The first time I stepped into school,
Admiring that beautiful wall of fame.
Carved in gold were so many names,
Dated back from decades ago.

Each year has a different name,
Each name part of history.
Shining bright under the light,
Too prestigious and too rare.

I told myself what if I could
See my name etched on the wall,
Nothing else can sweep it away,
Nothing else can wash it away.

But this dream of mine is dashed,
Thrown into the deepest sea,
Crushed almost for eternity,
Something I can never be.

I can't measure how much I've done,
Working so hard to get a step closer.
Each time I think I'm almost there,
I'm actually disillusioned,
I'm going nowhere.

From here I have two paths to go,
One to chase and persist on my goal,
Or I could simply accept my fate,
Give it a try,
Open my mind.
Perhaps that's where I'm meant to be.

My minds says one thing,
But my heart says another,
I hate these moments,
They're my greatest bother.

Is my life a book written my God?
Do all things happen for a reason,
Because that's how my fate was destined?
I wish I could know all the answers,
But I guess some things are secrets for our lifetime.

I wonder if I should go chase my dreams,
Be brave,
Be bold,
Be ridiculed at.

What if I grow to love my fate,
Loving,
Sharing,
Caring for others.

Is this the place that's meant for me?
I don't know the answer,
And I'll never know.

But how about the names in gold
And everything that seemed perfect
To me?

To go forth and chase my dreams,
Or to learn to love my newest job?

Of all the words ever concieved
The tongue of an angel can't tell
She sighs in her sleep;
Sighs in sympathy for the devil.
They wrestle and claw for the words
The right to have the name
She sighs in her sleep for the devil
The tongued angel falters this game
She won't continue the struggle
The victory she found above
Opened her sleepy eyes to me
And spoke only one syllable

Love

Behind this little curtain, I hide.
I do not lie, but I do not tell the truth either.
I do not flash it in your face,
but I'm afraid you may know my

secret.

If this happens, everything will turn upside down
and I need to find a paper bag,
where I'll readily stuff my face in and hide under a rock
Until maybe all magically is forgotten.

I am ready to tell you the truth, however,
although my paper is transparent, a see-through glass,
piles of white lies may start to stain it and soon,
it will be so opaque you have to dig deep into there
To finally see the face that's hiding behind.

I am not desperate or a stalker,
or you know,
the one that sends you long text messages
and waits eagerly for a short reply.
Whenever I try to forget you,
you pop into my memory and tempt me into no bounds
of imagination. It's necessary I try not to follow,
but I always end up falling in the same hole.

So please understand, that if I suddenly reveal my identity,
do not be taken aback because this is what I have to do,
for you have caused me to be slightly obsessive and
longing for even a slight bit of communication between
us. The us that I dream of, the us that happened, what of it is left?

To start anew? This is rather painful. I don't want to forget, you see.
You were so lovely and sweet. How can I erase you from my memory?

People come and go, but you stay, longer than I thought you would.
This attachment is detrimental to my being. If any longer your existence influences me,
I will stop living in the present and reality and just dream on about non-existent parallels,
wasting so much time and feelings.

Okay. So this is why I'm being so secret there. You would only talk to me that way.

Because,

you wouldn't want to talk to me.

Thank you, dear, though, for that sweet little message.

I had a dream
To live in the mountains,
With a dog,
A black border collie to be exact,
Become an author,
Write a book
But still
Hang out in that mountain.

I had a dream,
That one day
I'd go on a road trip,
Just me and my best buds,
Snapping photos,
Chatting,
Just living a life
with no worries at all.

I had a dream
That I'd grow up happy
Don't care about the money,
Don't care about the stress,
Just happiness.

I had a dream,
And you?

You crushed it with a
All your
Might.

The author?
That's never gonna happen
Because you're gonna spend
Seven years studying
Architecture
Designing buildings,
Being all techy,
You won't have time for your
Stupid little dog,
Or your mountains,
None of that would

Exist.

Your road trip?
You'll be spending time on the road
In congestions
Towards the city,
Where you'll go to work
Where you'll suffer
For the rest of your life.

Until
You
Die.

Your worst idea
Is growing up being
Happy.

