Ashes spread in the waves
Representing a different form of being
Momentary, sunlight flickered across slight seas
Only break in a dreary October Oregon day
Blurred eyes cast memories on jagged basalt
pictures run into each other with each crashing wave
And you are really gone…
Pillar of strength on which my family was built,
the last earthy images are of a body destroyed by a preventable disease
145 lbs of hollow human, only a man by name
more like a still life or wax sculpture of dying in America
ocean spray mingles with tears as I envision the future without him
the lack of the only physical form I ever feared leaves me experiencing isolation
Without rules and a task master, what will become of me?
Cloudy green dissipates and bone fragments sink from view
Forever part of the largest organism on the planet
Forever gone from my life
Distorted wave reflection hides tear soaked cheeks
as the “what if’s” churn within
instead of processing a life without
softly the gulls bring me back as they anxiously squabble over assumed treats
the gentle swaying of tentacles caught in the current lulls me to rhythmic breathing
and I remember
this resting place
was his final wish
The words cemented in my throat
That I want to scream at you nearly everyday
Everything I've always wanted to say
But I can’t because…
It's like trying to walk with nowhere to stand
Knowing you don't understand
You act like I’m from some other planet
That my words don’t translate through
Like everything I say isn't a concept to you
Yet your a part of it too
and I just can’t explain anymore
these wounds are growing too sore
so I try to shut up
speak less and less
because I can’t bear another word that you can’t seem to process
and you’d think I’d learn
Just act like we have no problems… as long as they only affect me
you know… all the ones you pretend not to see
pretend my heart isn't dying
and I don’t care
but this just isn't fair
I’m tired of pretending
And I don’t know how much longer I can. I’m not this strong
To keep standing here acting like you’re not doing anything wrong
And you act like it’s a game
And I just don’t feel I could ever win
I’m sorry but I’m done in
And I just want to speak my mind
Without your manipulative ways
Telling me I’m wrong no matter what I say
So here it is
You refused to even try to understand
And I can’t keep trying to withstand
A black train barreled across her chest, wheels wheezing with rust, pistons straining, the engine protesting with a sharp shriek. She coughed, a sound like two sheets of metal grating against each other. Her heart -she knew it was really her throat, her lungs- but it was her heart that felt tired. Her bones felt heavy, a weight suspended beneath her skin. A swallow of air straggled down her rusty throat and she imagined coppery flakes being scraped from the walls of her esophagus with the next gulp, tumbling down her throat like children’s toy blocks: blunt edges and a metallic smell.
The iron horse creaked as it straddled her chest. How much longer until she collapsed? Could the bone train tracks welded above her heart withstand much more? Specks of smoke, like pepper, circulated in her lungs, moving with the billowing motion: pump in . . . pump out . . . pump in . . . pump out. The rhythmic chug chug chug of the engine. A few clanks later the engine sputtered with a shrill and she choked on the acrid taste of smoke, burning as it shot through her throat.
No one else could see the iron monstrosity collapsing on her chest, filled with sputtering sparks and dying coal. No. They only saw a pale puddle of skeleton with eyes of midnight sky, stars weakly twinkling off to herald a colorless dawn.
His heart is dying
Paper thin fragility
untitled pt. 1000
An ornamental design
Rimmed around dripping eyes
The endlessly hanging window
Hardly a companion
Campaigning for a birchwood paddle
Slowly down the river wide
In the fog below the draining sky
Greasy shoes with slick laces
Tripping over trim
An obedient step
Pricked around drying thighs
The marching holy boots
Openly weighed by ties
Spinning to reach icepick shells
But caught below with the lie
To be a stain within the distorting tide
Pickerel and body parts
Hanging in the thick
An ordinary form
Wrapped around shaking ribs
The desperately reaching hands
Missing someone close
Living inside of a crumbling well
Stale water up to the sky
Hanging above as a blanket wide
Cigarettes and lighters that won’t light
Sparking over harm
An orchestrated season
Slipped around falling leaves
The ever-dimming fire
Of the dying sun
Stirring from a crisp and cool wind
Washed apart the fish from the tide
Tongues rolled distant in a lie
Hurricanes and sunny nights
Sealing over holes.
Was it me who changed your mind?
The love we have, eventually died?
Was it me who pushed you away?
or, you just didn't made me stay...
Was it me who made a mess?
The one who brought you stress.
Or is it you, it's you my dear,
who forgot to whisper "iloveyou" in my ear.
Was it me? Was it me?
The reason why now am alone.
Or is it you who let me go on my own?
