If I knew then, what I know now?
I wouldn't change a thing.
For life growth comes from mistakes.
Which as we go along we will continue to make.
We always say things out of hate.
About spouses,lovers and blind dates.
God knew Eve and Adam would sin.
He didn't stop it.
He let it happen.
And he has the power to eradicate everything.
Because growth comes from growing up.
Sure, we will have regrets.
Sure, we will ponder many things.
Once you realize what truth came to you?
Then you comprehend the growth within.
Let visit the scriptures for the changing of things.
You soon realize Sarah wouldn't have offer Hagar to her husband,
If she knew she would have soon be blessed with a son.
Who essentially had a half-brother?
So to say, If I knew then.
What I know now?
Is just you blowing smoke in thin air?
Question, how thin is air?
What do we measure it by?
If I only knew?
Then I don't really want to know.
Because I be asking God for more information.
Like, why does hate exist?
When love can erase all of it
I'm always in a rush
Cause I don't ever wanna stop
Cause if I stopped I'd realize
How meaningless things are
I like the adrenaline
So why would I stop
Cause all the new people I meet
Are pieces of everyone I knew
And there's a tiny piece of you
I can tell what ya'll ganna do
And I hate repetition
Cause I've got too much of an intuition
I can read through you
You hear me but you don't feel me though
I feel you but you don't hear me
So, There's no need to understand nor comprehend
lets just rush things
And never stop
Rush it until we drop
You're everything I wish to be
And I'm nothing at all
You're everything I'll ever need
And I'm nothing you'll ever want
And sure, you say you love me now,
But what about tomorrow?
What happens when we go back to school
And everyone's cold stares follow?
I'm scared --Scared of losing you
To someone else's selfish desires
But for now, listen when I call you in the dark
Be my lover --Be my fire
Keep me warm in the cold the late nights bring
Shed your light down upon me,
Show me the paths I must take to your heart
So that I may steal it for myself
Because I know that if it isn't me,
It'll be someone else
A thought I cannot comprehend enough
To even write about
I guess what I'm trying to say
I don't care how many glances get shot our way
It doesn't matter if your mind changes
And it's okay to make many mistakes
As long as its we who face them
Be my lover --Be my fire
Be my everything and know
That you are my selfish desire
And nothing I'm ever letting go
I was stuck. I was stuck in every way a person can interpret that word. My body was stif and slack at the same time. Although I knew subtly where I was, I didn't know which way to walk, which way to face my body. I stood in a hallway, strings of people flowing around me like ocean currents. My head couldn't seem to comprehend what was happening. I stood motionless, the only thing I could feel was the rising panic coursing through my veins. I couldn't hear and my vision became blurry and everything moved slow. I could hear my heart, pounding slow and slower. I realized I had exhaled completely and tried to take a breath in, an choked. I couldn't breathe. And that's when I panicked. I felt you, I felt you next to me and in that moment you meant safety. So I tried to turn to you and you must've understood because the pain was reflected back onto your face. I was choking and my lungs wouldn't open, I needed to cry and I needed to scream but I couldn't move and everything was slowly closing in. Out of the suffocating silence I could vaguely hear my name being called, over and over. Each time increasing in volume and anxiety. Suddenly the voice had hands and they were clasped around my shoulders squeezing me. I stared blindly forward, mouth slightly open, trying to find words in the abyss of my brain and willing myself to take a breath. The only thing I could see were two blue gray eyes. They were wide and sincere. I blinked and slowly opened my eyes, I thought that if I just closed my eyes again I might find some relief. The only thing that kept me here, that kept me from crashing into the soft white void that threatened to collapse around me were those two beautiful, beautiful eyes. And all of a sudden I gasped, "I can't breathe." The eyes softened for a split second of relief and hardened into a determined stare. With one magnificent crash everything that I knew and every usual human sense, plus a few, returned to me. I could feel my own weight again, and man did I feel heavy. I knew I couldn't breathe and that I was moving very fast. I could feel rough hands on my body, one on my shoulder and one on my waist, red bricks were blurred to my left and suddenly I was sitting on the floor, cross legged, confused on how I had gotten there, facing the two blue eyes. Nothing felt right, but I could breathe again, I could hear his voice and I could hear mine, I understood what I was saying and what he was saying and he was telling me he loved me and that it would be okay and please bel, please, please, please open your mouth and take another breath. He was holding my hand so tight, and brushing hair off my face and I could barely get air to my lungs but I was still breathing and he was here, right here in front of me and I was somehow still alive.
