I am the only thing
that dies in the spring. Falling,
not lifting myself.
There is this space that exists inside.
In between my ribs and just under my heart.
It's not in a place to constantly remind me of its presence there.
But it does get nudged from time to time.
It holds onto things I've tried to rise above, to let go of...
But never fully doing so.
Things like negativity and doubt and stubbornness...
Like self esteem bruising childhood judgements.
Like bitter regret of missing out on "I love you" before someone dies.
Like ignorant teenage decisions there was no reason to be making.
Like that secret you told and the one you promised to keep.
Like dutifully cleaning up after destruction since it was easier than starting over new.
Like the coltish grace of learning to be a woman without one.
Like leading a child with having no direction of your own.
Like taking that last piece.
Like hoping karma takes over.
Like waiting for a sign before walking away from toxic people.
Like throwing your heart out there with only faith and hope to be its wings.
Like innate fear of being alright with who you truly are.
Like disappointment for taking all these years to figure yourself out.
Those are some things that rattle around on a quiet and calm night.
On a night that finally arrives after strenuous days bleeding together...
They ghost in and remind you they're still there.
It used to terrorize the still moments when that happened.
No control over the flood of images and empathy associated with each and every reminder.
I thought it was in times like that, when drowning with the sorrows of yesterday was just as easy as an exhale.
But I was wrong...
I was mislead in my own thoughts.
Because when I was tapped on the shoulder by history.
It wasn't trying to hold me back.
It wasn't intending to maim my conscious.
I believe in fact, it just simply wanted to show progress.
To show the "then", compared to the "now"
How every piece of who I am today was shaped and structured in part, to everything I haven't let go of yet.
How do you know when your soul is weaker than strong but mighty enough to fight?
In being made to contemplate all the wonderful and fulfilling things and parts of who we are,
We also have to give credit to the dark pieces
The events and people that have burdened and burnt but never destroyed.
Like any balance in life we acknowledge both light and shadow.
Appreciation of the good in our lives is more fluid when we have proof of the struggles we've overcome.
Be it years ago or hours,
Seeing how far you've come from that which had held you under or has trampled your spirit.
It helps enlighten bit by bit.
And a step at a time is how we all move forward into who we're meant to be.
So i think, that space that exists very close to my heart but just far enough away...
I think I'm okay with it being there.
It may hold scars in the eyes of others
But I know scars are just golden reminders;
Of that which make us stronger.
For if one has no scars, what has one conquered?
Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Brandon the boy in the bubble and Doctor Wise...
The boy in the bubble
Never wanted any trouble
People said "your too fragile you'll get cancer"
So he would just make believe, pretend he was a cool agile panther
People said "your body will crumble like wood flooring rots"
So he would pretend, staying humble that he could fly over the jungle with soaring hawks
Aisles of adventures were all he sought
" I'll be in this bubble til I'm wearin' dentures", so he thought...
His doctor would come every other day
Just to make sure everything was okay
He went by Dr. "W" first initial J
One random paralyzed tuesday
Brandon sat in his sterilized room lettin' blues play
The doctor came to repeat the check up
Brandon was the same from shoulders to feet and neat from the neck up
The doctor asked "Son why are you in this bubble?"
Brandon said "The people told me the air could kill me and the sun would be worst trouble"
The doctor told Brandon "the world is a mysterious place in our galaxy, but you'll never know for yourself until you go face the challenge B"
The doctor lifted the window wide open and let in the breeze
As the fresh air hit his face, Brandon didn't so much as sneeze
Brandon - "Wow doc you must save thousands of lives"
Dr. W - "Not really, I just tell people this; Everybody lives, everybody smiles, everybody cries, everybody dies and
Sometimes in life
When you're not unsure
Of things that make it right or wrong
When, were, how and why does this carry on
You then ask yourself
with uncertainty and doubt
If at times what you learn
is indeed the truth
General things that affect your life
Often affect the way you think
A person dies and a baby cries
And you wonder is that all there is in life
Religion, war, societies will there ever be world peace
Time passes on as the sands of time
Slowly takes away your strife
Because as you grow you live and learn
You taste the knowledge, the tree of life
Many will say that's not the way
In spirit you must always be
But to hold them both
Hand in hand is the only way to be
Will I be condemned in what I believe?