Happiness is when you finally become
Successful,
But that ain't never gonna happen to you,
Success isn't for lazy pigs
Who cause parents to split apart,
Who ruin lives,
Who dream of stupid dreams
Like living on mountains
With a dog.

You're gonna stay this way,
Forever,
Perhaps be my little servant one day.
You wanna talk about dreams?
Well my dream
Is to
See
You
Suffer.

I have one last dream,
It still lives on
It grows bigger and bigger
Every night.
It's the only one left,
That I still hold onto
Dearly:
To save someone
From a car accident,
I pray it's soon,
I pray it's now.

Then finally,
I'll prove you wrong,
And I'll finally die

Happy.

Returning son, his daughter at his side,
imagines now the men who once amassed
the limestone locks to straddle the canal,
an obsolete image from an eldritch past.

On a ritual hour of summer dusk,
if you should know precisely where to stand
that ghost of Syracuse can still be seen,
a rotting timber craft trapped deep in sand.

Mosquitos drone their hungry mother song.
The two upon the towpath, side by side,
survey this stagnant waterway where once
their ancestors lived and worked and died.

The silt entombs the boat’s untimely end –
how many years before the blasts of steam
sent veins of iron shooting ‘cross the land
did this canal boat capsize like a dream?

happiness is all i want
it's not a front
or something i can roll in a blunt
not something i can drink
or swish
or sweet
not something to eat
or a quick feel
not a tug on the reel
a new steering wheel

but it's what i want
and i'm gonna find it
trying to figure out where to look
i've read a number of books
to see what in the world
happiness looks
like

i saw it in a kid
he was riding his bike
and another little boy with his father
flying a kite
i saw it in the face
of the kenyan who won the boston marathon race
i saw it in the eyes
of a young couple
and it was two guys
i see it in the sun
in the beaming rays
when it goes on my face
my face gets grazed
i smell it in the kitchen
mother's cooking dinner
the roast is in the oven
and the dog is by her side
i saw it in her face
in her eyes
when we came home from work
she'd jump off the couch
in a very quick spurt
and start barking
and jumping
and licking
and playing
happiness
i miss it
i wish it was staying

i'm gonna find it
no matter how hard i try
i'm going to make it
through the world i'll glide
in happiness
i always strive
for happiness
but how do i get it?
do i stop try?

or go harder?
travel waters unchartered
by any boat, bus, or marta
i seek happiness
it'll make me smarter

happiness
i'd rather it not
have a price
can't be bought
but happiness
past present
is all i sought
all i seek
and in the future i dream
of happiness

I'm so awake
I'm buzzing
New faces
New information
To conquer
All pit stops on my long journey
Getting sucked up into these times
Getting caught up in gravity
But I keep pushing
I talk about reliance when I write
all the time
Because it never ceases
to bewilder me
We don't acknowledge
our resilience
Because we aren't granted a choice
Of possessing it or not
You see
We
have
to keep going
Or kill ourselves and
As bad as it gets
We don't do that

Maybe
Our resilience
stems off love
No matter how small
Like how you don't take all those pills simply because you imagine how it would destroy your mom dad and sisters
That love for them makes you
stick it out through your fiery hell
Sometimes life feels like hell
Or death even
though most of us don't actually know how that feels
Other times it feels like a cloudy dream
And we trek through it all
We have no choice
Well right now I'm buzzing
From the speed
I can feel it
I feel older
I feel older
Tell me when it will stop feeling so weird

I'm so awake
I'm buzzing
New faces
New information
To conquer
All pit stops on my long journey
Getting sucked up into these times
Getting caught up in gravity
But I keep pushing
I talk about reliance when I write
all the time
Because it never ceases
to bewilder me
We don't acknowledge
our resilience
Because we aren't granted a choice
Of possessing it or not
You see
We
have
to keep going
Or kill ourselves and
As bad as it gets
We don't do that

Maybe
Our resilience
stems off love
No matter how small
Like how you don't take all those pills simply because you imagine how it would destroy your mom dad and sisters
That love for them makes you
stick it out through your fiery hell
Sometimes life feels like hell
Or death even
though most of us don't actually know how that feels
Other times it feels like a cloudy dream
And we trek through it all
We have no choice
Well right now I'm buzzing
From the speed
I can feel it
I feel older
I feel older
Tell me when it will stop feeling so weird