When I was younger, My family had money,
A never ending flow,
My pap owned a store, My dad sold drugs,
They both did what they needed to,
They spoiled us like their was no tomorrow,

When I was younger, My family had fun,
A never ending flow, Parties all the time,
Pap would throw parties in that blooming little store,
Dad would bring people to the attic, they’d party all loud and crazy,
They lived like there was no tomorrow,

When I was younger, My family had love,
A never ending flow, An unbreakable bond,
Mom stood by Dad through all the cheating and drugs,
Aunt stood by Uncle through all the drugs and abuse,
They loved like their was no tomorrow,

Now that I’m older, My family’s broke,
The flow has ended
Aunt and Uncle stealing from Pap, all of his money is gone,
Dad is now stealing from Mom, her last penny,
Now we have little food, little clothes,
Hoping for a dollar to come tomorrow,

Now that I’m older, My family is boring,
No more going out, No more fun
No more gatherings,
Not even birthday parties for the little kids,
Hoping for the fun to come tomorrow,

Now that I’m older, My family has hate,
The love flow has ended,
Mom and Dad cheating, hating, divorcing,
One in the bed, the other on the couch,
Hoping for some love tomorrow,

Now that I’m older, I realize,
Things have changed, people have too,
There’s no money, no fun, no love,
Then you start to wonder,
Was there ever

there was a simile and a metaphor wrapped inside the finest golden linen inside a box and in the box was a dream and in that dream was a choice and in that choice was a life and in the seconds of bright light a time no one can possibly remember i was chosen i was born as i flew out somehow through the tides of the ocean and the rippling waters in a pond in the backyard was my hope and my peace and my gift wrapped inside wrapped around a little finger
                     and to cut the womb and let it flow out what is this why and how and nolonger must i suffer every single word of gratitude and fulfillment feels like a knife stuck in ice and now in my heart as a rainbow emerges from the rain an i bet you were happy i knew you were happy
                  thanks for sharing your great time while i sat and drowned in my own tears and my own sweat thanks for telling me what now was i am i just tell him because every breakdown every moment has led up to this to this and i wish to God i was older to get away from this to cut the womb the be reborn to cut the womb to cut the womb to cut the womb upside down down upside right left
to the circle to the circle never ending is what they said
thanks
for
telling me
about
your gr
eat
time
makes me
feel a whole lot better
easy to feel passed over in a time likethis
and you help i know you just want to help but this is getting so
getting so perfectly annihilating so perfectly exhausting so perfectly pure so perfectly wrapped like the bow ties of the gentleman around and i know i'm not that I know it and i cry myself to sleep and drown in my tears and my years i can't help but think that without you by my side all the time i'm

downwardspiraling towards a perfect circle in sync i can no longer wait and be the most patient man in the universe four long years can not turn to five and if so i selfdestruct i will nolonger yes no

I think the hardest thing to remember is that everything ends.

When times are great and I'm lying in your arms its so easy to remember
That you're going to leave.
I count down the minutes until you'll have to get out of my bed, pull on your shorts, pack up your bag,
And go.
Its easy to look at it in terms of time
And know exactly how many seconds I have
Until you leave.

But when the insides of my stomach are clenching and aching,
When there's nothing in the world that can make this pain stop,
It's hard to remember that this too will end.
This time there aren't a set number of minutes to count down,
But it will pass.

My friends tell me, "He wasn't good enough for you"
My roommate says, "There's only so many times he can make you cry before I write him off."
My mom says "You've been down lately honey.  Is everything okay?"
I start to perk up and think, You're right. I'm glad he's leaving.
Only a few more minutes.

I follow up with telling them that my psychic says I haven't met the love of my life yet.
I don't yet know the man I'll marry,
Which makes me feel better.
And then she says, "Have you seen her recently? How do you know?"
And I'm back to tallying the minutes left in my misery.

Its hard to remember that this pain will subside
That it will stop hurting so badly.
That I will stop thinking about you every moment of every day.

But then take me back to the flip side where things were perfect.
When we spent our first night together-
The build up,
The flirting,
The giggling-
To when we were finally in your bed, locked in each others arms
And you said to me, "This isn't going to be a one time thing."
Even then, I knew our time was limited.

I know eventually I will leave your bed permanently in the morning
To go back to my place.
And I know eventually my life will continue on without you in it.
Without our fingertips locked around each others.
But its hard to remember that
Its hard to want that.

And now you're leaving
And I so badly want to say the things
That you're not supposed to say to the guy you're fucking.
Will you ever talk to me again?
Can I still text you 24 hours a day?
Can I have your address?
Can I call you?
Do you want to call me?
Can we talk about doing more?
Can we talk about visiting?
I don't want to get a drink or coffee when I happen to be in town.
I want to visit for you.

But I'm afraid those are going to end things even quicker.
I know its going to end.  That's not the question.
I just want to hold out for as long as possible
With my fingers caught in your hair,
With your arm grasping my waist,
With our texts stretching late into the nights when we can't be together.

Maybe someday we'll meet in some city
And get that drink or coffee I want more than
And rekindle this flame (5 years?).
Maybe I'll text you one too many times
And you'll stop responding (6 months?).
Or maybe we'll meet other people
And forget about our short moment of bliss (1 year?).

Until then I will continue to tally how many minutes have passed
And I have left to suffer
Until something, someone, fills this aching hole
Until there is a happier ending.