Was it me, who caused you pain?
Or is it you who made my heart broken.
I don't know my dear, I don't understand.
Why did you or I let go of each other's hand?
Didn't we believe that God has joined us together?
Or, we just don't believe the concept of forever.
Days gone by, being with you,
my world revolved in this damn called us, two.
The pain inside, yes, I can hide
Who did this? or, did we two both lied?
I thought, we're okay, we're okay come what may
But where we are now? we're on our separate way.
I am stucked here, somewhere in the dark
Trying to erase the things you left and your mark.
But I know, it is impossible now, my dear sweetheart.
For you left a scar in my fragile heart.
And its bleeding
I don't know
I simply don't know...
her tongue tastes like ashes, her voice cracks when she’s lying.
you throw imperfections, because you know you can’t have her.
If you say it out loud you can’t keep denying. You need her.
you can’t go to sleep without envisioning her beside you.
Her hands entangled in your hair, she’s screaming.
her soft brown hair looks red in the naked moonlight
Your mind plays games, you awaken and she’s gone.
You’d give anything to taste her lips.
She’s dying to pass your way.
her size five feet dangle on the edge of infidelity.
while you wait for her to sway.
in your mind, you can hear her sighs from the next room.
Let’s pretend for a moment, she’s sighing for you.
Nakedness and manifestations of the white noise mind traffic,
I watch the world turn before the fabricated glory of torches without flames and chariots without horses,
All saturated with the molecular movements of the air made with melodies not played for You,
This is the concrete sea of gasoline’s grace of novelties I once spoke of when I was a prince of sleepless men and my heart was determined to germinate the seeds of wicked kings,
Now with a crown cast down and cracked,
I am a dystopian eclipsing a dying sun to cast shadows on sleeping silent sinking houses,
As I watch them go down to where I've made my bed before,
I recall how they make me turn in my sleep before You,
Keeping keys deep below bowing floorboards whining with the weight of weeping willows grown by ghosts of a life once sewn and patched by my pity of distorted desperation,
My fingers keep my dreams from unraveling,
Locking them up tight tonight by hiding my face from it all,
Closing my eyes with my palms,
My lamps are bathed in blackness,
Darkness covers darkness,
And then I feel your hands lower the veil,
I see holes made by instruments of death forged in time,
Scarring You in a place that Kronos nor Thanatos cannot consider to tread,
I put my fingers through them,
I remember now that you paint such beautiful pictures,
Color me with your dreams now,
Your pigments have been poured out,
A gift was given to the dust,
Now I live to give it back to you,
And the haunted fluorescence of Babylon grow dim before your face,
The orchestral cries of mans machines grow silent,
Deep touches deep,
Sharing the oceans between us,
A love infinite consumes me
If there ever was a day
where I could find the words to say
how you make me feel,
and prove each passion real,
that would be the day
to believe in what you pray
because it would be the day,
of the impossible.
If there ever came a time
where loving you was a crime,
and I couldn’t see your face
or hold you tight in the right place,
my next breath would never come,
because without you I’m not whole, I’m some;
If there ever came a moment, that we could hold forever,
a guarantee that no matter what, we’d be together,
you wouldn’t dare look away.
Because if that day was today,
I’d take advantage in every way.
Because it would be the day,
Of the impossible.
Dance of the wind, shakes the trees, shakes the sky
Turn of the seasons
Turn of the storm
Sweet Ulyses on a broken tulip, dying
Reaching for the last of time
Within the great mystery.
Oh, holy land walking underneathe feet
With tired eyes and repeated lies -
The carrion song breaks down and cries
Yesterday closes in on thought's illusion
Of telling today to run around
Chasing past days gone
For the sake of youth gone
Crystal eyes and flaccid goodbyes
The carrion song breaks down and cries
Under soft caresses of Nature's glow
Ceases to be, the gift of selfishness
Asleep in the fog
Spinning madly, this rock of earth
Around star sun, a one-eyed Buddha
Taking gravity, magnetic energy
Orange burn, holographic sin
Make the clock jump ahead
Forward in time, backward in rhyme
Poor things of words
Detailing worlds, both inner and outer
But never receiving rightful admiration
Oh, sad words of symbolic reference
Lay down your weary tune and collapse
Sink back into the void of a hum
Yesterday opens around thought's illusion
Of showing today the masterplan
When bizarre happenings stir the crowd of mind
'Tis the moment to step out of time
And examine the line,
The dire chime of truth
And thus enters the chance to realize
The carrion song that breaks down and cries