Its 10 p.m. my time which means it's 11 p.m. yours and I'm sure you're tangled in each other’s mess. And Let me guess, you miss me. Darling don’t miss me. Cause I know in a few years from now you won’t remember my eyes you said you want to stare into. My smile you like so much. My face you want to kiss. My lips you desire to feel. Nothing last forever and me of all people should have carved that into my skull. Carved it behind my own two eyes so when I close them all I can focus on are those three words. Nothing lasts forever. You might someday think so, saying your vows and promising forever, but nothing is. And if you think it's forever till death then that's not the forever that's on my mind. No, the forever on my mind is the forever that never dies. Cause love never dies. Being mortal though, we do die. We do wither into old ages and still believe in the love that is given. Or the love that is deserved. Love is eternal though, and although we are not eternal, we are not forever, we have the sense that love is. So what's that say about us. It says that our thoughts and ideas of love are not what is written in the dictionary so long ago. It's what we believe in our hearts. And that my friends- Is not something I can define for you. It doesn't have boundaries so how can you define something so wild? How can you take a four lettered word and make many other words fit together to describe what we have. You can't. And if one day you find the definition of love let me know. Cause I want to see them too. Yes. Them. Not it. Them is the word used related to people. It is the word used to relate things. Items. And your definition of love will fit every word that you cannot say. Cannot describe. And when you feel love it will feel inviting. And trust me when you smell love it will bring back sensations that haven't been there since your first encounter on the playground. Cause all the best memories happen there. In the complete and utter bliss you can hardly recall, because it was so long. Wish me well also that someday I experience everything you sense when you meet love. Although I hold less luck than you, kiss me goodnight and I'll KNOW that everything is alright.
Frustration Is driving me insane
Sometimes I just want to step in front of a crane but
that would be to easy these days seem so much the same Patience is a virtue yet
I'm frustrated and may hurt you
only to feel bad because the human in me hurts too
My quest for happiness is becoming a trek to find the end of a rainbow
I've lost my light and my path I don't know which way to go.
Seems a lot of people would like to see me fail and
well I've done just that since my boat has set sail
It's a wonder I'm still afloat seems it's not my time to die
I can't even control emotion at random moments I cry
Abused, abandoned, I wouldn't pay my own ransom
I'm damaged, unrepairable, yet somewhat handsome
Life threw me a fastball and I struck out every time
my days consist of nothing No wonder I learned to rhyme
trying to climb my way out of my hole hoping this may be my gold
I haven't accomplished much of anything at 23 years old
Yea I've wrote a bunch of non sense
but to my name I have not one cents
I'm actually in debt for sharing my two cents.
My life is a comedy even I laugh at me
even beat myself up I am my worst enemy.
I write and smoke a lot hoping to ease the stress
as I feel the rope tightening around my neck
The lightning bolts my only hope the reason I log on
if you didn't give me strength no way I could write on...
Thank you to everyone for your support and love
it goes along way.
pull the skirts passed my knees & tight underneath
while the carpet imprints & pours into pores. underneath
the light i suppose the bones let go & curl but i don't
feel & masked further is shocking punches & i fall so
tucked inside inward too deep in the core & i can't
reach the rest anymore. once was a heart burns flowers
& decaying flesh overpowers more & more & more so
i tuck further more & more & more so my hair is in the way
but it's too late so i see nothing & then i realize i haven't
been breathing for a while.
You make your jokes.
You play your games.
But I’m on top now
Your words won’t hurt.
I’m the master.
I’m free from you
and the words you say
the way you make me feel
I am myself
Your not creating me
I create myself
into the person I want.
Your not holding me back
I'm going for it.
Watch me. From afar.
Because your not in my life.
It’s my life not yours.
I do not know you,
But I feel you.
The way your words brighten the page
Makes my heart ache.
I want someone to love you back
To be yours
And make the glossy tears in your eyes become those of happiness.
I don't know you outside of poetry
But I know you must be a wonderful person
Feel free to pour your heart into these pages
And know that I'm listening.
