Leaf.
Golden and green, then brown and falls apart.

Is Death really so bad?
It creates for such beauty.
It Spins the Wheel.

A skull with horns.
To some, unfathomable...
to see, a sense of aesthetic so profound as it sits there on the mantle before a snow filled fireplace.

I crumble the leaf...
...steals away my pride.

I remember one day I will crumble,
fall away,
and die.

It is not such a horrible thing.

For, I am excited to see what lies beyond the Blackened Gates of the Earth.

And when my candle snuffs out in 120 or more years from now, it will be with an angel-light, glowing white, in my heart.

Without Death, there would be no Creation...no Birth.

Think about it.
Feel it.
Meditate upon it.

Like an Aghori, who sits upon a human grave, holds a human skull, and dusts himself in cremated remains...
Embrace it.
Bathe in the metaphoric blood of ancestral light.
Roll in the soil.
Taste the bliss of release.

For then, and only then...
can you walk through the Valley of Life...
Removed entirely...

...

...from Fear.

If you are looking to love me
please do not become me
because it is fact that I do not love me

I do not look at me with affection or see me
being a perfect parent

I do not wish to look at a reflection
day in and day out
of someone that is repulsive,
someone that makes me want to change me

and I hate waking up with that gut feeling,
the rush of knowing what I have become
and who I am and
I hate morning-me

and I hate afternoon-shy-me
and depressed-insomnia-me-at-11
and


I do not wish to be haunted by me and
I certainly wouldn't wish that
upon anytime-you.

being held by a rusty cage no longer,
experiencing this world much more,
and feeling so much strong,
than I ever could have before you

before I was living,
in a dark world,
thought that I had nothing to offer,
until you came around

always thinking loneliness was my fate,
all day I'd do nothing but waste,
until you showed me that it's not too late,
and our love keeps me from hate

you scared away the demons,
that haunted my life,
now I am happily living,
with you by my side

Columbian Eden;
In an October descent:
Yesterday we're innocent,
Then time is rend.

Consecrating her lips
with another crimson layer,
A red-stained cigarette
and fiendish black hair.

This place is our day,
Eternity
does remain.

Rapturous Olympus;
On skin droplets of water caress:
"Some people feel the rain,
Others just get wet."

Standing shirtless
his declaration was blessed,
As water fell
on his demonic chest.

Doomsday kiss,
Infinity
and other stuff.

Neoteric Paradise;
Exile Vilify the individuals' convergence:
Unhindered by the precipitating blitz,
We're lost in the drizzle of descending mist.

The outcast crowd know
a different kind of bliss.
The overcast cloud shows
context is all that ever is.

"All those moments will be lost in time
like tears in rain."
Ion chaser ate a hurricane.

your house was yellow
mine was blue
railing tumbled on my sprinting ankles
basement rattled & the floorboards dropped
& filled the place with the  kind of emptiness
that is so dense it smothers
smoke smells a lot like ticking minutes
if we scented time the way we spray each other
hope the turtles remember how to duck & cover
the cats sure got it

remember me as a time of day
when the frenetic pace of the weekend squall
kicks up its heels & laughs at Monday
some Saturday
there will be nothing left by dawn
some burning blue bush
made of desiccated wood & cheap combs
photo albums of learned feelings & yearnings
that other people describe
but it’s not us
dusty cookbooks & vanished remote controls
asbestos & fiberglass attics
a cancer that gnaws the joints like packs of rats
cut my fingertips trying to reach the places I have come
to fear the most
found a rusty keyhole
you smolder
found a faulty furnace
but most everything else when pushed to its physical limits
               I really miss your hand in mine, braving bee stings in the orchard
                              to find the best ones
                           & the convivial cluster of caterpillars that swallowed the bark
                               in these last few painful moments
blazes.

somewhere
an empty crib stays unfurnished
someone starts an engine
the varnish is melting & so am I
God gave you an unfinished smile
a smoke alarm malfunctions mocking your reluctance
to just grin & bare it
to just open up your arms
& catch me when I jump
(but first here comes the fish tank)
catch me with the fit I threw
we all look like burnt books
blowing in the breeze
I’m wafting with the exhumed memories
before my legs even hit the dew
you watch me dwindle to a million floating pieces
                          the contract ascertained a certain ephemeral appeal
                                      & I’m too thirsty to complain
                                           about anything but the heat in here
hold your breath
& wait
for some other current to take me

there are no exits.

