I have nightmares every night.
I feel like I have become numb to the notion of fear.
The demons don't frighten me;
The ghouls don't startle me;
Death doesn't shake me.
But yet, I find myself now awake with tears streaming down my face.
I woke from the dream that frightens me most.
The dream that is a true reality that I live every single day.
I dreamed that I saw my love from a distance;
And that he would not knowledge my existence.
No grins peeking from the side of ones mouth,;
Not even a wonder form ones eyes.
You sat there as I stared at you
Silently begging for you to see me and end the pain.
I live my greatest fear every day.
The cold shoulder you give
Sends the dagger deeper into my heart.
You never know do you?
Don't you get that feeling?
Where you think you're walking
Working all day and all night
Everyday with no motivation at all
Unhappiness, Awkwardness and Stressfulness
But never moving forward
While the others are already at the end of the finish line
You're still at the start of the line
Still alive but I'm barely breathing
Next thing I know I'm falling to pieces
What am I going to do when I'm all
choked up and you're okay
When the best part of me was always you
I'm falling to pieces
Brokenhearted, Loneliness, Heartbreak
I'm gonna get a heart attack soon
And going to die slowly
I let all of this happen
I let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break myself
I've learnt the hard way
to never let it get that far
because of you
i find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
I am afraid
I lose my ways
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness
I'm forced to fake a smile everyday of my life
my heart can't possibly break
I learn to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
But, I'll move on, stay strong and move forward
I don't need those silly boys
I don't need a man
I can live by myself and
I don't need any friends
Forget about them
They're not worth my time at all
I can do it
I am strong
I should , I should just move on
Get on back with my life.
Tell me this,
how nice is paradise
is everything free
or is it cut price
Is it Harrods or a Tesco?
That's what I'd like to know.
Do you sit do you sing
do you do anything
or do you just float in the air
are there many up there?
can you fall in love
or is it just him up above you adore
what do you wear?
I care to know.
One day I'll go and give it a shot
will you forget me not?
in the gardens of Eden we'll meet
parting is not sweet
just bitter.
What if we had roots deep down to the centre of luck –
wouldn’t we be laughing about rain and tears
and wouldn’t we keep growing if we embroidered
our thoughts with roots and luck.
What if the fruit at the end of the twig was happiness, without a question mark.
Wouldn’t we chuckle about the empty space in our mind?
How could we stop?
What if, instead of connecting dots we overdrew parentheses and footnotes with smileys and flowers and purring cats;
What if science and pain only existed
as cuddly monsters with toothache in children's books;
What if we found a rabbit’s hole leading us into a world where psychiatrists and gurus were nervous patients
in big waiting halls without flushing toilets.
Wouldn’t we be neurotically smiling?
What if we didn’t call ourselves falling leaves,
but started feeling eons of love upon our wrinkles.
Wouldn’t death then simply be a slight breeze
releasing the heat at the end of a wonderful day?
What if our hearts went on, free of age and weight,
circulating kindred songs beyond fixed identities.
What if I was wrong and every conditional was closer
to experience than arguments and miracles –
My dear: I unlocked the universal laughter;
I turned sadness into luminous gardens, into a slow waltz
to hear the non-dancers saying: Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!
What if we finally found the recipe for equilibrium:
Would we still be needing stock markets and currencies?
Or could we simply exchange syllables across languages
without losing the message of oneness.
What if we really had roots deep down to the centre of luck?
Yes. Roots and luck.
As we fall so shall we rise
where the truth became the lies and the blue that I saw was not the blue deep in your eyes
but the shadows that played underneath azure skies
where judgements like wine
flowed from the vine and the pillars of palaces wrapped in pearl necklaces
came tumbling down.
In the time of nothing and plenty where nothing sufficed
and sacrifices were made upon the altars of Gods we no longer prayed too
and the blue that I saw was not there any more but had challenged itself to turn grey.
This was another day that I sat and waited for inspiration to come
Grey
no sun, just grey
where the lights fade away and the colours wash dry and the cry that tries to creep out from my parched lips is stripped of its sound
and no sound issues forth but a grunting (pig that I am..of course)
Then in the distance it takes for time to make its movements around the night where the aches and the pain can only be cured by (novo.'co)caine'
and in the backlots where hotshots sold cheap goods on the side
I slide deeper in the dark and by the lake within the park where the ducks have long gone to the market a song comes to mind,
(pack up your troubles in your old kit bag..)
and I find it's not that bad
it's not that great
I can take a little stress so let them try to mess with me and we'll see what we will see when I rise to find the blue becomes again the colour in your eyes and the shining from your face is the sun set in another place..yes the day has come once more
the day that I once read about and swore it was a fairy tale.
Thus again the light shines upon the madness of our times and I for one am glad
that today it doesn't seem so mad
but we shall see.
..............................................................
I've climbed my world of trees today,
Before they had to go their way.
Before the sunlight met the sea,
Each tree I saw called out to me.
The green green tree with boughs of steel
Was pure and utterly ideal.
And I climbed quick as a whippoorwill
Springing from the window seal.
I climbed it grand, and oh, so high-
Through the thrush's song, and a robin's cry.
Through the deepest green that caught the day,
And promised to steal me away.
And I climbed a Monkey Puzzle Tree
As old as half a tree can be.
And it laughed to see me rustle through
Branches old and branches new.
I sailed through leaves as soft as lent,
Where spiral blossoms lept to play
Fragrant little games of chance
Within the haunt of their bouquet.
When the tall, tall, red tree called my name,
The one with pepper blossoms high,
And since no two trees are the same
I followed this one to the sky.
Up through branches bathed in light,
And down through tunnels in the bark,
I climbed this one with all my might,
Through the gray and winding dark.
Until I found my afternoon
Still waiting for me like the day.
