Little did I know, that one day,
Oh you, dark stranger would whisk me away,
Away from a world, I once took for granted.
Depriving me of the things that I valued,
Most dearly..Most devoutly...

O, dark stranger!
Why, O why...
Did you inevitably have to make me appreciate,
The fact that life is precious and far too short,
And that I could die tomorrow..?

Just what satisfaction do you get,
In making me cherish,
Every minute that He gives us?
In bereaving me of,
The gift of laughter..that is priceless?

Before you attacked me in the shadows,
I had not a clue that
This life was a treasure chest,
Rich in diamonds and gemstones of all sorts,
Or perhaps that it will be snuffed out and finished.

Unbeknownst to me,
Precisely how vulnerable and elusive,
For the misconduct of a handful of cells,
Could change my life so profoundly,
That happiness plays like a sad note.

Bounded to my bed,
Never shall I forget how you pinned me down.
Shut off in the small world of my own,
Unable to help, to meet or to work with
Break out, be of importance, perform marvels for God almighty.

You ponder how people can rejuvenate,
Or gather close to you.
Sympathy, inspiration, foodstuffs together with prayer,
Refreshing menu from the small yard,
Encompassed by care and attention.

What potency lay within me,
Reserve of power
Just been released just as much as I require,
To acquire in the battle,
Against you, dark stranger.

Couldn’t sleep well last night,
Decided to ride to Aylesworth Forest
My favourite place
Two miles from my Barkshire home
I needed to be alone
what I wanted to do...
What I wanted to be...
In this peaceful and beautiful land
Of oak trees , flowers and wild plants
Perhaps by thinking deep under a tree
I may find the answers...

Brought my lunch, a picnic alone...
I met a team of gardeners on my way here
Cutting grass and old branches of trees
For a second I thought,
I would want to be gardener too...
Plant tulips and colorful flowers on a flowerbed
Its cool to stay outside all day and watch things grow...
Hey... I don’t need to be so clever at school too!

Here it is... my hiding place ... the forest
The chirping of the birds on the trees
Grey squirrels chasing one another and
Once I even saw a fox too...

But today I am alarmed to discover
This forest has been invaded by strangers
Braved myself I approached the men
Who claimed to be land surveyors
I am devastated now , upon this knowledge
My precious forest is to be turned into a concrete jungle

Trees will be cut down in two weeks time
Blocks of Flat houses will replace my oak trees and wild plants
I feel even depressed now..
This isn't fair!
Where will the animals go?
I lost my appetite for lunch
I must save this forest! I must do something!
This problem is even bigger than mine...
Slowly I turned and walked away...

As I sat outside in the candle lit night, across from a child of Eve, a woman who so bravely brought me into this world, I listened as this woman, my mother; spoke kindly in conversation saying “All I have ever wanted for you is for you to be comfortable in your own skin”
As if she knew that I had a constant shiver in my spin, a creeping feeling of paranoia and fear. As if she could read that I was so afraid to embrace all I was feeling and fearing in life and that all I needed to know was love.
The love a mother, the way they leave trails of sweet kisses on your face as you drift to sleep or hold you in the water of the ocean, arms wrapped around you like you were being, once again, swaddled in a blanket like you had been years ago.
My mother has been present for years but I didn't truly meet her until recently. We lived in the same hollow house, she signed my permissions slips and made dinner but she was not known to me. Never allowed to reveal herself to me, she remained a mystery, packaged in a perfect plastic exterior. Like many families there was an unspoken expectation to fit a certain image, each member played a certain role, dressing and attending rehearsals for their part?
Like so many she learned to live a lie, forced to ignore the bug infestation under her skin and just put on another layer of clothing, of make-up, another costume and simply play pretend. Pretend that she is perfect. Pretend that she is fine. Pretend that she is happy. Pretend that everyone else must be blind. Like that they can’t see the signs or symptoms?
And like so many daughters of Eve she wandered tasting the fruit of the forbidden tree, hoping to find satisfaction in something, never seeing what she was meant to be. Or acknowledging the beauty the she as women possessed. The gentle love of a child lay upon her mother’s breast and I know I curled up in my mother’s chest many nights just to see if her heart was still beating, cause in her eyes I could see she had been weeping and I wondered if her heart was truly broke. I know that Eve was crying for her daughter, for my mother, for me, when she saw the broken hearted burdens that we both carried.
Some nights I speak to my mother’s refection in the mirror when I look at myself; I speak to her kindly as she has to me. I see Eve in my eyes and hope that her beauty will spread within me. I wonder though, if my mother sees herself when she looks in the mirror? or if she sees who she has been, or if rather she sees nothing but others opinions and expectations weighting on her back? Curling her over and the waist to where she can’t even see her most important scar, her naval. The declaration that she was worth laboring for, a constant reminder etched in her skin. I dream of the day that we can meet our mother Eve, speak to her and learn of her aged wisdom stand in the presence of the only woman who has a scar less stomach.
I just wonder what my mother would say if I asked her today, “are you comfortable in your own skin?”

