took a step into a crowd

felt a wave through the ground

as she lost her friends

with the beat and the sound

then the mad man pulled her by her hand

into another land

spoke the words of youth

gave her an option to choose

leave the confusion and the blues

he said with his eye fire waiting to set loose

burn her alive with the madness

that's what she choose

the fast cars and the clothes

she told him light my way

take the wheel

cause I've been driving for so long

and my vision is unclear

take my hand indulge my innocence

so he drove her over the clouds

wrapped her in metals of distance

twisted her existence

swirled her in a galaxy of imagination

her own heaven in creation

till one day his heart changed

as he pushed her down the stairs of heaven

and broke her every bone

the ground was cold hard stone

she was left twisted broken and all alone

reaching for a phone but there's no connection

in the black hole of confusion

time passed as she painted every perception expected

hoping to find a solution

that's when she realized it was all an illusion

the words the thrill the charm

she was about to burst but she just stayed calm

as she reached out but there was no arm

so she got herself up and walked into the hazy clouds

she had strength in herself but she also had doubts

then she heard a voice so sweet and tender

he said lead your own way and never surrender

There was a time when I was alone on the unsteady ground of life. I was too scared to stand; the shadows of life telling me that I'd fall if I tried.That fear was so over whelming it caused me to sink lower so that I could feel the comfort of the ground.
That's where you found me.You walked in confidently; so sure of your own balance. Then you looked my way and smiled. My heart stop of wonder and shock. Who was this that could stand so easily? You came and offered your hand. I took it and you helped me to my feet. Together you helped me steady myself.
I thought you a gift from heavan. But then as I leaned on you in this shaky world, you showed your true self. You let me get usteady smirking at me because I needed you and you knew it.Every timed this happened I gripped tighter to you. I didn't want to fall. Just when I thought I would; you'd steady me once again causing me to forget that is was you who had almost caused it.
You took me on your merry ride...
balanced, unstable, balanced....
Then one day with that smug grin, you let me fall and walked away.You didn't even look back. I was alone again, on my own in this unsure world. I didn't know what to do, but I knew one thing--
I wanted to stand again. I tried on my own despite the doubts telling me I couldn't.Slowly I got up. As I did I expected to fall, but I didn't. After all you put me through I actually learned to stand on my own. So instead of looking back and hating you; I look back thanking you because you helped me find my balance.

Don't think that these words were for someone else
I know how much it hurts you
Those doubts led you to believe your own lies
It is evident that the feelings that died will never resurrect back to life
And it only hurts so much because you're the only one close to it
Built up guilt; the structure of my mind
Indifferent to all the change, and it goes to waste
At such a rapid pace, I don't feel for you
Happiness, out of place, along with all other feelings
No need to hide that scrupulous face
Love and its intentions to do harm,
Oh the scrutiny that blows in oasis
Its broken, its lost, scattered across this Earth
The spirit in my dreams isn't her
What I have found is nothing but a mere ghost
Haunting me through memories,
Here they die, in grace and forgiveness
To never be born again

are you gonna leave me hanging?
that's not a question I can ask
but I'm hanging
you tied fishing line to all my bones
and now I'm fucking hanging
you pull the strings now

and hours later
you walked me home
I wasn't that drunk
but I guess I am holding myself up
with my palms right now
so I don't fall flat on my face

and here I lose
the comfort of metaphor
(well, the stanza before)

I only do it
(get stupid beautiful wish-worthy drunk)
so these questions
these nagging doubts
these nightmares
will stop

but you don't
you keep showing up
everywhere
so they don't

and I wonder why
with a question mark
why I keep wishing
why I keep playing this
semblance of life in my mind
over and over and over:
where you want me
where you can't live without me

hopeless
I'm hopeless
because I hope
endlessly that you
will never let go of me

because for three years
I couldn't let go of you
I can't let go of you

I know that's wrong
that my words are toxic
that recognition would ruin everything
and still
I can't quit wanting
can't quit smoking
can't quit drinking
can't quit you

but don't leave
please don't leave
don't let me scare you
cos I'm scared too

you showed up
right at the wrong time
really, the exact moment

I forgive you
I salute you
for taking the liberty of asking
when I was too weak to

we could be happy
but then again we can't be
I know this is hard
I know how this feels
(you did it to me)

this is torture
for both of us
I promise

I know this is tough
I understand your reluctance
but I also know
that you can see
what you're doing to me
so if you're gonna fuck up my life
the least you can do is be in it

Yours is the smile
I look forward
to seeing
Yours is the voice
I love to hear
Yours is the touch
that can reach my
heart and it's your
understanding
that so often
calms my doubts
and fears
always has
been you
always will
be you

my fears are as follows.
i am afraid of water,
of pain,
of high-up places.
i am afraid of getting stuck in one place.
i am afraid of dying in a terrible way.
i am afraid of the medical irregularities of my heart,
the condition that gives me too many beats at one time
and that will, someday, cause the beats to stop altogether.
and i am afraid that my life will be nothing like i want it to be.
i am afraid that my art is mediocre
and my poems unoriginal.
i am afraid that i will never love anyone again,
and that i will be bound, forever, by his ghost.
i am afraid that my fear will choke out my hope,
and that i will cripple myself,
and cheat myself,
and extinguish my ambition with all my doubts.
i am afraid of myself,
but i am so endlessly inspired by everything else.