how i feel
right now
literally smacking down each key
as i type angry letters
in response to frustration
i hate disagreeing with you
but it happens so much
why?
do you enjoy
fighting with me
debating
whatever the heck you call it
to make it seem okay
it's not okay
i'm not okay
no matter what you want to think
there is no way
in this world
that i will ever
be okay
We look down on those lower than us
crushing them like beetles until their organs spill on to the pavement
just because we are giants with shoes
just because we feel higher and crave the feeling of royalty and power.
But in reality, we are all the same human race.
We have the same beating heart
the same lungs; black or pink
The same skin, just different pigments
the same hair follicles, just different textures
But who wants to be like everybody else?
Almost every living soul on this planet.
We always treasure and desire the material items and features we don't have;
and we are numb to what is right in front of us
and what we claim.
Then when we finally receive the desired gems, they're bight and beautiful at first;
but turn dull over time
Hair dye fades.
Rings turn to brass.
nothing is golden forever
We are snowflakes full of different patterns; we are butterflies all unique and beautiful.
We ourselves are treasures to one another.
We are dull to ourselves but to others;
we are what they ache to be.
We feel like silver, but we really are gold.
We believe what others say because we already feel dull inside
and they're fading gems themselves;
collecting our shine.
They are polishing up themselves because we let them.
We let them steal our shine from us
We are all beautiful; confused creatures
surrounded by a mad, mad judgmental world
and even though golden can't last forever;
we can still let other people feel golden.
Be proud of your uniqueness, your pigments, you.
and let others feel golden too.
Casino Love
They tell you you're not ready
Dont jump in with both feet
They dont know just how you feel
Or what you truly need
They think they have the answers
And they try to give advice
They say you'll fall in love again
To just give it some time
You listen to their every word
But feel its bad advise
You think you know just what you need
So you decide to roll the dice
The first time that you start to play
You feel a love that grows within
A remembered joy of something new
That you think will never end
The love you feel may last awhile
But then come crashing down
You have given all you had to love
Yet still true love's not found
You realize they were somehow right
And that they knew just what to say
They had seen the future in the cards
And still you want to play
Now they say to go and just have fun
Play the hand that you are delt
Dont worry about the loss you had
For true love will win out
Carl J. Roberts
The shivers descends down my spine
The coldness creeps up one you
Before you know it
The liquid nitrogen fills you
It courses through your veins
Your lungs start to feel heavy
Coldness Caresses you heart
CRACK! Your shatter
Millions of pieces
Never to be put together again
-Jenneil Lewin
and frustration
how I'm feeling now
thanks to you
your egotistical ways
hurt everyone
though you refuse to admit
how you really are
I don't get how you don't see it
really
it isn't that difficult
I understand you get your feelings hurt
but so do I
and everyone else
it's a fact of life!
why is it that everyone else can handle that
and you're special enough
that you don't have to
you can make everyone else suffer
because you feel excluded
forlorn
just because I we have other friends
doesn't mean we hate you
it just means we have other friends
really
can't you just look
in the mirror
someday
and come to the realization
that you really are what we say
not with malicious intent
but ridiculously
self-centered
and you need to
get over yourself
That's what you get for telling me to share my thoughts and feelings.
Truth hurts? Really...
Leaf.
Golden and green, then brown and falls apart.
Is Death really so bad?
It creates for such beauty.
It Spins the Wheel.
A skull with horns.
To some, unfathomable...
to see, a sense of aesthetic so profound as it sits there on the mantle before a snow filled fireplace.
I crumble the leaf...
...steals away my pride.
I remember one day I will crumble,
fall away,
and die.
It is not such a horrible thing.
For, I am excited to see what lies beyond the Blackened Gates of the Earth.
And when my candle snuffs out in 120 or more years from now, it will be with an angel-light, glowing white, in my heart.
Without Death, there would be no Creation...no Birth.
Think about it.
Feel it.
Meditate upon it.
Like an Aghori, who sits upon a human grave, holds a human skull, and dusts himself in cremated remains...
Embrace it.
Bathe in the metaphoric blood of ancestral light.
Roll in the soil.
Taste the bliss of release.
For then, and only then...
can you walk through the Valley of Life...
