"Ate kahit 400"
"Hindi po talaga ito pinagbibili eh" Said Carla apologetically as she smiles with half of her teeth shown
"500, sige na please. Bibigay ko rin po sa boyfriend ko eh" pleaded the girl wearing sandals as she pulled out a blue colored three headed paper bill from her leather wallet.
From the looks of things Carla had a hard time to decide.
After giving her the change. She then tiptoed to remove a clip that attaches a teddy bear to a plastic rack
and had it put to a cardboard box for her.
It was the only thing out of place from her little stall that sells for Class-A jackets and school bags.
"It was a good deal" Carla thought as the girl wearing that sandal left and put it near her car
She was planning to give it to someone else but deduced that he might not be that fond of stuff toys like her anyway.
She remembered about almost a week ago when she accompanied her mother to their supplier to purchase secondhand merchandise that they were going to resell. She noticed that teddy bear in a really bad shape and got the suppliers permission to keep it. She then mending it was easy for her exceptional stitching skills.
"A few more hours" she thought as she looked on the wall clock and sat on a small wooden stool barely six inches high and fanning her sweaty chest. In parallel to older vendors who are unlike her reading tabloid newspapers and watching Will time Big Time merely dissipated fromwhile eating fish variations and kamatis.
It was Valentines Day any moment college students like her would all come rushing through the gates and turn the business table of that lazy afternoon.
True enough. Moments later.
The sidewalk gradually begins to be congested by students as much as the road.
About Eight in the evening. Carla then decided to made the trade off between taking advantage of the occassion or closing down the shop. Afterall, she had more than enough to buy her mother the medicine which she badly so needed and was suppose to take her place that day. She then took out a few hundreds from a rusty ton box (which was once a kiddie meal toy a few years ago).
Went inside KFC's and perked herself up.
How Serious should be for this Wonder at
The very some Point locked kisses to the Wall
Whilst these Incarnations modelled Months that
Must never Surprise your Mum's Eye to befall
Why bother? If with Pheromones invite
White Hags and Chicken-Hawks apart from Dames
Should you most Expect to be Drawn in-spite
Your Needed Economy must Split these Pains
Fair you'll accept then our own Business be
Then Hammer these Virtues misinterpret
To Orgasms bleed as Dodgy Stones flee
Even by Distance un-mind to beget.
Just my Point. To which all such Points deranged
Your Judgment approved; And Verdicts arraigned.
You will have a moon-faced child who is good at keeping secrets. She will be a piece of the the sea, ruled by the sun, and afraid of the dark. She will start to explore and never stop. More than anything, she will be frightened of being settled, getting stuck. She will say, "No, I will not", but at what cost?
I have terrible nightmares. I dream that I am running, trying to defend my truths against immoral powers. In my sleep, systems corrupted by the complexity of control try to steal my simplicity, try to make me dirty and compliant, things I will never be. In my dreams I am persecuted time and again for things that make no sense to me. It is a feeling of choking claustrophobia, worse than any coffin. The injustice insults my soul, and I wake with heaving lungs and an aching heart.
I am obsessed with knowing myself. Maybe if I can understand that much, the rest of this will start to make sense. We'll see.
I worry. I worry about dentists. Pharmacists. Business marketing majors. The dispassionate masses. People content to do things for money. For little bits of green paper that aren't particularly attached to anything but false notions of power. I have no religion to reassure me that it will all even out on some other plane. I have here, I have now. I will not fritter and waste the hours that make up the dull day, I will not be made to be afraid.
It hurts my heart to see how easily my brothers and sisters accept the notion that we are destined to spend most of the precious hours of our existences working at jobs we don't care about just to stay afloat in a drowning economy, and how easily judgments are cast upon those who don't conform to such broken logic. It's easier to judge than it is to think. Thinking is so uncomfortable.
It makes me want to scream, to rant. Don't they see? We pave the way for each other to be lazy. We have created technology that we use to save time so that we have more time to spend on the important things, like trying to figure out how to get our hands on more money, so that we can buy more things. We aren't paid to create, repair, discover or teach. We are paid to entertain, not question. We survive by serving. And that's a little too close to indentured servitude, wouldn't you say? Planned obsolescence. Wage slavery. Stockholm syndrome. Electoral College. War on poverty. From the makers of Agent Orange, corn! And no, you can't heat up your burrito, you think you're fucking royalty? That's right baby, keep voting. You have a voice. You are free.
Our entire system is obsolete if the air we breath, the water we drink, and the food we eat are killing us because we've been so busy saving time that we forgot to remember not to poison ourselves. We create disease, and then spend lots of time and money "treating" it. Treating and treating and treating, fixing things by breaking things. Quality of life be damned, we want to live forever! It increases our GDP, don't you see?? When it's my time to go, plug me into a wall for a few years and then bury me in a big fucking box to make sure that the nutrients in my body won't feed the earth. Spend a lot of money on all of that. I will look down on you lovingly from my cloud, stroke my chin and proudly ponder my legacy. The end goal, it seems, is to die old and rich and fat, surrounded by things. To leave no mark of love on anything, not even our own hearts. It hurts my heart to see my people so removed from their selves and their truths that they think they are right.
