Sitting on the sand,
I was careful not to let
The ocean into open wounds.
And with the wind blowing,
It's times like these where
I don't want to die so much.
Where I can believe slightly,
That the future might be
Something but numb.
While some people sat,
On stereotypical blue sofas,
Pouring out their problems to people who don't care.
I sat on the shore,
And watched the ocean pour out to me,
And for once in my life I was content
With the sadness that existed within me.
The night grandma passed away
She closed her eyes of blue
I couldn't find any other eyes
That matched that beautiful hue
They were her favorite color
Like the color of the sky
Everything in her life was that blue
I always wondered why
I hadn't seen it since she passed
In anyone but her
I figured as soon as I found that shade
I wouldn't deter
I thought I found it in an angel
I met the night she passed
But she didn't send him, I know because
Him and I didn't last
My grandma only wanted
The best for her granddaughter
Even though her memories
Had been eaten by Alzheimer
Today I think I found that shade
Again in someone here
He has the same color eyes she had
He never gave me fear
I wonder if she sent me another angel
Who will take care of me
Better than the last one did
But I didn't know what he could be
Is he here to teach me a lesson
From below and not above
Or is he here to take care of me
Through those blue eyes, I'm his love
Grandma, who is this?
Can I trust the boy you sent?
Am I gonna be safe or put in harm?
Grandma, is he a gent?
Send me a sign that he is good
And this angel is nice too
You've seen my sadness and scoured heaven
Is he a gift from you?
Then there's the the nurses in blue
who always knew that we knew
that the news wasn't good.
Then there's the patient, whom jaundice
is rolling the dice for them,
sat still, long and thin
in a bed pinned to the ward
like a to do list on a cork board,
but the only job for it to do
is wait to fill out the paper work.
Then there's the family in black
who always sat back when
the funeral guidance guy visited with his hardback leather-bound funeral pack.
Then there's the sight of my father's eyes so red,
my sister's cheeks swelling up like that and
witnessing my mother bind a broken book back together again.
Let me take a moment
To study you
I want to discover every intricate detail
I want to memorize
The way your eyes light up the room
The way I can see your wisdom
Your your love
Pool in the vast oceans
Of the most beautiful blue I have ever seen.
I want to savor
The way your lips move
When you speak
As the sound moving through those lips
Washes over me
Filling me with warmth
Infinitely sweeter than anything I have ever encountered.
I want to lose myself
In the beauty of your hairFlowing down
As Elegant and breathtaking
As a waterfall
It's scent filling my nostrils
Overwhelming me with the feeling of home
I want to permanently embed into my memory
The curvature of your neck
So soft and warm
Captivating me with the feel
Of your skin.
I want to synchronize myself with your heartbeat
Stronger than the largest river
Spreading your blood
Throughout your body.
I remember your hands
Strong and delicate at the same time
Wiping away my tears
Stroking my hair
Holding me up
Fighting away my fears.
I want to memorize your body
Every curve enticing and beautiful
The way it feels perfect while it's against mine
No part of your body needs any change
Its perfect that's all there is to it.
I want to keep these all in my mind forever.
I never want to forget
The way you make me feel.
I want to love you forever
That's what I intend to do.
Watching the sun rise,
I am looking for you
In the Land of Nowhere
where the water
is so blue
the lavender so fragrant
I can almost remember happiness.
I taste it in my tears
see it in my past
but the days keep pulling me
and my heart I can’t find.
Where are you?
but the wind just pushes the long grass
makes my knees cold
makes me listen for foreign whispers.
When I wake,
it is alone,
and my heart used to cry each time
but it is silent in my ears now
afraid of waking
the screaming child in the next room.|
To the Land of Nowhere,
I faithfully keep returning
but in my quest of failing to find you,
I will find beauty in the world again.
Do as you please
I guess my body was on lease
I burnt myself into ashes
And threw myself into the wind
Scattered and fractured, there's gashes
I tell myself that I don't really mind.