If I could fall
There would be arms at the end.
A light in the tunnel.
Windows, instead if doors.
My eyes would not open closed,
No sound would escape my world.

If I could hope,
I would never reach an edge.
Home cannot be made of paper walls.
So easy to burn through.
Start from underground.

If you could stay,
I might stop laughing at cuts.
Look again,
There's a horizon.
A group of clouds we had never seen.

If all of this were true,
I might have the strength.
To look at my hands and see them broken,
Crippled claws.
Who can grasp even sand without will.

Remember,
All know the truth.
Brush it off,
Burry it,
No matter.
It comes as it will.
The darkness that consumes all.

Did you forget?

I had.


Pleading,
Break down the door.
Begging,
Save someone.
Everyone else.
Myself.

twinkle birds and tessellates, bends my mind to outer space. lands me in infinity of never ending affinity to the universe.
but sweetest ideas were shortly lived at reality slowly sifts away to repeated visions that turn loved faces into panic that glitches me into unbreakable circles of walk away, walk away.
no awareness of a before from this feel the abyss of this helplessness suck me into no ending so I seice to begin.
but as the panic subsides my mind starts to ride the energy that resides in my being from the kingfisher floor to the fish strewn ceiling.
sentient beings suck at the seams, my dream of weightlessness pull the windows to break towards the secrets of simple existence.
invisible water sends the strands of fur swelling and glowing into talk of the polar bear whose hair weaves into the atoms that feed my jumbled dreams.

hands rip through the plaster as the sounds grow louder and faster, helicopters shake the boiler from the pipes but I still feel great.
the tables tremble as I soak up the bass and the treble. sensual overload through my eyes the magic multiplies, angels can hear my sighs as the roof opens to tunnel towards the skies.
geometric patterns that I could never have imagines circle and sweep, creeping my further from sleep.
I have breached something new, an extreme that dares its self to be seen only my the few who snatch it. I grab these new senses and attach it to my masses of emotions, that have been formed my these chemicals. neutrons and protons that explore the breadth oh Pantones schemes, weaving into the atoms that feed my jumbles dreams.

release my mind from the confines of rinse and repeat, out of easy street and onto the sunrise that surrounds me. revelations that never siese to confound me.
destruction was peace pulling my beliefs, daring the world to touch me as the floor tips the cabinets from the walls. I am small. here in this perfect world. my hands make the plants grow as they show me all it takes to break the confines of the human condition is to expand your mind and reposition your nervous system to reach a different supposition.



little lion
please read my other work if you like this one!
http://trivialitesofabusymind.blogspot.co.uk/

-Until We Meet Again-

Pele has lost one of her lovers.
I miss the goddess in all her majesty; Her deep blue oceans, sweet sandy beaches, Her dark black hair billowing down like the lava from the peaks of Her highest volcanoes.
Her seven sacred pools, each one cascading gracefully into the next, all finally spilling into her magnificent sea.
Her gorgeous body will forever entice my mind, with hair dark and beautiful, inhaling the scent of fresh pineapple and coconut, a hibiscus flower pinning back strands of hair behind her ear.
Her eyes, they were just as deep and amazing as the sea, something with which they were so familiar.
With lips red and lined with Hawaiian love songs sung just for you, tasting as fresh and young as the ocean itself.
Her body was adorned with fresh tropical flower leis and Kukui beads falling gracefully over ancient Hawaiian dress; all made from the same grass and leaves coming from the islands many trees.
All encircling those perfect hips, born to Hula and sway to any island rhythm, be it the slow and steady rattle of the Uli Uli, or the fast and powerful beat of the Pahu drum.
Finally pushed over the edge by the sight of her long tan legs, not shy to the suns warmth and fiery grasp, ending in bare feet more familiar to the islands then we’ll ever be.
I miss her and all her islands.
Oh, how I miss the island paradise Hawaii.

There is the moon
Looking at me
With her wise expression
Slashing through
The semblance of my
Contentment
Shadow of loneliness
Looming behind my smile
Welcomes the moonlight
I don't  have to run
Before midnight strikes
There is no glass slipper
Missing in my life
No fairy tale with a nice ending
There is only my peaceful moon
Kissing my restless heart
Enchanting my sleepless night
Embracing confessions
Of my tired mind
Passing through my solace
Made of dreams and hopes
Of being somewhere else
Whispering promises
Of return

~Natasha~

Love is a perfect gift
For pure and precious hearts
Delicate and tender love
To be cherished …to be cared for..
Now and forever….

Uncountable…. un measurable love is
How deep… how high.. How strong
Do you know?

Unexplainable love is sometimes
A mere thought of someone
brings tears to the eyes..
An image of your loved ones
Brightens up your day
Vivid moments together
Are reflected upon your smiles..

Endless love… endless smiles..
Endless agony…endless pain..
Love is bitter but same time its sweet…
Isn’t love is so queer?

How clever love conquers..
Your brain, your mind,
your body and soul…
Love is tireless, never ending…
Fantastic feelings...in love..
Sometimes You cry but in your heart you smiles..
So often you smiles..same time your heart cries...
See.. how wonderful yet manipulative love is?

Beautiful...
A thousand miles is shared…
By just one love… one desire…
My love may not be perfect dear...
But I have Tears in my eyes,
you on my mind,
love in my heart
ocean in between…. can it stop me?
Can it stop you?
from saying….I LOVE YOU?