Removed entirely...
...
...from Fear.
Columbian Eden;
In an October descent:
Yesterday we're innocent,
Then time is rend.
Consecrating her lips
with another crimson layer,
A red-stained cigarette
and fiendish black hair.
This place is our day,
Eternity
does remain.
Rapturous Olympus;
On skin droplets of water caress:
"Some people feel the rain,
Others just get wet."
Standing shirtless
his declaration was blessed,
As water fell
on his demonic chest.
Doomsday kiss,
Infinity
and other stuff.
Neoteric Paradise;
Exile Vilify the individuals' convergence:
Unhindered by the precipitating blitz,
We're lost in the drizzle of descending mist.
The outcast crowd know
a different kind of bliss.
The overcast cloud shows
context is all that ever is.
"All those moments will be lost in time
like tears in rain."
Ion chaser ate a hurricane.
-Lines Eleven and Twelve ascribed to Roger Miller
-Lines Twenty-Eight and Twenty-Nine devised by Rutger Hauer (As Roy Batty)
Brief rememory of a day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhSTN8Q7cD8
䷇䷄䷂䷀䷊䷌䷼䷶䷩
Jupiter and the moon take most blows for us
nice arrangement for blithering bags of pus
intelligent design or some grand coincidence
the phenomena that is life is no mere incident
64 hexagrams comprise the I Ching
64 nucleotides in a DNA string
anthropic anthropomorphistic antagonists
dripping and drooling with dread
that God caused the thoughts in your head
the phenomena that is life is beyond your stead
Big bang
hot thing
can't explain
why the rain
brings gain
to the blamed and the sane
God isn't real, that's their deal
religion's exist because you feel
pithy platforms of persistent intrusions
pulpits of platitudes feeding delusions
the phenomena that is life is no mere illusion
Church day, fey day
leave your questions at the door
harken hear the story
of God in all its glory
the grand and the gory
the mysterious phenomena that is life
䷇䷄䷂䷀䷊䷌䷼䷶䷩
I Ching http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Ching ䷇䷄䷂䷀䷊䷌䷼䷶䷩
A fire ignites
Inside my very fucking self
Pain unjulates
From each nucleus
Of every single living cell
Out through my tattered bones,
To my skin
That burns to the touch
My sinews
Feel severed
The pressure from each step
Shoots electricity up through my spine
The release of each step
Throbs with each heartbeat
I can feel my blood
Rush through my veins
And even that
Steals my breath
My tread
Breaks tempo
With a limp
I drag my throbbing feet
Weighted by exhaustion
And hours of constant
Vibrating hurt
The doctors say it's in the neurons
Of my brain.
They misinterpret
Touch as pain
So I live in constant
Chaos
Wondering if there will ever be a day
Where my cells will silence
And I will find some relief
They said we had it all
Middle American brats
bottom barrel aristocrats
we were told we were
propitious children
left alone to wonder
the bland landscape
of our gated community
to stand in submission
in our lovely subdivision
When things changed
it was us they blamed
or the media
or the influence of the ghetto
so far away
but never did we stray
it all came to us
and that was OK
we wanted something more
then material things
Our parents were there
but never really there
not enough to care
though they thought they were
Asking random questions
drinking their cocktails of
white wine and Valium
telling us to turn down the volume
and what kind of shit
were we listening to today
telling us how music was better
back in their day
You gave us the world and in return
we shouldered all the blame
took the blame for all the pain
and were reminded daily of
how things could have been
how things should have been
if only you waited to have kids
And you wonder why we
f*ck and fight
stay up all night
become drunken fools at seventeen
just so we can change the routine
so we can feel alive by slowly dying
cigarette smoke and xanax bars
some percocet then drive our cars
to some place
any place
where someone will tell us that
we are special and unique
beautiful as they touch our cheek
and make us feel human again
smart and talented
more then our cookie cutter
gated box of a life
we have been told since birth
we must carry on
We just want to feel alive
to feel that someone really knows us
deep inside
from front and back
To feel that we are good enough
that its OK to be different
to feel different
and still know you will
love us just the same
and take back some of the blame
to hold us up so we don’t fall
and shatter like glass
from a child to a parent,
is that too much to ask?
David Martin
