Sometimes I feel that I want something more,
Then sometimes I'm content to lie down on the floor,
And I can't help but wonder
If this is all that I've been looking for.
Just an inadequate place to lay my head,
And foreign surroundings to make up my bed,
Then I can't help but wonder
If this is a scene from a book that I've yet to have read.
The first time I went to Disney World,
And we were crossing a bridge,
I asked, "Is this all some part of a story?"
And my grandma said, "Of course it is!"
She was referencing Cinderella.
You know, the one who met that charming prince,
But I was talking about all of life,
And I've felt misunderstood ever since.
If you are,
The ways are here...
If you are gone,
The ways are lost...
If you are here,
The end is as sweet as dreamt...
If you are here,
So I feel like,
I own this ground...
If you are gone,
So I feel like,
I don't have to breathe anymore...
I found you,
I found life..........
©Atul Kaushal
䷇䷄䷂䷀䷊䷌䷼䷶䷩
Jupiter and the moon take most blows for us
a very nice arrangement for blithering bags of pus
intelligent design or some grand coincidence
the phenomena that is life is no mere incident
64 hexagrams comprise the I Ching
64 nucleotides in a DNA string
anthropic anthropomorphic antagonists
dripping and drooling with dread
that (what if) God caused the thoughts that reside in our heads
the phenomena that is life is beyond your stead
Big bang
hot thing
can't explain
why the rain
brings gain
to the blamed and the sane
God isn't real, that's their deal
religion's exist because you feel
pithy platforms of persistent intrusions
pulpits of platitudes feeding delusions
the phenomena that is life is no mere illusion
Church day, fey day
leave your questions at the door
harken hear the story
of God in all its glory
the grand and the gory
the mysterious phenomena that is life
䷇䷄䷂䷀䷊䷌䷼䷶䷩
I Ching http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Ching ䷇䷄䷂䷀䷊䷌䷼䷶䷩
I was torn between the worlds of a dream
and the awakened life
Tonight... I feel torn.. I am torn apart..
why does it have to be this way?
torn apart by time and space why?
Thiis isn't how it was meant to be when our hearts became entwined
we could not foretell that this thing was to be
Torn apart like a photo ripped in two,
one half being me and the other being you
I don't know why fate has dealt this hand
I only know the way I feel the pain thats in my mind
I see your tears inside my head
but can't kiss them away, I feel so helpless
Please give me a choice,
Please give me hope to survive
Struggling for a life
Struggling for a future
It was never clear
It was to be torn apart….
Your eyes never shine anymore,
your smiles are fading away..
All hopes are broken apart..
All joy is broken from the core.
Once I had you in my arms but you were torn away
Once I had you in my arms but we were torn apart
honey let me show you pretty words
let me strum your veins
feel the tinkle of my chimes
let the letters make love to you
they know about your dimples
not just the ones on your face
and they know about the way your voice
plays on waves like a sparrow
let them flutter on your tongue
like mine
and know you are incredible
let them prod at your mind
and dream of adequacy
for your intellect is dizzying
let fairy dust dance on your nose
because you must be magic
let me love you
let these words love you
This was inspired by dents on the pillars
Outside the porch before it began to rain
And their smoothness and dips and mountainous valleys
And inevitable destinations and their journeys
And feeling the rain before it fell, without touch,
And today will never be another tomorrow
And fleeting, transitory roughness.
This was inspired by dents on the pillars
As the foundation sank into shifting earth,
And its progressing non-smoothness
Laced cracks through the dents,
And I rumple my fingers into each notch
And feeling without touch, too,
And I remember slipping on an unsecured brick
And slamming my head against the pillar
And roughness and pain and inevitable destinations
Like hospital beds for the busted heads
And hallways for the churning stomachs.
The dents are molding from the rain
And yellowing with the oil from my fingertips
And I haven’t moved my hand in five years,
And the valleys are so deep now that I see flames dancing in the depths
But is the world so complex as that
Or is it simply same outcomes and same purposes
In an infinite score of time passing
And seven billion dents across an ornate pillar
That stands with so much pride
But feels hollow to me, is hollow.
I wish to feel each indentation
When feeling without touch won’t suffice,
But I haven’t moved my hand in 500 years
And this poem is about dents,
But it was only inspired by the honesty of them
Because it’s really about roughness and valleys
And oily finger swirls and inevitability and unsecured sameness
And the pillars keep sinking into themselves
And the dents are folding into the cracks
And I can no longer touch them with feeling.
