i walked into the night,
and felt the cool air's breeze.
stepping away every once in awhile
usually gives me enough to release.
in an attempt to sober up from binge thinking,
i noticed i was alone, moreso than usual.
not a single car on the street,
no single individual.

this is common after midnight
but i thought there had to be someone who is also deprived of sunlight.
it was then that i was blinded by unusual headlights
on a vehicle known as hindsight.  
abandoned the instincts of fight or flight,
because i was curious.  
it turned into my driveway.
it felt as though there were some undiscovered forces at play,
as i lay in wait.

the door opened up, and a man with a bright white aura stepped into view.
i gazed upon his face and then was at a complete loss as to what to do..
he looked at me, smiled, and said, " yes, that particular thought is correct,
i am you.

you needed someone, and so here we are.  
see this distance between you and your true self aren't so far apart.
it gets hard, when dealing with passions of the heart,
but every day, every minute...moment, can be a new start."

Everything happens as it's meant to, though, right?

" destinies are in the hands of everyone who believes it,
but most don't see to seize it."

are you, God? an Angel?  a jester in disguise?

"you naturally won't want to sleep this statement initially,
but i will tell you no lies.  i am from a faction of lightbearers,
to help illuminate the path.  the variables you add and subtract though, changes the outcome like math, heh heh."

where am i to go?

" you are not to know, yet, what's the fun in that?"

true, but then what about this,' shedding light on the path'?

"all that is with you, is everything.  unlimited potential and power to benefit the universe.
before i disperse back into the cosmos, i am here to ensure that your own light grows.  the love you emit causes radiated blooming within the chakras of others, but your aura has diminished, do you know why this is?"

fear?

"love."

but wait..

" embrace all that you are, Ryan.  i needed to remind you that you are loved deeply.  take care of yourself, so to not be the cause of your own reaping.  your efforts are never exhausted, i see and appreciate all you do, with a smile.  now go the extra mile, cross the line and let your divine shine through.  you are never alone, remember things from the past you wrote.  every word still holds true.
i must be leaving, but listen to what's inside when you're unsure of what to do.  Namaste, Ryan."

but wait! who really are you??

as I stood in bewilderment, he ascended into the sky with a smile, and his vehicle disappeared.  
would this interaction have happened had i displayed my primal urges of fear?
when he was no more than a sparkle in the eye that is the ever-expanding sky
i didn't feel so dry and lifeless, but rather moist with creative juices from all that sunk in.
and the warmth, it was a love you could touch without touching.
this is what i was missing.
and so when reminiscing, i show gratitude and blissful appreciation,
because too much can be lost in the translation of contemplation.

The night has fallen, yet the sky is a light shade of gray
The morning sky is pink like a dainty rose
The snow sparkles in the evening when the street lights shine upon it
My eyes crinkle in laughter, and tears drip down my cheeks
City lights bounce and reflect off of the lake
Friends are there to back me up
The biggest, ugliest birds look majestic in the sky when migrating South
Something looks so perfect, and I wish I had a camera to capture the splendor
A book intrigues me so much that I zip through it and don’t remember a word
I can share all of my secrets with a person I just met
My hands graze the water that rushes past the boat I am in
Something so terrible turns out to be something wonderful
I experience a literal OMG, ROFL, LOL, or LMAO
The wet sand oozes through my toes
I get a perfect score on a test that I studied hard for
I feel the cool, frigid water slap my red hot face
A song fills me with extreme adrenaline
The wind hollers, whines, and moans outside of my window
A tree starts one inch tall, and grows to be one mile tall
Someone tells me that I have inspired them
People compliment me on my work
I am able to get in front of people and be honest with them
My body feels rejuvenated and young
The veins on the back of my hands pop out and pulse rapidly
I can feel the hot air blowing on my face when I roll down the car windows
My legs are smooth because I have just shaved them
A poem seems perfect to me…

I'll be walking down the street
Or dancing at a party
Or reading a book in a coffeeshop
Or rushing to one of my college classes

and I'll feel it

The burning in my veins
The tingling in my heart
Like I'm alive for the first time
Like I can breathe

And I'll look up and find a face
Looking at me with the exact same intensity
And the beautiful, perfect understanding
He'll look at me like he knows
Because as unlikely as it is, he will

And my soul will want to scream
And rush, and hug, and kiss
Like a long lost friend
Like a long lost love
Lost in the waves of the endless sea
In our endless lives

And I'll look at the face of this familiar stranger
And we'll both smile, shaken to the core
And the world will break, and stop, and change
And when that happens, I'll know.

