She spent her whole life dreaming. Everything and everyone she encountered told her
to stop. “It’s a waste of time” “It’s not healthy” “Grow up” they’d say. And eventually she
started to believe the things people said. She wanted big things - for herself and for
others, but it didn’t take long for her to realize the importance of settling. It made things
easier and she had the tendency to complicate them without even trying. She felt
isolated from the world just outside her door but she didn’t know how to change that or if
she even wanted to. The best things in life tend to waste away after a matter of
moments. They pass away as if they’d never existed. Maybe she’d imagined them all.
She began to condition herself to expect disappointment. It worked for a little while, but
hard as she tried to shield herself from the pains of everyday life - the bullet always
seem to ﬁnd her. It always came, without fail and pierced her heart with little regard for
the repercussions. She longed for the day she would be good enough for the people
she loved. Maybe you had to earn it, and she hadn’t yet collected enough gold stars to
pick out of the treasure box.
everyday day i learn a new tricks a good day
things show up in the mail i didn't even pay
i drive for hours on someone elses dime
and i don't file come tax time, i just rhyme:
and somehow broke I make the most of my time
ain't a whole lot to do with the day,
i use my friends phones to make my calls
but i got no bills to pay
they say stay
so i try okay
not much else to say
live life in today
You know not what you're doing,
You drift, in ways of abstract design,
You give false impressions,
Of things deeply untrue,
I wish that you weren't you!
You are anonymously sweet,
Portraying that you're bad,
When in fact,
You're really sad,
Full of lost delights,
Everything is wrong,
Not much is right!
You found the right one then,
It melted, lava bursting,blood ripples,
You get judged in ridicule,
By all who surround you!
In you're life,
They all confound you,
You want to fit in and fall in love,
But all around you,
You are not a frog on a leash,
To be toyed with,
Nor one who wants to play,
You are a person!
You have a heart,
A heart which sustains and nourishes,
Protects and cossets,
You have dark secrets,
Running through cold veins,
A brain of creations,
Your thoughts run deep,
Still waters they say,
You have to hold them everyday,
Black as night is,
As white as pure is,
All you want is love for sure,
Do you know your name?
Do you know who you are?
Full suit of armour protects naked soul
Falling deeper into a hole, daily,
You are me, and I am you!
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
I don't love my body.
But I love my body with yours.
I don't love the rain.
But I love the rain as it drips from your bottom lip.
I have memorized you,
And I know you.
And like this you know me.
I know every inch of your skin.
Every scrape and scar.
I know what hurts you,
For what hurts you, hurts me.
I want to hurt when you hurt,
I want to cry when you cry.
And laugh when you laugh.
Then hold our breath together.
I want to inhale your exhale.
And give everything to you.
I want to look at you forever,
The way you look at me.
I want to hold your face in my hands,
The way you hold me together everyday.
You are my keeper.
Keep me well.
And everyday ill keep your heart,
Inside my heart.
I love you from its deepest depths,
And from its highest heights.
When you walk, I walk.
My footprint fits in yours.
What fills me is you.
What kills me is you.
My heart, My keeper, My love.
Just. Over. It.
I can only be so nice. Once the track marks across my body start to swell and blister - I call it quits.
Pissed it took this long to see that my skin isn't road worthy. I did this to myself and will forever live with regret.
I'll cradle it like a baby.
When nothing is left I'll turn around and see where I hid it in the corner under the pile of sweat soaked and tattered laundry. I'll dig through the pile - frantically. The regret tie dyed with despair must know how much I missed it while I was out gallivanting with the "unbroken".
"There you are!" I'll say as I lift it from the grunge. Maybe it lets out a little whimper as I dust the dirt off. Wiping a smudge clean I hold the now gleaming despair high above me and let a smile break across my face. The first real smile in ages - tingling way down into my toes.
I am alive now.
Or so I thought.
If living is what you call hiding in the dampness
If living is what you call soaking up the shadows
If living is what you call lying with the dead
"Let's walk out in the sunlight - and pretend we do this everyday."
A block, a wall. Taller than tall. Away! Far away, forever she will stay. If we have it my way. Because my way is the only way. A contradiction you'll say. A game with no winner; The saint, The sinner. Find a way! It's a new day. Everyday. Mine an yours and their way. Lost my mind! And in no time, you will see; there's a me, and the me that I see. Be free! It could be a melody or a song to sing. New feelings to bring. And in my soul, the story she tells will never fail to lead me. My way. The way. A contradiction I'll say. You'll agree. Love me to hate me. Set you free! Just let it be. You and me.
I will fall in love with you everyday
but I wonder, would you do the same?
I will draw you pictures everyday
but I wonder, would you do the same?
I will pick a flower, or two, for you everyday
but I wonder, would you do the same?
I will cry for you if you walk away
but i wonder . . . would you do the same?
In second grade,
My mom made me wear dresses everyday.
My mom would part my hair down the middle and make two long braids with colorful hair ties.
I would go to school and the boys would make fun of my dresses.
The boy that sat behind me would pull my braids anytime I said something smart.
In fourth grade,
I told my mom I could dress myself, but she still had to approve of every outfit.
I told my mom I was old enough to style my own hair.
I would go to school and the boys would make fun of my weight instead of my clothes.
The boy that sat behind me would sit next to me and call me names for being the stupid one in smart classes.
In seventh grade,
I told my mom that I didn't care what she thought.
I cut my long hair shoulder length.
I started wearing dark makeup.
The boys didn't make fun of my weight but they would ask me out as a joke.
The boy that sat behind me and then next to me, liked me and texted me every night saying how pretty I was.
In the ninth grade,
My mom wasn't awake to see what I wore to school.
I regretted the very day I decided to cut my hair.
The boys that called me fat; left me alone because they found someone bigger to pick on.
The boy that sat behind me asked me for a naked picture and I said no.
He called me a fat, ugly, prude and never talked to me again.
In the tenth grade,
My mom borrowed my clothes and I borrowed hers.
My hair fell out but I wanted it to grow.
Boys no longer call me fat because they never saw me eat.
And the boy that sat behind me wanted me back.
I cried myself to sleep and hid my wrists in my sleeve.
It's funny how many things changed since the second grade.
Cancel me to work the everyday,
gorgeous and made as if by money-
for money. My body glossing
for the lifestyle it represents
all its own.
The Curvature of my eye
shadowed behind the silk
of my hair. God
made the beautiful
for something else
than donning the same shirt and shoes
to grind another blue sky day
through to its ashy undertone.
They could call me madness
and I would rise up a dirt devil
over the scrub of the mundane-
all glimmering darkness
and suggestive dirt.
Don't you understand?
All the time, i am miserable
Never feeling love or joy
Instead, trapped in a world of loneliness and self hatred
Everyday is a battle, and the more time passes, the more I am losing
Life full of hardships, too much for me to bear
Kings bear the weight of their crowns with grace
Even when the challenges they face are insurmountable
Not once do they express doubt
Not once do they waver in their strength
Every man can not be king though
That much has been proven with my life
Hope long gone, death in its place, a young soul now departed