I want your memories to light up the dimples on your face
Your broken heart to make you stronger
Because I can feel you,
Your presence in your words.
And so are you.
I don't know you.
But I wish I did.
A slight chill runs through my veins like venom,
dread filled my body as I realize what I have to do.
I stutter as I try to find the right words,
I knew I would blindside you.
After three damn years of sitting quietly
I let it bottle all up,
it was time to stop the flood inside.
The words came out
like vomit after a drunken night.
the tears roll down but I feel a weight lift.
I will always love you,
but it's time to move on,
be free and live, for once in my life,
I keep this bottle of pills, filled up to the brim. And I leave them on my nightstand.
I keep the small container without stealing any
Even when my head is throbbing so hard, I can hear my pulse deep inside my ears.
But I keep them; so if I ever want to taste them all in one setting,
The option is there.
I don’t plan to take these pills. I just have them; just in case.
Because you can’t plan death, you can’t sit down one night and say, “I, want, to, die.”
It doesn’t work like that, depression isn’t that simple.
It’s not an impulsive act or feeling; it’s a build down.
And I say build down because it sure as hell doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.
It piles in your head, like dirty laundry that’s been there for days and sits around the floor,
Because you can’t get out of bed.
It adds up, like miles on that old car that seems to cost a fortune every week but you can’t afford a new one.
Because if you could, maybe you’d leave your pillow and see the world,
Like a cross country road trip, pushing pins into a board, marking all of the spots in the world you want to stop and see.
But if my arm were a highway, and these straight lines my tourist spots, my blade would be my car.
It’s not a Cadillac or an SUV. It’s been used,
Back when I actually gave a fuck about what I looked like.
I don’t cut slashes in my wrist anymore
As if I was a four year old erasing the white ink from her canvas, coloring with a silver crayon.
And I may be lying when I say,
I don’t have a razor blade hidden within the drawer.
Because I keep that thin, shiny piece of metal that pulls so easily against flesh,
Maybe someday I don’t want to relapse and start over.
I want to succeed.
But that isn’t something I can plan.
When I told you that I love you like a fat kid loves cake,
what I really meant to say was that for the first time in my life, I'm nervous.
I have a kindergarten crush so big I feel like cupid flew an airplane into my heart the moment I met you,
and that this kind of love is the kind that can grow to be so much more
When I told you that I would love you until forever,
what I really meant was that I would always be there.
That God himself couldn't pry you from my loving arms,
and that I would follow you through hell and high water
When I told you I wanted to die in your lap and be resurrected in your smile,
what I really meant was that I want to watch the sunrise in your eyes.
I want to be caught up in ecstasy every time I lay my head next to yours,
and then experience the sunset in every quivering last breath.
And when I told you that I would see you soon,
what I really meant was that I was too scared to say good bye.
That every wish from this day forward would be used in hopes to see you again,
and that no matter where you go, you will always have a piece of my heart.
I have a hard time stringing together the correct words to form art but I'm going to try my best because
you make me feel like singing from the tallest building and
somehow there is a light in my eyes and it's not jusg the reflection of your words on the screen but rather the way you make me feel
fills me up to the brim of my eyes and I don't know how to handle that
you make the voices hush and sometimes they even join in the song with me and I have to admit that has never occurred before
it's like you help me like myself and I never even dreamed of knowing how it feels to be okay with myself
you help me fill this vacant void in my soul and I don't know how to correctly put how much id like to thank you into words
the only time I don't completely hate myself is when I'm talking to you and oh my god it feels amazing
I have never found myself looking forward to a conversation that I count down until the person is out of work but my days drag when your messages aren't lighting my screen
and I can honestly say I could get used to waking up to your messy morning hair and the way I wake up with my eyes lit
I was excited
when i saw the whited
beneath my feet
and i almost screamed in joy
when i heard all girls an boys
had the day off
but then i had to scoff
at the fact that they
thought they could take away our day
in the wintry escape
and replace it with school not-so-great
where we'd feel like muck
cause what the fuck
none of will ever think school
is ever that cool