roots were growing in those
you could do nothing do avoid
cause i'm sure there wouldn't have
That what I’m writing with I’m afraid and fearful that a special one is going to be forgotten this
Looks like the piece is going far afield but it will fit I was in the fire department in the service we
Were out in the remote part of Hunter Liggett military reservation on the central coast of
California there wasn’t much likely hood of human carelessness being the cause of fire in this
Sector but Mother Nature and her angry lighting strikes were so we went out and we were
Control burning this was grass fuel mostly but a great deal of smoke and from that a fawn
Walked up out of this gulley she wasn’t unduly afraid just matter of course I walked down the
Gravel road and picked her up I held her to reassure her but I was the one touched by this little
Helpless creature I felt such peace it wasn’t just the facts about the fire would quickly burn out
But it was emotional I melted by every breath she took for a brief time before I released her I
Was enlarged I wasn’t just stomping around doing my duty my life was altered because of the
Most gentle nature my human nature was redirected I went back in millennia when we were all
One peaceful family before the animal took the path of tooth and claw and man from the club
To the gun in the peaceful shadow of a summer afternoon the one this piece is about came
Over To visit this was long before my service time but Janet came she can best be described as
A Young lamb she was identical in spirit as the fawn gentle sweet quiet trusting at first it
Was just another summer day but then she changed the atmosphere she started asking me
Questions about life I would barely get done answering one question then she would ask
Another Know this I never take it lightly when someone ask for my help I would have answered
With Tears if I known the future she was the rarest flower its where wonder lifts you out of the
Established course you stumble and tumble down among perfect surprises important designs
Rarely seen they have these tiny explosions perfumed scents tingling misty bubbles burst when
They Touch your face yes you have just been amazed by her purist soul so this special time ends
Life takes over with soothing rhythms to the most part the next time Janet was coming into her
Own sweet sixteen a job at the Dog&Suds root beer stand she was glowing this exquisite flower
Was on the threshold of life that we talked about two or three years before just beginning to
Blossom then the promise was forever canceled all words that we exchanged shriveled under
Leukemia’s murderous hand all the blissful hopes and dreams vanished when her eyes closed
For the last time in this realm because her family is gone I fear she will be forgotten that would
Be tragic and even cruel to lose sight of such a delightful soul Janet Henderson you will never be
Forgotten by me God bless your memory
Im sorry for what I've done.
Im sorry I let you down.
Go ahead and shun,
Cause your daughter's now a clown.
the sting of regret
always echoes in my head and sits on my shoulders,
wearing me down.
I've got to get out of here,
find a solitary place
where I can sit and be silent.
This town holds too many memories,
they stay with me like a ball and chain.
I fear a wasted life,
like heaven can't seem to penetrate the darkness that surrounds me
and give me a clear picture of who it wants me to be.
I fear the lonely bitter life,
one not shared with a significant other.
I fear the settled life even more,
one shared with someone I know is not right.
I fear the emptiness
of a life lived without you,
bracing myself for impact
against a wall of indecision.
Maybe one day I'll have hit it enough times to peek through the cracks
and see the other side.
But love doesn't worry me,
the future worries me.
It holds me in a death grip with its claws around my neck.
I gasp for air and flash my hands about,
trying to pull them off me
but I only cause myself to sink deeper and deeper
into this pit of uncertainty.
When did my life become a waiting game?
To see whether or not you were right about your so-called plans?
They were yours to begin with,
but now I fear that I made the wrong choice
and sent myself down a wrong, desolate road.
I once wrote of lost love,
so many times
that I lost myself.
To be a "Dad" is really tough,
not to mention kind of rough.
Demanding this expecting that,
trying not to be the ole doormat.
No matter what the issue may be,
my son can always count on me.
To be there through the thick and thin,
to open my heart and let him in.
Open arms and a open mind,
really helps when being kind.
The day your child is finally born,
your heart becomes suddenly torn.
Between the masculine guy you were,
to having all this love for him or her.
A love so deep and ever so strong,
hoping they will never do wrong.
But, this we know is the impossible dream,
soon we discover they even scream!
Then we see that they are people too,
and hope they turn out just like you.
Again we see that this is fiction,
and pushing to much can cause some friction.
So, back to having that open mind,
will surely pay off in due time.
Now, no matter what they say or do,
take the time to say "Love you."
And when they can learn to say it back,
you know you got them on the right track.
The track of love, caring and concern,
the lessons of life, they live and learn.
And when he grows and have kids of their own,
they'll share the same love that their father has shown.
THIS IS WHAT I CALL A "FATHER'S LOVE"
Dear Heavenly Father, I have a confession to make.
For I have received yet another heart break.
She stole my heart, broke it in two,
Then said, “I’m no longer in love with you”
Father, why does she have to be this way?
Please tell her I don’t want to hear what she has to say.
Father, for I have committed a sin,
That day when I let her in.
I want to forget her & what we once had.
All because she lied to me and made me sad.
Father, I am done playing her game.
I’m done with her handing me all the blame.
So if you would father, help me out,
And please show her what this is about.
For I still love her father
But she doesn’t love me so don’t even bother.
She said it was all a lie,
Father she made me cry.
I am weak but have to be strong
Father, what she did was wrong.
I know that now, I knew that then
Please father; get rid of these horrible women.
She used to control me father
Stop what things used to be.
I guess what we had was fake father.
This is the confession I had to make
She never loved me father.
So please don’t even bother
I don’t need someone to hold me tight
I was wrong & they were right
All I need is something that’s not there father
All I needed was for her to care
Father I do not want to let her go.
But its time, and we all know.
Father, my confession may be sad, or a bore,
But my heart hurts so much more.