A fire ignites
Inside my very fucking self

Pain unjulates
From each nucleus
Of every single living cell
Out through my tattered bones,
To my skin
That burns to the touch

My sinews
Feel severed
The pressure from each step
Shoots electricity up through my spine
The release of each step
Throbs with each heartbeat
I can feel my blood
Rush through my veins
And even that
Steals my breath

My tread
Breaks tempo
With a limp
I drag my throbbing feet
Weighted by exhaustion
And hours of constant
Vibrating hurt

The doctors say it's in the neurons
Of my brain.
They misinterpret
Touch as pain

So I live in constant
Chaos
Wondering if there will ever be a day
Where my cells will silence
And I will find some relief

When you first arrived at my house,
I could see that warm, humble smile,
You said I looked so beautiful,
I'd felt all the worth while.
I had a thousand butterflies in my stomach,
From how attractive you looked that night,
I could only lay back and smile,
As we start our endless flight.
When I saw over 100 people at your friend's house,
I honestly felt overwhelmed and surprised,
Because I didn't expect so many cameras and people,
Awkwardly saying our, "hello's and "goodbyes."
But they all went to a different school than I,
As I stood there alone,
We weren't even on the prom bus yet,
I was somewhat on my own.
But my lover stood beside me,
Still uncomforatable and not fully content,
Because I couldn't fake a smile,
They'd made a huge dent.
You introduced me to everyone,
But I felt so lost,
Though you were beside me,
There was more love than cost.
When you grinded on me,
I honestly felt exploited and turned off,
Because it wasn't like you at all,
A boy who's always humble and soft.
What happened that night?
We were dancing together but your eyes wandered away,
I saw in you your insecurities,
And I'm baffled to this day.
You didn't have to impress other people as much as you did,
Becuase I just wanted to have the greatest time with you,
Because junior prom only comes once a lifetime,
And I focused just on you.
Is it me?
Or is it you?
Is it us?
Is it true?
But you never left me that night...
I give you my thanks and love,
Its not your fault that it was awkward,
Two hearts glowing,
From up above.

They said we had it all
Middle American brats
bottom barrel aristocrats
we were told we were
propitious children
left alone to wonder
the bland landscape
of our gated community
to stand in submission
in our lovely subdivision

When things changed
it was us they blamed
or the media
or the influence of the ghetto
so far away
but never did we stray
it all came to us
and that was OK
we wanted something more
then material things

Our parents were there
but never really there
not enough to care
though they thought they were
Asking random questions
drinking their cocktails of
white wine and Valium
telling us to turn down the volume
and what kind of shit
were we listening to today
telling us how music was better
back in their day

You gave us the world and in return
we shouldered all the blame
took the blame for all the pain
and were reminded daily of
how things could have been
how things should have been
if only you waited to have kids

And you wonder why we
f*ck and fight
stay up all night
become drunken fools at seventeen
just so we can change the routine
so we can feel alive by slowly dying
cigarette smoke and xanax bars
some percocet then drive our cars
to some place
any place
where someone will tell us that
we are special and unique
beautiful as they touch our cheek
and make us feel human again
smart and talented
more then our cookie cutter
gated box of a life
we have been told since birth
we must carry on

We just want to feel alive
to feel that someone really knows us
deep inside
from front and back
To feel that we are good enough
that its OK to be different
to feel different
and still know you will
love us just the same
and take back some of the blame
to hold us up so we don’t fall
and shatter like glass
from a child to a parent,
is that too much to ask?

David Martin