Seeing friends of broken dreams
Cocaine eyes crying streams
A constant river of hopes and lies
Ounces, lies, those streams cry
Too many children for the mother to look after
See Cruz in the Tomorrow
Then Yesterday comes
And a year passes with no difference
Just more drive in Coca eyes
Snorting grime in afternoon midnights
Pity the soul who gives up forgiving and knows It All
Gonna plant in the shadows, fortune growing
Plants - medicine - drug - confiscated time
Forgive the mind
Time ain’t time
Grime is grime
Prositituted hearts selling gold and green and white and brown
Trying for rent, in the gutter come night
No fight to vent, too numb, just can’t
Lawns come bedrooms
Bushes come kingsize
Bleeding nose and veins
Throwing needles in the park
The local furniture outfit
They ain’t free
It ain’t me
I try, but there’s nothing to try for
Smack come crack
Hotel burning back
Moment to pack
Heavy, heavy sack
Breaking my back
No turning back
No den for slack
Sailing sick towards public arrest
Friends turn friends like rotating doors
Come and come again
In the middle of the day
Confidence doesn’t matter
Exploring blankets of warmth and escape
Poor, poor parades of humiliation
Standing like stamps to smoke
Sad rock crumbling on diamond mirror
Scattering stairs to escape
Towards the park
Away from the dark -
Where’s the light?
Something ain’t right -
Vampires are lurking
And nothing seems to work
Save me if you can -
I’d save myself if I could
The weather man said.
Painting pinned to the velux.
Bird bathing in the dirt,
No chance against the ozone.
Everything must go.
ritual i: what clear ringing
Springing forth from flowing mud.
Forest fires collapsing cavities.
Sparked flint gravestones dug deeper into the wormed earth.
Ashes spilling onto the hunched backs of wolves.
Howling, cowering below the red moon, heralds of the night.
Swiftly spinning away, wet dew spilling on noses.
Calling herald, calling! Spirits consume!
Roam away, back behind the grave.
Satisfy with singing, what clear ringing.
Wolfskin warm and following them
Into the bark, below the bark, into the bark below.
Crouching homes for the wicked spirits - no dancing spirits beneath the stars.
Starry night, not again, not again without the others.
Calling herald! Calling! Spirits consume!
Open doors, muddy, torn.
Grime and dirt covered.
Beneath nails, between skins, pushed inside, deeper, deeper, deeper inside the skin.
Dusty, dirty tears – they stream down faces, burrowing channels through the caked crumble.
When they return, and in night, what they are facing is not sorrow -
They see the hearts, when they suddenly buckle and are reborn at the dawn.
Together in fearful fits, they agonize before they return
Before they buckle and are reborn at the dawn.
Dripping, bounding, swinging, bending soft flesh.
Caked with grime, defenseless.
Only in the night, below the stars, together in the dirt below the bark.
Burrowed channels in the trees – burrowed channels through the caked crumble.
Ecstasy crying! Eternity in the mud!
Collapsing unwound! Eternity covered in ashes!
Slaked by thirst, cut down by the last of communions.
Spread by quenching liquid shadow.
Spread by bodies aflame.
Fires! Wet dew spilling! Dripping…
Searing, they soar.
Soaring, they spiral down.
Spiraling, they reach deeper into oblivion, only oblivion,
Calling herald, calling eternal! Converging spirits! Consume!
