Even in my child mind,
I imagined Matthew and I married.
It's a funny thought,
not quite sure where it came from.
It wasn't that I liked him at the time,
I guess I just saw he and I as a pair.
I saw him as someone who I could
love forever.
Thinking about it now,
it would be cute.
Friends from first grade
all the way till our wedding day?
It sounds like a movie.
I'm not saying I want to marry him,
he's just the type of guy that I could see myself
ending up with.
Okay 1:30am poeming should not be allowed for me.
woke
water
went
computer
tv
all
day
sun is setting
I'm waking up
grumpy grumpy
ogre
Dad bailed me out
Bailed me out
Corrupt 'n cleaner
Only leaner now
We're on the rails
Off the rails
Into London
Out of London
Going down
But hoist the sails
Submarined and overload
Electric places
Tippy Toed
The cattle grid
Where grass is mowed
And ultra blondes
Are underfed
Not in my bed
What little time
I have instead
Let's backpage
She's not my age
Don't Work a day
Work a day
Work For none
And line up
With a voter
On the mini wage
Talk of Mega
Magazines
Wonderbras
And adult teens,
Of tennis scores
Or market floors
Or Cars
Or Kits
Or Cats
With nine lives
Ruined Hard Drives
News of Men
Colossal spats
Placed far away
Robbed of numbers
Robbed the banks
Oh save the day!
Appeal Appeal
Direct to Brain
The Ads
The Ads
You can't sit through
The Fads, The Freaks
Silly exams, eyebrows fall
Your Crush Speaks
Office Call
Are you Responsible
For the Leaks?
Nothing Further Heard
No word of stealing
On the server
Can't shake the feeling
Nothing's Healing
Buy me time
Buy my drinks
While the sober vendor
Thinks, Hey!
Close down early
Because you're Crazy
Cruising home
TV on
TV off
Go to sleep
When the day is done
I need sleep
Call the admins
Help me out
Call the IMF.
This is approximately a manic psychotic incoherent ramble about the events of the last month. I just happened to be listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlLWFa1b1Bc at the time.
Christopher Munro 2013 www.sundaywrap.blogspot.co.uk
Why am I still here?
I'm not important or wanted,
Everybody either gives up on me or doesn't try at all,
Why me?
I just don't understand why depression had to get me,
I don't see life getting better anytime soon,
I don't have any reasons to stay on this world,
Why am I still here?
One day I'll get so fed up and actually and just end all this,
It's not like I'll be missed,
Nobody cares about me,
I don't want to be happy anymore,
Why should I have hope in something that will never come again right?
I'm just done..
I can't express my happiness
now that Matthew is back
in my life.
I've missed him so much,
it's insane.
We both seemed in shock
at how much we've changed.
We should be hanging out soon,
and I really can't wait for that
day.
We kind of have plans,
but I'm not sure when they'll take place.
You're busy this summer,
I don't expect anything less.
You promised that we would
hang out,
and I believe you.
It seems that you missed me
just as much as I missed you.
I die a little every day it seems
When I close my eyes and fall into nothingness
And at times the short-lived death is made all the more furious
With knights fighting and demons slaying and the occasional dragon appearing
What a risk it seems I take that, this short-lived death on any other day might
Shove me into a forever nothingness
I still go there every night just to test the waters
I die a little every day it seems
Oh, what I would give for the daily deaths to be a prolonged one
Then into another world I’d go
My world, from forever more and till eternity
So, I’ll die a little every day till I reach home
My home...I... want to go home...
It must be hard to have me as your older sister.
It must be.
I call your cute little jokes "lame",
and ignore you when you tell me about your fantastic school day.
I refuse to hug you to sleep at night
even if you're afraid of the darkness that could swallow you up anytime.
I order you to do things around and you do them but
when you ask me to do things, I don't.
You try to get me to stop paying attention to my phone and
start paying attention to your piano pieces.
You try to get me to stop lying around all day and
start going to swim with you.
You ask me all the time:
"Can you go swimming with me?"
I always reply:
"No, I've got work/I'm lazy/. Go swim yourself."
And I don't understand that when you keep calling your friend over
it's because you feel lonely
She's the one who listens to you
play with you
talk to you
when I don't.
Well maybe I didn't understand that when I said:
"Why is she coming over again? You guys play like every single day. Do your work."
You try to make me happy by telling me interesting things.
