I'm always falling for girls who are arrows shot through the hearts of prodigal sons.
You've been in my head for days.
I've been clinging to your later
Like a shipwrecked sailor
Clings to the shattered bow
As the ocean tries to swallow him whole.
You swallowed me whole,
And you barely even opened your mouth;
Just wide enough for me to taste honey
And see stars that have been three nights creating haloes around my drunken head.
But you'll only hold my hand in the shadows;
You'll only ask me how I am if you know the answer will be
I'm fine
not
I've got you under my skin
But you're under it, girl.
You're seven layers deep,
And suddenly you're rushing through my bloodstream
And filling my body with a five-dime dream
That is only of your face.
Everyone knows that web of red veins
All lead back to the heart.
So I'm putting up fences
But leaving gaps between the posts
So when you’ve circulated my system
and I can feel you tingling electricity in every one of my cells
It’ll look like the bars I’ve put up were to keep you out
But really the space between was to let you in.
I’ll be shining a light so bright that maybe you’ll grow powdered wings
and flutter towards me like a moth who can’t ignore the flame for even one more second.
You’re more like a butterfly though.
When I look at you I see every colour;
I see grace and beauty, and in your voice I hear a melody so sweet it makes me wonder
whether you’re a girl,
Or if maybe you’re a songbird.
Maybe you build a new nest every night
From twigs and feathers and broken hearts.
You showed me a cutting of your old boyfriend’s hair
That you keep in your wallet
Because you dream of recreating him.
I thought if I knew how I’d make an army of this boy for you,
I’d carve his face from limestone
And give him blossoms for eyes
But I’d give him my lips,
So that when you kissed him I’d taste you.
And it’s not like I’d make you,
But inside my head we’re every day making each other laugh;
We’re every day running through dappled fields,
Calling each other’s names,
Smelling each other’s hair.
It’s the sweetest thing.
That’s all I really want to say
Is that you make me smile and dream,
And sometimes I’m looking at your face
For just a bit longer than you’re looking at mine,
And in the half-light I think,
Isn’t she beautiful.
My hands are kerosene,
igniting everything they touch.
Everything I cherish crumbles
to ash.
I should come with a warning label-
"Beware, highly unstable and capable of mass destruction"
I once was ruined,
and now I ruin.
"Attention: Run as fast as you fucking can"
I am sinking, and I am grabbing at any hand
that I can pull down with me.
I will try to climb your walls,
and you will need to build them higher.
Do not be fooled by my tender facade;
I am capable of annihilation.
Hide your heart from my gentle hands,
for it will shatter when I drop it.
Do not think I mean harm,
I will have the best of intentions.
With my best attempt at love,
you will crumble to ash in my kerosene hands.
I only miss you at night.
That's where the absence of your arm around me is painful.
Even the warmth of your body next to mine is gone.
That gentle glow of heat that pulsated off your body onto mine has left,
Leaving me cold with only blankets to wrap around me.
The simple pressure of your fingers locked with mine is gone as well,
Leaving behind empty spaces.
Empty.
You left holes in my life.
You ripped down the wall I had worked on for 20 years.
The comfort of that boundary around my heart crumbled when I met you,
And though it felt right when you were around,
Now that you're gone my heart is raw from exposure.
The hurt you've caused creates holes,
And I can't build up my wall fast enough to prevent them.
I miss you more than almost anything.
It's such a different sort of longing than what happens when you actually lose a loved one.
I didn't lose you, you pushed me away.
Even though you're alive, you've killed your presence in my life.
This yearning to have you back is pointless,
And yet night after night I find myself hungering to hold you.
But it's only at night.
That's when I miss you most.
The way I speak
In the car in the morning, or under trees
Is swathed in darkness
My words build walls and facades
And cunning passages, contrived corridors
Deceit, whispered ambitions
I'm dispensing my secrets
But dispensing too soon, or too late
Into weak hands
Or disbelief or indifference
Or until their refusal to look me in the eyes propagates a fear
That no amount of courage on my part could ever dissipate
I'm covered in locks
Inside and out
But no one has the keys
And I am not beautiful enough
For anyone to bother trying
Adept an enigmatic
I smile
At the distance
I'm Creating
The walls
I'm building
If I was honest when I met anyone
I'd have to display a disclaimer
That I tend to fuck up royally
If there's any chance of touching me
And I'm not talking sexually
So if you look at my past
Any of the most recent
I've pushed away all of them
All of them who were decent
Maybe I'm weary and less vigilant
Maybe things are blurry
Like the moments after an accident
But some managed to sneak in
So I get creative and emotional and crazy
When I put my mind to it oh I'll find a way
Cause now I laugh when I cry
Thinking about each and every damn one
Who said they loved me or understood me or would wait for me or forgive me or fuck me or find me or save me or be there for me
All of those who would try
To find me in a maze of memories past
The walls I've built
Have turned into parapets and balconies
From the heights of the castle
Clouds surrounding me
I can see for miles
But I can't escape this safe haven turned prison
It's impossible to visit but you can break in
If you find your way tell me
How you got in
Cause I'm lost to myself
And need you to tell me
How to be good and true again
So you're welcome my pretty
To come inside
To the labyrinth of my heart
And ask the question why
It's not the monsters that
Will eat you alive
You'll just get lost
Then bored
Then you'll walk out
So I learned to do it first
To cause less hurt
I learned to be cold and hold it
At the most opportune touching moments
To create that distance I said
To build more walls
To make the maze more complex
And remember the heart's a moving target
Always moving never at rest
So give it your best shot
If you make it in
I'll be there
And I'll give you a chance
Cause I'm always surprised
And you can ask that question
But I'll be honest for a second
That in my whole life
I've never heard a decent answer
But I'm still waiting darling
I haven't forgotten
-Azrael Always James
© Copyright 2013
................................................................................
