Life is like a landscape
The rolling hills and cliffs
the ups and downs
the high hopes
that always get dropped
they shatter and
fall into the ocean
And the ocean kisses the shore
and the shore sends it away
and it returns again
And the trees and plants
grow new life
new friends and family
but trees and plants die
eventually
and they return to dirt
which is built up over the years
like layers
and it learns that
not everyone is kind
and sometimes it gets walked on
But on special days it rains
and the water washes away
some of those layers
and the ground feels refreshed
So I like rainy days
You dont understand Chris
You are the best thing for me
You are a collection of dusty white illusions, desires, love on window panes
the color and tinge of which I am so excitable about
putting up in our new home
your face inspires me to write
like the angels
your face inspires me to be free
the compassion,
if only you knew less,
and more of how much it makes me
sad
because you relinquish the love in my heart
by
folding it half in half, half in half
till there is nothing for the world to be seen
reverted back to where I've been
touched by an untouch
closed
because all of the love that I've known
is not tangible
never tangible enough
I've waited months
I've waited near a year
because how can someone own up to all my dreams
materialize them as all I see
need me
but not enough to enter into security
the commitment of short chance
the security of knowing nothing will always last
and that doesnt make me seem bitter
feel bitter
in the upturned corners of my heart
its that something
something keeps you from rolling into me
something to conceal yourself from me
its not what you want
its not what you feel
if that's the case then why cant I leave?
why cant I walk my spirit out of your life
without you noticing every detail
without some sadness in my wake?
because you want to brush your angelic knuckles across my streaming skin
because you need my mind to guide you, to get inside you
because you dont know
but you like it when you touch me
you talk to me like a concerned parent in your sleep
when I'm fine
quiet, assuming of the worst
because this would, and was the very first
that he's all that he projected himself to be
he loves, and so tenderly, so carefully, so fully
so it makes sense
that he wont give of himself to an item that includes me
and its not me,
you say honestly
but you cant say it isnt you
your perceptions
of what are boundaries
and zipties
isnt true
I'm not like your women
I know what it means to love
I give you air, I give you breath
I give you laughter, and the wind
I give you earth, I give you security
I give you pools to soothe your ridgid mind, to let the heaviness sink and be left behind
a place to allways land, to always fall
EVen when you loose your precious mind
Always know I'd be there to closely follow behind
I give you understanding
I give you your genious
because I have enough of it to not take yours for mine
I know what it means to love
I know what it takes to love you
even if you dont know, its true
mixed up beautiful man
just silence yourself and lets walk away
hand in hand
because I wont take up half your bed
I wont make you build a second-life
from the lies you have to tell your parents on behalf of me
and I wont kick and scream when time comes for life to carry you away from me
and I wont put taxes on my body, because if its my land
you can have it freely
and I wont tell you one thing, then judge you based on another
I wont follow you around the house
I wont take your money
or make you pay my way
because you are darling to me, because both you and I are different from they
a call to arms:
the weary trumpet gurgles loudly and the two broken soldiers lie in bed,
ammunition in arms' reach
boots by the door across the room
love is sweet, bitter, sour, salty
it does not stop at gentleness
it does not stop at joy
it restlessly pummels its way through every facet, pattern, hurt and habit
it does not discern nor does it rest, such as the ocean (of which can be a metaphor for basically anything and yes I take full advantage)
simultaneously playful and merciless
in love vs. on top of love
surfing its waves like a pro but fall in and drown, like teaching a puppy to swim.
it tightens in my chest, it burns as I try to navigate through this foreign love I'm supposed to be made of, it's supposed to be the ar I breathe, isn't it, what binds us all together
if we weren't so afraid of drowning then maybe we'd discover that we can breathe underwater
amphibious like the best of 'em
We are on the cusp of the break,
And I can’t bear to see us fall.
May 2013
Every five minutes
I toss one way
and turn another.
Skipping through
the music on my iPod
and praying to God
that the battery doesn't die
before I fall asleep.
Restless minds and sleepy bodies
don't mix during the night.
Part of me longs for
another person beside me
to feel their presence and protection.
Maybe even affection.
But, until then,
I will toss and turn
every five minutes.
