I have to admit, It feels like some how you're getting closer.
Or maybe it's just the hope and faith I have for you.
Maybe I just yearn for you that deeply,
Attracted to all aspects of you.
Hoping one day you'll see me.
Till then , I won't pretend I wanna go
This is where I wanna be,
You are the only one for me.
when heaven meets the universe only god will know how to deicipher moments like these
living in moments not monologues.
i can see you sweat i can feel you cyring through your gut. we were brought here to free you from slavery.
to all that you know, be here to show, all that you know.
Through all of the daily life,
Through all the meaningless bowls of cereal and trips to work,
Through all of the bullshit and the not-good-enough,
THIS is what it's for.
This is all that fucking matters.
Nothing means anything in the face of this.
This is why we are here, what we were created to do, our highest purpose.
The purest, most extraordinary thing you can be in this life
Is in love.
The best you will ever achieve, as a human being, as a soul on this earth, is love.
That is your transcendence,
Your highest point,
The sum total of your trials,
The triumph over every single ordinary thing that has ever defeated you.
This is what it's about.
Love something. Love someONE.
Dare to be the most important thing you will ever be.
Dare to feel the most important thing you will ever feel.
Because at the end of the day,
Nothing else means anything.
This isn't Paris, there are no lights here
But the stars that sit vulnerably above the dark streets at night.
Reflecting on the drops of rain that fall with no order filling the potholes and cooling the air.
Even the desert gets cold in December, and the cold makes everyone feel lonely.
So here's to the bowl of glitter on my desk.
The letters written that will never be sent.
The twin sized bed unkempt and cold by the window
And the lights that stopped working weeks ago.
To scarves that warm necks and hats that warm heads
While there's nothing to keep my heart from nervously pounding every time the dog barks at night.
Here's to coffee tasting and wrestling over the last brownie,
Friends that become lovers and lovers that stay friends.
The lamplight is dim but it's there all the same
And as long as my shivering hands can type I'll be writing these letters I'll never send.
In the winter I am made of smoke,
in dancing twists and turns
against dark, cold air.
I wander with translucent skin
desperately feeling the sky with my fingertips
praying for snow to hug my body
and maybe bring me back down.
I come in waves,
I hurt your lungs,
try to touch me and I will disappear.
I am weightless
but so, so heavy.
Some days I feel like I am floating away
and the result of something
winding ways of moss grown stone
lead me down this path I've known
when we met and starlight shone
I said goodbye to life alone.
my painted picture differed
yours was a sculpture, Sun bleached
mine was coal, from strain leeched
a fate Id hoped, to tell no
but gods are cynical, time shows
here again I am and stand
forgotten how to lay down
feel my mind turn to sand
a mindset that live found
creases beside blue eyes
shows how much that I've grown
echoes in my empty soul
speaks to effort blood sewn
If I must wait
Until the Earth collides with the moon
To feel your warmth
If I must travel
Light years further than I've ever gone
To see your face
Because if you say
You'll wait on your death bed for me
And you mean it,
So will I.
A dynamic life
That's what I've always wanted
And it seems to be what I've ended up with
It's such a thing to look back and see how far I've come from where I was
I needed to believe in progress
When I was younger
And learned about Siddhartha
I became so inspired
I finally knew what to go after
The cure to these insufferable thoughts
Some sort of consistency between what was real and what was not
No one ever told me about the side effects
Nietzsche was always after me
Plato trying desperately to show me the trees
Capitalism challenging me to determine the difference between what I want and what I need
The side effects:
I couldn't tell the difference from one person to the next
The opposite of dynamic is static
I've grown numb by the shock of every time I encounter it
How can you be so dense?
How can you not see?
There's very little difference between you and me
Sometimes I feel mad
I get so angry
The side effect of pursuing enlightenment
I smell the liquor
On his breath
And see the confused anger
In his eyes.
I hear him yell at my mom
And I hear him hit her.
I run and hide under my bed.
I start crying.
I should be brave enough to go out there
And save mommy.
I hear his stumbling footsteps
Get closer and closer.
"don't you dare touch him!"
I hear with a smack.
Then my mom slowly slides to the floor.
My door opens.
I see his feet.
He starts laughing and his hand snakes
Under my bed and grabs my neck.
He scoops me up and lets me sit
On my old creaky bed.
He covers my eyes and grabs
And he picks me up
And for a minute I'm weightless,
Flying through the air
I slump against the wall.
I feel his fist. Again and again.
"baby josh? Baby Josh it's okay honey
It's just a dream"...
I am holding onto auntie kk's shirt tight.
I bury my face into her warm neck an she hugs me.
She kisses my head.
"I know honey. He's gone. He's gone."
The touch of the rain
Soothing soft embrace
I can't remember happiness
When my heart craves sorrow
And the craving is bliss
Even still with a bitter taste
Still worth the cold, wetness
Because if I may feel, it's better than not
And I will enjoy it, not with haste.