In the twilight light
That casts shadows in the day
The cold creeps at the October edges of my single pane windows,
And seeps into my cheaply heated home with newspaper insulation
It catches my toes, and walks up my white hands and reaches for my face by nose
The cold grasps firm and goes deep
And in the chilly dieing light
I found a picture of you laughing, tucked into a book I was going to give you
Suddenly I am dragged back to the moment when I fell in love with your soft indian eyes.
And your freckled cheeks drawn in an eternal smile
I loved your black hair and your carefree way
The cold is not cold enough for this,
I open a window and the back door.
I finish my drink to the whiskey sharp bottom,
I cast off my blanket and sit as wind comes in.
The cold is not yet cold enough
I add ice and vodka to my drink
Hoping for Russian absolution
But in the freezing flesh core of my sad meat suit,
As the temperature drops to negative numbers
My stupid heart still beats for you
And the cold is not cold enough for this.
Talking to you scares me;
Not because it causes pain;
Not because you're just too different;
But because it feels the same;
You make me smile;
You're making me believe;
That the world isn't lost;
And I don't have to leave;
But its two different worlds;
Montague and Capulete;
We are like the rewrite;
Of Romeo and Juliet;
Where their hearts didn't touch;
And their eyes didn't meet;
And they lived the rest of their lives;
With a hearts lonely beat;
Like chess we are at check mate;
Checking for another fate;
As I look to my king;
I'm your queen to take;
I love not for the way;
You dance with my angels;
But for how at you name;
All of my demons fell;
I'm worried about this;
About how much I care;
Because there will be a day;
When you are not there;
Its happened before;
And it'll happen again;
You will get up and leave;
When you have nothing to gain;
I said I would fall cautiously;
But you tripped me heart first;
So now I'm spinning in colours;
And music that bursts;
Dreaming of moments;
That will never be real;
Because I'm re-learning to love;
While you're just re-learning to feel;
I'm just hoping this isn't a remake;
Of both of our pasts;
That broke both our hearts;
And tore both our souls
We live in eachothers shadows;
Because we know the fake light;
There is no pretenses here;
Just our feelings without sight;
I know every part;
Of your dark twisted soul;
Just as you know mine;
And know we aren't alone;
So we'll fight all out demons;
And we'll dance with our fears;
As we balance our lives on a string;
As we hold back the tears;
We'll be broken together;
As you hold together my heart;
I'll keep healing your soul;
Not together, never apart…
The hands on the wall appear stopped,
there is no sound from the chimes.
I wish they would stay that way
'till we can start our time
That's the way lovers move and stop,
like the Earth, over and over again,
day into night......and so forth.
It snowed all day today
First snow of the season
From the time I woke up to the moment I went to bed
The snow was so powdery
All there was, was glitter in the air
You see, I still want to tell you about my day
Because there are people that come in our lives
And they mean so much it doesn't make any sense
But they do.
I find myself still writing for you
Even though you don't want me to
But after a hundred poems it's hard to stop
My word's seem to come easy when I'm hurting
Often though, angry words are not meant
And actions are unfairly judged just through words
I'm not trying to get back what we had
But no one should feel not good enough.
We may accept the love we think we deserve
But often we deserve far more than we think.
And hush, you did. You do.
I keep checking in on you to make sure you're okay
And it kills me to know that you're not
What you consider flaws are simply the
Little quirks I saw back on your porch that made me smile
I hope you live; that you are more than just alive
Because I know you are a good person
Who deserves all the happiness and love in the world
And I would have gladly spent
The rest of my life proving it to you
Someone can't go from being the center of your world
Straight to nothing over night
I too, still think about you always ...
And it's only been a week...
He looked me in the eyes and said, "what do you wanna be?"
Looking down was the only direction I've known,
before I knew that sentences could end with question marks,
instead of periods.
He looked me in the face and said, "what do you wanna be?"
The smell of old chairs around a wooden table and the sound of
gossip from the floor above.
This was my life and I always pictured it in italics,
aligned to the left and initials on the bottom in bold.
He looked me in the soul and said, "what do you wanna be"
Music was blaring and I could hear it in my chest.
The day time collapsed and they told me this was the beginning,
though it was not the day I was born.
I flipped through an old black leather book and found the letters
I wrote to the boy across the oceans.
He looked me in the heart and said, "what do you wanna be?"
I told him I wanted to be the person to change his mind.
I wrote my ideas in that black leather book,
with my initials on the bottom in bold,
and his love in italics.