My idea, if truth be told
Is a thousand lifetimes old.
Yes, I admit I stole it all,
And I'm feeling almost ten feet tall
As each and every blooming day
Good things just seem to flow my way.
My Employees,
They may tend to bark,
But, clever me, I let them know
How quickly I could pack up shop
And move the firm to Mexico.
There the workers strive with dignity
For their fifty cents a day.
There are no lofty paychecks here.
As long as I can have my way.
Our Dental Plan is rather swell,
And my Employees know it oh so well.
A brand new toothbrush every year,
Makes me so misty I could tear.
My thoughtfulness is quite well known,
'Tis great concern that I have shown,
Improving every life I touch
With brand new brooms and mops and such.
And, aye, I truly do my best.
Nothing arrogant or selfish here.
I strive to build up and invest
These words of wisdom, songs of cheer.
A day or two ago I said
Our Company would trudge ahead
Into the dark and deepest sea
That I prefer financially,
In this wise and wicked industry,
The poor will always envy me.
Although I sometimes tend to fire
More people than I ever hire -
And what is it the wealthy seek?
Beyond their power and ambition,
It is nothing more than mere tradition,
To emulate the self-effacing meek.
We do what wealth will always do
When tempted with such a position,
We reinvent ourselves as new,
And play doctor as a politician.
Copyright © 1996 Richard D. Remler
......................................................................................
"And I particularly like the whole thing of being boss.
Boss and employee... It's the slave quality that I find
very alluring."
~Hugh Grant
..........................................
I've substituted
One dysfunctional
PAIN
For one
That's immensely
Productive
Using the cold
Sharp
Blade to
Slice my skin
Wide open
To let the
Hot
Blood gush
Free
Leaving lumpy
Atrocious
Scars
That hold
Discouraging
Memories
Will never happen again
Because
I've become
Addicted to
Permanently
Sewing ink
Into my body
To
Display an image
Of who I am
Inside
Show it
On the outside
Like a canvas
Of abstract compositions
Equal repercussions
But
A positive
Release of emotions
I do not regret
Any
Of the permanent
markings
On my skin
But I am
Proud
To have found
Such a rewarding
Alternative
For if I did not go
And get
The words of my conscious
Sewn across my chest
I would
Still be
Sitting on the
Floor
Carving names
Into my flesh
Leaving hideous
Wounds
By crossing
Them out
One painful
Accomplishing
Addition
After another
Leaves me with
An emotion
That's full of relief
A proud
Uplifting energy
To build optimism
Something that
Won't cause
Tears
To stain my face
When looked back upon
Something that
I can be absolute
About
Something that
I don't have to
Hide from people
Something that
I can
Show off
And express
Myself
Openly
Something that
Holds nostalgic
Memories
To bring
Not tears of sadness
But tears
Of pure
Bliss
Words can build you up,
Words can break you down.
Words can make your mind,
Spin all around.
But let my words be life,
Let my words be truth.
Let my words help you,
With the pain you're going through.
Flowers build the summer air
Flowers bring untold despair
Flowers in the sun do grow
Shatter when the north winds blow
Flowers love not you, nor me
But lust for all the honey bees
Working in their busy way
To glut on all the summer days.
But when the bees are all but done
And Autumn leaves block out the Sun
Who's that in their final hour?
Not you or me-
Our friends, the flowers.
Stick a gun to my head
Cover me in gas
Bind my hands
And strike the match
We can share the last laugh
Together
Nothings better
Than nothing to lose
Inscribe it across my tomb
I'm too numb to care
Too dumb to stare into your eyes
Your enemy is mine
And I'm just fine
With dining alone
Just fine with not shining at all
I build the bridge to burn it down
Down so far it erects again
Watch me swim as slow as i can
Inhale the water and rise to land
I'm not the man I think I am
Not the man you think I am
I am merely a middle man
A fish on land
Throw back what you catch
If you can
Soaking wet
With burning hands
