summer caught me
like a hammock. i was
sure i would fall through,
turn into diamond shapes
between the woven rope
and drip, shimmering
off the curve of the earth
whenever the breeze
i was unsteady on my feet so he stole kisses from me whimsically
on the lawn. at first i thought that it made me dirty, then he said
everything that could be held is damp and crying salt in the palms
of affinity, and it all starts from the ground, that’s when i grew
captivated by his asymmetry and
saw queen anne’s lace
flourishing in the still center
of his rain softened eyes.
the air was pink powdered sugar
and it tickled each time we inhaled
it wove ribbons into my hair and
tied itself in figure eights around my feet,
i trip over this drug infinity
i wonder when my limbs turned to phantom
my sleep to hot sweat hallucination
dissolved the melt-in-my-mouth dreams but
i’d also like to think in
a somewhere’s summer
he is driving windows
down with that girl who
he thought could never
love him back
she finally realized what
i know: there is no better
soundtrack for any season
and they are both singing
together with the cicadas.
i have to speak to make my words real
or else they get lost
drown in the midst of my self-serving soul
please tell me something
am I true?
do you see me and understand that I am real
i can only see your face
OFF MY CHEST
off my soul
i often create things and I don’t know if they’re true
are they real?
Are you? I miss you
looking at your face soothes my anxiety
not you, you
i’m so cryptic
all the boys don’t know who is who
who is this girl writing about?
is this too personal? too real?
can’t decide what is truth and what is honor
YOU ARE HONOR
tell me how you want me
make me understand what lies behind that sanguine smile
you are my hope
i want to understand where the content of my soul lies
am I content? honorable? confuse?
whats a world?
whats a truth?
whats the way to tell you how I feel about you?
this isn’t a poem
just a rambling of rhymes by a drunk girl
veins full of whiskey and a home that hurts
i want you to hold me
why wont you understand?
i believe in a world where we can be more than friends
this makes sense
i want you to understand that you are to me and we are a pretense
tell me that the creation of the sight and the movement between our eyes is true
i forget that im pretty
does my face create need in you?
when the whiskey invades my veins I just want to know the truth
tell me how you feel
TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL
your words are jumbled inside jokes
would it destroy? would it cease the kindness and truth ive found?
but the question is whether you’ve found it too
i miss you
it always explodes
like a hope.
makes me sad.
the way that the intricate nature of my pain makes me
feel these things
the way he hurt me makes me feel worth it
this is something I always feel
i don’t have the sanity to decide
i love you like a friend
i want to take a nap and fall asleep to you the sound of your heartbeat
do you think of me?
in the night?
when you cant understand your feelings but you know its right?
the anger boiling inside my bones
makes me lash out because I feel wronged
by what he did
took my innocence like a twig and snapped it in the wind
i want to be something to be proud of
my father only wants my ultimate success
anything less is a failure
TELL ME IM WORTH SOMETHING MORE THE WORDS HE IMPRINTED ON MY LIPS
if everyone knew
the things ive done, the mistakes and places and the
ways ive lost my pride and grace for the sake of sanity
the monotony and safety of day to day
i miss you
these are my friends
this is my hope
i can have safety in the way your surround me
i seek for your eyes
i grabbed your hand and you pulled away
is it because your honor or the way I talk every day?
its okay, I hate me
the way I have to know you
i’d be best by myself
held by the cold stone of the ground where I belong
i’m not made for this earth
the way I exist creates too much hurt
help me please
words I despise but cant help but bleed
one more moment
maybe ill become something I can stand
but good luck
even the drunk cant recreate again
i don’t know how to describe how the way your body moves makes me miss you
youre too good of a person
not like the others
and that’s the truth
i guess what I thought about him too
“too good to hurt me, that’s why I love him"
GOD WAS I WRONG
HE RUINED MY DEFINITION OF TRUTH
AND WHAT I THOUGHT I KNEW ABOUT YOU
but don’t think about that
my past is not anyone problems but my own
i have to hold the hurt in my heart because I deserve it
like no other
another way to say fuck you
mike I’m still drun
its because my little girl body is small
the illness makes me weak
and the drugs make me not eat
i drink because it makes the rush of my thoughts okay
and I can hang over that porcelain without regret
no one bothers with the drunk puking
but the bulimic is an issue
so I hide
they don’t deserve me
but I convince myself I deserve any of you
when really im a bag of shit
i don’t want to create bad feelings in you
memories that hurt
so I’m sorry
you good soul
i need to understand how to make myself hurt
YOU SMELL LIKE A DIRTY BAR
with a sly smirk crawling across her face
i pretend I cant feel your judgement
i pretend the way that I handle myself is good enough
even when the earth seems to tremble under my feet
i'm extremely drunk off of whiskey and i don't know oif this makes any sense. i will probably delete it in the morning but its raw and true, the feelings i feel about you. goodnight.