When I speak,
my eyebrows tell their own story,
filling in the details.
Even when I try my hand
at tact, striving for
porcelain politeness,
my eyebrows loiter in dark corners,
gossiping.

Living with two feral beasts
on one’s face
requires discipline
just short of a chainsaw.

In private I must
chisel & furrow,
for these miniature sculptures,
these Michelangelo topiaries.

This isn’t vanity.
This is protecting a pious public
from a lecherous, libidinous wolf.

For me, leaving the house and
participating in pleasantries,
daily interactions, is enough of a
Leviathan leech loading my back
without seditionist caterpillars
millimeters from munching my eyes out.

It’s for me that I tweeze,
for one only PLUCKS chickens,
that row of hair
which runs the length of my brow.
For me, for my comfort in
social negotiations.

I also do it for you,
if only to keep you from
flinching in fear
as my eyebrows defy
my utmost efforts
at not offending you.

Whenever I look in the mirror
I'm not sure what I'll see
Because the person staring back
Isn't really me

The person in the mirror
Is nothing but a lie
Doing what people want
And mimicking those near by

The makeup that she wears
The fact that she's lost weight
All just makes her look like them
The people she used to hate

The way she acts and talks
The things she'll do and say
It's absolutely horrible
She's truly gone astray

Then the smile on her face
It's the biggest lie of all
Because I know deep inside
She feels like she will fall

So I ask you this question
And please, think it through
Is your reflection staring back
Still the real you?

Bus full of people breathing inside a small space
Face to face, eyes cast down and explore
A small girl that hides behind bangs
Long thin legs
Tightly fit close
That are shear and expose
Insecurities
And people whisper
People point
But I remember what Teresa told me

A small man gets fired up
But can’t fight, he wobbles drunk
He wants to prove he is big and bad
That the girl who left him
Didn’t have his heart in hand
That he doesn’t bleed
He doesn’t hurt
He punches the next guy he sees
He makes him blue
Makes him bleed
And I remember what Teresa said
Two lovers hold each other tight
Teary eyes on a star lit night
Warm bodies fight the chill
Each wondering if they will
Be able to hold hands like this
Forever or if
Fingers fold into fists
As bitterness steals a kiss
Because the two girls don’t know why
People say they should die
They have always only loved each other
And I remember what Teresa told me

i want to stay in your pocket
for forever and a day.
til the world is spent,
the sun’s gone away.
i want to stay in your pocket,
for forever and a day.
til the earth stops turning
and the skies go gray.

pull me out like a mouse
who’s become your best friend,
show me the world in your eyes.
talk to me late at night,
when you just can’t sleep,
let me listen
to all your dreams.

when the sun is veiled.
the moon’s in a shroud.
the wind’s whistling around your ears.
let me sing you to sleep
til the rain’s ceased her beat
and the sapphire sky’s returned.

on the day you feel abandoned,
your courage seems to fail you,
the ideas your hand wrought come to nil.
let me sit upon your shoulder,
whisper to heaven, over and over,
the words your soul’s too full to speak.

when i’ve stayed in your pocket
for forever and a day,
and when the world’s been spent
and the sun’s gone away,
when the earth’s stopped turning
and the skies gone gray,
when Fortune’s lovely face
has smiled upon your pain,
the rainbow’s end has lighted on your scars,
then my work here is finished
my happiness complete.

i’ve stayed in your pocket
for forever and a day