There are beasts in my garden
dark and deep whimsical garden
full of your violent delights.
And the dragonflies
that drown inside your guts
they don't care if they're hurting you
they are big and bold and lighting struck
like your eyes on a Sunday
wired into me
The eyes that live forever in my garden
your eyes in my soulless garden
through a trying work hour in the night-time rush,
groped by strangers with dark eyes
the color of neglect and whiskey.
Men with knives under their sleeves,
calling you back and back again,
refills for their poison and pretzels for the table,
don't be a prude, darling.
I only want to feel those hands trembling
All you ever knew were the bruises and the burns.
Gliding closer and closer to
your face, your hands,
inching towards the skin that gleams, exposed
and invokes the shame you feel from
fetid breath on your neck, these
animals with moldering livers.
but another round for the men in the grease and grime.
Green bottles and a smile that said
'I like the taste of your weakness,
You like the abuse.'
I stroked her as she died
it was hard to put her to sleep
but we could not let her suffer any more
She graced my world for 14 years
did my sweet cat April
and when this month comes
I always cry with April tears
That day I sent her to her eternal slumber
I looked into her big amber eyes
I could not let her suffer any more
I watched as she slowly succumbed to the drugs
knowing this would be the last time I'd see her
I walked out of the surgery after she died
it was rush hour, I did not care, I cried
She had been my trusted feline friend
and I loved her so, I miss the one I so adored
now she is gone my April forever more
By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
they were in the corner
of the library again this morning.
not here to look for books,
but just a quiet place to look,
deeply into to one another
with eyes smoked
and fingers blind
feeling, touching, questing,
reading familar nooks.
not caring of watchers,
seeking only each other
with silent need bordering
they read each others bodies
history, philosophy, tradgedy both greek and modern.
they braile like fondle, word,
verse, and chapter whole.
eyes feasting the depth of
one final look, one lingering embrace and they part
with shakespearean sorrow
they close the lovers book,
i'm an empty optimistic in a world where lost souls remain
we're all threaded together by birth, given the consequences
but what are we without an upper and a even worse downer
those who survive the downers, sometimes never get back up
i hear you singing at the top of your lungs in the long halls
and i know your ears are pressed against the flimsy walls
your footsteps are more familiar than my own heartbeat
didn't it feel like deja vu when we first locked eyes for that second
didn't it feel like we were connected, not by blood but by something
it's so natural how you sing without the blissful harmony
it's breaking me down every single day, eroding myself
would you still be able to swim if i taught you when i could
would you still be able to speak if i paid attention to you as i should
i could forgive faster than i could ever forget, i can't even sleep
it's like i expected you to put the puzzle pieces back together
whenever i scattered all of them all over my bedroom floor
all of these flashbacks and all of this fear is numbing me
like i've already predicted a fallout to occur, i've already
expected for me to be searching for you everywhere i go
How do I love thee?........first four words of one of your favorite sonnets.
I could never stop counting the ways or comparing thee to a summer's day.
Te amo bebe....Je t'aime nebe.....Ich liebe dich, baby.....all languages = same.
No duress here.....I choose to live life on a maybe you will or wont love again.
No duress.......I choose to love you and that would be nobody's business.
Goto Nordies, Sharper Images, etc.......any of your favorites to shop.....my treat.
Time for annual meeting Mr. Frustration......Pls accept what I'm happy to buy.
Any other lady would be chomping at the bit, thrilled, I'm using no limits cards.
Big surprise for you my Pet.........hope you like and there's no need to ship it.
It's a little somethings I bought just for me and you with thoughts of our future.
Bought matching wheel chairs so we can ride off into the sunset to Gray land.
Ms. Betty Ponder, I adore and give you my heart.....I love you and always will.
If you choose to cast me aside.....history will most definitely repeat.......I go
alone to same place I went the last time you walked out of my life.....
I'll take our happy memories......scent of your body and your perfume.....
sound of your laughter and sexy voice forever recorded....visions of eyes...
gazing up at me in deep passion.......and abundant qualities that make
you my only unforgettable shorty and gorgeous Ms. Betty Ponder.
On monochrome highways I chase your dreamcoat encapsulated body.
I’ll swallow you like codeine, soothing the cuts serrated words left on my esophagus.
With stolen wine, embittered lips, naked naked naked blindness, we are gasping for carbon dioxide,
screaming never leave, please don’t leave. You direct the moon of your eye into my light-starved system.
And then come morning, run your hands along my gilded wrists, chip away the paint, it falls into molehills on beaten wooden floors.