It wouldn't bother me so much
if my restless mind
would match the need
of my sleepy body.
do you wanna know what love is to me?
it's this funny feeling,
that not even god can explain.
it causes desire, need and hatred..
but most of all pain.
but what is love?
is it a phase?
can we break its cycle?
is there an end?
for those who fall into it,
do not choose.
some may win,
but most of them lose.
I feel stronger than i did last week
even though my body feels broken.
My heart is beating slower than usual
but i can keep running faster than
rain can fall from the clouds.
My eyes can't see as sharp as they used too
but everytime i see your face
it's clearer than the skies on a spring day.
Ny legs seem to drag each step i take
but when you start to walk towards me
I lift each leg as though it doesn't hurt.
My arms can't lift groceries anymore
but when you wrap your arms around me
they fall unto you without any struggle.
My past is scars inside and out
but when you're around
it doesn't exist.
The scars i see
every morning i wake up
and every night i sleep
with them caressing me.
Never forgotten shall they be.
Replaced with your face
every morning i awake
and every night i sleep with you
caressing me.
Never forgotten shall you be.
We may have lost track of time and everything that goes along with it,
In a world that no matter what we do each day, we will never fit.
No sense of direction in a world that has left us empty and broken,
Where happiness seems to be just out of reach, no matter what's spoken.
Alone in a world where we are different; unlike any other,
One where we will never be good enough for another.
The unspoken truth where we are alone and don't want to feel weak,
Even though we listen to what others say and listen to their critique.
Each word eats away at our core, each thought leads to more pain,
Never good enough, never happy; those thoughts that cross our brain.
Silent tears fall down to the ground, as we struggle to see the light,
Darkness and cold still envelop us, try as we might.
It is tough, for we walk the road of life alone at times,
Even if it feels as though we are paying for another's life crimes,
Hold on to that small glimmer of hope when it all seems to fail,
That glimmer is what will keep us on course, so we don't derail.
Things will get better and we will over come and we will cope,
As we face down our demons; for that thought is our only hope...
Suspended at the beginning of the end. At the end of the beginnning.
Neither rising nor falling.the wolf trots across twinkling white powder.
Frosty breath like a steam driven piston. She is neither hungry nor on patrol.
In her element. Little Red beware.
A calm.before the storm..listen to the blood swish in your veins.
Bass drum pounding behind your ears.
Systole/dyastole.
Tic/Toc
A sigh of relief the dipstick was.negative
Tic/toc
Slack tide.
Anticpation & dissipation
Slack tide
The moon pulls and releases. Clutch moment the oceans
Fall and rise. In the mean time. The between time.
We live in slack tide.
We had recovering drug addicts come in
Talking to us with their sunken
Ashy eyes
And sweaty palms
You could tell they were nervous by the
Way they carried themselves
Cinder blocks and
Broken piano parts
And their pasts
All clinging to them,
For life support
They talked about how easy
It was to let gravity eat you alive
As you are falling into a black pit
You can’t stop the falling
Their wings were bound to
Pseudo lovers who
Gave them bruised arms
And blue fingers.
If you are lucky enough to
Escape the clenched hands of
Addiction,
The rest of your life will
Be a walking tightrope act
Trapeze dancers
One slip and you are falling
Even faster
Harder than before.
And your family, friends,
Everyone you have ever known is
In the audience watching you
Fall into your premature grave
And there is nothing they can do
But tell you to fly
But you cant
Because you just love your
Mistress too much
To ever let her go.
And they warned us about
How hard it might be to say no
To not let the circus come into
Town, but if you do
Only you can pack up the
Lions, clowns,
Colorful balloons.
Someone asked them if they
Believe drugs should be legalized
And he responded with
If I walk into a gas station
And see drugs for sale I will
Not be able to hold myself
Upright.
But I also do not want a government
Establishment to tell me what I can
And cannot ingest into my body,
So I don’t know.
Newton’s First Law of Motion
States that something will keep moving
Unless some force acts upon it.
And once you start drugs
Or gambling
Or skipping meals
it will progressively
Worsen in time.
Festering in bloodstreams
Until you decide to stop it.
