Couldn’t sleep well last night,
Decided to ride to Aylesworth Forest
My favourite place
Two miles from my Barkshire home
I needed to be alone
what I wanted to do...
What I wanted to be...
In this peaceful and beautiful land
Of oak trees , flowers and wild plants
Perhaps by thinking deep under a tree
I may find the answers...

Brought my lunch, a picnic alone...
I met a team of gardeners on my way here
Cutting grass and old branches of trees
For a second I thought,
I would want to be gardener too...
Plant tulips and colorful flowers on a flowerbed
Its cool to stay outside all day and watch things grow...
Hey... I don’t need to be so clever at school too!

Here it is... my hiding place ... the forest
The chirping of the birds on the trees
Grey squirrels chasing one another and
Once I even saw a fox too...

But today I am alarmed to discover
This forest has been invaded by strangers
Braved myself I approached the men
Who claimed to be land surveyors
I am devastated now , upon this knowledge
My precious forest is to be turned into a concrete jungle

Trees will be cut down in two weeks time
Blocks of Flat houses will replace my oak trees and wild plants
I feel even depressed now..
This isn't fair!
Where will the animals go?
I lost my appetite for lunch
I must save this forest! I must do something!
This problem is even bigger than mine...
Slowly I turned and walked away...

My grade school
burned down
twice.
Once in the 1930's
then again  in
the 50's.
They rebuilt,
there were two
large black and white
framed photographs
of the school houses
before both fires
hanging in the
main hallway.
At some point in
the reconstruction
someone had decided
on two boys
restrooms.
The one at ground level
was always clean.
There were small white
tiles and fresh blue paint.
It always smelled like
pine cleaner,
never ran out of
papertowels.
There was always
sweet smelling
liquid soap in the
shinny silver dispensers.
There were doors with
shinny silver
locks on the stalls.
It was a timeless
space,
prestine and somehow
preserved.
Free and unscathed
by the ugliness of
the world.
Then there was the other
one.
The basement  restroom
was below ground.
There were windows
with wire cages over them.
Their view allowed
a look at the scabbed knees
of the children
who ran about the
hot black top of
the playground.
There were no doors on
the stalls,
yellow stains beneath
every leaky
urnial.
Smears of rust around the
faucets ,
a coarse hand soap
in the often broken
dispensers.
More fit for prisoners
than students.
It smelled like
piss and was always
cold.
I don't know why
one was always cleaner
than the other.
Maybe it was an
unwritten janitor
law.
Maybe they seen it
as somehow lower
than the other.
I always chose the
basement restroom.
It just seemed more
natural to me,
it made me feel strong,
made it all more real.
Now after so many
hardships I can't help
but look back and
remember.
often while high or drunk.
Then ponder the question.
"Have I always been
meant to live in a dirty,
harsh environment,
even way back then?"

This soul you gave
Has lost its way.
It doesn't know who made
It anymore.

This soul, supposed
To feel brought to life,
Feels numb, confused,
A little old.

This soul may be typical,
Or maybe outlandishly wise for its age,
Or maybe it's a rebel,
For all its rightful rage.

This soul in me's got
A little identity crisis,
With mind and matter tugging left
And faith in nature yanking right.

This soul you gave
May be ungrateful--
For all the life and love it has,
It still feels, oh, so hateful!

This soul needs help,
It's lost its way.
It doesn't know what made
It anymore.

Not a thought that me haunts,
A smell,
That in fiery times me lends
Respite from hell.
It’s no fragrance wafted in air
No sweet scent,
It I feel right there
As healer of torment.
I smelled it first
From my time in her cavern
It was to begin my thirst
For the love of a woman.

For nothing ever meant more
Than to gain such praise
Equally idolized in thought and emotion
Such as a straight forward maze

Never fetter as to make yourself known to me
Create yourself shimmering and vibrant
Not that you would go unnoticed
But so my expression never fall silent

Stand for what your excellence is
Your true uncompromised nature
You know just as well as I do
Our expression is crafted as a glacier

I feel your deepest expression
You brought yourself into me
As I more than return such favour
We plant such seed to be such tree

And most late nights it's that
There's nothing else that I could do
But lay awake in an empty bed
My solitary thought could only be you

Time keeps slipping away.
And we watch it fall into the abyss.
Forever lost.
So we think.

The silence is here now.
Have we hit our target?
Not yet.

My insanity keeps me awake at night.
Insomnia becomes so routine.

Where dreams become just fragments of memories…

The streets are still hot from the summer’s day.
And I can’t help but still feel so cold.

Be a leader with a servants heart this is what I live by ! I will follow these words until the day I die. Some have different standards in life some people live to have a family others to be rich and own a company but my goal in life and words I live by is to be a leader with a servants heart. You see when you do that I feel greatness is not to far behind and you can achieve any goal in your mind just simple acts of kindness and get someone through there day and just to let them know that everything is ok could be one of the best gifts of all

It’s no longer the escape it used to be,
My thoughts- they’re too full,
They can’t let me be free.

The gift of deliverance,
How I cherished it long,
The hours of relief;
All those times I was gone.

I was taken away,
With people I trust,
But the gate- it won’t open,
I’ve allowed it to rust.

All those places I travelled;
That wonderful feeling of welcome,
It’s all starting to fade now,
No…I can’t let this happen.

But I know it’s no use,
I’ve tried again and again,
Reality keeps intruding,
I can still see its grin.

Oh, how I wish I could go back,
To how it was before,
When I could walk freely in that realm,
When there was no lock on the door.

But instead I’m sitting, staring,
And all I see are pages,
It’s not like it used to be,
Where are all the dragons and mages?

I stare intently at the words,
But register only spaces,
There’s no one there to greet me,
No familiar faces.

This is when it happens,
When my reality takes the wheel,
It scares away my one reprieve,
It tells me what to feel.

No longer is there comfort here
Between this tattered cover,
My real life is weighing down on me;
Begging that I take over.

I gently close the book I love,
And resist the urge to cry,
But it’s time to focus on myself right now,
It’s time to say goodbye.

In the course of human history
Two things have been discovered
That can never be conquered
Those being death, and time
All men must die
Time can never stop moving forward
This is known for sure
Accepted by all
So what is one to do?
When they know death is inevitable
Feel frozen in time
As if they are being left behind
Lost in a world
They do not belong in
Unstable, emotionally damaged
If they are always miserable
What options do they have?
The pain will not fade
Time will not stop
Death is all that is left
So they kill themselves
Friends and family are outraged
Hurt by the loss of someone
Saying he was selfish for leaving
Bitter and angry
They do not even bother trying
To put themselves in his shoes
But if they did
They would know
That suicide?
Was the only choice
He had to take