For an uncountable amount of years
I have struggled with personal progression
The demons of days past tread behind me
Softly enough to not be heard by anyone else
But loud enough to hear their voices in my head
"The butt of the joke"
For so long
I have wished for relinquishment
A way to get them out of my head
To break the bonds they hold
To feel like I am the one to succeed
The one who is fit
The teller of the joke
For once in my life
To not be the one who falls behind
Or just never made it all
I've turned down so much
In the presence of their influence
With the mark of adulthood approaching fast
The boy who's been bogged down
Has held this tension in his hands
Trying to find some catharsis
Trying to translate thoughts to words
Trying to create something of this internal chaos
To explore it's purpose
To know why
Every line I've written is a piece
To the puzzle that is my freedom
My freedom will be my victory
And my victory will be their downfall
And 48 minutes
Is how long it's taken me to realize this
To realize the majority of my problems
Are all in my head
All a product of me not learning to feel successful
Complicated by myself
And only myself
Victory is never taken in a day
These things take time
And that's the one thing I have on my side
Along side those who wish for my growth
And well being
I don't know where to go
From this point
I am limitless
I am original. I am the real deal.
Nothing about me is a piece of a puzzle belonging to someone else. I do not replicate and I do not show-off. What I am is genuine and I cannot be compared to anyone.
I do not strive to be someone else, nor do I buy into materialism that justifies my inclination to a persona.
What I do allows me to stand out and always be remembered. I cannot but allow myself to be anything but me.
My greatest sin lies in the temptations of jealousy and the frailty of my mind. My greatest flaw is my flair for emotion and drama. My biggest downfall is nothing but my expectations of others.
My real criticism comes only from true friends, the liars and the frugal in emotion are my enemies... They want me more than they need me as a friend.
My being screams at insults, but my meaning comes from deep in my heart.
They earn attention; I garner admiration.
Little are my fans, but they are my family stitched with iron in a stone-clad bond.
Close are my family; my enemies, my friends.
I am but an intelligent being with a fullness of everything I have.
With God as my witness, I am His creation. And in His image, like his work, I am original in mine.
My actions burn the jealous. My choices hurt the haters. My excellence in my passions set me in the sights of my enemies.
I am anything and everything but a relative polymerisation of random organic compounds. I am not plastic.
I am an artist! One with true feel, and they know it.
His spirit hovered,
On the edge of the doom.
And before his eyes,
Were a couple of books?
And his favourite illustration hanging in a frame.
He looked outside the window
Children on their way,
And the winter cascade falling from the heaven.
The lakes were now frozen.
And life now took a turn.
The Elysian Gates now welcomed him.
All his life he thought he was a burden on everybody
Now he had nothing to regret about.
She is pretty and she is kind,
Yet to her demons you are all blind,
She seems so perfect, she will never let you know,
She has cuts on her wrists she will never let show.
Hiding behind her bedroom door,
A crumpled mess laying on the floor,
But as long as she texts a smiley face,
You'll never know about the lines she's traced.
Things went smoothly until one bad day,
She cut way too deep and slept away,
They found her whimpering, almost dead,
Sleeping happily as her body bled.
They screamed and cried but she couldn't hear,
She was lost in her euphoria, free from her fears,
They left her alone until they saw she was dying,
And now they wonder why they never heard her crying.
"A mental breakdown", the doctors said,
A silent battle going on in her head,
A shoulder to cry on they could not comprehend,
All she needed was someone to help herself mend.
The shattered pieces of her broken figure,
Was enough to make herself her personal trigger,
But no one saw what her brain thought she saw,
So no one understood why, and remained unsure.
She was much too quiet with all her feelings unsaid,
She lost all her bearings and teetered on the edge,
She thought it was for the best but in the end it was her downfall,
What a shame how early she left us all.
Euphoria is a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.
It was magical to see him crack
It was not a symbol that his youth was gone
But a glimpse of the innocence behind his façade
Sounding cynical, but loving the show
So put together, seeming inhuman, but when emotions came
Sickly interested and fulfilling that craving
To see one at a downfall
It was magical to see him crack
In this world,
In this war
I am lower than a peasant
I am dust,
Subject to the chains and whips of
The Prince of the world,
The Father of lies
But by grace
I will make him
Cringe in chills
As I ignore his temporary pleasures
As I reject his broken promises
Scream out his lungs
As I remain on what is pure
Cower and hide
As I stand up for what is right
Fall to his knees
As I point his lies to the Truth
I will wait,
Wait patiently, earnestly
For the King of the entire Creation
To deliver the final blow,
The finishing act
To return and banish
The Prince of the world
To his ultimate
Growing up on a strict diet of idealism, tiny spoonfuls and a bitter dessert of disappointment.
We weren't fed to be made strong, we were made wrong.
Lying to ourselves, the world, then being lied to in turn.
It's all we knew because when we were new, they sculpted us.
Filled us with fatal dreams and delusions of being indestructible which, ironically, lead to our downfall.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
That's the dream.
An impermeable barrier on your very being.
Because can you honestly say you've never been cut by a name?
Round and round they go,
you're constantly haunted by the echoes of spiteful venom that was spewed out
and is now mirrored by your uncontrollable hatred for yourself.
This is what we made.
Completely dead within
destroying yourself from the inside, out.
You've got a war on your mind and battle wounds on your skin.
