I was finally and absolutely safe. I, a gem in my father's eye, and he, born before my sight. In the house, the streets, indefinite ringing, and the almost-departure of the grand-papy pat on the back, a gesture entirely too simple for me. I just wanted to hug him and hear him speak. Even all I disagreed with spawned the most paternal anger in me, only days after the vasectomy. He had we, my sister and three other children but anyways two got off free, so it's just my sister with me, and some heavy things where all on us. And someone lifted a few off at the arriving terminal, at the carousel. Acclimated to the pekin breeze we the most moral-est sponge we'd ever seen take some space in his daddy brain. Wosh...wooosh...whehw, whewh and my dad's anew. Some startling thing he knows whens he looks down the road, deep down into the road, because here you are so sweet when you speak.
......................................................................
There are people who seek adventure,
And I am most certainly one.
So, I glued my eyebrows together
Just to see if it could be done.
It did not require much foresight,
And was not on my schedule at all.
I had discovered some glue,
And in a moment or two
I'd rolled my eyebrows into a ball.
At first I noticed no difference.
It didn't cause any discomfort or pain.
There was a brief slouch, then a prominent ouch
That bounced off the tip of my brain.
I must have looked rather foolish,
Although there was nothing to see.
You'd have thought I had Popsicle ear lobes
With the way everybody was staring at me.
It curled the cue of my forehead.
It even wrinkled the bridge of my nose.
So, don't glue your eyebrows together.
Just take it from someone who knows.
Copyright © 2009 Richard D. Remler
My brain is wrapped around you.
Every thought consists of you;
Every thought leads to you.
I cannot escape.
You are sweetly suffocating me.
I am coming up for air,
But all I get is lungfull after lungfull of you.
Your eyes, they watch me, following every wrong move I so naively make.
Tempting,
p u l l i n g,
prodding,
phasing me; blinding and obscuring my, at one point, 20/20 vision.
You have kicked me while I am down.
How could I have been so stupid?
"You want me. We both know it," you whisper into my untrained ears, unsure brain and straight into my wayfaring heart.
You invite me closer
and
no matter how much I despise myself for it, I am continually choosing you over the One I really and truly desire.
Why do I do that?
Blinded.
Faith
Raped my brain.
I close my eyes
And believed.
Left me down
Naked.
For the world to
Mock.
But
Blind
I closed my eyes
And believed.
i wasn't lying
the weeping and wailing started weeks ago
what i didn't predict was the writhing
literal kicks of frustration
i've never been more serious
more foolish
more desperate
more liquid
what have you unleashed, you madman?
clearly, it's all your fault for starting this
nudging me right out
of fucking rotation with the sun
i didn't know this other shit was out here!
it's dark...and deep...and consuming
and i want to
f
a
l
l
you come and
obliterate
useless, dead cells from my brain
you return
and
electrify
stealing my oxygen
warping my perception
leaving me breathless
and high as a goddamn kite
and again you come
prowling like a lion
growling
biting
leading
sweet mother of god
and again
and again
you son of a bitch!
leaving me with these memories...
most others i throw away
but these...
i have posted guards
i have reinforced with steel
and song
and repetition
these WILL stay
i'm sure i was but a fly
buzzing around
i can see you swatting
irritated
already forgotten
well, my friend
that was not nice...
to knock me out of rotation
pull me into new space
then pick me up
and firmly plant me back
into the boring old stupid rotation
like nothing ever happened
because of you
i have to forcibly regulate my heartbeat
multiple times a day
these words, for christ's sake
they will not stop
the moment i let them go
i feel others loosely forming
i see glimpses
but there is no respite from this madness
why have you cast a spell on me?
for the love of the light, why do you move like you do?
you know damn well nothing else will suffice
you unleashed a wildness
that will not be contained
i guess i better just
batten down the hatches
with my pen and paper
it's gonna be a long night.
the miles between point a
and b are too many
but as always, the race is on
...and oh, yes
i am in a race
of my own creation
brain calculates and recalculates
eyes darting
vehicles
sunlight
road
mirror
(is that an officer of the law?)
i practice the smoothest curves
fluid motions
but at the same time
sweet sassy maggy
follow the rules
don't forget the coffee for the love of god
make it to the one gas station by 7
for fuck's sake, get around the blue car
the black car
the raggedy old truck
before the exit or you know
you. are. screwed. for. miles.
for christ's sake, use all your goddamn skill
to get a around a stupid slow truck
farm equipment
or a semi
before thou shall not pass
or you know your rage will be uncontrollable
things are going well
you feel confident...you will be on time
you are flying and no one can touch you
your driving is flawless
that crazy sun is shining
and the bass is vibrating your bones
and then t i m e s l o w s
as William H. Macy, you see it
it's that fucking Kia Sportage
adrenaline shoots into my veins
muscles tense
and i slam into manual
4....3
take that!
woman cruising like you're on a lazy sunday drive
smoking a cigarette like it's 1950.
don't you know that i'm in a race,
and you are my nemesis?
I have been living in the warm womb of solitude
For the past few months of my existence
Enjoying all the numbed emotional experiences my fetus-y form can handle
Feeding off my friends and family to steal their wisdom and words
Stealing their past revelations and independence and growth
Growing pounds like a puppy and gaining inches like a tapeworm
Till my previously battered brain begins to crave
The aches and pains of heartbreak once more
Yearning for the cold, unforgiving air of reality on my newborn skin
After nine months of solitude and twelve weeks of young love
Searching wantonly for the sensations I left behind
Such as the warmth of a girl’s fingers between my own
My mind demands something more rigorous to live through
My mind, a scarred warrior, craves a new challenge
Something for it to be beaten and bloodied and crushed by
Something for it to mourn and learn from and conquer
For you see; the wings within my spine are quivering
They’re rippling with excitement at the thoughts in my head
The thought of finally, finally, finally
Getting back out into the world again
It feels as if I’m drowning,
Waiting for someone to come and aid me,
But time keeps tick-tick-tocking away
As if it’s in a race.
I wonder if my soul is racing against other souls
To see who could outrun the other
Or who could swim more
Than the person next to them.
I wonder if my soul is determining
Whether or not
This fishbowl is worth
All the fight and struggle.
Because I like to think my brain and my heart
Are battling each other for dominance.
Battling each other to see who could outsmart the other,
To see which organ is needed more.
They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea,
But who’s to say
That there aren’t beasts and sharks
In the tank either?
A hundred miles below the horizon
Lie creatures that haven’t been discovered.
Different,
Yet so similar to our minds.
The grey matter that nurse our ideas
And cultivate them
They hide our innermost thoughts
And dreams lay hidden under them,
Waiting for the right moment to spring up.
My feet are straddling the edge of the cliff.
My heart’s racing,
And my mind is telling me to jump,
But I’m afraid of the unknown
And I don’t know what to expect
Once I dive in.
I'll breathe in all the helium I need to have, I don't care.
The helium will kill my brain cells.
Or whatever is up in there.
