To my dear —,
It's been cold for the past few days,
it's been dark a little longer,
and the sun takes it's time to rise.
The days are now slowly changing,
summer to fall,
Fall to winter,
I can't help but notice that I too am changing with it.
My heart is slowly freezing over,
my thoughts stay dark a little longer
and I to take my time to rise in the mornings, because I know you won't be there.
Everyone tells me to move on, even you.
The hardest thing that I heard you say is
"I'm not your girl anymore".
It was like a knife to the heart.
I still care endlessly
and my heart still has the same love for you.
I sit far, far away, miles apart but yet
I hope you know you are never alone.
I keep watch over you,
that my guardian angel watches over you too.
You won't ever know that I was there,
checking up on you everyday,
for as far as you know... I truly disappeared.
I'm not gonna pretend that you're alone in the nights,
I know he's there.
You're probably hanging out and making nice
and he has the nerve to ask my girl to dance
and you'll say yes,
but in my head you were always mine
and that's how I'll remember you.
As mine and me as yours.
I won't let go,
even if you have,
I'll keep the faith for the both of us right now
and if you don't come back like you're supposed to, well then..
You may be out of sight,
out of my path now
but you are never out of my mind.
I'm a man of my word and for as long as I can,
I'll make sure you are safe and sound
give you the lights,
all the lights to guide you home.
Collection from a long time ago..
You are something I'm not sure about
like why leaves sometimes fall and sometimes float
or waves sometimes break and sometimes don't.
The sound of us trickles in the streams I pass.
It's in the steady beat of feet and concrete
and it's the quiet refusal of moss to make a single sound as two feet pound.
But another pair might make a sound? Wake the ground? If I churn out rhymes will you get in line?
I'm a single set of feet
crassly attached to a fog and wind and atmosphere of you.
For you are as present as the hawks that circle and the fog that rests
and equally hard to touch.
I think I'd like to fall asleep
For a very long time
And not wake up for anyone
Or anything, or to go anywhere.
Just sleep until I cannot sleep
No, longer than that.
I'd like to sleep until I cannot sleep
Any longer, and then go back to sleep.
I want to sleep a million years,
A million months,
A million weeks,
A million days,
A million hours,
But not a million seconds.
Because that is just over eleven days.
And eleven days would not suffice.
Before the night fell
We witnessed the brilliance of man's folly,
Every note falling in deciduous perfection;
Even a prayer can be lost.
Then, when the stars came out,
The sun nowhere to be found,
The moon belched like a drunken pirate,
Bending the trees and sending their leaves
Skyward, off and away.
There was a whisper
Between the blades of grass
We sat upon.
There was a worry
In your eye
That told me there
Was to be more.
Candy cane fragrance
With a dash of cinnamon and salt.
Grinning through the darkness,
We touched hands like children,
Caught in that never ending dance.
Morning came like mist over a hill.
Our eyes wished not to open for the day.
She rose first and I rose second.
Never wanting for that feeling to go away.
Secondary rituals over coffee and pastries.
The sun came through that café window like a shot of a gun.
And when she paid and left,
She dropped a note that read "Until next time."
When you never see another again,
You always wonder what they came to be.
A periwinkle whore of 5 cents a pound,
Or a river lady loon that sang without a sound?
Under your bed -
Color shining in
Ox blood purple and red.
They told me your name
They scribbled your address
They want what you have
They're wondering why your'e so stressed
When she came by the place again,
I wasn't home, so she dropped me another note.
This one had only one word:
I can't lie.
I was quite
Two days past.
A knock on my door.
Moon light's middle finger
Stretching into my living room
My couch held her like an egg in a carton.
Toad colored hat latched around her head.
Hair covering her eyes, her mouth, her broken nose.
She wore orange flip flops, wiggling her toes.
She asked why I hadn't called.
I told her that I didn't have her number.
She talked about her soon to be dead father.
I sat down to listen, thinking of my forgotten brother.
When she began to cry, she came to me,
Like a bee to a flower or a fly to fresh shit.
I felt her hand on my chest and her breath in my left ear;
There's no guilt like the wicked
And there's no faith like the religious kind.
Hand in a hold.
Love is just another mold.
The priest protects the walls
Of his splintered sanctuary.
Is just another man's memory.
Oh my sins, my sins,
Where should I begin?
When you're born to lose,
There's no thought to win.
6 months past
And still, she was coming over.
Our love for one another
Was a knot I couldn't untie.
A year past
And the stars and the moon
Were a cure that
Blanketed us, our child, our family.
Living our days out,
Mixing poison and penalty,
Running from a life
That showed any shred of reality.
Buried side by side
Underneath a bent apple tree,
I died one day
And she died the other.
We use the leaves of Fall
And the blossoming buds of Spring
To reach for.
I Took You For Granted
Being in a relationship can be so complicated.
I'd assume that's why I'm not in them most often.
But this boy was sweet, and I had liked him a bit.
So I gave it a go, even though I hadn't dated in over a year.
And to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing.
What am I supposed to do, act, say?
It had been a while.
And maybe I was the one who caused us to fall to ruin.
Maybe it was my lack of knowlege or experience
that led to our downfall.
You were fine. But I was not.
You wanted to hold hands, to hug, snuggle, and kiss.
I didn't feel so comfortable with all of those.
Although I liked talking to you,
I didn't feel that click.
