and let em die.
God Bless America"- Lil Wayne
They asked me how
in the corners of the classrooms,
in the deserted halls,
"how do two girls do it?"
As if that is any of their business,
what two people did in bed.
I wanted to say,
It is not what you do
or how you do it,
it is why you do it and the
love you feel for the beautiful girl
but I didn't
You are beautiful.
The words whispered without doubt.
Each syllable slipping through smoothly,
as if somehow shaping this statement supports
and supplements its substantiality.
A falling phrase fathering the feeling,
that every fleeting fear has found itself futile and foreign.
Until you find yourself yielding and yearning to yip,
as you did in the yesteryears of youth.
But these words are not spoken with enough clarity.
These words are taken as a compliment meant to leave you blushing.
They are understood as a revelation encountered after you are found to be the victor
of a superficial comparison with those around you.
As if each attractive feature earns you additional points,
with a judge that can be bought with each glance and smile and touch.
As if each insecurity that you feel,
or each person that you think is more alluring,
can somehow subtract from the meaning of the statement.
Your beauty cannot be compared.
The beauty that you contain cannot be explained
to joking friends when they ask where you fit in on a 10-scale.
You cannot put numbers next to the hope and insight that you so freely give.
There are not enough hedons to quantify it.
You are beautiful.
I will repeat it until you think it echoes off the walls surrounding you.
Until every time you look into a mirror you believe you have x-ray vision,
and you can see the warmth of your soul,
with the clarity of vision that you have granted me.
Until you realize that every smile that appeared,
every laugh that escaped,
and every brief happy dance that was ever done in your presence
was caused by the beauty that rests within you.
Wielding the talent to brighten a day with a single smile,
the power to make all of the worries and doubts in a person's mind disappear
with a single thoughtful statement,
a capacity for selflessness that allows no cynic to doubt your motives,
and the ability to make others realize their own beauty
just by interacting with you.
The world is more beautiful because you are a part of it.
the great exhale
I am the chaos that sits
Between your fingers when the night is dark,
And the streetlights are mesmerizing.
When the sun slips below the horizon, I am there
Watching it die,
And when it comes up on the other side,
I do not turn around.
I wait for it to circle
Back to where I am.
Each poisonous beam,
All of the thoughts that coil about in your brain
In the deepest part of the day;
I am there too,
Wild and carelessly picking my nails through your hair.
The stems of your tall trees are held under my hands,
And their leaves are decadent,
And splayed across fields of dirt
And picnic blankets.
Do you feel the great exhale?
The wind curls the corners of signs
That speak the way you used to,
In slow stutters and cautious phrases.
All of the fish in the sea are shouting your name;
A symphony, a chorus, anything that you can whisper
When black is too bright and seven scales
Scratch the inside of your beating chest.
When you swim in the thunder of an oiled lake,
Drink, and I will nourish you
With fire and poignant madness.
I exist in the void between revelation and collapse.
I am the drunken king of diamonds,
And the moon blowing away beneath the stars.
The taste of raw sugarcane and highway cafés,
Dusty on the riverside,
Makes the motion of undoing seem
Endlessly intact, as I am,
And as I will be, for now, and for then,
When the ten-thousand mile road comes to a cliff.
These are the breaths of the universe,
Enveloping. All these,
I am, and you are nothing, as I am.
The great exhale is coming.
Perception, keep it far from me it means nothing…
The chemical imbalance…
distorts, rearranges, changes, and manipulates what’s real.
Sleep, slumber my long lost friend, we once spent countless nights journeying the deep depths of my conscience and subconscious mind,
to places of pure ecstasy
Now we meet only when the black outs come
I guess there aren’t dreams when you die.
I take in more death.
I dig deeper into nothing to try and find something.
Nothing is all I find,
there is something there
the white canvas is blank,
but I see…
I touch enlightenment as I soar through space,
my white canvas has become stars,
Life is all perception
keep perception far from me it means nothing
just pass me the death. Inhalation.
The sweet death fills my lungs, and takes hold of my soul.
My perception is a layer of my intelligence.
I can cease to perceive and still exist.
I hear vibrations at moving frequencies that can not be quantified,
I visualize images that can’t be personified,
I smell the aura and aroma of pure existence,
I feel the texture of objects beneath my flesh,
and I taste life on the tip of my tongue,
the taste of loss,
peace, and enlightenment.
I am living, but I am dead. Inhalation. I breathe in death.
I breathe it all the way to my soul.
My body shutters.
Time fades in and out.
I no longer perceive I only exist.
i wonder how you are
if you're happy or sad
i wonder what's on your mind
if i cross it once or twice
i wonder if you know
how i feel
i wonder if you see
the pain behind my smile
i wonder if you care
that there's no sparkle in my eyes
i wonder if you can tell
that my laughter is hollow
i wonder how you are
without me now
if you're happy
The Frustration Is driving me insane
I thought you was Abel turned out to be Cain.
Sometimes I want to push you in front of a train but
that would be to easy these days seem so much the same
Patience is a virtue yes I'm frustrated and may hurt you
only to feel bad because the human in me hurts too
My quest for happiness is like a trek to find the end of a rainbow
I've lost my light and my path I don't know which way to go.
Seems a lot of people would like to see me fail and
well I've done just that and somehow avoided jail
It's a wonder I'm still alive seems it's not my time to die
I bottle up emotions and at random moments I cry.
Used, abandoned, No one came to pay my ransom
Now damaged, unrepairable, but still somewhat handsome
Life threw me a fastball and I struck out a few times
my days are filled with lust No wonder I learned to rhyme
trying to climb my way out of my hole hoping this may be my gold
I haven't accomplished much of anything at 23 years old
Yes, I've wrote a bunch of non sense
but it has brought me not one cents and
I'm actually in debt for sharing my two cents.
My life is like a comedy I, myself laugh maniacally
at one point someone thought I was inspiring.
I try and stay optimistic hoping to ease this stress
as I feel the rope tightening around my neck.
The lightning bolts my only hope the reason I log on
if you didn't give me strength there's no way I could write on...
Thank you to everyone for your support and love
it goes along way.