I silence you out when you do that,
popping in my earphones
and you just sit there quietly.
It must be hard to have me as your older sister.
It must be hard to have me as your daughter.
I talk back 99% of the time just to prove I'm right,
because I am so thick-skinned I wouldn't actually admit even if I'm down right
wrong.
I always change my mind the last minute,
leaving you panicking and worrying about what to do.
I treat my younger sister badly, being really mean to her,
I don't understand how we are both precious to you
You don't want to see any of us getting
hurt.
You work so hard for me
I don't come out of my room to say hi to you when you come home
You bought a new wifi network set for me
when I kept complaining that the current set wasn't working
when it was just my fault for using it
too much.
You meticulously worked to come up with a nice study table design for us
I complained that your laptops were taking up too much space
and you moved it away to the living room
where you could only use it while standing.
You didn't say anything about it.
It must be hard to have me as your daughter.
It must be hard to have me as your friend.
I blast at you
and treat you like a punching bag
not being sensitive to your feelings.
I make you worry about me even when I have hurt you.
I tell you what I feel so frankly and
you get hurt.
You tell me you're always there to listen
yet I never listened to you.
You always notice when I'm about to fall down into that deep abyss of the unknown,
yet when you're falling I still can't find a rope to help you up.
You try to watch videos with me and
I move my attention to my phone.
It must be hard to have me as your friend.
by Jonathan D Maraccini
When I was young I had a dream
It was the day I turned 14
I was a king who married a queen underneath a beautiful cedar tree
In this dream we had a beautiful baby then we lived happily ever after
What a perfect ending, everything was perfect it seemed
Then tragedy struck without warning
In this dream
I lost my home, my wife, my child
In this dream
I lost my wonderful family
With tears of sorrow I screamed underneath the cedar tree
Then I fell to the ground and said some horrible things in the darkness
But it was all just a dream I remind you
At least that is what I was told that night
The day I turned 14
They say
Dreams are not real in the world we live in
They say
Angels are fiction outside of religion
They say
A sinner is condemned unless forgiven
I say
Dream of angels who forgive our sins
I am not a little boy any longer
I grew up and became a man
Then I met a beautiful women
How she made me happy then
So we married and had a daughter
The happiest day of my life
Was the day I became a father
A bond had formed as I watched her eyes
I held her close to keep her warm
I knew I would never leave her
Life was a perfect delight
Or so I thought, or so I thought
In the end
We leave our mark
In the end someones the victim
A fool from the very start
Like lambs for the slaughter
As the truth is hidden
They say
Dreams are not real in the world we live in
They say
Angels are fiction outside of religion
They say
A sinner is condemned unless forgiven
I say
Dream of angels who forgive our sins
Sitting on a bench in a redwood forest
I heard a bird sing a glorious song
This was not my imagination
So I began to sing along
Next to me a girl with black hair
We laughed together
We walked together
Love of the forest we both shared
Her eyes were black, her hair was long
Such a spectacle
Nothing on earth could ever go wrong
Or so I hoped, or so I hoped
Knock on wood
For I was blind
Evil was there the entire time
Sitting underneath a cedar tree
Whistling a haunting song
They say
Dreams are not real in the world we live in
They say
Angels are fiction outside of religion
They say
A sinner is condemned unless forgiven
I say
Dream of angels who forgive our sins
Eventually she left me
She left me on Christmas Eve
She took my daughter
She took the angel from me
She ran away
She spread her wings of deceit
She lied to everybody
But first she lied to me
Maybe she was the one whistling
Underneath the cedar tree
Underneath the cedar tree
Where evil withered the leaves
So now I hate her
The destroyer of beautiful dreams
The filthy liar
The wrecker of families
As I wither away behind her
I’m left with only my words
With the cedar tree on fire
I quench my angry thirst
And my pain becomes a curse
I do not care who see's these words
My anger festers for all
Two faced liars in a family herd
So stand in line as I fall
It is what it is
When it is understood
It is all it has been
For the bad and the good
As I hang on this cross
As I hang underneath the cedar tree
Crucified to this wood
© JDMaraccini
VAPORSiX CREATiONS
i float day by day,
wishing i could drift away.
but what is life without direction?
my body has become my burden.
oh, to molt and exist a spirit
no body-
and no pain to fill it
there was a day
i
got
sad.
But it stayed.
since
then
it
stays.
Theres always something
giving
it
a
reason.
to STAY.