And when I closed my eyes,
I evisioned the road of years through my life.
I thought of my wedding and who I would be with.
And... I didn't see you.
The man by my side was still fuzy,
I guess I hadn't met him yet.
But you, I couldn't envision and future with you.
So then I had a thought,
It would only be logical to end this,
What was the point in continuing
if I knew it was inevitablly going to end.
My friend has often told me that
I'm the "emotionally attached" one.
I rely on my feelings.
And I think there is truth to that.
I didn't feel any emotion that sparked
meaning within me when I was with you.
So I ended it. And you asked to still be friends.
That's fine with me. Friends is good.
But I've noticed since then,
you haven't paid me no mind.
Haven't talked to me in particular,
or directly to me at all.
I saw you, but you were distant. You still are.
You talked with any girl but me.
And it's hard to just suddenly get used to that.
One day, I saw you before and after
every single period at school.
You always made the effort to talk to me,
to rub my hands, or scratch my back
when you could tell I was stressed.
Then the next day, you were gone.
I knew your schedule and
what classes you'd be in at a certain time.
It's like the phrase "so close, yet so far away"
That seems the perfect description for it.
Because you were right there,
where I could walk up and talk to you,
but you turned around, and walked away.
I see you talk with those girls and I wonder,
Does he not miss me at all?
Am I so easy to replace with just another girl?
Do I hold no signifigance whatsoever?
And I begin to realize, I miss you.
I miss how large your hand was and
that it practically swallowed mine.
I miss being able to lean against you
and aimlessly doze off.
I miss your humor and the
small compliments you'd always give me.
No boy had ever spoke so sweetly to me before.
It's not that I feel we should get back together.
I did the right thing. I was not happy in our relationship.
But I'm still not happy now that it ended,
and aprubtly at that.
I just wish you would talk to me.
Say something. Anything.
Walk next to me in the hallway so
I won't be alone.
Look into my eyes with yours,
as if you could speak that way.
I just wish you wouldn't ignore
my presence completely.
And it's now that I finally realize,
I took you for granted.
Doesn’t the sky look bluer?
Though the days become shorter than in the Summer, they seem almost too short.
The color palate changes from bright, sunny, electrifying colors
To colors that are mellow and crisp.
Colors such as crimson, mandarin, gold, and peacock.
Leaves litter the winding roads.
People start to wear sweaters and scarves instead of tank tops and shorts.
The waters remain thawed and flow freely in the beginning.
They reflect the multicolored trees that line their banks in a blurred image.
The air gets sharp.
Flowers rest in the night,
And wake up wearing a coat of hard, white frost.
Winds dance to a different tune.
Snowflakes quietly dance down to Earth every once in a while.
Christmas music starts to play in department stores.
People give thanks during the day, and then go crazy and shop late, late in the night.
Fall lasts forever,
But goes by quickly.
Just as we do.
- we are sitting on a bench near an office complex.
2. you are opening and closing my eyes like a valentine’s day card.
3. the cheap, themed paper slips we handed out as children.
4. you are pulling me apart, but i don’t unravel, i rip like fibers.
5. a heart shaped sticker, a seal without the saliva.
6. sometimes when i start to get upset with you i make myself stop thinking and focus on the rise and fall of your chest.
7. i can’t see you.
8. i’m alone in an auditorium and my off-tune singing is bouncing off your walls.
9. you never tell me directly that you’d rather be dead, but the only seatbelt you ever when we ride in the car is me.
10. i am made of the glass to keep glass from shattering and falling into your arms.
11. you are a defibrillator kept in an angry red case.
12. you only cradle me while i am awake and every time i cradle you, you end up asleep.
13. beer and snapple shots, you are singing along with the falsetto of it all.
14. you are my summer. you are my secondhand smoke. you are my sweet citrus skin falling into the sink. you are my sunshine.
15. i am not only.
16. it is not then, it is not now, but it is closer to february. i am a half a heart, hot red sticker faded to winter pink stepped on somewhere in a church parking lot.
17. neither of us know.
Welcome to my magic show
Where only the brave dare to go;
Beyond the depths of reality
Hidden under lock and key.
There's not rabbit in a hat, no graceful dove,
Just an angel with broken wings, fallen from above.
There's no illusion, no trick of scorn;
Only a lonely girl, tattered and torn
Welcome to the freakshow, look through the glass.
She cowers in fear, gazing at the points and laughs.
They mock, they tease,
They bring her to her knees.
With a desperate plea she lifts her eyes
And everyone sees she's a devil in disguise.
The confusion is evident on every face
This girl has a side that caused her to fall from grace.
Assumptions are made, a decision reached
Everyone with an opinion they morbidly preached
The girl lifts her hands in absolute fear
And in a flash of smoke she disappeared.
I hope you enjoyed the show
Where she went, you may never know.
All my lives
You've been there
And if I fall in love with you
I'll never see you again
When I was younger,
I used to always see which raindrop,
On the window of the car would beat
All the other raindrops to the bottom
Of the window.
I'd sit there, watching, concentrating so hard,
Just to guess and be wrong,
As another raindrop would pull ahead
At the last second.
I was always so amazed by the raindrop
That won, that I'd pay no attention to the others,
In the same way, you're that raindrop that won;
You're all I paid attention to,
And now the only raindrops that win
Are the ones that fall down my cheeks.