“Can you cover my shift 5 to 10 next Sunday?”
The first thought is to bring life to another forged explanation.
But then remember “the car”, “Nike Air Max 13’s” “new black chinos!”
“Yes, but who is this?” my eagerness caused by some subconscious yearn to nab this opportunity for a little more change in my pocket
Return to the dusty road I came from
My smiles wider than the road it’s self
You know how happy I am
My eyes have seen things they shouldn’t have
Time as we know it collapsing
Back to the road that brought me here
Laughing so hard
I can never take it back
Homecoming of creativity
The four walled clock melting safe house
Oh the anticipation
It’s coming back soon
I don’t wanna stand on my toes forever
Just trying to peer over then moon
To see the sunrise for tomorrow
I’m finally content with the night light
I don’t wanna stand on my toes forever
Across the avenue
People walking on their hands
And having their peculiarity
Drained from their auras
I can’t understand
Arriving back to times we applauded at our own joy and success
I can comprehend
The corner where this all was conceived
I don’t want to put on my shoes
I’m just going to take them off again
Down to another dusky trail
Unraveling its self for my travels
It fits the game
Same keys some screens don’t work
Everything’s already unlocked
I lost myself in the sheets
I begin to wander
When you are lost you find yourself
When you hail the lights
The sack has come undone
Everything is as it is
Becoming a swaying shelter
Keep on running
Run to the horizon
A flash of light at the speed of sound
Fallow the hallow
Like a whistle in the wind
The western wind is blowing in a direction we cant comprehend
First one goes then the other
Followed by the negative number
Just a hop skip and a jump
Trickling down the waterfall
Earths mother will crown me king on the way down
Blinded by iniquity
Being guided by unexplainable certitude
I can’t predict where the pieces will fall
But I will remember where they stood in the sky
They say I’m not at the point of grasping it all
Saying I’m a follower who needs to lead
I’m just attempting to find peace of mind
And a silent breeze of tranquility
I’ll still be there when the atmosphere fails
When widespread panicked screams break the barrier of sound
The cadence of the populations of hysterical cries match the racing beats of their hearts
I’ve tried hoisting my pressures and trouble over my head
And unburden myself of them
To put them in front of me instead
And dissect them all so I might comprehend
The hour glass goes against us
We have such ample time
So many paths we can walk
Full of laughs, pain and love, you take yours
I’ve found mine
Seriously? Positive? You’ve got to be joking me.
Optimism at it’s finest could only be realism at it’s worst.
Mesmerized by this thought, enchanted by it’s cold hard consistency
Enthralled was I to mock “positive”, and keep my lips pursed.
Then it hit me. No, it literally hit me.
If I just pound this podium a few times
Maybe I’ll channel some of doc’s “positivity” pound podium
Ehh, guess that wasn’t a symptom; merely a sign
So what is this “battle plan”, and who really cares about mine?
I’ll tell you who, and it
Took until now for me to understand
Simply smiling is like positive quicksand
Little did I know, nor did I comprehend
Even the tiniest grin is a god-send
The mirror first, then a friend
Tomorrow is uncertain, so I recommend
Investing one in the nearest stranger
Never underestimate the smile, this game changer
Gets some through the day
Give the gift of smiles
Others need this Holiday.
Overall, there’s not even a word you need to say
For a smile is universal in every way.
This was the goal
Here was my contribution to this positive revolution:
Enlighten another soul.
The mirrors we look at every sunrise
Hair tangled, bags beneath the eyes
Internally determining how much this day is going to suck (sighs)
Now, hit rewind and you might be surprised
Getting off to a good start is simply devised:
Smile your warmest, stupidest, squintiest smile: regardless of its size
There is the secret ingredient in the positive pie
Having your hearty morning smile, with eggs on the sunny side
And this idea I vehemently used to deny
Thinking, “smile? In the morning? I’d rather die.”