The path was lonely
company is not too hard to find these days
Some sweaty rags and a
patched army coat
emerged from a dark
waved me in his direction
already approaching me
with his friend
which I couldn't see
but it was dark
so I think
along with some money
I will give him the benefit of the doubt
since it is too typical
to assume that if a homeless man is talking
it is to himself
He began to whisper
and inch towards my face
His breath smelled something
that could only
be described in eulogy
Underneath his tumbleweed beard
were deep ridges
filled with dirt and sweat
the Grand Canyon had a son
and disowned him
His advice hit my face
with golden plaque
from the gaps of his teeth
Things will get better soon, my friend
some guffaws and a handshake later
he jumped back off his feet
and into the dark
I continued home
to my own boxed alleyway
thinking it was five minutes
If I ever went back to that
dark of a street
I will hope that he is gone
to find a brighter one
Chastised flies buzz high
Beguiling wildly wind whipped window washers
While presumptuously floating on CO2 currents
Sprayed streaks criss –cross the sky presenting
Atmospheric cubism for the lonely bystander
Representatives regurgitate revolutionary stories
From broken stairs on weathered monuments
Crushing oppression fills flared nostrils breathing deep
Reigning terror from the empire which birthed us all
Media propagated horror show, three meals a day
…………….none withstanding, nothing withheld
Closeness replaces character and huddled victims
Hungrily eyeball each other’s flesh
Sweat covered dirt coated quadriceps glisten
As if to beacon a bite
Gnashed teeth clench against fists flown from children
Bent on self-destruction and socialized hate
Forever consumed by the goal of individualism and liberty ideologies
There tears create new inland seas
Justified lies perpetrated by powerful provocateurs
Looking for the next big score
Seeking the last vestige of person freedom
Loss costs the unhappy Boss
Whitey…. The man….. Corporate America as an individual god-head
Watching with predatory diligence
Us as we struggle
The laughter can be heard through-out the cosmos
Joy expressed so freely knows no bounds
We are the enslaved masses without hope
Without the knowledge that we are slaves
Smiles widen while the truth becomes clear
Eyes light up at future prospects
Hands clap and feet stomp at the spectacle
Humanity hates itself
I can’t feel beautiful because I can’t feel anything at all
and the lines I’m typing aren’t mine
and you’re just reaching to see your own spine
the lies you’ve spun can be told by the light shining through the dirt filled blinds.
I’ve got nothing left so make me fall.
Because I can’t feel beautiful if I don’t feel anything at all.
"We're still doing this right? This whole band fiasco...we're still a band right?"
"I can't say things and mean them any longer, nothing's really clear. I can't trust myself enough to tell you the answer. These monsters, like night tremors, holding me up from my bed. Between my sheets and the cold, metal springs of the mattress. It's terrifying.
Every time you create something, it brings you closer to the end.
Now there's ringing in my ears, but the pain's so far away. And from sulking all these years, the head ache's like second nature. We're not living any longer, just the shadow of ourselves. When your consumed by a monster, you're the one who goes to hell.
And climbing from the ditches clutching blood-soaked dirt in your hands. You can't help but fall back down, sinking slowly to the bottom and you hear-you hear screams of agony from the whole right next to yours. But you still think there's a way out and you start climbing up again.
They're still holding me up as if I'm in the palm of a God. He's speaking directly into my conscious, telling me all of my worst thoughts. He knows the language of my imagination and the bonds that hold it together. He starts unlacing the stress knots and they collapse like little tumors.
And I can't sleep right here any longer, we're no longer doing this for each other. I'm a mad man created from the left over pieces of a half-finished puzzled. This is the end. Yes I can feel it. This is the end, and if it is not, then now it will be, because I believe it."
What have I done?
What did I get myself into?
What did I create?
There are so many complications with the little situation.
So I’ll just tell you the story.
there was a girl who fell for a boy
(isn’t that always how it goes?).
She fell for him in the spring.
She fell for his friendship.
Then his smile
and she learned how to make him laugh.
What a reward that was.
She fell for TV marathons,
and fort building.
She fell for brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles.
She fell for nerdy adorable.
She’s never been able to get over that type.
In the summer it continued.
She fell for their rhythm and sass.
In the fall it strengthened.
She fell for the idea of him.
That very idea kept her alive through stress and tears;
bitterness masked by sarcasm.
In the winter it faded.
That boy went
and turned his life to shit.
He drowned any pain or stress with copious amounts of
drinks and drugs.
He drowned the scent of those drugs with copious amounts of
In the spring he was the same.
And she knew better than to change him.
In the summer…
Oh in the summer it all crashed down.
