I’m rummaging through the sounder parts
Of my brain trying to find
The important parts of
Where I touched you and where I felt you
How I touched you and how I felt you
Like old photos
I’m trying to configure every speck
Of color in your eyes that I saw when you looked
Into the sunset through the window –
There were blues and greens
And everything in between
When I roll over
To lie face down in bed
My sheets smell like the warm parts of your neck
So I reach down to grab your hand
And lace our fingers together
Like grape vines
But all I end up with
Is a fistful of duvet
This morning I woke up with the echoing
Of your voice calling me “honey”
Tonight I will fall asleep with the echoing
Of your voice saying my name
In the morning I will warm up
With a cup of coffee
And with the image in my head
Of how bright your eyes become
And wide your smile gets
When you talk about the ocean
And how the barnacles would get stuck to your feet
And how beautiful
The colors of the sunset
Looked against the evening sea
You set fire to your yard
Because you said it was fun
And you placed razor blades in books you hated
Because you said it kept them away from you
You put tea bags in the coffee pot
Because you said it made better sadness than energy
And you poured your tears into a bath tub
Because you said it held them better than your eyes did
You pick the weeds instead of flowers
Because you said they were just as beautiful and deserved the appreciation
Instead of picking the petals, you braided the stems
Because you didn't want to lose hope that he loves you not
You would lay on the floor with a duvet around you
Because the bed made you sad
And you would dance in your underwear
Because little black dresses were too revealing
You did these things
Because you said they made you feel better
Beneath a duvet
white and thin
I feel your hands
I feel them needing
to hold mine
Do you know
how much I love you?
and need to know
you need too
There isn't a moment
that I don't hold your hands
Oh how I long
to fall asleep soundly.
Turn off the light,
flick the switch
I dream alright.
My dreams are so far from reality
I can't bare it.
I know alcohol
can make you weepy,
but the willow with it's reaching branches,
that droops so sadly,
is my confidant.
I silently sob into it's
stuffing corners of duvet in to my mouth
s t i f l e,
The taste of salt runs down the creases of my cheeks
and in to my mouth,
taking me back to days at the seaside,
fish and chips.
I finally tumble in to a fitful sleep
thinking of the ocean.
But it swallows me whole.
And I'm drowning.
Remember the first time
I told you that I adore you?
And you said it made your stomach feel strange,
in a good way I suppose.
I get that same
pleasantly strange feeling
when I think of touching you,
or you touching me.
Or even just lying within arms length of of each other.
in my stomach
and leaves a tingling trail
throughout my hips.
Sometimes retreating to my lips.
Sometimes I pretend
we're only separated by the duvet on my bed
instead of the Atlantic ocean.
When he packs his bags
And climbs into the back of a taxi,
Cigarette in hand,
Don't chase after him
When you're laying in bed alone,
Wrapping your duvet around you,
Attempting to sleep with demons
Don't think of what you could have done
to make it better
And when your song comes on the radio
Don't sing along with tear stained eyes
Turn it off and play metal
To block out sound
So, when you're alone don't ponder over old stories
Pull out your favorite books and sit by rain tinted windows
Read until you can not read anymore
Until your eyes run dry
When he calls asking for you back
Tell him you have burned him from your memory
Ripped up all of your pictures
And healed his scars on your wrist
Don't let him in
Don't let him in
Don't let him in
Stay strong because you're better than that
Stay strong because he was a cynical teenage boy
And you are a starry-eyed delinquent
the air reeks of burnt hair and patchouli
and i am remembering your voice
and i am thinking of the days
when i would open up my skin
to see if there was anything left inside.
and i am drowning,
drowning on my duvet,
fearing that i will resurface.
The sun had gone to shine on another corner of the world.
The sky was still blue, and it was still day,
But it was shady and breeze was quiet, yet absolute.
I undressed, slowly, and kicked the clothes in corner.
I settled down on my mattress, then pulled the duvet over my head.
I thought of the man I loved and what he was doing.
I thought of the things of yesterday and what they meant.
I thought… so many things.
Though, as the seconds slowly turned to minutes a many,
Thoughts dissolved like sand over fire.
As my eyes surrendered to sleep,
So the thoughts surrendered… to what?
I know not.
All I do know is that an hour later my eyes opened; I woke from my nap.
What was an hour seemed like a week.
I was hibernating in the concave of dreams.
What I dreamt I do not remember.
What was it that caused the outside world to seem so new?
What went on, in that concave of dreams?
Vanaand vou ek my snoesig toe
in die soet-droom blou lug
iewers tussen die maan en die sterre...
en as die liggies my pla
trek ek weer, soos kleintyd, die duvet oor my kop
en verbeel myself dat
en jou honger hande
nie in die werled bestaan nie!!
Ek kruip dan in die sagte plekkies
van ontstuimige oseane...
so tussen deur die nate van
die brekende golwe...
en le terug as die trek
van moegheid my kom haal...
en terwyl die vloeiende satyn
my wange streel...
maak ek my oe toe
I told her don't worry,
we'll get there and share each other,together, and if it's bad weather outside,we can stay in and hide,under the duvet,
'okay' she replied,'let us ride through the storms and make some of our own'
makes me groan in surrender,so tender,so meek and so mild and yet, she is wild,under the duvet where we hide away,making hay,
and today she is friction,she is real,not some fiction of mine,not some time on my own,not some duvet I've thrown in the lonely of night,
If I'm wrong,she is right and as I hold her,as I told her,
love is for keeps.