So much of what I see around me hurts my heart.
What if you had everything you ever wanted? A perfect life. Friends’ people dream of having. Excellent grades, brains and beauty. The parents everyone wants; nice, fun, caring. Not all in your business caring, just caring. Then, one day, you’re gone. At one moment you’re laughing and joking around with your friends and the next moment you’re empty. You laugh at the joke your friend just said but instead of the warmth laughter usually provides, you feel cold and empty. It feels as if a ghost has entered you and took over your actions but left you there to watch.
The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The bitch had been riding my ass all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”
As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.
I have finally found
my passion for the piano
that was once
amidst the business of life
What was once a chore
is now something
I indulge in
To be able to make the keys
dance for me
and the music
and take me into another world
Im still learning
and its not easy
I still long to be able to play
as well as you do
I lack the talent
So I play
for my ears only
and not for others
She took my hand and said
"I don't want to think twice
whether you're naughty or nice,
just take me home tonight."
Good intentions only last as long as
however long it takes before I hate the in-laws
And her jeans said "Follow me"
it wasn't destiny
but a part of me kicked till I
Hated the thought of being still
It felt so surreal
to be the guy that you could shrug off
So write me off as a business trip
a tax incentive
and insensitive inception
of my distorted third dimension
cause you seem too distant
to be holding my hand
This party's a little crowded
for it being only you and me
so let's drop the baggage
and we'll hopefully see
who walks away
who wants to stay
and who says "Just leave"
We both know we say what we don't mean
and we're both just kids
being who we're supposed to be
and that's fine by me
But who says we wouldn't enjoy
being the girl and the boy
who aren't scared to be scarred
by who they really are
And in one fluid zipper motion
her eyes went green
and took aim
So lock the door behind you
Cause the world out there
is colder than the TV claims
they’re made of fleshy water, i could put my hand right through them
they’re not you. you make everything a shadow of itself.
i talk to them as if i care, carry out their light, wet business out of duty
longing to return to the land of your body, words, breaths
when i find you again, each night, i am enraptured by your words,
how your flesh stops my hand like a tree limb against a stone wall
it lays there, listening to your stories piqued by small laughter,
quietly growing over days, until the stone and fiber interlock
until they forget about where they met, first touched, and shared.
I saw something today and it raised hell and flipped it over
I was walking
and then on the other side of the road,
there was a Mexican lady walking, minding her business, not bothering anybody
and then a kid, some 10 year old child, shouted to her from her window
the lady turned around and kept on walking
and that kid yelled
and laughed and hid behind her house
then when she came back out again, I stopped and glared at her.
She looked like she was going to say something back, but she just went back in the house.
I was fuming and when I was crossing the road,
I ran to that sweet Mexican lady,
and told her,
"She doesn't know what she's saying ,
Have a beautiful day."
she smiled and it damn made me cry.
She was a beautiful hardworking person.
How she probably works hours and hours
for her kids at home
How she would be a loving mom, hard worker, and a kind hearted too
It was as if God's telling me,
Anna do something.
and guess what,
please, please, please
can we all stop this ridiculous and pathetic thing called racism?
please, i beg for your help.
Do you care about me?
Do you love me?
why are you so mysterious !
Why do I think about you constantly
you are killing me slowly
I want to say I love you
But I'm scared
I am still not sure of your feelings
Although I try to appear tough
Love me, hold me, kiss me
Please I’m begging you don’t hurt me
All I want is YOU
Life is very simple
Why can’t we all get along
Am I doing something wrong?
turn your back to people &
lets be forever together
it's none of other people's business
IT'S LOVE !!!!!!
When I’m with you I’m in ecstasy
We don’t even have to do anything & I’m the happiest girl in the world
just simply sitting next to you doing absoluotly nothing means the is the WORLD to me.
I just know everything is going to be alright
Your looks takes away all my problems and pain
You bring me hope
You bring me life
When I first saw you I have to admit nothing really moved inside of me
I didn’t knew you,
But what happened then
I FELL IN LOVE
I was excited, maybe a new friend
As I got to know you
I knew you were someone special
You had a tender loving side that I grew to adore
I grew to love your dorky but unforgettably cute smile
The smell of you
Your touches on my shoulder
Your ability to know when something is wrong
No guy has ever done that so fast
I never thought I’d be the jealous selfish type
I might sometimes show it, but I can't control myself
I can't hand it
it kills me when other girls talk to you
I just can't
forgive me .
I will give you a love that is unshakable and true