I still shed a tear every once in a while
Most things still remind me of you
Some of the silly faces you'd make have rubbed off on me
I can't listen to your favorite song without breaking down
I enclosed the physical memories in a box in my closet
Though you still cross my mind every night
Some of the memories make me smile
I'm grateful to have enjoyed them with you
Others make me weep
Like the time you opened your heart and let me in
Most days I miss you
But I've learned what it means to keep going
I am moving on

With your words that made me fly somehow.
But hidden within ur innerself its always been your sweetest lie.
Talking bout your dreams devouring me like ashes twisted and slowly disappearing.
The truth acts like a spirited-away. Letting it fly back to its inside.

There's this always inside of you. Something hidden and somethng blocked. Stopping you from outpouring what's inside.

Mind and heart was in despair. They were always contrary but hearing all! With your honesty, i know there is all the droppin of everythng. All numb but eyes were all blown. I cant stop it.
But all a could say. Everythng was fragile.

Revenge has always been part of the human soul. not in its anatomy form or any interior or exterior aspects.
But functioning with its own parts.
Its the anger! Where it all starts. Jealousy and hurt were the main stream and always end to suffering.
Thats all for love. We'd all be needing for us to feel even.
Just a pinch of happiness just to get fair for someone that we love but did somethng wrong within us breaking us. Attacking every tiny vessels which in the end, Turning us into an evil creature.

It was a buss - telling me it was that simple thing. Not to make it more bigger. But lets end this up.
Still it hurts,... Still. Its another woman. Such senstivity arising.

You got out of work at eleven and I was there waiting for you.
Leaning against your car with my arms crossed,
hiding in the shadow of the security camera because no one
should have to see us like this before I made my peace or before
you tried to stop me.
You sauntered over with your hair fixed and your face black
from the powdered metal dust that stuck to your skin while you were doodling
on a notepad waiting for the tumbler to shut up and give you new parts
to start the process.

I've waited and waited for my parts to have back from you after you took them.
To start the process.
To be fine
once again.

With your hands in your pockets you angrily backhanded a reply to my fainted "hi"
above the noise of other workers clocking out their time cards,
punch in and punch out
"What are you doing here?"
I didn't think it needed an answer.
But since you questioned and since I've been silently mad for days and since
I'm almost to the breaking point I said something
that I can't remember in this late night, confused memory,
that went

Well since
you don't answer my calls and won't look at me and won't talk to me
just keep pushing past and past my presence in your life when you're looking
and in your mind when you're not,
I put myself here.
I put myself where you'd have to see me just so you could tell me
why it is you loved so deeply and left so quickly.

Then my eyes went hazy and my mouth fell sideways as you told me
something I expected to hear that still shocked my soul
because a large part of me that I don't like to admit
was still hoping for the answer I'd been praying for
or the realization of an epiphany you've had over loving me
as only a memory and wishing you could have it that real again.
But you clocked me-
punch in and punch out.
You used me to heal the bad stuff and then parted when you were done.
Parted and left me when you had what you needed
to get through another stubborn year of acting like you love me
but lying because you never really did.

I got in my car and waited at the factory red light
until it turned green and drove the opposite way you were leaving.
I watched the two headlights as they blurred themselves into direction.
I watched you and I knew that I had nothing to come back to.
Just empty words to be said and a desperate attempt
to get back what I thought I had again.

Have you ever felt that feeling
Where you can literally feel
Your heart breaking in two?
You can literally feel each half separate
Every blood vessel splitting in two
And it just hurts you so much
That you just go numb
Until all the pain, all at once,
Comes flooding back to you.

..felt like lifes too long moments
in ill-fitting shoes,
knowing when I chose them
there'd be a price to pay;
suffering, losing sight of the truth
for effect.
I was tossed in waves that rolled deep
to a core that flinched with
each painful pace
en-route to breaking point.
There,  blighted,
my loss of poise known, seen
as I fell into screaming resignation.

....Resolved to rise again
my fevered soul
kicks its shoes from burning feet,
soles prickled, tentative
against solid ground
till I stand
awash in
freedoms sweet sensation,
swollen in a cooling moment
of outside within.

Flashes of light,
rushes of sound,
through the stream of life, bounds
the rarities.
Breaking forth for
air
with lack of care
for my sanity,
for, although
it may seem vanity for
me to present an unbroken seal,
to hide what others
would say is real.
I so wish to stay secure
to ensure
I do not yield to the
lure of
madness.

It is with sadness that I
admit the futility
of this stupidity of
a wish.
How much more can I persist?