You tell me….just another random thought of mine
©Kaila George 2013
My dear, it rained last night
And I remember
The alleviated rise into
Lush sobs and lavish emotions
The way your dilatation relieves
Every worry and anxiety
But sometimes when we speak
A violent lie radiates
And last night you were naught
But an alienated virile sot
A view unholy I omit
I remember the tin roses on the tiles
Sometimes you hum
Your hands delicately miming secret memos
And I can see it in your eyes
Irises shining like teal devils
And the music carries you
White with adrenaline, pupils likes violists
Headwaiters lie, strumming tin violins
Their alienated visions wilted with passion
I see the way she cleverly conceals
Lies as vows to you
A veil called "us" she puts on "me"
And I call for mutiny
But youth is vim, vim is now, and now is lies
Every hug from you is just a violet whim
In noisy rooms
My vision is misty
My aura dies little,
Oh if only you could realize your reign
You’re the master, the ringleader
But you’re lazy; you work without zeal, you’re idle and lazy
Eyes glazed, agile hands getting greedier
Have you ever seen
A dearer lion?
He roared, the lonesome rider
Alone, an alien.
Well sometimes you lie
And I dare to become
An oral denier
My radar detects one lie,
You become red
Redder than a bloody lion's ear
Adieu, you say, with a gently undefined lilt
My tears speak more reality than your words
Teens are drinking,
Kids are swearing.
Cities are bombed,
Skin is cut.
Meals get skipped,
Guns get shot.
Hearts get broke,
Tears get shed.
Pills get popped,
Knives get used.
Lives fade away,
Friends get lost,
Virginity is stolen.
Eyes get lined,
Cheeks get blushed.
Hair gets curled,
Lips get lush.
Reality turns to fake,
Dreams turn to reality.
We roll our joy,
And light it quickly.
Well done, society.
Once again feeling the blade going up my arm
The stinging pain that you
For some reason just can't get enough of
Watching the blood slowly run down
The blade now on the floor with drops of blood
You welcome in the pain
Curls in a corner
Slowly dies inside
And this love dies with my last pack.
For I cannot let,
The venomous things in life,
I will be poisoned no longer.
For this time...
No one is talking, but so much is said. We were gonna stay here but were leaving instead. We both set off but theres just one thing, were going our separate ways, not the same.
They may feed you the lines and fill you with wine, but know that your just their pawn. Soon you'll remember that I was the one, You made your choice and now Im gone.
Morning is a Consequence Id rather not face alone
The hotel floor is my home, cause I couldnt make it sober to bed. Stumbled in and passed out, the vodka straight to my head. The night becomes faded, As this girl becomes jaded the same.
Summer lighting flashes, and only Miami knows
Wake up late in the evening, hungover and believeing, that Id never put myslef through that again. The highway is roaring and the girl is still snoreing, I sit and wait for my ship to come in.
The rain has picked up and the wind has started blowing,
I keep walking this path, but Ive no way of knowing
A cold breeze blows and the rain dies down,
such a busy city and not a soul around.
Been walking for miles and Im soaked to the bone.
So far from anything; so close to home.
There is no more reason for tears,
The fight is over.
The flames cannot burn on the ashes.
The volcano is dead
It succumbed to the heat from its own lava,
Melted from inside and then
Evaporated into the air,
Like a man who loves and dies.
Like me and you.
But there is a war, I know.
A war without battle,
With no winners
And no loosers,
A war with neither "rights" nor "wrongs".
A war drifted by the waves of time
On a battlefield where everybody
And everything which exist
Composing this eternal motion
Where nothing is either absolute
But merely an purely