Alive but not living,
How can that be?

I'm awake and I am breathing.
I am clearly alive.
It's just, I don't feel like
I am living my life.
Or any life for that matter,
I'm just here on the earth.
Consuming space and air,
a little bit like dirt.
But with less meaning
and less importance to life.
Dirt helps to keep plants alive.
What is my purpose?
I do not know...
who am I supposed to be?

I'm alive but not living,
like wasted space not going anywhere in life.
And I am just waiting till I start living,
or till I find the reason I'm alive.

Lungs are full of sludge and it's getting harder to breathe. Tripped in quicksand and its all the way past my sleeve as I sink lower and take at last look at what is surrounding me. My body is being crushed and I just want someone to set me free.

Recollect each memory held dear to me and wondering in my last moments what mark on humanity I've chosen to leave.

Sand consuming  my torso. The one she held onto while we kissed and wiggling to much so quickly I start to sink.

The sand at level with my back as I recall the times she left a scratch because she could never see me without leaving a mark or keeping my body intact.

Sand up to my neck while I refer to the burgundy erupted blood vessels that with her lips shes disturbed and because of it I can only hear her moans and not words.

Sand up to my lips and happiness enters my forsaken body as I recall that hers were the last ones I kissed.

Sand now over my head and in our moment of death we refer to the past and learn to love each moment in time. Safe to say that in my moment of death she was the only one on my mind.

I waited under under a waning moon
for a night that did not start
Beneath the pale
of exacting twilight
I ripped open my chest
and held out my heart

The darkness surrounding
consuming its light
drumming of heartbeats

an encrypted call to a lover,
a predator
no one at all

But you called to me

You asked me to answer your prayers
and in the coming night
I wait for you
under the pale moon light

a silvery silence which sounds
of a hopeful despair
Which now knows of the who
but not the where

Silvery is the moon
the silence I can not bear
am I to be frowned upon
even as I am aware
I am here
You are there

the weighted distance counts
the miles aloud...
I'm not allowed to seek you out,
must stay suspended in my lunar shroud

I felt your every heart beat
Like footsteps upon the floor
I even felt the finality
when you decided to close the door
The moon was shielded by
clouds that night

She, like me, couldn't bear to see
the agony of your fight, your flight
Torn between survival
and what could never be
breathing just for revival

I waited under under a waning moon
for a night that did not start
Beneath the pale
of exacting twilight
I ripped open my open my chest
and held out my heart

The darkness surrounding
consuming its light
drumming of heartbeats

an encrypted call to a lover,
a predator
no one at all

But you called to me

You asked me to answer your prayers
and in the coming night
I wait for you
under the pale moon light

a silvery silence which sounds
of a hopeful despair
Which now knows of the who
but not the where

Silvery is the moon
the silence I can not bear
am I to be frowned upon
even as I am aware
I am here
You are there

the weighted distance counts
the miles aloud...
I'm not allowed to seek you out,
must stay suspended in my lunar shroud

I felt your every heart beat
Like footsteps upon the floor
I even felt the finality
when you decided to close the door
The moon was shielded by
clouds that night

She, like me, couldn't bear to see
the agony of your fight, your flight
Torn between survival
and what could never be
breathing just for revival

Theres a sickness inside
a false idea
that wants to be nursed
by the same hands thats wretched me from the truth
the truth
is my home

I could be locked into a room with mothers warm linen
clutching you around me
but theres the wild
as it was never strained from me
and it makes me want to overthrow
the comfort
the security of what is that was never materialized
I want free-free-free-dom
I can accept the discomfort
like wet clothes
holding me like a heavy hostage as I roam
I want freedom, I want mobility
because deep inside of me, I know the truth, without it needing to be performed
so much so that it haunts me
every time you kiss me
even in my dreams
dowsed in the warmth
struck with the urge to pull back from a burning flame
as it encircles around my soft flesh
my hard peircing soul
wants to run from the devils gold
so dont you l-l-l-ove me
love me love me
love me
I am free
but the bars of my heart strings push you aside
like a werewolf
my instinctual nature has me tied
in the wilderness
I go back and forth
on the roads that will bring me further from you
when I feel my dreams
consuming all that I see

My heart pulsates in my throat
untamed like dark voodoo drums
within the drums roll tears
fearing words that are yet to come
it’s been just a moment, just a trice
that I, hope filled, just found you
my searches in the raves
had given me an answer in you
Scarce had my eyes feasted
scant to my heart’s fill
if at all, a look in your doe eyes
hardly the expression of my sighs
a bit had I heard those chimes
not at all in them hid the signs
The shine off your rosy cheek
language that your eyes speak
The curls of your auburn hair
flick of them, sans a care
flutter of thy lashes and their storm
Supple the lure of full arms
the yearn in their heavenly charms
swaying slowly as you walk
a rage for the town to carry on talk
you speak not those words
twitter for my ears, of loving birds
I shudder in pain and consuming loss
woe begone, beset, I toss
loss of a lifetime,
in a frame reset
you say you are helpless, weak
whence shall I fetch for you
a winners streak.
O love! Walk up bold to the deserting train
in the deluge of love nothing is sane
walk and you shall not walk in vain
Blow away the haunting shadow of pain
or slowly step aside and let it chug off
to let them laugh who had their scoff
don’t throw away a beautiful life
and buy us both a lonely strife


original
saadat tahir
12th Jun, 2k13
Islamabad.

I have a spark,
I have a fire,
I have a flame,
kindling within my soul.

You look into my eyes, you can see it.
You touch my skin, you can feel it.
You close your eyes, you can hear it.

I set myself on fire.
My dreams have been lit,
my dream of setting others free,
my dream of giving a little child hope,
my dream of giving a mother a future,
my dream of giving a father strength,
my dream of showing people that they can change the world.

I believe in my dreams.

You can't kill the spark now.
It is a consuming fire.

I believe in more than my dream.
I believe in more than the fire.
I believe in me.

All five.
I ask her can you tell that I'm alive
She  say i can tell when you rise
I'm like..like what the sun
She say no like Shawn Marion when he was young
The Matrix ..
I say girl I'm your Neo
Be my Trinity
One hand on your chest I can make your heart beat...
Let me inside and watch you expand
Girl I can help you breathe
Or take your breath away
Oh the sweetness of your taste
Consuming treats with no tooth decay
This girl is my wife
We ignite the night like gun fights
My touch ignites her senses take her to new heights
Starship enterprise
Explore the frontier
Of her inner thighs
As a kid I dreamt of this, dreamt of her..
Dreamt of love, Dreamt complete freedom
Sharing my inner most thoughts
Express with all five senses I give my heart