Heath Ledger once said “Why. So. Serious?”
Ehh, he had a point!
Life can be a joke, especially when we’re delirious
Put the pout to the side, don’t be so furious
Unconditionally accept we all have ups and downs
Smile like an idiot, because aren’t the sounds
Involved with that deep, tear jerking laughter just
Ninety nine times better than a good morning grunt?
All I had to do was send a
Little smile in someone’s direction
Lift their spirits, make a connection
This is who cared about my “battle plan”
Hell, who knows? Maybe I even saved a man.
Ego aside, let’s do the best we can
With others, we can do our best to understand
Right from wrongs done, our own personal brand
Of happiness, that like flames needs to be fanned
Nothing is like that morning smile witnessed firsthand
Give that gift away, make it look easy and unplanned
Why? Because the unexpected gifts are the best
And to this I do attest
Yes, we have all been truly blessed:
Smile at each other and forget all the rest.
I smiled at those who passed, regardless of popular or outcast, and how I’ve seen a change. Doors have opened to relationships and thoughts I never conceived possible for a realist like me, I really was blind but now I see how powerful is this “positivity”. How much have we all grown? These seeds we’ve sown from you, to you, to you, to me, to that kid who sits by himself, to that girl who spilled her iced tea,: these are all the connections we’ve made, and there are more that would and could be if we only smile, say hello (or if we’re really brave) would you go out with me? The morning smile is the first step towards a “yes”, this is my guarantee. A smile is like a master key to all bliss (aaannnnddd maybe even a kiss ;)). Just like a great slam poet once said: “If you’ve got this (head), then you follow this (heart), and if someone ever tries to judge you, you give them this (smile)”.
Even now he sneaks away,
Leaving his family behind.
No longer caring what they say,
He can't stand to be inside.
On the roof, above the twelfth floor,
Looking out to the distant moon.
A quarter million miles more,
He hopes to be there soon.
Now his feet, they dangle free,
On the edge of life.
He knows there is so much more to be,
But has always considered this night.
He hums a tune softly to himself,
Space Bound by Eminem.
He dares not sing it to anyone else,
They wouldn't care enough to listen.
It defies, yet describes himself,
The impossible journey so far.
Wondering if he should call for help,
He examines again the stars.
He's on the edge, a moment profound,
Between two types of infinity.
One the universe that so surrounds,
And two, the end of all he could be.
Both so huge, so permanent,
They both could swallow him whole.
He can't tell where he would be sent,
When they put him in a hole.
He thought he had done so well,
Believing himself worthy.
But as his promises all fell,
His soul now feels dirty.
He snaps back to the moment,
And the horror of it all.
But realizing his cares are spent,
He somehow doesn't fear the fall.
This is the only place he feels alive,
When he's walking that fine line.
Trying to recall when he felt the drive,
To stay and live and shine.
He remembers all the lively vigor,
That flooded through his veins.
He recalls what it was like to be a lover,
And let her take the reigns.
It screams through him,
A passion he cannot contain.
Forcing its way through him,
The shocking, driving main.
The phantom tears fall,
Not really there but real.
Time has slowed to a crawl,
As he remembers what it is to feel.
Once again he snaps back,
Reality greets him with a gust.
Struggling to control this attack,
He tries to find his trust.
But he's off his high,
The adrenaline has gone.
Still so fascinated by the sky,
He forces himself to go on.
Climbing down, he sighs aloud,
Nothing remains the same.
The moon is coveted by clouds,
And he hasn't gone insane.
He examines himself, his solid being,
Curious about his existence.
All of what he is seeing,
Seems as from a distance.
He pulls out his keyboard,
The journal of his sins.
The only thing in his world,
That when he calls, seems to listen.
He writes about a tragic man,
And rhymes all of his conflicts.
He locks it inside, as was his plan,
Twenty six little convicts.
Wondering within, in his head,
He scours for the truth.
He fears that it is all but dead,
The honesty of youth.
How can one man feel so alone?
Solemn tears of such despair,
Sitting atop his gilded throne,
His soul begins to tear.