I swear we were mixed tapes in our past lives. Mixed tapes handcrafted by secret admirers. I swear someone delicately knit you together in the womb. Someone must have because the lines in your forehead are like intricate details someone had to have thought up and your neck is a subtle waterfall bending to kiss the earth like a gift. Your lips are a gift, a sonnet someone was dying to kiss on the cheek. I was dying to press my lips to your cheeky soul, your fragile bones. Every inch of me begs to keep you, tucked into my back pocket like a wallet photo you show you to all your dearest friends, your complete strangers. Let me keep you like you keep your favourite love song. Like you keep Bon Iver on constant repeat, I want to be something so dear to you. Let me be, dear.
three words and eight letters fell in between the cracks
of your fingers like sand, not even realizing you were holding
my heart somewhere in there as it conjoined with the earth
my stem grew sixteen feet in all directions and grew sixteen feet
tall, with branches that holds photographs of memories i've
forgotten about already, like waters that don't cease with
waves that drag you under like hands at your ankles
but people don't drag you down, our past drags us down
your bedroom walls accompany you, helping you not sleep alone tonight
the darkness isn't full of nightmares but it's not so clean either
it ensnares you, cripples you, tears you bone by bone into the enemy
you were careful to avoid being what you said you would never be
but not careful enough, we thought we couldn't sink in dangerous waters
the past dragged you down the depths and shallows of it's cold grotto
i wish i had a sixth sense perception, become a wallflower, a housefly, eyes watching
from the very corners of their eyes, visible enough to remind you, i exist
i am very real and i am very destructive and i am restricted from sight
and i am so unhappy with myself.
Embrace Mother Infinity
She rides the coming glory train
Smiling at time with the eyes of the earth
Spirit man in the moment feels life, the light wind
Forest thoughts know too
making forever desire a human day in the mind at night
Go on, hand the sun reality, resting in a tree away
Longing self, hearing sea sounds and coming friends
Sings open songs to nature’s material little green dreams warmly fearing death from sleeping people
The good beauty ends with divine words, the wood's triumphant frolic
An old tune burning in acid rain, strong feeling, and wild steps
Telling space to ask big questions
Watching life’s existence in my face grow
Shiny naked breath, holding tongues
Came fate, look at the written story
The Hill-god’s dark power far different from pure laughter
Building river leaves forming paths to the green jungle door
Embracing water, unknown sorrow, and mortal wonder flowing together singing daily heat
Cold filled blades falling unseen from Stranger Kings
Onward, swift summer foot, run quietly, sing me whispers on the ground
as circumstance sees half-shadows
understanding sin, cries launch heavenly, heed the happening of the chorus’s command
The dying kiss speaks the dance leaving untamed air in lungs
Stand and die
The truth a lie, paradoxes falling from the sky
Start, grow, remember the past changes, creating deep waves resulting in new living future ways
Meet broken fingers touching distant doors
Playing among realities, the heart’s winged ride
Standing far from beautiful, we heard emotion merging imagination in the sand
with the awakened child sharing a birth
waiting on love’s hidden muse
The present looking steady, suffering tommorow’s mission
Inner sounds on the streets rushing deeper
Young brother steps blindly, exploding sad magic
His imprisoned capacity rattling skyward
Complex perceptions cunningly bestowed
Reverberating urban inspirations, uplifiting
Confirming the invasion of the flame
Erstwhile, rascals descend constraining alleyways promoting complexity
Hallucinatory messiahs tirade at the signage
The realest zeitgeist universally processed
Entwine my spirit with yours and make me shine
Keep me happy keep me strong
Always steer me from what is wrong
Trees are the keys of the earth
Plant them in the ground watch them spiral that's how we gave birth
I am breathing with the earth
It's all part of my spiritual birth
Straighter the back the higher the climb
Didn't you know I just had to make this rhyme
Like the sky.
Filled with winter rain drizzling finely
Waiting to be released.
Why on earth words of truth.
Became contorted into lies.
Lifted as haze over the morning stream.
Hovering as heavy vapour.
Weighing on her troubled mind.
The lady thinks.
Maybe much too much.
A timid touch.
Her gloves are violet velvet.
Streaked with stripes of sun's touch.
Not so long ago.
Oh so cute.
He was so damn cute.
She the dame, whose tongue now muted.
The lady for who,
His love for her, he disputed.
Was so vilely refuted.
Words spoken and wrote.
Fell onto eyes and the ears of the stubborn old goat.
Such spite shown.
Think she needs a drink.
He's making her sick.
Maybe she's mean.
Afraid she's not.
She sports a smile.
Masking the tears.
Sometimes she's mellow.
Sometimes she's not.
But rare moments of magic.
Such magic never will be forgot.
All she has left is a heart.
A beautiful heart vacant and hollow.
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
What happens to the souls of those who died but still live on?
The people who have died several times over, but are still walking this Earth
like it's the only thing that will make them better again.
The only thing that will make them feel alive again.
They live in false hope,
Earth owes us nothing.
Not even a smile.
We all live in hope of something amazing happening,
but what if we never get our something amazing?
What happens then?
We die slowly,
still living in hope but