There are smudges on your cheeks from my finger touches
And dents on your heartbeat from trying to keep mine in time to yours
And mountains in your mind that I fell for in the first place
And everything is transitory
And this poem is about the days you sought the pillars in my skull
And the night they began to sink into themselves
So that neither of us can reach them now.
There are dents on the pillars,
And it has begun to rain,
And you’ve curled miles into the folds of transitory time-passing
As if we were inspired by the dents, too.
there once was a time
you said you couldnt go out
alone with out me by your side
but times have changed
and you feel a whole lot different
maybe you'll find a new man sometime
there once was a time
when you always stayed inside
no need to go and explore
but the times have changed
and now, you remain
like other girls, turning in to a whore
there once was a time
when you pointed and laughed
at the skirts, and sluts, and the bros
but times have changed
you've turned into the same
as everyone that you used to ignore
there once was a time
there once was a time
there once was a time indeed
well you said that you loved me
and you promised it was true
but today i think we found the real you
Sometimes I have to look at your pictures.
I wonder what you look like now
Right now
laying on your side in the middle of your bed, eyes closed
greasy hair
shirt off, boxers
arm outstretched
blankets rippled
alone, or maybe not
i like to think you are.
Not that I'm alone all the time
Because I haven't been alone this whole time
But I feel so alone in those times
Or I remember how alone I am
Without you
I've been too far for too long
I long to come back to this planet
and live in your world again
wasting the summer away
waiting for you all day
then going out at night
and coming back to your bed
so we could be alone
now you're alone
and you do all the same things without me
And I try to make do
Without you
When was the last time I saw you
We've been long overdue
Losing our time to talk with each other
You've been locked up by your mother
I wonder what girl I’ll be talking to
It sometimes felt old and new
I guess I deserve the bad side
Our love, we shared had died
What can I do but listen to the pain?
I’ve never felt so much shame
Maybe if I write you one happy story
You’d feel a little bundle of glory
Recognizing the good I can do
You never came to appreciate the new
I felt so alone and cold
Maybe happiness will help the old
Hoping one day you’d read it
Just feeling one ounce of bright lit
Sharing that old soft smile of yours again
I hope you enjoy the tales
I write these under tired pales
Endless nights of rewrites
Kind of like spiraling kites
Tangled up and floating away
Every day, day after day
I write a hundred words down
There is no better way for a king and his crown
The truth is I write because of you
You never make feel so blue
I’ll sit here at these keyboards
Trying to hold onto all of these musical chords
This is my best way of showing I love you
But all of this will come to drown
This is just my wishful spirit typing these memories down
1.
white chapel on a hill
sheep dot rugged, earthy slopes
ruminate on warm, sun-kissed dale
endless lines and lines of verdant tones
late afternoon sun slanting
behold, jaune compassion
alfalfa ocherous leans willowy in wind
distance of silence yearns on
afternoon shadows lie within majestic vales
powder-blue ranges in 3D tiers
shadowy rifts, like a painting out of heaven
lone tree not alone, reaches up
blinding turns and rust-coloured bends, twisty trails
two on horseback, apples for sale
reservoir as a hold all for all
brown mud is where redemption lies.
2.
sun dips away, out of reach
beyond the eye's catch
step out car
feel the ping of silence, deeply-alive zing
crowd in and then,
into the slot of torched horizon
the orange world slips . . .
S T, 19 May 2013
redemption humbly sought in the passing of hills and vales
lovely...all along the eastern escarpment of the beautiful Mercy-Valley...not far from Lake Great Bear on southern Jupiter :)
yet evening cold can sink so hard and fast in the countryside (best be prepared :)
away from all the noise and bustle - rolling, green dales and oh blue, blue, blue....
sub-entry:
'sudden cold'
1.
how dreaded that sudden coldness
press downward
crouch tight upon shoulder
drape your chilly cape over me
clench your claws into soft flesh
hover abrupt around nostrils
whisper icy whittler-words
sinking into pores, settle on
pinched nose-end, fingertips and toes
from across the chasm, silent eyes admonish
burning freeze stick so hard
hug disfavoured hart
oh cold silence, how you kill me!
2.
envelops round me
try in vain to wrap my head around this
warm heart
take this thing and throw it in the dump
(can't
just can't)
3.
blanket of love
whopping oblivion away
seek still
to redeem.