There’s a lump in my throat
to push down and swallow
I won’t even let myself wallow
I will not listen to a blue note
I will allow my life to move on.
ya' rockin' your deep V wheelset,
fucsia yellow blue fixie,
flip-floppin' your hubs for
the Thursday night social ride
as ya' blast after a snack
at the bottom of the wall
pickin' a line-----_
pogoin' the washboards
slalomin' between vultures
powerslidin' the deep corners
smokin' the powder run
jet roadie girl, jet!
ya' in the zone now
nobody but nobody
can touch ya' cuz
ur a force of nature
the fastest freakin' chick
on Planet Dirt.
I thought I'd never stop missing you.
I thought the echo of your voice would never stop in my head
That the words I love you
Would forever ring in my ears.
I thought I'd never get over the way your hands felt on me
the trailing of your fingers on my lips
their dance around my collarbone
and the way they dragged over my rib cage
leaving a trail every inch of the way.
I was sure that I'd never forget the constellation of freckles along your back
and the one behind your left ear
how beautiful they were
how they never bothered me
and how I loved them even though you didn't.
I knew I'd never forget the color of your eyes
so chocolatey brown
with a hint of green
and a splash of orange.
I thought I'd never stop missing you.
But the echo of your voice has since turned into a whisper
I've found myself unable remember what your laugh sounds like
and I find it annoying when I hear someone call someone Angel.
I've slowly gotten over the way your hands felt on me
and I've come to realize
how rough the skin on your fingers was
and how the trails you've left are just scars I want to cover up.
I'm not sure where your freckles are
I think there is one behind your right ear
and on your stomach
and maybe a few on your shoulder
but I always found them messy and annoying.
I don't know what color your eyes are
you have blonde hair so I'm guessing blue?
I guess I've just stopped missing you.
ruby laid back into the scalding water
exhaled as she frowned at the wet remains
of what once was the most perfectly rolled joint
with well over an inch left
she'd set it too close to the edge
she watched it in slow motion
as it fell into the water
great, she thought sifting it out with her fingers
laying it more carefully onto the gray porcelain
a small puddle now forming around it
it will be days til it's dry enough to smoke
but she does like the transparency of the wet paper
and can imagine the crunchy skin glowing again
she's made the water unbearably hot
she slides down
until her head is under the water
thoughts flash by
too quickly to answer
one after the other
she wonders if she can still breathe underwater
like she did when she was a kid
a real mermaid
she knew she was one
images of the suns slow rising on the lone bay she drove to at seventeen
smoking a joint down pch at four thirty am
the waves drowning out everything bad in her world
she thinks about music
and her first boyfriend in seventh grade
he was a beautiful black haired
blue eyed boy of well over six feet
a lanky punk rock
who sweetly held her hand through the halls
and kissed her using tongue
she had once carved his name in her arm
he died of a heroin overdose at 18
what sound her brother's breath made
as it was escaping his lungs
as the truck crashed into him
she thinks of the billions of stars
the atoms in the universe
she thinks how easily we become dust
she thought of all the ways she's absorbed love out of the world
she pulls her head out of the water
black curls cling to her shoulders
she feels faint
slowly ruby stands
in the rooms candlelight glow
she catches glimpse of her body within the mirror
heavy swirls of steam rise off of her wet skin
she inhales deeply and wraps a towel
round her shoulders
and finally steps out of the bath
They said it's too late to die young,
I think you took that as an invitation to grow up, grow old.
What you like to imply is that the scares don't really hurt anymore,
because even though they kill me on the inside,
you live under the impression that your insides have already died.
The poetry in your veins tells you the first time you died was when your mom had better things to do that watch you live,
I think you believe death has engulfed your soul,
I want to tell you to breath that burst says you're alive.
If you can no longer feel your heart allow me to,
and remember if the only way to remember you're still here is to mark it down on you,
remember only live tissue can turn black and blue