Mental brokenness is just as bad as physical,
Difficult to function but harder to spot instead.
So try it, go on. I dare you, go ahead.
Try not to limp on a broken leg.
When you get the news
that I've left swinging
from a noose,
to rid my head of,
not only the blood but
all the terrible thoughts,
you put there
with your gun shots.
Made up of
of cruel words and
icy empty eyes that stared.
Don't you dare act like you
ever gave half a damn,
or like you'll miss my presence,
or how you'll crave
my skin upon yours again.
Don't you fucking dare
scream out to the world
how you miss me so
or explain how I'd lend you
my broken pieces to
try and fix you
and try to help you
be less broken.
When, in reality,
I was the broken one -
broken into a million pieces -
inside and out.
Please, don't you dare
These are my last words.
Don't you dare interrupt me,
it'd be best if you'd just
shut the fuck up.
and listen to me,
you're going to finally
hear me out,
I deserve to
be listened to,
This is your fault!
I want or, moreso need, you to know that.
I mean, you know everything else.
You knew I was broken.
and you knew I was hurt.
and you knew I was lost.
and you knew I needed your help.
But I was not good enough.
I was too berserk.
Maybe what people say is true:
maybe people are worth more
than they ever were
Don't you dare
put this paper down,
and give up on me, again.
I've drained my heart + soul
into this pen
and I've allowed this pen to dance freely
on this piece of paper.
You will soak up every word,
and taste every syllable,
and I will be watching,
and I will be hoping
that you will fall apart,
Just as I did,
Comical how things work out,
sh, calm down.
Stop blaming my insanity,
baby, you did this to us-
I'm so sorry.
I will not be vicious during your downfall
like you were to me
I can explain this.
I can justify.
I can show you why.
All the shattered pieces
that broke off of me.
I've decided not to destroy,
these leftover pieces,
like I've destroyed myself.
I want you to know
it wasn't easy:
being casted out,
and feeling lower
than the mantle.
and I can tell
this may never make sense to you.
I knew it was ridiculous
of me to think
someone as perfect as you
could help someone
as helpless as myself.
and I knew it was so fucking stupid
of me to think
someone as flawless as you
would actually give a shit about
someone as trivial as me.
But I know that
I am a human-being,
just like you
and I know I deserve
love and attention, too.
How dare you?
How dare you?
How fucking dare you?
How could you do this to me?
Look what you've done.
You took me
when I was already crushed
and you picked me up
and you allowed me to feel
a new type of rush.
But then what did you do?
You dropped me-
dropped me so fucking hard.
Just like everyone else before you,
way to conform.
I had the best intentions,
when I met you.
I thought to myself
I will sneak a peek
and maybe blush when he looks my way,
so just maybe he will feel
But fuck my intentions!
I meant well!
I truly meant well,
but look where that has
I'm more lost than I was before
you came along.
Because let's forget about my intentions
and lets take a second
to question yours.
If you merely wanted to
smash and dash
you could have done so
but instead you pryed to know me -
the parts that weren't pretty.
Touching things that
were not tangible.
Tasting memories that
yes, when I was cut open
and the person I thought
didn't like what he saw,
and he just left me-
without suing my soul back up.
Without saying good-bye.
I was left,
and feeling empty.
what everyone means by
now you believe it.
They made you believe
that I was insane
and now I believe it, too.
That's me, now.
through and through.
and I cannot succeed
living in the same world as them-
I will sacrifice myself
Because I realize it wasn't just you,
and I need to decide who
I'll give myself to.
Because I can only give so much
of myself to strangers
who look as if
they need something to keep
until I just stop.
and I've decided to stop
to stop breathing
to stop living
to stop existing.
I'm donating myself to you.
Don't you dare
think this is me giving myself to you
as a way to show my love.
I would just hate to be wasteful,
and I know you're broken.
and I know you know
people do not belong to people,
so take my ashes.
I've left them all for you.
When you're feeling low
I know you'll
grab your smokes
and I know you'll grab your warm mug, too.
I know how you like
to roll your own because it
makes you feel at home.
and I know how you like to
naturally brew your own because it
taste more fresh on your breath.
and I know you'll be tempted
to throw my ashes in,
to feel me once again.
and I'd like you to know
that I do not object.
I actually encourage it.
Because now you truly understand:
that it isn't easy
that it isn't our fault
and that you're morbid, too.
Don't you dare
I heard a whisper.
a thought like dust
caught the air of my breath
and landed on every heartbeat still beating for something more than themselves.
a stable refuge.
these are the things I imbue.
nocturnal nonsense swirled about
until your gaze caught my thoughts.
I saw your eyes behind mine.
emancipated, delegated, underrated and unillustrated,
how can I better express myself.
I lost myself trying to lose you.
I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders
to your front door step and left it with a key.
Walk a mile in my shoes and still ask me who's the enemy.
I am my own downfall.
masquerades never suited me
yet I still wore it with agony.
Antagonized from every side,
the lies lie far between you and I.
I succeeded in forgetting something that never happened
and got trapped inside those angel eyes.
remain a nuisance, my misguided matrimony.
Were you my serendipity or calamity ?
Maybe you were both.
Maybe you were both...
my demise in disguise.
My downfall and my wonder wall.
After all I have an eternity to find my sanity
& maybe even some clarity.