The beginning was
over before the start…
It was daunting how she could read
my reflection, in the still waters,
like the book about the stormy seas of my mind.
It is said that “still waters run deep”
Is my soul’s estuary a shallow and barren desert?
With too many glaring imperfections ?
Have the depths of my spirit
reached for the lighted surface
only to see hope evaporate into thin air?
Wanting to feel understood
is a reflection of my heart
and yet I feel the need to harbor,
undiscoverable traits in my cage of solitude...
Am I, one heart only lying to my mind?
As if I were not whole?
Four separated distinct parts…
These hands adorn the quill of
the head, the heart, body and soul...
am I only an illusion of my own wholeness?
After carefully considering
my reflections in the mirror of her eyes,
a breathless panic fell like a dark fog,
blocking her vision into the book of my mind.
Backed up against the corner wall,
I felt like running as my biggest fears manifest
in the realization that our final moment had come...
If… “Am I ? ” ... is the question?
"Four separated, in-congruent pieces is the answer"…
I’ve been fooling myself all along
away seemed better
on my hands and knees
just seems unfair.…
© Harlon Rivers
My purple sunrise is deeper than yours
I dream in the cracks you cover with clay
the black in my pupils holds in more light
but your bleached white walls lead to my decay.
My grass is thicker,
my blue is stronger
when I eat from the fruit there's more teeth in my bite.
Can you taste the juice?
Feel it dribble down your shirt?
That's the stream in my forest
by my carpet of dirt.
It's written in ink
smeared, still legible
that I hold a soul within these bars of bone
light and soft like cooling butter
It's fierce, and it sings, and doesn't understand
the reasons for pain in this drying, Eden-land.
Searching through his bloodied clothes.
Searching for what is left.
With the rage, I cut into his chest.
I want his heart, for safety and comfort.
I rip it out and cradle it
I want it for others but I shall never reveal them now.
I love very bit of this heart.
You say I am a beast?
Look at you, I know you have done sins.
I am a dark being.
I love the screams and moans of pain and death.
I just don't know what happened to that little girl you had once seen.
Now crying and imbalanced.
I have made a doll.
It has the heart that I cradled
It looks just like him.
He talks to me.
Calls me "Little Dove"
At night 'he' comes alive and kisses me with those sharp teeth.
That wretched smile drives me insane.
His a demon, bursting out if my chest.
Putting his bloody doll like hand on my pale white cheek.
Killing me with his poisoned kiss.
I am paralyzed in time.
I love him ever so.
He says to me that me can make me a world of blood.
He makes me dream of haunted things.
Wounds, stitches, knives and more lovely.
I am happy that he can make my world come true.
I love that I am crazy, because he makes me feel better.
I love you, demon of my dreams.
you'll never see this
and i don't mind so much
your thoughts are misguided
like your hands are to my flesh
your brilliance should not be taken as arrogance
but also not as ignorance
too smart for your own good
allow yourself to not think for awhile
i'd like for you to let yourself be
alongside me would be ever more splendid
you make me feel like i haven't in awhile
wish i knew what it all meant
your smile ignited something inside
that i have no idea how to interpret
what to do with these feelings
leave them out of the game, in the dugout
The twinkle in your eyes when I profess my love for you the feel of your curves cascading down your long body and the shape of your honey lips how could I forget the pleasure of ever loving you of ever knowing such a delicate flower? My sweet angel my diamond in the rough of life my warrior and my hero a comrade in this war of love my goddess of Atlantis Athena the great my loving queen how could I have ever been so mean! Love of a lifetime in this soulless world my never ending dream my true beauty queen live long, love forever, miss me never, stay true, be you.
You and only you know who I am.
When you touch me with your muddy hands.
I am a piece of flesh, with a blossoming heart.
We lie in the forest beneath the starry dark.
Challenge my mind but do not get lost in arrogance.
Do not engage without caution, but love with patience.
Be mine so long as I can feel the spark in your touch.
Love me hard and deep, but not too much.
I lose myself and escape to your eyes.
I wander amongst the streets of your fears and lies.
But I do not run or flee or scramble away.
For those moments I am lost, yet unable to stray.
Allow your heart to be my home, and I will do the same too.
I will bury my body in your muddy hands, and I will leave them clean for you.
"No one will love you as much as I do"
The thought keeps ringing in my head
Alongside the church bells that I once heard while looking into your eyes
"Don't be a fool", I say to myself
Breathing heavily, anxious as all hell
"No one will ever love you as much, and you know it"
But why not?
Why can't someone else love me as much?
Should I just settle for him because I don't think it's possible for anyone else to feel this way about me?
I don't feel for him the way that I should
The way that I used to
The way that I want
Why must need overcast want?
Why must love be so black and white, rigid and confusing?
I've always begged for his answer
But now I'm wishing I had just let it be.
Paper notes are nothing without the air that fuels their journey
From hand to hand, money to palm, no, I want that inbetween
That fair exchange, that feel good feeling.
I have faith in that ease.
But you are blind to what I see
You believe it's brought everything, this paper wrapped in thorns.
Independence, equality and within us, no judgement or scorn
I laugh even though it hurts from the lungs you've torn
Your air isn't fit to breathe anymore
From firestarters to materials, from nowhere at all to experiences
The answer lies not within the devious
So I wait
A precarious balance to one day think you can pay off fate
You hold it tight, until the moment comes.
Through snow, through sleet, sunshine and rain.
You'll have that goodie today.
And nothing can stop you but a lack of change.
When life and death is trivial, you can hear the quarters coming
You're full to the brim with it
But it's nothing.
An overflow of twinkling coins and shiny bills
It's the journey, the reward, that brings those thrills.
I want to remove the middle man, the mad man, the money mind-set banned
And instantly connect those two generous hands
Together we'll make it happen, let's start with a global call
Inexpensive and cheap, abundance and freedom is solved
Monsanto the monster hiding beneath our countries bed
The internet our new best friend
It is our turn now, to bring this to an end
Poverty and addiction is a just a bad dream, wake up!
It's never too late to have had enough
I feel the shrug of the passing winds,
That gather beyond my solemn place,
Where indifferent birds fly to and from,
With only lost dreams, real as her face.
I seem to pass time in a daydream,
Waiting for the hour to pass, the day to end, the night to be over
My movements drift by as smoke
My mind, is always on you.
They poster their images in the foreground
And try to distract me and my thoughts
But you're always there, always.
They feed on sadness and loneliness, and I find it hard to fight
But the never ending struggle adds beauty to our love
And perseverance to my cause.
You complete me
As if we were destined, mind mates as it were
I feel invincible when my mind allows your entering
And I save the strength of our union when they rip you from my thoughts.
In time I know we will be together
We will live out the future I have envisioned a thousand times.
I told you, mi amor, I will never stop loving you
And that is set in stone
But there is so much more to say
And I've yet to find all the words
I promise to you our future, our family
I vow to you that I will always try to be the best me
I swear to you I will never give up.
I will never give in.
They will never have me.
I am yours.