I gave the tree a bit of heart
And watched it as it sailed away.
And there, beyond the Tin Tin Tree,
Where apple roses blossomed grand,
I noticed resting on its knee
The finest tree to ever stand.
A hundred, hundred trees in one,
Would be an awful lot of fun
Just to take a branch today
And rest the afternoon away,
But, Oh, I had to climb it high,
As high as God could make a sky.
I had to see the stars that He
With clever skill hid well from me.
I had to touch the setting sun,
Under my after-evening's shroud,
So up I went, through branches, bows,
Crossing leaves that laughed aloud.
Leaves that seemed to know my name,
That weaved their winding whispers through
That starlit flicker of a flame
I tried but could not look into.
I swung from branches tapped by age,
That creaked and echoed such a sigh-
The feathered leaves that rustled calm,
And I so briefly saw my sky.
There I paused and held my own,
My heart like thunder in my chest.
And I watched the quiet of the day
Paint ribbons in a robin's nest
And scatter shades of blue and red
Like waves upon my quiet sea,
And those threaded vines of dragons head
That weaved in through my Shadow Tree.
The morning bowed to afternoon,
As if to nature's sole command,
And shades and shadows drifted by
That secret place I chose to stand.
There were stars that climbed each peasant branch,
Stars that whispered to the breeze
That beat a hymn of ages past,
Known only to the trees.
Will-O'-The-Wisp's sang through the leaves
And danced about the sapwood sprig,
Darting here and pausing there,
Between each shadowed, lively twig,
Where EverNettles bright as dreams
Climbed deep inside the deadwood bark,
And called their young ones earnestly
To the safety of the dark.
And finally spent I caught my breath,
And peeled the spindly leaves away,
And waved my arms into the breeze
That sang the silvered songs of day.
There was a different world below,
A land of hills and river beds,
Of trees as tiny as the grass,
And roads smaller than the finest threads.
I reached out into the velvet sky
To run my fingers through the day,
Where the sandy silk of autumn brushed
The stardust noon had tossed my way.
And I breathed in all the wonder there -
All I could hear and feel and see,
Whatever wonder dared to share
From the branches of my Shadow Tree.
Copyright © 2013 Richard D. Remler
................................................................
"There is always Music amongst the trees in
the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet
to hear it."
~Minnie Aumonier
..............................................................
Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Brandon the boy in the bubble and Doctor Wise...
The boy in the bubble
Never wanted any trouble
People said "your too fragile you'll get cancer"
So he would just make believe, pretend he was a cool agile panther
People said "your body will crumble like wood flooring rots"
So he would pretend, staying humble that he could fly over the jungle with soaring hawks
Aisles of adventures were all he sought
" I'll be in this bubble til I'm wearin' dentures", so he thought...
His doctor would come every other day
Just to make sure everything was okay
He went by Dr. "W" first initial J
One random paralyzed tuesday
Brandon sat in his sterilized room lettin' blues play
The doctor came to repeat the check up
Brandon was the same from shoulders to feet and neat from the neck up
The doctor asked "Son why are you in this bubble?"
Brandon said "The people told me the air could kill me and the sun would be worst trouble"
The doctor told Brandon "the world is a mysterious place in our galaxy, but you'll never know for yourself until you go face the challenge B"
The doctor lifted the window wide open and let in the breeze
As the fresh air hit his face, Brandon didn't so much as sneeze
Brandon - "Wow doc you must save thousands of lives"
Dr. W - "Not really, I just tell people this; Everybody lives, everybody smiles, everybody cries, everybody dies and
EEEEVVVVERYBODY LIES...
-J.A.M
That day I had to kick in your door cause you wouldn't answer
To get you back I would infect my self with cancer
That day still taunts me, it will forever haunt me
The needle still in your arm, face pale, lips blue
Would bleed to keep the other out of harm
best friends since we were 2
Unfortunately the end came too soon for you
The incision will always be in my heart
I know it wasn't your decision to part
You loved your life way too much
To give it up for a high or simple rush
Sadly you were taken and lost your life
We knew the risks of getting into bed with a knife
Sooner or later one of us would get sliced
I hope I get to see you when it's my time to ascend
I love you, I miss you, you'll forever be my best friend
R.I.P J.D.H - J.A.M
Don't you know I can see right through you my dear
If you were a window you couldn't be more clear
Your afraid to love again and trust me, I understand your fear
All I seek is your friendship at this point in time
There are things you need to figure out in your life
and there are things I need to figure out in mine
I would never try to start something over night
just want you to think of me when the time is right,
but right now my future is the only thing locked in my sight
Things that make so much sense only happen once in a lifetime
Life moves fast, but I won't leave you behind
So please don't waste to much time with the battles in your mind
I'm not about lust, this world is filled with beautiful women, attraction is a given, I'm about love and trust
Even though I might be sensual and extremely sexual,
I'm what you call an intellectual
The key to my heart is through my mind, you gotta have brains
so show me your the kind and not just another lame
For now I'll give you my friendship and loyalty
Keep your head on straight and maybe one day I'll give you my love and show you whats it's like to be treated like royalty
The word "unique" didn't exist until you were born and showed the dictionary it forgot the "e"
You could possibly be, INSIDE and OUT the most beautiful thing in this world to me...
-J.A.M
You could learn a lot from me,
matter of fact you could learn a lot from everybody
That's why I don't take peoples advice or opinions for granted,
I just chop em' up like onions and throw em' in my salad.
I use my own recipe to make the best of me
So with that said, I'll forever remain a student,
even though I'm sometimes truant,
Even though I'm sometimes tardy cus' I stayed up too late after last nights party,
but I maintain an average A,
all night and all through the day.
Take it as advice. Inspect it, dissect it,
or come up with your own recipe and perfect it ...
-J.A.M
