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I don't want to be missing you again
I don't like that feeling creating this pain
I don't like how it blinds my eyes
On a sunny day makes me think of demise
And when birds are singing high above
In my head I hear Sade's "Soldier of love"
I don't want to lose the use of my heart
No matter how life means to keep us apart
I don't want to cry myself to sleep
Just to fall back into a slumber, deep
I want to be happy and full of joy
Life is around me and I wanna enjoy
I want to laugh and my soul to sing
I want to be free of missing anything
I don't wanna think about what ifs anymore
But instead, feel alive like I never did before

~Natasha~

Don’t look at me with hostility,
it’s plain to see, oh so clearly,
that you don’t give a damn,
is my life a sham........?

don’t judge me, you see,
it’s for the grace you go, no hope
to where this slippery slope,
bites and gnaws and claws

I sold my soul,
anything, to drown this hole,
I’d crawl; I’d beg to get my fix,
lounging in the dirt... a ditch

it started simple, in control,
insidious was its smile,
comforting, for awhile,
I wasn’t looking.... it turned its back,

sold me down the alley,
absorbed on crack,
how did I get here, unclear?
hey... mind your back... ‘I’m here’

You don’t see me,
you don’t hear me,
you just hurt me,
you just curse me,

I’m black and blue,
veins.... shot, collapsed, see through,
I hate you all, above all...
me, that person you don’t see,

I’m wounded, unobserved,
undeterred and blinded, misguided,
gimme me that fix, none of ya wrotten tricks,
I know your sort, behind my back.... you’ll talk,

gateway to hell is here,
I wonder could heaven draw near,
I’m down in the gutter,
can’t even raise myself to mutter,

It owns me
and destroys me,
latched on and clung to me,
stained and debauched me,

until I couldn’t see,
or hear, or walk or talk,
just veer your course... yeah, you’re not real,
don’t buy me a soul cause I can’t heal,

too late for me now,
a broken soul without pride,
I can’t hide, this narrow grave it’s covering me,
the light grows dim in shade, fools me,

I see nowt, pure nothing; yet... winking,
light, a smile it faces me,
I take its brand of urgency,
without falter I stumble, can I alter?

this turmoil of no hope,
emerging through this pit of mar,
that clings and sticks like tar,
turning my face to grope,

to find some hope, to reach and run,
get outta this god forsaken place,
I don’t know if I have strength to race,
I have no speech my words are done,

yet...I have begun, the light it flickers,
blows out with whispers of
my demise, of cries,
my grasp.... denies

I ask, please help me,
but you don’t see,
it’s up to me,
the light still kindles,

taking me forth,
and never dwindles,
at times it may be hard to know,
the path to which I must turn to go,

I will know it, I must,
you see, what’s left will kill,
for sure I’ll crawl my hill,
back to life to sanity,

to those who love me,
waiting in the aisles,
never failing me with smiles,
they welcome me, I see it now,

hold my breath and knit my brow,
towards their open arms I stumble,
rushing forward, so humble,
they hold onto me,

it is clear oh wretched me,
at last I look,
I look!!
I see!!

Legions of I's
I bid good bye
in dreams
you gather
to feast on I.
I, the seeker
enter the passes
day awakes,
companionship  binds.
Controlling fails
awareness reigns
resolving confusion
welcomes conclusion.
Dreamer arise
look at sunrise
new day arrives
carrying demise
old patterns
subside.
Rest now
your time is over
let I
Be
today's eye.

To look at me
What do you see
It can't possibly be
Anything exciting or free

My body is failing
I can feel it
Withered old bones begin
To crumble eluding demise

I'm only 20 years
Yet feel much older
The abuse is not
Regret, I regret nothing

So in parting ways
I will say goodbye
Atleast for now I
Can attempt to survive

We lived on a floating island in the sky,
Our loftwings flying so very high.

We would sit and watch them,
You would play your harp, and I would hold my gem.

We were together the day you fell from above,
That was the day I wanted to profess my love.

It was a long night, for my thoughts were on you,
But it was on that night that my destiny came too.

Fi, was my new companion,
We became a team.

I got on my loftwing,
And we were out on our quest.

I fell through the thick sea of cloud,
I landed on hard ground and felt proud.

I chased you through earth, fire, desert, and time,
It was all just a big test. We both knew we had to face that pest.

You were the reincarnated goddess, hailed by the people of the land,
I was your hero, the one who took a stand.

Together we slayed Demise,
Curing the land of his rage and evil disease.

We sat there as we both gave them up,
Our companions vanished as we said our goodbyes.

After all we went through, in the end we held hands,
As we gazed upon these new and promising lands.

From the depths of the earth, up to the city in the sky,
I promised you I would be your guy.

Me in green, and you in white.
Forever I promise I'll be your shining knight.

To you my girl in white,
To you Zelda, my shining light.

That night, my eyes paraded along beige pages
Dripping with satire, self-loathing and daddy issues
And I felt the cynic in me dance like a madman
Who had just snapped the neck of a baby bird
Cruel and unsympathetic, but dancing all the same

And then my eyes met a string of printed black shapes
Which halted me, though lukewarm in comparison
To its sibling pushes of ink, jeering and suicidal

The shapes read,
“People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.”

It was something I'd touched several times before
But denied myself to hold on to
I would catch it like a leaf in the wind
Then my eyes would cross its black spots
And I would let it go, brushing my hands of it

But that night, in my madman craze and my sneering laughter,
I felt the familiar bother of a leaf orbiting my skull
And my eyeball parade froze and my madman feet could dance no more
So I lay there until I felt the sun blush and heard the birds begin to sing
For it was not one of their own laying still, plagued by demise

In the naked frontier of past dissapointment I find myself teetering on the precipice of my future demise. Swollen bloodshot eyes heed the story of my emotional bodies thin disguise. Bloodied and battered, my mind is a war field. contemplative and scattered, I sink beneath these lead sheets. Gorgeous and comtempt, I am the egoic epitomy of my souls shallow content.

Step off a shaky cliff
And let yourself fall
Into the wonderfilled abyss.
Let your worries slide
Out of your weary soul;
Just let the good feelings glide.
All around you see the color wheel
In the form of puffy clouds that stick
Deeper than your skin and away you peel.
Layer by layer you steadily unravel
Mysteries about yourself that scrape
Each other like pieces of gravel.
You let this happen all in one instance
So a spark may form as you
Free fall for an unknown distance.
Your heart is then forced apart
In an explosive and sudden burst
When you back flop onto a giant dart.
The tip pierces through your skull
And shatters the walls of your
Deepest thoughts leaving nothing to mull.
You fall further as hearts pass your eyes
As well as stars and a fuzzy face;
It's clear now as to what caused your demise.
You fell
You have fallen
And you will forever
Fall
In love.