In the summer she saw her chance.
In the summer he made a choice
and she would be there to make sure he kept his promise.
She tried so desperately to help him.
She spent her time and effort to wake him up to the reality that
fun can be had without the life he tried to leave behind.
Instead of taking the summer for a much needed cooling period,
she smothered herself with his dirtiest depths.
The ones he had only confessed to three people before.
And she felt honored to be the fourth.
She didn’t judge,
because she too had made mistakes.
Why judge somene for a past they are leaving behind?
No, she didn’t judge.
Instead, she fell even harder for that boy
and his scars.
She fell for evolved hide and seek in the dark
and last minute volleyball in the sand.
She fell for Saturday night board games.
She fell for healing.
She told herself that he could be healed
and it could be by her.
She read stories of heroes
and now was her time to be one.
In this story, her story,
for once in her life,
she was not the damsel.
She was there for him through his own low points,
and his friends darkest hour
that cast swinging shadows across his life.
Her boy shouldn’t have had to deal with that alone.
No one should.
But she did,
She dealt with everything alone.
He pestered her for those moments of truth.
She’ll tell you now that he was only trying to dig up her dirt,
because she knew so much of his.
She will tell you this because she can’t bear to acknowledge that
maybe he really did care,
but still left.
He had sent her songs that she ‘just had to hear.’
Introduced her to new movies and shows, videos and music.
They had learned from each other in such different ways.
Each had their strengths
and oh too many weaknesses.
But they had complemented each other.
He wanted to hang out at all times.
Of course only to distract himself from the cravings.
And of course she gave in every time.
But he never wanted her,
he only wanted a crutch.
And when that crutch left,
he couldn’t stand alone.
But that’s not her fault,
He never really needed her.
He was only under an illusion.
And illusions are made to be broken.
False mirrors that will eventually shatter,
good things she never believed in bad luck.
From the full hearted laugh,
to the bittersweet smile, to the tears in her eyes,
to the rage that now fills her voice,
on might even say she fell in love that over those seasons.
And she took far too long to fall out of it.
Instead she ripped herself apart.
She tore out the pieces that reminded her of him.
But she was unwise.
Instead of throwing those far, far away like she should have,
she kept them close to her chest.
She held them tight and crushed the life out of them.
When she finally threw them out,
they were crushed to ash.
Nothing left but the marks of destruction
because that was all that was left of her.
Through the bars I could make out your face
and I began pacing where I'd once lay
Chasing you endlessly in my dreams
No longer able to fall asleep
Out in the yard
I'd trail behind
As we walked the dirt paths carved out in time
and although I was trapped
I didn't mind
As long as I had you in my sight
I imagined us digging our way to freedom
The rain kissing our flesh like it does in film
I could envision us rejoicing and retreating together
Where we could forget the trails we've faced and weathered
It was a summer day in the midst of winter
It was hope found in hopelessness
We could entangle and enrapture eachother
Our tale a constellation told amongst other star gazers
We'd inspire them all to revolt
they'd sing our song while mapping everything out
You've made me believe our time here could be worth something
and a believer I was not
Come together then fall apart
Defibrillate this broken heart
Draw lines to bridge that gap between
Where I end and you start
And break the laws you set in stone
Wind and sand and dirt and bone
Confound your own confusion
A house isn't always a home
Open your mind and forget what you know
And I'll forget that I don't know any better
Just know now that you're not alone
We are in this thing together
So show your inner deep down cracks
Share your secret inside laughs
And I swear I'll see the humor too
I feel funny when I'm with you
Then we'll go out and paint the sky
If you're my girl then I'm your guy
Can this joy be kept on ice?
"I'm just so happy right now,
I could die."
And everything's all out of order
I've called back the army that guarded my border
But you can't invade land that's never been owned
Are we together,
Or together alone?
It's never mattered
It matters not to me
When I look into your eyes
You're all that I can see
And all that I can know
And all I'll ever be
Is a man staring back at eyes
Forgetting how to breathe