He is so loved, but alas,
Fast love is not his cure.
He wishes for something that might last,
A peace that might endure.
He spends his nights,
In dying hatred of himself.
His many, many internal fights,
Have left him little else.
He denies, but knows it true:
He has finally come to fear.
His trust has finally fallen through,
He can't allow anyone so near.
Betrayed too often, taken and used,
His spirit taken for granted.
Now accustomed to being abused,
All his dreams have slanted.
He now believes that is his role,
The savior and the help.
Each case has taken its toll,
And nobody knows how it felt.
Now he lets a few come close,
But he dares not admit his flaws.
Beaten but unbroken,
Still dodging sharpened claws.
He put his faith in God,
And forces himself to believe.
He often wonders if the book is flawed,
But sees all he has received.
He lives life by logical decisions,
And this, mostly is true.
His heart has never found direction,
When he doesn't know what to do.
Now he no longer trusts his heart,
And so relies on luck.
He's waiting for a girl set apart,
One who loves poetry and trucks.
He drowns within his regrets,
Hating the things he has done.
Remembering the cruelest bets,
And all of those he has won.
Counting the hearts he burned,
Leading them on and on.
Recalling how each finally turned,
After he told them to move on.
He listens to the songs,
The lyrics describing love.
Now he thinks they might be wrong,
As he doubts what is above.
He sees in himself many gifts,
But he wonders if they are imagined.
Is he the one creating rifts?
Is there nothing good within him?
Does nothing really set him apart,
Is he truly just the same?
The numbers say that he is smart,
But he has outgrown his fame.
All his life he has been told,
That he is different, special.
But now as compliments grow old,
He again begins to wrestle.
In his heart he thinks they lied,
Inflating his confidence.
But now that his ego has died,
He dares not reminisce.
He climbed and climbed on great wings,
A beacon of joy and smiles.
But now they hate whenever he sings,
And his jokes don't make them smile.
He rarely screams or loses control,
But he can't comprehend what they say.
An extinguished spark within his soul,
Wonders why they pushed him away.
And so he goes, on and on,
He has not yet found his end.
All that was right is now wrong,
And so he constantly pretends.
Writing words as though they matter,
Laughing as if he cares.
His trust fades as it scatters,
And he keeps stitching his tears.
I slowly arise from my seat,
Glad that man is not me.
The clouds hide the moon from sight,
And it is far too late at night.
I'm refreshed and even smile.
I haven't had peace in a while.
The phantom tears nearly fall,
As I admire the beauty of it all.
The sky is so wide, so infinite,
I could lose myself within it.
Happy memories fill my mind,
Of all those I hold inside.
Folding chair my comfy throne,
Though tonight I am alone.
But I know that I am so loved,
A better life I can't think of.
From the floor below I hear a sound,
Eminem's Space Bound.
I hum along to the beat,
Wishing my own words so fleet.
One more glance into the sky,
I dream of soaring, flying high.
Smiling broadly, loving life,
I bid the beautiful world goodnight.
She is pretty and she is kind,
Yet to her demons you are all blind,
She seems so perfect, she will never let you know,
She has cuts on her wrists she will never let show.
Hiding behind her bedroom door,
A crumpled mess laying on the floor,
But as long as she texts a smiley face,
You'll never know about the lines she's traced.
Things went smoothly until one bad day,
She cut way too deep and slept away,
They found her whimpering, almost dead,
Sleeping happily as her body bled.
They screamed and cried but she couldn't hear,
She was lost in her euphoria, free from her fears,
They left her alone until they saw she was dying,
And now they wonder why they never heard her crying.
"A mental breakdown", the doctors said,
A silent battle going on in her head,
A shoulder to cry on they could not comprehend,
All she needed was someone to help herself mend.
The shattered pieces of her broken figure,
Was enough to make herself her personal trigger,
But no one saw what her brain thought she saw,
So no one understood why, and remained unsure.
She was much too quiet with all her feelings unsaid,
She lost all her bearings and teetered on the edge,
She thought it was for the best but in the end it was her downfall,
What a shame how early she left us all.
Euphoria is a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.