Someday we will have DJs at funerals.
I should know. I DJ'd a wedding once.
Well I shan't say I DJ'd the wedding.
I merely pressed play on the tiny boom box (SONY) and here comes the bride.
Twas a beautiful wedding.
A black wedding.
The bride was my first cousin Tamara.
Yes the whole thing was beautiful.
Stop it already.
A scant 4 years later I attended her death.
A rainy morning.
the morning sun not up.
I have a photograph taken July 27, 2003 maybe!
My brother her sister and I on a Carribean cruise. I'm sticking a tongue out. I was mad at the fine Bahamian wearing fake dreads making money by posing for photos for the non-natives. But if you bypass my tongue in the photograph you can see her. You can see the foursome of us smiling with some random Bahamian fake dread.
If you look slightly left in the photograph you can see her smile.
Her joie de vivre.
A moment if you will allow me. Away from the boat the Bahamian boys would not leave her alone. They would whistle, catcall, stare and menace. But she was my family. She was my cousin. Her protector and her friend. Those boys' eyes would follow us. But when I held her hand down the boardwalk they did not dare come within punching distance.
I will refrain from her beauty.
Her ability to tell me to 'shut the fuck up' with only a glance.
Somewhere buried I have the video of her wedding.
I can't watch it anymore but perhaps I should.
I need to see her happy again.
Beautiful again and
It was that kind of night,
when your nose froze to your face
when you stepped outside.
But we didn't care anyways,
our kisses were warm
and our hearts were close.
A real man is mentally and physically strong,
Has a good heart and mind,
Moves away from sin,
Accepts and appreciates who he is,
Accepts and respects everyone,
Doesn't judge anyone because he knows that he isn't the one to judge them,
Shares the Love of God with His family daily and has strong faith,
Doesn't take actions or make decisions that confront his faith and beliefs,
Has dreams and ambitions,
Always speaks the truth,
Always thinks before making a decision,
Accepts his mistakes and knows that he isn't perfect,
Is able to control his rage,
Inspires others by being a role model,
Respects women and never man-handles them,
Loves his wife and remains faithful to her forever,
A Devoted father,
Is a great father figure to his son,
Has a special bond with his daughter,
Protects his family and always does what is best for them,
Keeps a roof over their heads,
Earns a living,
Doesn't care what others think of him,
Has emotions and is able to express himself,
A real man never gives up and is optimistic about the future!!!
"Don't do it. There's always another way."
"You could've said that yesterday. You could've said that any day. Now it's too late."
"It's never too late."
"Look, there's no other way to escape."
"Please don't. Think of your family and friends."
"Time heals all wounds. It'll heal them."
I couldn't hear her over the wind.
They are gone
All of them
They are dead to me
Almost my whole family
I haven't forgotten them
But it's their fault
They couldn't accept us
They didn't like
Us being together
So I said fuck them
Me and my dad
We no longer talk
Me and my brother
We have drifted apart
Me and my whole family
No longer talk
I said fuck them
Ill choose you over them
I've gave all of them up
All of them
Don't make me regret it
I love you
I miss you
Ill go crazy with out you
You are all I have now
As far as I care
I have no family
As my soles strike the concrete
My soul soars across the skyline
And I catch myself considering
The constant conflict of life,
And the concept of beauty by which
Then I see a skyscraper
And my mind goes ballistic
With a sudden epiphany
Each window holds a story
Of a person or a family
Facing challenges like me
And the whole of humanity
I stand there
As I consider the potential
And I begin to entertain
The ludicrous notion
The world isn't broken
If all of those windows
Set aside all adversity
We could face any problem
With the highest degree of certainty
When you're little,
the beach means sandcastles
and seashells and swimsuits,
it means food, it means fun,
it means family.
The water is always blue
and there are sailboats on the horizon
and the only things the wind affects
are the kites in the breeze.
Your mom smiles more
and your dad's jokes are better
and you can run all day
without ever noticing you're tired.
As you get older, you start to notice
that saltwater tastes a lot like tears—
so you hope that all it is on your lips
when you kiss your mother on the cheek
is just the ocean.
And you find a lot of cigarettes
and shards of broken bottles
under your grandfather's porch—
but you tell yourself they had been there
even before your grandmother's funeral—
and at night the waves crashing
carry her whispers back to this beach
because she knows it's the place where
we'll think of her the most.
But a few years beyond that,
the tears in the saltwater
start to taste a lot like your own
and you know your grandmother
is still sending whispers
but you can hardly remember her voice
and the beach still means
but it's also started to mean
Let it be SHOUTED across the rooftops,
I need to let it out.
Let my heart break free of these chains.
Chains created through my former silence, my inability to act.
My inability to think.
My refusal to be me.
Me, the wild, crazy child of a split family.
Me, the quiet, well-read boy in the corner.
I can't go anywhere
Without the thought of you
Following me like a shadow
And it drives me insane
Knowing that just cause I left you
It doesn't mean
That you left me
Tonight I saw your family
When I was out
And it scared me knowing
You said one day
I would be in your family too
Because you loved me a lot
And I thought that was cute
I loved your family
But simply not you
I could be out right now
With your family
I am with my own
That leaves me isolated
And begging for friends
But maybe that's good
Because if I was in your family
I wouldn't be happy
Knowing I was with you.
Stop spending your MONEY!
Money should only be used to get what you need
Only spend a few dollars here and there to feed
And clothe the family and buy other things like
Deodorant, shampoo, soap, and toiletries alike
You don’t have to have the best and newest
Making a fool of yourself is not the coolest
Down grade your services, shut off the cable
Start paying off the highest bills if you’re able
Shop at places like Goodwill, and the local Dollar Store
Consignment shops, places like that there are many more
I've bought many brand new unopened, clothing, appliances, furniture, toys and electronics
At places like the Dollar Store, consignment shops and Goodwill really I’m being quite honest
Everything in my home looks new, because places like I mentioned above
Takes all the end of season items and sends them to Goodwill with love
Don’t forget to clip all those wonderful cents off coupons
Look for sales in stores on those items to use them on
I have many nice things in my home. I didn't spend a fortune and I have no outstanding debt
But I have things that I enjoy and that make me happy, and no loans or credit card bills do I fret
If you must have a credit card then get just one, that you can use anywhere either a Visa or MasterCard
All those other store credit cards just add to your worry and they should all be from your home barred
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