The hands that stretch, the feet that glide. The ability to see, the strength to withhold vision. I was stuck in shades of dark and filth. I was burning in the passion of the sun. I heard a truth that spoke life. I heard an angel say dive. I took a chance hoping I would fly. I jumped thinking I would bounce. The fall was humanity and life announced. I fell into an ocean of truce. I found creatures bad and good. It was a war, a fight for power. They were corrupt lifelings looking to be kings. They felt like gods eluded by the ring. The ring that controls all things. The orchestrators of lies that kill. Kill the freedom of the mind. The orchestrators of a world that enriches so-called kings. Blasphemy is the order of this world. Pain this world brings. A world of treacherous kings but all nothing without the power. What was the power? A spoken idea a woman a lump of gold? It was the fear! The fear instilled in souls so to inhibit freewill and limit conduct. The power that tarnishes the human soul. The power that bars the mind and hides the truth that one must face. The truth is his identity, the success of his identity is serving his purpose. The realisation of his purpose is dependant upon his surroundings. Surroundings are walls that limit his will and remind him that all he can be is nothing. The fallacy that man is the illusion and the kings are the truth. Scaling walls, browsing I saw that they were fighting. Protecting an order. Fighting for a world of lust, confusion and weakness. Where the kings are gods and the weak slaves. I spoke once and said that I am the vision and the truth I speak to the weak that need healing. I have body armour but no weapons. I have a reason to fight but no weapons. I have weapons but no army. I have an army but the soldiers have tainted minds, no feet and only one arm. An arm that remains stationary, erect and held together. It was the fist that represented the power to stand. The fist that represents immortality. I found hope, I found belief in the little weaponry that lay in my hands. The invisible truth I protect is the heart of my soul. Embracing I know I am what is real, Embracing I acknowledge the dangers of reel, Embracing the truth I know that I am the power and the power is me. I opened my eyes and saw the world as the waking of the day when the sun rises. I found relief in knowing that I am no longer hiding for this power is for fighting. Fighting for the will, fighting for man to be free. I leave the place that was confining, I leave the dust where souls burnt hide in, I scale these walls and glide, I use this power of liberation to display the truth that so many saints have protected. I allow the showers of the night to heal these wounds that leave me infected. I stand in refuge, I am a ghost, I am a soul, I am man, I am the power.
All I have are the choices I make
Every wrong take is a mistake
a lesson learned as enthusiasm breaks
A learning that uplifts me to wake
Every sound is an element of muse fused thus music
Every day is a chance to failure refuse
All things substantial are ideas not to be confused
Every opportunity is an opening waiting to be used
As an individual whole in holistic thinking I rise above politics
As a soul with burning spirit I yearn for divinity's merit
Destiny is mine for chasing, I have to be olympic
Time is passing by, I have to catch the hand before 'o clock blinks
The world is for discovering
The wild and the beautiful for admiring
Success for acquiring and not demanding
I have to crawl doubt away and walk valor in place, run to the hill and fly as truth to self reigns.
I have been eating flowers recently and hoping that one day I will be able to restart the garden in my heart that you tore apart. The light will shine again and roses will bloom to the steady staccato beat of my pulse, daisies and sunflowers rising up from the ground to create their own sunrise. Pale pink buds of tulips and bright blue violets will paint my veins with vivid life, the world beautiful again, the air fresher, my heart better.
The more I consume, the less there is of you and more of nature; earth taking over to heal the hurt in my soul. I tell myself this will work, it will succeed eventually; but inside the core of everything there is the pin prick of reality that leads me back to the truth.
For despite everything, I still love you.
First, last, always.
I wonder about you every day.
Any little thing.
Do you miss my voice?
I miss your voice.
Did you cry today?
Did you smile?
I miss your smile.
How is school?
What have you forgotten?
Where? Who? Why? When?
Am I the first you think of when you wake up?
Does every little and big thing remind you of me?
Do you crave my lips like I do yours?
Does a song remind you of us?
Do you gaze over at your passenger seat and long for me to be there?
When you close your eyes can you feel me?
Does your body ache for my touch?
My soul wants to leave this body to find your soul.
Am I the last thing on your mind as you drift off?
Have you dreamed of me?
Have you cried yourself to sleep?
Will you forget me and all that we have?
Do you still love me and want me in your life?
Sometimes, I am very impulsive
And sometimes, even compulsive
Can you imagine, that I am imperfect?
It all must be shocking to you all, for sometimes, I am who I am
Sometimes, I am very dark and somewhat confusing
And sometimes, I just don’t know when to stop refusing
But, does that make me so much different than you ?
Oh man , it must be shocking that sometimes, someone like me is someone like you
Sometimes, I can be aggressive
Or even sometimes, I can be incredibly passive
But, imagine that sometimes, me being me, is someone like you
And at the end of the day, sometimes, and I mean sometimes, is someone like you
Sometimes, I wonder if you are listening.
Sometimes, these deep dark entrenching vines crush me
I could only wish that sometime you will listen to me
It is all so plain to see; and sometimes, I blow things our of proportion but, now, you aren't glistening
Sometimes you understand me; Have the tides finally turned?
Changing into something hoping you realize that sometimes we are both deranged
I feel sometimes, that my life, and your life, need to be rearranged
And some time, maybe one day, you will finally accept me