Let your teeth grow crooked because you hate the straight and narrow.
Pick at your scabs, create redness you swear is moonburn.
Speak in banalities, cross your heart, my eyes, and swear you don’t.
Graffiti yourself in rainbows unless someone ventures into your venn diagram borders in which case drape yourself in blackness, like that one angsty midnight you suffered through.
Maybe ebony will then be enough, maybe you’ll finally be art, maybe you can hang yourself on the walls of museums, maybe you’ll be praised and detractors can not see through shut eyes.
Trademark yourself and I promise I won’t become tangled in your legalities.
I’ll just tangle my hair in your fingers when the oxygen goes sour in my own bedroom and I want to be wanted.
Being in a relationship can be so complicated.
I'd assume that's why I'm not in them most often.
But this boy was sweet, and I had liked him a bit.
So I gave it a go, even though I hadn't dated in over a year.
And to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing.
What am I supposed to do, act, say?
It had been a while.
And maybe I was the one who caused us to fall to ruin.
Maybe it was my lack of knowlege or experience
that led to our downfall.
You were fine. But I was not.
You wanted to hold hands, to hug, snuggle, and kiss.
I didn't feel so comfortable with all of those.
Although I liked talking to you,
I didn't feel that click.
And when I closed my eyes,
I evisioned the road of years through my life.
I thought of my wedding and who I would be with.
And... I didn't see you.
The man by my side was still fuzy,
I guess I hadn't met him yet.
But you, I couldn't envision and future with you.
So then I had a thought,
It would only be logical to end this,
What was the point in continuing
if I knew it was inevitablly going to end.
My friend has often told me that
I'm the "emotionally attached" one.
I rely on my feelings.
And I think there is truth to that.
I didn't feel any emotion that sparked
meaning within me when I was with you.
So I ended it. And you asked to still be friends.
That's fine with me. Friends is good.
But I've noticed since then,
you haven't paid me no mind.
Haven't talked to me in particular,
or directly to me at all.
I saw you, but you were distant. You still are.
You talked with any girl but me.
And it's hard to just suddenly get used to that.
One day, I saw you before and after
every single period at school.
You always made the effort to talk to me,
to rub my hands, or scratch my back
when you could tell I was stressed.
Then the next day, you were gone.
I knew your schedule and
what classes you'd be in at a certain time.
It's like the phrase "so close, yet so far away"
That seems the perfect description for it.
Because you were right there,
where I could walk up and talk to you,
but you turned around, and walked away.
I see you talk with those girls and I wonder,
Does he not miss me at all?
Am I so easy to replace with just another girl?
Do I hold no signifigance whatsoever?
And I begin to realize, I miss you.
I miss how large your hand was and
that it practically swallowed mine.
I miss being able to lean against you
and aimlessly doze off.
I miss your humor and the
small compliments you'd always give me.
No boy had ever spoke so sweetly to me before.
It's not that I feel we should get back together.
I did the right thing. I was not happy in our relationship.
But I'm still not happy now that it ended,
and aprubtly at that.
I just wish you would talk to me.
Say something. Anything.
Walk next to me in the hallway so
I won't be alone.
Look into my eyes with yours,
as if you could speak that way.
I just wish you wouldn't ignore
my presence completely.
And it's now that I finally realize,
I took you for granted.
You make me feel safe, like nothing before. And I keep telling myself every person is the same, simply because this feeling is one I think I've felt before. I'm cautious not to believe every word but my heart jumps with every one that leaves your mouth. I want this to work. I realize I'm no super model. But isn't there more to this life than that? You're making me think there could be.
And that's the thing, you're making me think, and rethink, everything I once thought was set in stone.
Its like I'm stoned because I'm flying, lost in eyes of what seems like infinite warmth and I melt. Its like nothing is the same and my tortured soul isn't as sore anymore. Every breath hurts alittle less because I know you are drawing a breath that holds just as much pain and past.
You clear my mind like frozen waves, a shock to my system that removes the fog that used to blur every day I lived that made them one, long, painful mist.
At the same time I don't want you here, I don't want to feel the longing I feel and I don't want to know this pain of an empty heart… You are a piece of me. But a piece I wish I didn't need…
In the Fatherland,
I found timeless memory,
the purest love.
Her blond hair glowed,
azure eyes danced.
We visited the cathedral,
camped in Speyer
along the Rhine.
I learned all
We fished lakes,
ate potato pancakes
cooked by her Mutter.
She bought me a switchblade,
then sent me a dear Jon letter.