My obsession lays only with Calvin Klein.
A proper noun with capitals.
A drifting strong aroma.
Another obsession in my world.
Is sometimes somewhat lighter.
I am an obsessed pusher.
Obsessed only with my pen.
If I can create an image well.
Then hell so be it.
Real people I don't like much.
It's only words I wish to touch.
Desire fires obsession.
It's just a bunch of words.
Sweet strawberries so succulent bring words of summertime.
Clouds weigh down around my head
Dark winter days of misery.
Moments when I wish I was dead.
I put my pen to work.
Writing darkness scarily black.
About bursting eyes.
Where no-one dies,
Except emotion cruelly slaughtered.
By the one known only in kindness.
As the smiling devil's daughter
Definitely no relation.
Just the mother of eccentricity.
Kindness in persona.
To be so dark.
That's very rare.
In a heart that's ribbon bound.
I write my words with tender care.
Sometimes, just to remind the world that I am still there.
Moreover, like a hornet.
I cheese you off and get stuck in your hair!
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
Also I have recorded it as a spoken word piece...don't know what it came out like...but here goes!
Record audio or upload mp3 >>
I closed my eyes and woke a tick past seven.
Awake, I slipped into my favorite dream
where the wine dark sea called my name
in a sweet fine whisper, and where I
knew how to respond the theme.
You returned to me as I to you
after the water remembers the warmth of the shore.
Bountiful bouquets of sun blessed heavy arms
And nothing relieved my aching soul more.
In my slumber I swam through some beautiful seas.
Bathed in the nectarine skies and lilac showers,
I call your name from between the breeze-
Lay they silent my voice escaped suns closing setting lids.
Reminding me how you closed your eyes near me too,
and how my glory swimming in the arms of you
was just me dreaming dreams of blue (It was not true).
A rumble of a failing engine and an abandoned heart does not always make for the best mixed drink you’d typically order at the bar
The gasoline fumes rising towards my nostrils, the taste replicated on the taste buds, not exactly the main course you’d hope to appear on the main entrée menu
The shrinking world swallows my perception, and all I can see are endless forests with an unending road, not exactly the picturesque view you’d pick from the 5-star hotel you presumed to stay in comfortably
Recurring whiplash carries me deep within the foliage of the woods, where the bristles from the furious trees feel like spikes brushing across my fragile skin
My thoughts are encompassed by my wildest fears, intensifying the pitter patter in my chest, nearing a detonation, but no witnesses to confirm or deny it
The limbs outstretch themselves and enfold me inside a hallowing clasp, resemblance of an agonizing chokehold
The fires begin slowly, but hurriedly strengthen into a sore, sweltering sensation that hastily seizes control over my nervous system, rendering me helpless with no one to soothe me from it, for isolation is the true affliction of it all
And suddenly I am traveling through a dark neighborhood, the ones we were all warned about as adolescents, as the lamp posts house stood-up lovers and lost souls who are trying to catch a fresh thought aside from the filthy repetition we are provided with
The light bulbs flicker and the yellow paint dividing the two paths incases my thoughts, stimulating every sensory input to intake the detection of safety between the two opposite directions, because once a path is chosen, returning is forbidden
This social deprivation surely beholds my salient inner pain, as I cannot confide in anyone on this lonely road except for the shining Milky Way and smiling crescent moon, eons away from my reach
Foaming salt water crashes over me, encumbering my lungs from performing their simple task successfully, caught in a riptide sensing my discomfort with reality and self-hatred brought upon by the overriding waves that deteriorate my sanguinity
I cannot control anything in my life and the sea acknowledges this weakness, What a real favor it is! Killing me, for me, subduing the airflow right out of me but also purifying my corrupted being, freeing my aggressions, letting go of faulty hearts, and ensuring arcadia by ripping away a future I could not survive in
The sunken sailors in their sinking ships do not drown by choice, like I, but they may not be as grateful for the gift of release as I am
I realize I may have a shot at social encounters, until I gather that the glass wall that separates me from the world is unbreakable, and the water pressure is much too great to fight through, so I must die alone
As my vision fades to black, I am awakened once again, stranded on this Earth, this place where life exists but living does not
And I feel like ever since the door slammed shut as I collapsed in cascading tears on the floor in your favorite white button down, I’ve been a bit lonesome and defunct, my mood has a constant sullen adjective attached to it
Adventure and spontaneity meant everything to you, and I took on the same attitude, breaking out of my comfort zone and implementing yours instead
What once was now lingers as a painful memory and acts as a narcotic because I am experiencing a difficult withdrawal of your voice, and I cannot last much longer before the insanity devours me from the inside out
As the hourglass passed all of the time, your personality withered as each interest you held dear to your heat contracted into an abhorrent piece of art, dedicated to miserableness
And as your presence no longer fills up my time, maybe I too am disappearing, or so I wish
Because losing you to yourself felt like being stranded in the middle of nowhere with an unceasing life of despondency and unanswered questions
It felt like being burned alive to ashes from a forest fire, so deep in that not a single person would notice its evanescence
And worst of all it felt like drowning, as my control slipped away from the tight grip I once had, like nobody could resuscitate me from
I play over every doting moment with you over in my head as my mind slowly fades to darkness, a blank state of depression
So tell me from the heavens once more that I do not need you, because you see what I am experiencing in your absence
Maybe I need you as a constant in my life and not a fleeting breeze in the persistently bipolar wind movements
But you bolted the moment the poisoned fog touched your fingertips and your fear took you away from me
So how can I possibly hold on, when I am clearly alone and depressed?