Pleases father take the pain.
Remember she once said I was a little insane.
Take away the scars caused by this knife.
Oh please father, just take her out of my life.
I miss her so much father.
I miss her kiss and his touch.
For I must leave father,
Cause no one will ever replace my baby father
This is my confession.
They all said she was ‘my obsession’.
Father the time has come for me to stop needing her,
Now I believe them father.
Father I need some help down here.
Because you knew loosing her was my fear.
Now you’ve heard my confession, the one I had to make,
So please forgive her for her love, that was so fake
Thinking of all the pain I went through
Thinking of how I use to get hurt
Thinking of all the lonely nights I use to spend
Thinking of what Id be doing if we hadn't met
I really feel that all the pain and suffering is all over now
I thank you with all my heart
cause your the one who changed my heart
Whenever I’m alone and seemed to be blown
Do you stay by my side and act as a pawn?
Whenever I like to stay beside you and follow whatever you do
It seems that you’re pushing me away to make me feel blue.
Whenever I have my problems, you’re the only one I call
But it seems that you’re always putting a wall
Whenever you have you’re problems I’m always there
But it seems that you don’t even seem to care.
Though I’m not the best friend you’re looking for
I can’t do anything about it but lend an open door
I like to ask you series of questions
To clear my mind’s doubts and frustrations.
I have done everything to satisfy you’re expectations
But it seems that you’re so blind too far from my dimension
I have tried to be the best friend of yours
But I failed to gratify your overpowering course.
I think I’m not the right best friend for you
Coz you’re so high even how hard I do.
But I think you don’t even seem to care
Being my best friend, you don’t even dare.
I know you have a new best friend
But remember I’ll never treat you as my fiend
You’ll remain my best friend whenever
Beyond Today, Beyond Tomorrow, Beyond Forever.
Though you treat me very rare
What important is that happiness for you is always there
Though it’s very obvious seeing me lonely
It hurts when I see you laugh boisterously and loudly.
I’m pleased for you and hope you’ll be blissful
Though you see me completely mournful
I hope you’ll always remember me
Cause I’ll be your best friend whatever time be.
Disappearing, her figure slips away between valleys of dust
I sit alone in depression that once held an ocean
Split, so we could pass unseen
It all comes crashing down
Floating on the bodies of sea faring souls
Blue, never ending horizon
If my throat wasn't so parched
I'd describe it for you
Clawing at deaths door
The vultures found me hours ago
Circling over head
Reminding me where I'll go
Disappeared, in right in front of me
Brought the waves back, to take me
Can't scream, cause I'm thirsty
Just as well that I don't see
The figure on the horizon
Standing above the waves
Crashing down upon me
That devilish smile, a simile
Some fools are born, conditioned by fate,
And they, like all, still procreate.
All useful knowledge flees their minds,
As selfish life fulfills these swines.
And while they swing and cheat for joys,
The watchful eyes of their little boys
Do take a look at what they see,
And what they see is “A bigger me.”
Their little girls, in company of dolls,
On occasion, foresee what befalls
Upon them, too, as they soon explore,
An impending battle of love and war.
But then, there exists that little kid,
Whose sex and gender shall remain amid
A cloud of irrelevance and mystery:
Their wisdom calls most urgently.
And as this kid sees a life unravel
Along Lacanian stages of travel,
Concerned are they with the fuss and mess,
Which most adults do not confess
To what they cause and what they bring,
Most taken in by their offspring.
While one parent lacks all the care,
The other lives a life unfair;
In times of chaos and audacious cuss,
Dear vengeful killer, Oedipus,
Consumes all facets of the mind
Of the little kid who must confine
All pain, and hatred, and all rage,
Enough to place one in a cage,
And leave one there to squirm and rot,
Like a lobster boiling in a pot,
And free the bird whose wings to fly
Have been broken off, now left to die,
In part, by diabolical norms
That invade a home in all shapes and forms.
But the kid looks up at the two,
Then whispers quietly, “I’m neither of you;
Not the blinded one, who feels must reign;
Nor the obliged one, too tied to pain."
Nor does the kid ever dare to be
A product passed politically:
Ingrained in mind, in heart, and soul
A subordinate being in a bowl,
That turns, and turns, and turns, and turns
While greedy capitalists more they yearn.
Within this cycle is little choice,
Hetero-normatively sans a screaming voice,
For a true language for some not made;
Virile chest-pounds place a shade
Upon the stronger ones deprived
Appraisal for their stronger minds.
The kid, all this, can’t take to be,
As what they see they wish not to see.
In this unbalanced Yin and Yang,
The kid’s perception hits a bang:
“The power lies within the one,
Who mostly governs with a gun;
And how can a human hurt their double,
When love and passion are lesser trouble?"
A fitting sex the kid can't choose,
As in every win, each sex does lose.
But slowly, as they come to be,
The kid, society directs to see,
That to just one sex they must belong,
As genitalia proves feelings wrong.
This funny theory most credits Freud;
By collective viewpoints the kid’s annoyed:
'No good is said, no good is done',
For those who are all, but yet are none.
Great gender points makes Butler de Judith
While her female likes are out to proveth,
That she is wrong within her stance
‘Only female unity will give rise to chance'
To an inclusion of the female word,
And one that’s First, not Second or Third.
The opposite, still out to bend
The rules and laws, all to pretend
That the other sex does not exist
Because swollen egos must persist
In rule, in art, in build, and biz:
'Fields where opposites lack all wiz.'
The kid, in this silly world of theirs,
Looks at all the foolish heirs
Who bounce and shoot this gendered ball,
While the kid stands back and laughs at all.