I saw a hunter by a country road,
In tandem with me he sailed as I drove.

His hoody-head set monkish to the soil
Conjured up music so soundful, sacred,
And I unmoving over a tired flesh—
Coloured vehicle felt naked and dead

For he so saintly robed and dressed to kill
In the colours of the sky prayed with wings,
My harrier, his eyes cleansed purity and gold
While mine unsightly piebald pale and blue.

But want of food dovetailed two craving
Creatures, yet, over fed I felt rusty
Below his steely hunger and what saving
Grace God might offer either mice or men.

If only we were hollow.
Empty casings of flesh,
without eyes to desire,
devoid of a mouth that spouts regret-laced words.
“Life is short” is only ever said by those alive.

I don't know
If what I do
If what I see
If what I feel,

I don't know
If any of that
Is true anymore.

I don't know
If I am
Me.

I don't know
That little boy
I see through the windows
Of my car
Of my eyes,

He
Doesn't
Exist.

I know that,
I'm sure of that.
Then why

Why does he
Keep
Popping
Up?

Who is he?
What does he want?

Your life
He whispers,
As the car
Drives away
Leaving him
In the rain
Again.

Your happiness
He reminds
As I stay in my room
Thinking
Thinking about life
About death,
About all that's happening.

He's there to remind me
Always
That I can never be
Who I
Used
To be.

I don't know
Who I am anymore,
What I'm doing,
What I'm here for.

All I know
Is that I wish
For a car,
A car
And a man.

Is that really why
My name
Is called
What it is?

To save the man
From the car.
If I do that

Will the boy disappear?

I wish you had never came
so I wouldn't have to see that face
and the smirking smile
the glaring eyes
and the poisonous lips
venomous, killing
no mercy.

Oh look – look at that!
It’s cloudy and the skies are leaking!

Has it always been like this?

I’m trying to remember something beautiful…

But these memories
                             keep getting
                                                 washed            
  
                                                                   aw­ay


I don’t notice how drenched I am those times when I think about your eyes – I’m focusing – squinting to see something between the raindrops. I do that because I’m trying to remember why those eyes held my gaze in the first place.

Am I to always be a duck quacking for breadcrumbs?
Scarfing them down – quickly as if to free up space for the more to come.

I know there have to be more. Because I of all people deserve more. I do. I swear I do. I tell myself more is coming when I start choking on the wetness.

It's the only way to keep going - you have to trick yourself

It'll be better the next time even! Yea… yea it’ll be better –you know? ...the next time?

Because I can give it back even better... I want to give it too. I still give the little dryness I give away as soon as I get it… and I don’t expect anything back… but I do need more. As much as I try to hide it - as much as I look like I’m enjoying dancing in the rain and splashing in the puddles- I'm not

I’m always wet and cold.
I hate it so much.
I cry too much and it won’t stop leaking just like the skies.

I feel it streaking down my cheeks like raindrops on windshields. I let it run down the length of body and get caught in a pool in my belly button.

And so I laugh because I hate being cold and wet and in the rain but I’m still standing here. And the puddle in my belly button slides out and joins my teardrops – which combined with the rain make me look normal I guess…

But in reality I’m just nakedly standing there…and it's so lonely.
It’s my entire fault too – No, it is. I’m a sponge on the inside.
I soak up every bit of moisture and stay wet – while everyone else is dry.

I daydream about being dry. I look down at my reflection in the puddles at my feet and see what it would be like to be dry. Sometimes I squat down and look really closely. I’ve even gone so far as to stick my head in and open my eyes – and it feels normal.

My eyes are open and I see me … doing those special things with you – that special someone. The Nicholas Sparks’ kind of special someone. The special someone that I see myself looking back to when I’m old and wrinkly and saying, “when I was with him I didn’t even notice I was drenched...I believed I was dry”.

But then I start getting a tingling feeling in my nose when I realize “oh silly, dumb, stupid me – I know I can’t breathe underwater”. And it’s true. I can’t. But I’ll try again tomorrow. Just watch.

I could use a towel. I would love an umbrella. A hot cup of tea would soothe me nicely. But your hands… those special someone hands are who I need to receive them from. Because they are the nicest. And I deserve the nicest.

There's just one problem: I can’t reach them through the puddle…

A kiss too late
That left my lips
And passed to you
With a gentle press
As you glided by.
You barely seemed
To see my eyes
In wanting need
Of some return
And glanced your
Sadness on to me
That now was not
The time.

If the world is small, how is it also
Infinite? What whirls us round, throwing me
To you, for you? Every kiss, the world forgoes
Despair and turns again. What is to be
Flawed, is also divine. Logic dictates
That we are fleeting, and yet words linger
Through ages; we touch the souls, traverse straits
Of heroes thought (at world’s end), at fingers’
Touch we fall apart. Are we the stars’ dust,
Or the dust of bygone beauty? Why fall,
If all falls from us. We darest this, for just
Knowing you is proof of little at all,
And yet all is found in your star-filled eyes,
Turning on me, reflecting star-filled skies.

When you step on my dreams 
There will be days like these

In the depth of the night 
I feel your hand embrace my neck 
Stroke my back 
Your loving arms secure me 
You take my hand in yours 
You whisper in my ear 
I am here with you 
I won't let you die 
I roll over 
Open my eyes 
I am alone

I want the world to know 
To know 
The empty promises you made 
I am not afraid to bare my scares 
I am heartbroken 
Not by the end of us 
Heartbroken by the deception 
Heartbroken by the illusion of the impossible 
How you lead me to believe 
With words and love 
That you were all I needed 
That I was all you wanted
Broken trust and broken faith 
Betrayed in the hardest way

I know today 
I have a rocky road to walk 
I am not afraid to tell the world 
You hurt me through and through 
I to destroyed so many trusts 
You had my soul 
I feel no shame in 
Telling all 
The rocky road ahead 
I will walk with 
My head held high 
My intellect intact 
If not my soul
My vulnerability there for all to see 
My weakness and your strength 
A vulnerability captured in destruction 
Caught up in confusion

In the depth of the night 
I feel your lips on mine 
I am wrapped in your embrace 
You whisper 
I love you 
I will catch you 
When you fall 
I open my eyes 
I am alone

When you step on my dreams 
There will be days like these

i love         the way your love-drunk
                         eyes pepper
  my thoughts and
my behaviour                                                        ­and

i can't

    s
          e
                    e

your velvet    fingertips gliding           across my soul
     but i can feel it
and i can
f e e l
you

and i am inhaling your love
and exhaling my love

and                 this is almost like         a psychedelic dream

but i never want                                                             ­                      to wake up