I know death is merciful compared to losing my one true love
Tell me you’re listening, I need someone to talk to
I cannot leave all these words left unspoken
There's always something that ruins the good
That smashes it to bits and pieces, as if it should
Ruining the relationships of loved ones or close friends
Ruining the best things in life, giving all an end
Whenever you think that something is going well
A terrible thing happens, making you want to scream and yell
Forcing and pushing you into the dark
As it rips and tears every happy that's left apart
Wishing for something or someone to come and turn on the light
But nothing ever comes as your scared and alone, it ruins your life
And when you think your back up on your feet
You fall back down on the ground feeling defeat
There's always a storm cloud, on a warm sunny day
There's always the wind that blows everything away
There's always that guy at your dinner party with a terrible manner
And when something good finally comes along, there's always the hammer
That was it,
that day her
stiff and white,
just a toy
is the worse
of all times,
when her world,
ceased to be,
days and months,
and now years.
None went there,
past tense talked
turned blind eye
to the place
of the death.
to check cot,
and pull down
the toy string
Then each night
of palm blown
to the spot
that no one,
I can see the future.
It's not a happy foresight.
I dream about it every night.
It's not a nice dream.
Massive constructions made of concrete and steel.
Grey giants moulding the cities.
No colour, only the cold colours of illuminated signs - eyestabbing sabers of light.
You can't see the naked soil, no plants, no sky.
People have no presence, wandering around spiritless -
Controlled by the artificial intellgence they once created,
People themselves are nothing but copies of their past,
Built-in in this huge system of nothing.
You know too much? You die.
The sky is always crying about the lost planet.
Tears in the form of raindrops fall on the city all the time.
Sometimes in my nightmares
a butterfly appears out of nowhere.
Just a small, white one.
A fragile piece of hope fluttering through the dark future.
It's summer number twenty-one
and I am trying not to set the sheets on fire.
The two mirrors wait each morning in
patience, quietly demanding
disappointments and downward glances
My silences are douses of kerosene
over our heads, an acrid second baptism,
and now I wonder
at how one word can light me up
faster than the neon amber end of a shared blunt wrapped in January’s stark blues, but
I breathed all eighty-six of our transcontinental sighs
those words went to rot in the first week of June,
turned brown and sour inside
the red hamburger meat of my wrists.
This is slick truth seeping out through
the perfect Golden Ratio of my fingertips,
these small, nautilus spiral prints
that still trace the spot on my neck
you once traced.
How can I attempt to justify, as
the grandfather death-clock frowns in the corner
and the soft ticking of your beaten down
quarter-hearted protests resound in the dark?
I curled myself away
in little inches each night
wanting to paint your eyes a myriad of blues
as they wet the nape of my neck,
while I smoldered and sank, my eyes
crackling bloodshot for no one,
rose polish peeling and sizzling into the dark
as I braced myself for the
blaze of the match striking with a
hissing rasp until it caught and
I let it drop.
Our bones crackle to ash.
Anyone could read in them
the nights and songs not easily forgotten.
The human skin can be hard to live in,
That's why most of us tear it.
And I, my loves,
Am a hypocrite
I tell you not to tear such precious, innocent skin
While late at night
I hold my blade
And carve it in.
I like to push oh so hard.
Only to get the adrenaline
of seeing the blood and make sure I am still alive
Though I feel as if I'm not at all alive anymore
I'm a zombie
living in the palest of skin
And if your lucky
I'll let you in.
It doesn't happen often
But for some it may
Those lucky few
Will be dismayed
For I seem like a bright ray of sunshine
In this dark dark world
But jokes on you
I'm the darkest of them all.
Heaving with frost
Covered in white fire
Though you were leaving
Stained with frozen tears
Riding the waves
With the freezing echoed
The first falls
Soft and sharp
Brighter than ever
Leaving yours as followed
Burning breathes swallowed
We breathe transparent
Flames of sorrow
Echoed through us
From what the cold days borrow
starts the same.
i wake up, and i'm alive.
and i have hope.
hope for the day.
that today will be better,
better than yesterday.
and not as good
but the farther i get
into the day,
the less hope i have.
the worse things get.
and by the time i climb into bed,
i can barely breathe.
it gets dark in my mind,
and all i can do
is hope for tomorrow.