We sell two albums on itunes if you search loud with love


someday soon baby
your levee will break
all you'll be left with
is a big old mistake

someday baby
it wont be like this
your ocean will come up
like it already did

someday soon baby
it wont be like this
everything will change
its what time permits

someday soon
we will carry on
our beds
carry us on and on
someday soon
it wont be like this
everything gone
at the flick of a switch

i hope you carry on
the fortunes of your day
i hope that theyre well
thats what im here to say

if i cant have you now
bet i wont at all
someday soon baby
we will carry on

and someday
it wont be like this

You were like heaven and hell
So peaceful, yet so sinful
When you ran your lips through my hips
You were like day and night
So bright, yet so dark
When I starred into your captivating green eyes
You were like fire and ice
So hott, yet so chilling
When you made love to me
You were like the sky and the ground
So high up, yet so dirty
When you kissed my neck
You were like karma and prayer
Bound to happen, yet so awaited

There’s a crack in my windshield growing bigger by the day
It’s like a manifestation of the words I want to say
Your calm demeanor disrupts my flow
There’s more to you; there’s more to know

Of all the people I never would have guessed
And I’ve never been good at the marshmallow test
This change of pace I don’t quite get
Please kind sir, are you in love with me yet?

Time keeps slipping away.
And we watch it fall into the abyss.
Forever lost.
So we think.

The silence is here now.
Have we hit our target?
Not yet.

My insanity keeps me awake at night.
Insomnia becomes so routine.

Where dreams become just fragments of memories…

The streets are still hot from the summer’s day.
And I can’t help but still feel so cold.

Standing there she wrings her hands
The light falls on her thinning hair,
Shadow hides the worried eyes
Which fixate on a distant stare.

Years ago the husband left,
Left despite the child inside,
Despite the growing pile of debt,
He left it all to run and hide.

The boy is born one winter morn
Born with golden curls in mane,
He grows despite the hardship felt,
He grows to suit his noble name.

Lean and long and strong in frame
A ready smile upon his face,
Beneath his long blond curling locks
Expressing his good humoured grace.

Boaz is his given name
The Hebrew word for strength and strong,
His mother’s strength of character
Is echoed in his blue eyed song.

Thinly proud she meets each day,
She bears the hardship, every storm,
Thinly proud she loves the boy
Who runs in rows of growing corn.

Standing there she wrings her hands
A worried mother’s reddened face,
For battle’s flag has called her boy
Who volunteers with pride and grace.

Short letters from the front arrive
A message filled with love and joy
To reassure a mother’s fears,
In promise for her darling boy.

With brimming eyes she thinks of him
Holding close his teddy bear,
Thinking of the laughing moments
Happy times they used to share.

A silence from the distant front
The drums and guns have sung their song,
Chilling tales of valour but,
Combatants now do homeward throng.

Standing there she wrings her hands
With streaming tears as hopes depart,
A deathly silent distant field
Where lies the promise in her heart.

Marshalg
For all the mothers who wait.
20 June 2013